


Remember Me

by SpicyDinosaurAge



Series: When I'm Gone [1]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fifth Blight, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, NSFW, Smut, Some Fluff, The Blight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-02-01 19:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 86,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12711096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyDinosaurAge/pseuds/SpicyDinosaurAge
Summary: The story of how the Hero of Ferelden stopped a Blight has spread throughout Thedas, but of course, the details always end up getting muddled.This is the story of what happened before and during the Fifth Blight.Elissa Cousland was just some noble of Ferelden, always getting what she wanted. When Arl Howe killed most of her family, destroying her home in the process, she joins the Grey Wardens as a last resort. From there, she learns of the Blight, and soon realizes she is the only one who can stop it.On the journey to stop the Blight, Elissa will make friends, enemies, and have a new family to belong to.





	1. The Youngest Cousland (9:25 Dragon)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting fan fiction so I apologize if it’s not very good.
> 
> Also, this story will always be written in third person, though the points of view may change. There will be some swearing and some other things that will happen later. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

The party was a disaster.

Elissa Cousland’s mother had been trying for years to find her daughter a husband, though she should have known by now why Elissa refused every offer. 

Perhaps she had to spell it out for her mother. Almost every noble in Ferelden knew Elissa preferred women, so most of the time they didn’t even try to approach the topic of marriage. 

However, almost every night at dinner, her mother would try to convince her to marry. 

“You’re nineteen years old,” she would say. “Fergus was married when he was eighteen. Honestly, I don’t even know what is so wrong with you that no one wants to marry you.”

That had hurt, and Elissa had spent a week in her room, only eating things when her father or brother or one of the servants brought her some food. Every time her mother tried to speak to her, even through the door, Reaper would begin barking loudly until she left. 

“At least you understand me, don’t you, boy?” Elissa had asked one night as Reaper lay his head on her stomach, something like worry in his eyes. “I feel like she just doesn’t want to accept the fact that I don’t find men attractive in that sense.”

He whined as he nudged her hand that had been stroking his head. 

“Yes, I know. When I think she’s ready to hear it, I’ll tell her. Does that sound acceptable?”

Reaper had merely closed his eyes, giving a final huff as his breathing evened out.

Two months later, after ignoring her mother for the most part, she had begun thinking of what she would say to her mother about her preference. 

However, the words had just tumbled out after her mother had brought up the topic of marriage again. 

“Are you really so blind that you can’t see why no one wants to marry me?” she yelled, clenching her fists at her sides. “They all know by now that I prefer women, and they respect that. Why can’t you just understand that I don’t want to be married off to some random noble that I’ll learn to loathe? I want to be happy!”

“You have to do this, Elissa. It’s for the sake of your family!” her mother screeched, taking a few steps toward her. Reaper stood in front of Elissa, growling protectively. 

“What if I run away, hm? What if I run away with some woman and never speak to you again? Will you feel guilty for trying to force this upon me?”

After that, she has stomped to her room, Reaper at her heels. She vented to her mabari throughout the night, and though he couldn’t talk to her, she saw him listening to her words. Occasionally he would bark in agreement or bark argumentatively. 

Four months passed, and on Elissa’s nameday, her mother had simply told her, “If you wish to go unmarried and live with a woman, I understand. I apologize for trying to force you into something you didn’t want. And, I apologize for saying all those nasty words to you.”

Her mother had left to her rooms after that, leaving Elissa to ponder her words. 

She decided to be more flexible on the whole marriage thing. Yes, she would meet with nobles, and no, she would not intentioanally embarrass the Couslands. Yes, she would discuss marriage at least, but would make no promises.

It was a start, at least. One that helped her survive the oncoming years. 

She met with noble houses, always saying that marriage could be an option, though nothing would be promised. She even met with a few ladies, though none really sparked her interest. 

She began to wonder if this was just a phase she would one day outgrow. She wondered if if someday she would find men attractive in a sexual sense. 

Though it was unlikely. 

During the days she wasn’t meeting with nobles, Elissa trained in the courtyard, learning the ways of a rogue. She became fit, not just skinny anymore, and she often found some of the elves servants watching her train. 

She always smiled and waved at them, not seductively but more in a friendly way. The girls would giggle and blush and hide their faces while the men would smile back.

It made her feel nice. 

An entanglement with any of the servants was out of the question, though. She couldn’t even begin to imagine the scandal there would be. 

So, she continued her training, smiling and waving anytime there was someone watching her. As her preforation began to spread throughout the castle, she often found more women than men watching her. 

Some even brought her drinks. 

Her trainer quickly told her that they only liked her now because she was a woman learning to fight. And because of the muscles that came with the training. 

Elissa knew her trainer was right, so she eventually stopped smiling and waving, and eventually people stopped coming to watch her. 

And then eventually, after she had begun to shut herself out from the world, more and more people ignored her existence.


	2. Orlesians (9:27 Dragon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realize I’m really bad at backstories, but bear with me here. The next chapter will be the start of the Human Noble Origin, but for now here is Elissa three years before the Blight. 
> 
> The end gets a little NSFW, but it’s only like half smut, not full smut. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Everyone in Castle Cousland feared the youngest noble, Elissa. When she walked down the stone halls, the servants would press their backs tightly against the walls behind them, and some even said they felt ice follow her.

Elissa had worked hard for this mask she wore, the one that made people tremble in her wake. 

Her family were the only people to truly know who she was beneath the cruel mask. Even then, they had started to fear that the mask Elissa wore was no longer just a facade. 

She became unpredictable, sometimes ignoring her family for weeks and sometimes acting as if she were still that little nineteen year old.

But she knew the truth.

Elissa was no longer a scared little girl who relied on the guards to keep her safe. She was no longer afraid to stand for what she believed in. And she was no longer afraid to take risks.

When she was alone, she cried. Reaper would comfort her as best he could, but it wasn’t the same as a person’s touch.

She cried for her loneliness, and for the person she had become. She cried because she wished her heart wasn’t made of ice.

Elissa was currently in Orlais with Reaper, meeting with some nobles for her mother. She was to meet with them in a few days, so she traveled around Val Royeaux, her cloak covering most of her clothes and weapons. She hid her face as well, just in case anyone actually recognized her.

Stepping into a little shop that sold overly expensive mabari treats, Elissa noticed something was off.

First, a lot of the people stared at her, apparently trying to see under her hood. 

Second, Reaper had started to growl lowly, almost inaudible to Elissa’s ears.

There was a hand on her shoulder, and Elissa whipped around, a hand already on one of her blades.

“It is all right,” said the female in front of her. Her hair was a beautiful shade of red, and it fell passed her shoulders. Her blue eyes held Elissa’s, never once looking anywhere else. 

The girl giggled, making Elissa realize she had been staring. “S-sorry,” she stammered, shaking her head.

“It is no problem. You have nothing to worry about. The people of Orlais aren’t used to Fereldans coming to the capital.” 

The girl took her hand and led her outside, away from all the stares. 

“Are you a bounty hunter, then?” the girl asked, smiling a little as she crossed her arms. “Most people in Orlais don’t have that many weapons on them at one time.” 

“No, I just prefer to have my weapons near me. It makes me feel safer.” 

“Then what is a Fereldan doing here?” 

The way she said ‘Fereldan’ almost sounded like she was disgusted. Elissa should have known better than to expect an Orlesian to be nice to her. 

“I’m here on business,” she replied, the usual ice in her tone returning. “Was there something you needed?” 

The girl looked up and down her body. “Would you care to entertain me for a night?” 

Elissa’s patience snapped. First this Orlesian disgusts in the fact that she’s from Ferelden, and then she asks to bed her? The audacity! 

“I am not an exotic pet,” Elissa spat, starting to walk away. “Us Fereldans are not here just to entertain you.” 

The girl walked beside her. “Oh, really? The only reason Fereldans come to Orlais is to become whores to their superiors.” 

She was trying to get under Elissa’s skin, and damn, it was working. She saw it in the smile she gave her. 

“Is that why you’re here? To become someone’s whore? To let them own you?” 

“If you want someone to fuck you,” Elissa growled, “I suggest you try an alleyway late at night with no weapons or means of defense.” 

The girl huffed a laugh. “You’re awfully testy, aren’t you?” 

“That doesn’t even begin to cover what I am.” 

“Arousing, muscular, mysterious, beautiful...” She trailed off, giving a sly smile. “Would you entertain me if I asked nicely?” 

“No. I don’t know what kind of diseases you have and I sure as hell don’t want them.” 

“You wound me,” she said in mock offense. “What makes you think I have any diseases?” 

Elissa took a deep breath. “Are you going to leave me alone?” 

“Not until you either use violence or, like I said, entertain me for just one night.” 

There was an alleyway to her right, and if she wanted this woman to leave her alone...

Elissa yanked the redhead into the alleyway, shoving her against a wall with all her weight. The girl yelped, but it was cut off by Elissa’s mouth on hers. 

She kissed the girl roughly, most likely leaving her lips swollen. 

But the redhead seemed to enjoy it as she moaned a little into her mouth. Her hands wandered up Elissa’s sides, sending goosebumps through her clothing. 

Elissa pulled back, only to start traveling down her throat, leaving kisses and bites alike. She heard the girl panting above her, something like a moan coming from her lips once more. 

Elissa pushed slightly harder against the woman, causing her to gasp and grip the noble’s clothes. She moaned louder this time when Elissa bit the skin that connected her neck and shoulder. 

The girl tried to flip them, but Elissa was stronger than her, keeping her pinned to the wall. 

“Imagine,” Elissa whispered in the girl’s ear, causing her to shiver in response. She tried again. “Imagine what people would think if they saw us. Imagine that they saw a Fereldan overpowering you.” 

The girl’s eyes were shut, her head pressed sternly on the wall behind her. “Please,” was all she said, but Elissa tsked. 

“Now, there are some manners,” she murmured, biting the girl’s ear. She gasped in response. “Who knew Orlesians could actually have those?” 

The girl’s hands became more desperate, trying to feel the skin underneath Elissa’s clothing. 

The noble pulled back slightly to look at the girl’s face. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her mouth parted. Elissa took this opportunity to connect their mouths once more, still kissing her fiercely and roughly. 

Her hands teased the girl’s breasts, biting down on her lower lip. 

And then she pulled away completely. 

“Oh, Maker...” the girl moaned, trying to reach for Elissa. But she danced out of her grasp. 

“If I see you again, the sex we will have will not be gentle. It’ll leave you walking funny for days,” Elissa promised, trying not to let her desire take control. 

She placed a soft kiss on the woman’s lips, one that usually sent girls on a frenzy.

Elissa was already gone before the girl could register the kiss. 

______________

A few days later, when Elissa had to meet the nobles, she was still distracted by that damned Orlesian woman. The way her lips seemed to meld perfectly with Elissa’s, the way their bodies seemed to interlock...

She shook her head, trying to focus on what the noble was saying. 

But her mind kept drifting back. 

She realized she could have taken that Orlesian in that alleyway. She had complete control over the situation, and yet she didn’t press further. 

She wondered if the redhead was thinking of the encounter, or if she had already moved on. 

The latter was most likely the right option. She was probably some whore who took pleasures where she could. 

It was a good thing the woman hadn’t seen who she was. Otherwise there would be scandal.

“Cousland, are you listening to anything I’m saying?” asked the father of the noble house, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Of course,” she replied, glancing at the daughter, who Elissa found already staring at her. She looked back to the father. “You were saying something about an alliance...?” 

He sighed, shaking his head and muttering, “Fereldans...” 

“At least we’re good in bed,” Elissa offered, winking at the daughter. She giggled and blushed, looking away. 

They continued discussing the marriage alliance for a few hours until the father received an “urgent” message. 

Honestly he probably just wanted to get away from the Fereldan noble flirting with his daughter. 

After he left, the daughter said quietly, “You aren’t as bad as some of the nobles I’ve met, you know.” 

“Am I better looking than them?” Elissa asked, a seductive smile on her face. 

“You’re more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen.” 

“You’ve clearly never looked in a mirror, then.” 

The daughter blushed again, but she was smiling. “I’m Nicole, in case you didn’t know.” 

“Elissa. A pleasure.” 

Nicole looked nervous. She looked out at the setting sun. “Would you... That is, if you... Maker...” She took a deep breath. “You prefer women, yes?”

Elissa chuckled. “Yes, that’s correct.” 

“Would you like to visit me in my rooms later?” 

“I don’t see why we can’t have a little fun right now,” she answered, standing and walking in front of the Orlesian noble. “Lead the way, my lady.” 

She bedded Nicole that night, only stopping when the Orlesian fell asleep. 

Elissa was gone from the noble house before the sun began to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? (Also that was my first time writing anything smut related so I’m sorry if it wasn’t good)


	3. The Attack (Part One)

Dinner was going as usual. The servants brought the food and drinks and then were gone.

The Couslands ate in silence, only the occasional small talk bringing any life to the room.

Elissa stayed quiet during the dinner, barely eating any of her food. She merely moved it around on the plate, only taking bites when her mother gave her a stern look.

“I don’t know why Howe isn’t here yet. He should have been here hours ago,” her father complained, huffing as he set down his fork.

“Darling, I’m sure he was just delayed. He’ll probably be here any minute now.”

A guard came into the dining hall, announcing the arrival of Arl Howe.

“Speak of the devil,” Elissa murmured, sitting back in her chair.

“Elissa!” her mother snapped. “Don’t use that language around the arl. You do still know how to use your manners, don’t you?” She left the room with the Teryn, shaking her head as she went.

Elissa stuck her tongue out, causing Oren to laugh. She smiled as well, looking over at her nephew.

“Mothers are so stern, aren’t they?” she asked him.

“Yes! My mama won’t even let me use a sward, but yours does!”

Oriana shook her head. “You’re too young, dear.”

“Nonsense!” Fergus announced. “Why, I bet Elissa would love to teach him how to use a sword!”

“Elissa, dear, would you mind bringing Oren to his room while I have a talk with your brother?”

“Uh-oh,” Elissa muttered, standing and walking to Oren. “Good luck, brother. Maker knows you’ll need it.”

She turned around so Oren could climb onto her back, and off she went.

“Young Oren, you’ll have to remind me where your rooms are. I’m afraid I get lost so easily...”

Oren laughed. “No you don’t! You know this castle better than me!”

“Do I? I can’t seem to recall where we are,” she joked.

They walked on, Elissa occasionally tipping Oren, making him laugh.

“Pup,” said her father’s voice from the main hall. Both her and Oren turned their heads to the Teryn. “Come say hello to Arl Howe.”

Elissa crouched so that her nephew could climb off her back. “Wait right here,” she said, ruffling his dark hair. “I’ll be right back.”

“Well, if it isn’t the youngest of the Couslands. Look at how much you’ve grown,” Howe stated. She knew he tried to sound sincere, but there was another emotion in his voice she couldn’t quite place.

“Arl Howe,” she greeted, bowing her head slightly. “How is Thomas? And the rest of your family?”

“Thomas will be pleased to hear that you remember him. My family is well, thank you.”

Of course she remembered Thomas Howe, the silly little boy who made his affections very clear, even though Elissa had denied him several times.

“Oh, Pup, before I forget, there is a Grey Warden here. Duncan. He’s recruiting some people, and if you see him, don’t forget to pay your respects.”

“Of course,” she said, giving a little bow of her head. “I should probably get going. Oriana will lecture me if Oren isn’t in his rooms.”

There was something odd in Arl Howe’s eyes when she turned away, but it was gone before she could tell.

Her nephew once again clambered onto her back, and he began feeding her information on where to go.

She passed her mother, who was shaking her head and smiling.

“Perhaps later you and Dairren can catch up?” her mother called, nodding her head to the noble man. There was a blonde elven woman who caught Elissa’s attention, making her stop in her tracks as she felt her mouth pop open.

She shook herself out of her daze, but the elven woman was smiling and blushing.

She had been caught.

Elissa cleared her throat. “Ah, yes. I’m afraid I must bring my nephew to his room, but afterwards-“

“I’ll be in the study if you wish to talk, my lady,” Dairren interrupted, noticing the slight blush on her cheeks.

The woman standing beside her mother, who Elissa recognized as Lady Landra, said, “Iona, why don’t you accompany my son to the study? You most likely actually know where it is, yes?”

“Of course, my lady.”

Nodding at her mother, Elissa walked off to the family rooms, finding both Oriana and Fergus already in Oren’s room.

“You were supposed to be here-“

“Darling, she was just a few minutes late. I’m sure Mother and Father kept her talking.”

Elissa set Oren down. “I apologize, Oriana. I had to meet some people.” She turned her attention to Fergus. “Have you seen the Grey Warden that’s visiting? Father wanted me to see him.”

“Ah, yes, Duncan. Last I heard, he was near the kitchens.”

“Thank you for the vague description, brother.” She ruffled Oren’s hair one last time. “I should go. Mother wants me to speak with Dairren.”

“Don’t you hate him?” Fergus asked, wrapping an arm around Oriana. Elissa felt a pang of jealousy in her chest, but she pushed it away.

“Yes, but I promised mother I would.”

She waved them goodbye, heading to the kitchens. From down the hall, she heard someone calling her name, making her take a deep breath.

Maker, it was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this wasn’t very long. I haven’t had much time to write the chapters :(


	4. The Attack (Part Two)

Between retrieving Reaper, speaking with Duncan, speaking with both Dairren and Iona, Elissa was worn out.

Her head had started to throb by the time she had gone to see Fergus off, making her an unpleasant person to be around.

She groaned as she flopped back onto her bed, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. She took a few steady breaths, hoping that would make her headache go away slightly.

There was a soft knock at her door, and then came Iona’s soft voice. “My lady?” she asked. “You wanted to see me?”

Taking a deep breath, because she definitely did not forget she had invited Iona to her room, Elissa called out, “Yes, yes. Come in.”

The door opened, and Iona’s head popped in. “Oh! Did I catch you at a bad time?”

Elissa sat up, putting her elbows on her knees. “No, not at all. Please, come sit,” she offered, patting the spot beside her.

The elven lady-in-waiting sat down beside her, looking extremely uncomfortable. “May I ask why you wished to see me, my lady?”

Elissa smirked, turning her gaze on Iona. “I think you know why I invited you to my room.”

Iona’s brows raised. “Oh! I had no idea you were being serious.” She looked away. “Are you sure?”

“Only if you are.”

Before Elissa knew what was happening, she was being pushed against the bed, the smaller woman straddling her hips. “Then allow me to show you just how sure I am.”

__________

Reaper’s low growling woke her up several hours later. When he had begun barking, Iona woke up as well.

“Reaper? What’s going on?”

“Does he usually do this?” Iona asked, flopping back onto the pillows.

There was a scream outside, and both Elissa and Iona looked at each other before they stood from the bed.

“Who’s out there?” Elissa called out.

Iona opened the door just as she heard a bow loose its arrow.

The arrow found itself in the elven woman’s throat, causing her to stumble backwards until she collapsed on the ground.

Elissa couldn’t move. She watched, wide-eyed, as Iona bled out on the stone floor.

Reaper was already out the door, attacking whoever was outside. Shaking her head, Elissa went to the chest in her room to pull out her daggers.

Outside of her room, the men attacking had Arl Howe’s crest on their shields.

Why would Howe be attacking them? Weren’t the Couslands friends with them?

Still, they were attacking, and she had to defend herself and Reaper.

Elissa shoved one dagger through a man’s armor as she threw her other dagger at the man Reaper was attacking. It hit him in the throat.

“Darling!” came a cry from her mother’s bedroom. “I heard fighting, and I feared the worst, so I barricaded the door. Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m all right. How about you? Do you need a potion?”

Her mother shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine. Have you seen who’s attacking?”

Elissa growled low in her throat. “Howe’s men are attacking us.”

“What? Why would he do that?” She looked around frantically. “Have you seen your father? He never came to bed.”

“Howe might have already killed him.”

“Don’t say things like that!”

Elissa took a deep breath. “Fine. _Maybe_ we’ll find him still alive.” She looked to her room. “Let me put on some armor and let’s get going.”

__________

Oriana and Oren were dead. They were butchered, and wouldn’t have been recognizable if it wasn’t for the fact they were in Fergus’s room.

As Elissa walked down the halls of Castle Cousland, she saw the bodies of servants and guards alike. There was blood everywhere. There was blood in pools around dead bodies, some blood on the stone walls... Maker, what kind of people did this?

She was breathing calmly, but her hands were clenched so tightly around her daggers that her knuckles had begun to ache.

She was furious. She had trusted Arl Howe, and this is what happens? When she found him-

“My lady! My Ladyship! Thank the Maker you’re alive.”

“Ser Gilmore?” the teryna asked. “Have you seen who’s attacking?”

“Arl Howe’s men, yes. We’ve been trying to keep the doors barricaded, but it won’t hold forever.”

“Have you seen my father?” Elissa asked, looking around the guards to see if he had joined them.

“Last I saw he was heading to the kitchens looking for you two. Perhaps he thought to find you in the escape tunnel?”

There was a loud banging on the doors, and Gilmore looked sorrowful.

“You two must go. If that door breaks down-“

“I’ll stay and help,” Elissa declared.

But Gilmore shook his head. “We are only delaying the inevitable. You two must go if you wish to live. We’ll keep them distracted for as long as we can.”

“Please, Elissa, I can’t lose you, too,” her mother pleaded.

She looked at the doors, then at her mother. “All right,” she muttered. “If we want to live, we need to get going.”

They left through a door on the left as the doors banged again, but no one came through.

Thank the Maker for small victories.

There weren’t many of Howe’s men in the castle hallways now. Most had either been killed by the guards or had gone to the main doors.

Her mother notched an arrow as they went through the door that would lead to the escape tunnel. Reaper growled, and Elissa lifted her daggers.

But they only found the teryn on the ground, clutching his bleeding stomach.

“Bryce!” her mother cried, running to her father. “What happened to you?”

“One of... Howe’s men got to me first. Duncan saved me.”

“The Grey Warden? He’s still here?”

“Father,” Elissa said before her father could respond. “Do you know why Howe’s men are attacking?”

“I have no idea, pup.” He took a deep breath before groaning in pain. “Where are Oriana and Oren? Are they...”

At the looks on their faces, he quieted himself.

“Howe will pay for what he’s done,” Elissa growled. “He will not get away with this. Not while I still live.”

“You will get your chance,” said a deep voice from behind her. “But first, you need to survive this night.”

“Duncan...” Her father shook his head. “Get my wife and daughter out. Please, I beg you.”

“No! I’m not leaving you, Father.”

“Pup, you have to live. Someone has to tell Fergus what has happened.”

“Darling, we can get you magic to help you. If you just stand up-“

“I don’t think I would survive the standing, love. Please, go.”

“No! I will stay here with you,” her mother declared, challenging Duncan to say anything. “Duncan, take my daughter and get her out of here.”

“Mother-“

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Mother, I’m not leaving you here for Howe’s men to find you. I’ll help you fight them!”

Duncan shook his head. “I’m afraid that’s not possible. Teryn Cousland, if I may be so bold, I would take your daughter into the Grey Wardens to help fight.”

“Anything you want. Just get her out of here.”

“No. I won’t go!”

Duncan sighed, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Come with me. The Grey Wardens will-“

“I _will not_ go!”

“Then you leave me no choice, my lady. I hereby invoke the Right of Conscription. You will join the Grey Wardens, whether you like it or not.”

There was no way she was getting out of this. No one could deny the Right of Conscription.

“Mother, Father...”

“Go, darling.”

Elissa felt a tear run down her bloodied and dirt caked face. “I love you so much, both of you.”

“Then live, pup. Make your mark on this world. Let them know the Couslands still live.”

“You will do something great, darling. You will change this world.”

There was screaming down the hall, and the hand on her shoulder tightened. “We must go now,” Duncan said, pulling her up from her crouch.

She cried as she ran to the escape tunnel, watching as her mother stood and readied her bow.

After they had gotten some distance away, Elissa stopped, collapsing on the ground. Her sobs shook her body as she looked back at Castle Cousland.

It was burning, the smoke rising far into the clouds.

Reaper nudged her, burying his face in her lap. If animals could cry, she imagined that’s what her best friend would be doing right now.

There were screams echoing across the field, screams that were most likely coming from the people of Castle Cousland.

_Her_ people.

“We must keep going, my lady,” the Grey Warden said softly. “You can mourn when we get further away.”

“Where are we going?” Elissa asked through sobs.

“To Ostagar. We’ll be traveling through the Hinterlands, and it will take some time. As I said, you can mourn all you need to, but we need to get away. Howe’s archers could still get us from here.”

Nodding, Elissa stood, wiping her face and drying her eyes.

“I’m ready to face whatever comes my way.” 


	5. After Ostagar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m guessing no one wants to read about the battle of Ostagar, so I skipped that. This chapter takes place two weeks after the battle. 
> 
> There are mentions of the battle, but that’s about it. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Everyone in Lothering knew what had happened at the battle of Ostagar. They all knew that they were doomed.

Some prayed to the Maker, others got drunk until they blacked out. But no one was actually doing anything.

The Grey Wardens were declared enemies of the crown, and if anyone saw them, they were to tell the authorities.

“Those Grey Wardens killed King Cailan,” some said.

“I heard they lost the battle on purpose,” said others.

But Leliana didn’t think either of these statements were true. The Grey Wardens, in the tales, were heroes, always doing what was right. They would never kill a king, nor would they just abandon the people of Thedas when there were hordes of darkspawn about.

Something wasn’t quite right about the whole situation, but Leliana didn’t question it. She most likely wouldn’t get any answers, anyway.

She was sitting by the fire in the only tavern in Lothering when they walked in. A girl with pale hair in a ponytail, a blonde boy who looked like he spent too much time on his hair, a black-haired mage, and a mabari.

The pale-haired woman, who Leliana assumed was the leader, looked empty. Hollow. There was no light in her blue eyes, and she looked lost in thought.

She also looked exhausted.

“You’re Grey Wardens, aren’t you?” asked a man. “We’ve been searching through this backwater town asking for a woman by your very description, and everyone said they hadn’t seen you.”

“Looks like we were lied to, Commander,” another man said, stepping up to the first one.

Leliana stood from her seat by the fire. “Gentlemen, these are most likely just more poor souls seeking refuge. There is no need for a fight.”

“Step back, sister. If you protect these traitors, you’ll get the same as them.”

He drew his sword, and her companions drew their weapons, but the pale-haired woman just looked at the commander.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she warned in a monotone voice. Maker, even her voice sounded hollow.

“Loghain demands-“

“Loghain can kiss my ass. He is a traitor, and he let King Cailan fall. Tell me, were you even at Ostagar?”

The mage snickered, hiding her smile behind her hand.

“I-I... No, but Loghain-“

“Then you are just blindly following orders. I suggest you run back to your master with your tail between your legs until you find out what really happened.”

She moved to walk to the bartender, but the commander grabbed her arm. In a flash of movement, he was down on his knees, crying out in pain.

The woman had his wrist in one hand while her other was bending his fingers in a way they should never bend.

“Touch me again. I dare you.”

There was nothing but fire in her eyes, and Leliana took a step back from her just from hearing the venom dripping in her voice.

“Elissa, let go-“

The mage smacked the blonde boy with her staff. “Let her teach him a lesson.”

Elissa... She had heard that name before, but from where?

“If you’re going to run back to your master, take a message to him.”

“A-anything. What do you want me to t-tell him?”

“Tell him the Grey Wardens know what really happened.”

“R-right away!”

The commander and his men left, and Leliana stepped up to the woman.

“I apologize. Some men are foolish enough to take orders without question.”

“Such is the way of things,” Elissa murmured.

“I am Leliana, a lay sister of the Chantry.”

“Elissa. A pleasure.”

“You are Grey Wardens, no?” If they were, maybe she could join them to help with her vision.

Elissa nodded. “Well, Alistair and I are,” she answered, gesturing to the blonde boy. “Did you need something?”

“I was hoping I could join you,” she said, and she almost shrunk back when Elissa raised an eyebrow at her. “You see, I had this vision...”

Instead of making fun of her, or laughing, Elissa stood quietly, her hands clasped behind her back, as Leliana told her of her vision from the Maker. There was no judgement in her eyes, but there was in her companions’.

“...and I believe the Maker was trying to tell me to join you. If you are Grey Wardens, you can stop the Blight.”

Elissa shrugged. “Well, I won’t deny help when it is offered. Welcome aboard, Leliana of the Chantry.”

Leliana blinked in surprise. “Wait... You’re serious?”

“Of course,” she answered, a small smile gracing her lips. “Come. We only need to get a few supplies, and then we’ll be off.”

She saw the disbelief in her companions’ eyes. The mage made a smart comment, earning her a glare from Elissa.

Leliana and Elissa were currently ahead of the group, walking side by side, the others some distance behind them. She could hear arguing.

The Qunari was arguing with the mage, and Alistair was giving his opinion as well. The mabari, whose name was Reaper, was trotting happily beside Elissa.

“I swear I’ve seen you before,” Leliana said, examining Elissa. Something was definitely familiar about her, and her voice sounded like she had heard it before... But where?

“You’re Orlesian, aren’t you? Maybe I saw you in Orlais a few years ago.”

And then it came to her. “You! You pinned me against a wall in Val Royeaux.”

Elissa’s face didn’t give away her emotion. “That was you? You look.. different.”

“The years have changed us both, it seems.”

Elissa hummed in acknowledgment, but didn’t say anything.

“I believe there was a promise of sex if we saw each other again?” Leliana joked, somewhat hoping she took the bait.

But she didn’t. She merely said, “The girl who offered that is dead. She died along with her family.”

She looked lost in thought again, and Leliana could have sworn there were tears in her eyes. But when she blinked, they were gone.

“What happened to your family?”

Elissa sighed and looked at her feet. “A trusted family friend killed them in the night. I had to join the Grey Wardens if I wanted to survive.”

“Oh,” she murmured. “I’m so sorry.”

There was yelling behind them now, and Elissa turned around to yell, “If you keep acting like children, I’m going to turn around and leave you in Lothering.” All three of them were quiet. “Now you either shut up or you get along.”

Even the witch obeyed her orders. Alistair and the Qunari moved away, somewhat closer to Elissa.

If only darkspawn could be yelled at in such a manner. She clearly had experience dealing with children.

Elissa looked around at the trees surrounding them. “We’ll camp here tonight, then we’ll head to Redcliffe in the morning.”

Everybody did what was asked of them in fear of being yelled at again.

Leliana couldn’t blame them.

__________

_There was a dragon roaring, distant and yet close. It shook Elissa’s bones, and she found herself paralyzed._

_The dragon roared again, and this time it came from directly in front of her._

_It was ugly. It had sharp, pointed teeth that stuck out of its mouth. Its eyes were menacing, chilling Elissa’s bones._

_It snarled, taking a step closer-_

Elissa woke with a gasp. She was sweating despite the chill air.

“Having bad dreams I take it?” Alistair asked. He was sitting on his bedroll close to the fire.

“It seemed so... real.”

“Yes, it did. That’s the archdemon. It’s how we know this is truly a Blight.”

“Well, we’re fucked then, aren’t we?”

Despite her use of inappropriate language, Alistair laughed. “Yes, it would appear so. Anyway, I saw you thrashing around and figured I ought to tell you.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“We still have some darkness left if you want to sleep-“

“No, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep for a while. I’ll go take my watch.”

Alistair shrugged and lay back down on his bedroll as Elissa stood and walked to the edge of camp.

“Sten, I’m taking over your watch,” she called. “Go get some rest.”

The Qunari looked like he was going to argue, but thought better of it. He walked to his own tent.

Elissa sat on a log, already lost in her own thoughts.

Could she have done something different? Was there any way to save her family from Howe’s treachery?

The more she thought about it, the more she realized she couldn’t have done anything.

While she had been suspicious of Howe, it was no reason to suspect him of any crime. Her family would merely wave her away as they did with everything else.

It wasn’t like she was trustworthy, after all. Between stealing and killing and sleeping with a lot of people, her family had slowly begun to not trust her word on things.

Like when some noble had said she had seduced his daughter and made her run away, her family believed the noble instead of her when she had told them she didn’t even know the daughter.

That was when she had started shutting herself out. When her mask had slowly started to fall into place.

There was nothing to do now but mourn. She wouldn’t cry in front of her charges, no, but when she was walking by herself she would.

She would mourn the loss of her family, the loss of her home.

The loss of everything she had ever known.

There would be no more dinners with her family, no more giving gifts on Satinalia. There would be no more teasings from her brother, no more-

“You know,” said an Orlesian voice from behind her, bringing her from her thoughts, “you won’t see anyone coming if you’re hiding inside your head.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”

Leliana countered, “Aren’t you?”

“Good point.”

Leliana sat next to her on the log, giving her a playful nudge on the shoulder. “I’m glad I actually got to meet you.”

“Really? Who’s paying you to say that?”

She could see the kindness in Leliana’s eyes. “No one. You were intriguing all those years ago, and now that I finally get to know you, it makes you all the more mysterious.”

“‘Intriguing,’ huh? That’s not the word I would have used.”

Leliana huffed a laugh. “What word would you have used?”

“Whore.”

Leliana seemed frozen in place. Her mouth hung open in shock from that one word.

Elissa shook her head and looked away. “I slept with a lot of people back then. My bed was almost never cold, and honestly I’m surprised I haven’t died from any disease yet.”

“So you were... experienced, then?” There was no judgement in her voice, only curiosity.

“Yes. I prefer women, so if you want me to sleep with a man, I’m afraid you’ll be out of luck. I’m quite inexperienced in that department.”

“You prefer to sleep with women over men?”

Elissa nodded, still not looking at Leliana. “Part of me thinks it was because I knew my parents wanted me to marry some noble, but eventually I learned that I just liked women more. They could give me things men couldn’t, and there would never be the risk of pregnancy, so-“

“You would have scandal if you were pregnant. And you wouldn’t have to be tied down to some man unworthy of you if you preferred women.”

She looked to Leliana, who had a light blush on her cheeks.

“Yes,” Elissa answered softly. “No one in my family had ever understood that until I began shutting myself out.”

“Do you mind if I stay up with you? I can go back to my tent if-“

“No, it’s all right. I could always use the company.”

Leliana smiled and looked to the stars. “I could tell you a story, if you like.”

Elissa smiled as well as she looked at Leliana.

“I would like that.”

__________

Leliana didn’t even realize she had fallen asleep until she felt herself suddenly being carried bridal style.

She opened her eyes just a little, and saw Elissa with a small smile on her lips as she walked.

She closed her eyes again, listening to the steady heartbeat in Elissa’s chest. It was soothing, and when she opened her eyes again, she was in her tent on her bedroll.

Elissa was hovering over her, and she felt soft lips on her forehead before the heat from the Warden’s body was gone.

“I’ll tell you a story next time,” Elissa murmured before she was out of the tent.

Leliana fell asleep, but not before noticing the heavy cloak along with fur blankets over her body.

She smiled at Elissa’s sudden kindness, and soon darkness overtook her vision.


	6. Infighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, but I’ve been hella busy these past few days. Longer chapters will be coming soon 
> 
> For now, enjoy!

Leliana had hoped to wake up before the rest of their companions, and it seemed she had gotten her wish.

Until she heard Elissa cursing.

Peeking her head out of her tent, Leliana saw the Warden trying to aim a bow.

Where had she gotten that?

When she loosed the arrow, it embedded itself in the tree behind the one she was aiming at.

Leliana heard her say, “For fuck’s sake.”

She giggled, and Elissa whipped around, her eyes wide.

Stepping out of her tent, Leliana asked, “Do you need help learning how to use a bow? I’m quite good at it.”

A light blush spread over her cheeks. “Uh... no?”

Leliana smiled and gently took the bow from her hands. “Watch me, okay? Look at how I stand.”

Elissa was watching her move with all her attention.

She loosed the arrow, and-

Elissa laughed. “I can throw daggers better than you can shoot a bow.” There was a challenge in her voice, and Leliana almost thought she was making fun of her, but she paused when she saw the smile on the Warden’s face.

Leliana raised a brow. “Oh, really? Well, then, miss cocky rogue, throw your daggers.”

Elissa smirked, pulling out one of her knives. “All right, but I’m warning you. You’ll be running back to your tent in tears when I win.”

She was certainly cocky enough.

Elissa moved her body so that she was standing in front of the tree. Leliana knew how to throw daggers as well, and she saw how the Warden was standing.

She was going to miss.

But Elissa looked down at her feet, giving a subtle nod before she threw the dagger.

It landed behind the tree.

Leliana was stunned.

Had she done that on purpose?

Elissa huffed. “I swear, it usually works,” she complained as she grabbed her dagger. She grabbed the arrows as well and handed them back to Leliana.

For the next hour or so, they held a competition, trying to see who was a better rogue.

Of course, Leliana wasn’t even trying to beat Elissa, and it seemed like the Warden wasn’t trying to beat her, either.

They had finally stopped when Morrigan had saw them and said, “You two are insufferable. We must leave soon if we are to make it to Redcliffe.”

Elissa hummed when she walked away. “I think you beat me, Leliana.”

“Oh, I don’t know. You beat me a few times.”

The Warden smiled. “Shall we call it a tie, then?”

“Perhaps we can continue this little competition at a later date?”

“You’re on.”

Smirking, Leliana walked away with the bow and arrows.

She could get used to this.

__________

“Duncan is dead!”

“My whole _family_ is dead, Alistair!”

Leliana glanced up at the two Wardens. Elissa had her fists clenched at her sides while Alistair had his arms crossed over his chest.

“You’ve been so busy ignoring everyone in your grief to realize that not everyone is having a good life right now,” she hissed. “I’m not asking for your pity, but I’m telling you to stop acting like your sadness is the only one that matters.”

Alistair shook his head. “With how cold you’re being, I’m shocked you could feel anything for your family at all.”

Leliana tried to move to grab Elissa, but Morrigan stuck her staff out, her golden eyes watching the two Wardens.

The next second, there was a loud slap, followed by Elissa’s sharp, “Don’t you _dare_.”

“‘Tis odd how our leader’s emotions can change so suddenly,” Morrigan commented, watching as Alistair stormed away.

“The Warden had a good point,” Sten said from behind them. “Not everyone is content to be here.”

“We’ll make it work, Sten,” came Elissa’s voice when she walked over to them. “I told you you could leave if you wanted to. Any of you can.”

And just like that, she had changed once more. She went from being a stone cold bitch to a caring friend.

She would have made a good bard.

“We’ll be heading to Redcliffe in just a few minutes, so make sure you have everything and you’re comfortable. It’ll be a long walk.”

Elissa walked away, and Leliana followed her.

“Alistair will come around soon, I’m sure,” she said as she watched Elissa pack her things. The Warden grunted in response. “He’s not in his right-“

“Leliana,” Elissa interrupted, and she couldn’t help the flutter in her chest at the way she said her name. “I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I’ve accepted the fact that my family is dead, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mourn my loss. He was being inconsiderate. There’s nothing else to say about it.”

She spoke kindly, not harshly like she had to Alistair. Elissa was merely stating the facts, and Leliana couldn’t help but agree. There was no time to give in to your grief when there was a Blight to be stopped.

Hopefully he would see that before it was too late.

Elissa rubbed at her eyes. “Would you tell me a story as we walked? Or, I could tell you one-“

She was talking quickly, and her face had somehow become flustered. “Elissa. If you want, I can always tell you another story.”

She grinned as she looked back down at her pack. “Thank you. I just-“ She sighed. “I just want to be around someone I can trust right now.”

Leliana hummed. “And who can you trust right now?”

“Why, the beautiful, charming woman beside me, of course!”

They both laughed, and Leliana felt her cheeks heat at the same time as Elissa’s.

Oh, yes. She could definitely get used to this. 


	7. Redcliffe and Injuries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy I’m back. Finally. 
> 
> I’ve been working on an actual book I’m writing so I haven’t had much time to work on this. 
> 
> Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that, so here’s chapter seven! Enjoy!

It took about a week to get to Redcliffe. Part of it was the fact that it was a good distance away from Lothering, and part of it was that they had to keep stopping for supplies.

Elissa didn’t mind, though. She got to spend some more time with her new companions, and more importantly, Leliana.

She was mysterious, and Elissa often found her hesitating before speaking. She was definitely hiding something, but Elissa didn’t push the subject.

Leliana would tell her when she was ready.

Until then, Elissa would just be a friend, flirting every now and then.

It was a good system.

Before they made it to Redcliffe, Alistair had stopped them.

He had still been a little mean to her, but she could tell he was just tired and not used to traveling so much.

“I have something to tell you,” he said. “Something I should have, ah, told you earlier.”

“Did you stop us to tell us that you’re an idiot?” Morrigan asked. “If so, don’t bother. We already know.”

Alistair shook his head, turning to face Elissa. “I thought I should tell you before we entered Redcliffe...”

He told her about how he was the son of King Maric, one of his bastards. His mother was a serving girl in the castle and she died giving birth to him.

Elissa made a few smart comments, but otherwise listened to him tell his tale.

“I just thought I should tell you. But, please, don’t tell anyone else outside of our party. I just want everyone to think I’m some Grey Warden who was too lucky to die at Ostagar.”

“As you say... my prince,” Elissa chuckled.

“Oh, great. I’m going to regret this now, aren’t I?” But he was smiling. “At any rate, we should get going.”

And soon they were off again, and Elissa thought everything was going according to plan.

Until it turned out that Redcliffe also needed their help.

Such was the way of things.

There was a Blight going on and possibly a civil war, and yet everyone always needed something.

It turned out the people of Redcliffe were being attacked by walking corpses in the night.

How lovely.

Murdock, the town mayor, wanted them to talk to Owen, the only blacksmith in town. Ser Perth wanted holy protection from the revered mother in the Chantry.

“I’ll go get the holy protection,” Elissa said, “Leliana and Alistair will talk to Owen, and Sten and Morrigan will help with whatever they need.” When Reaper gave an argumentative bark, Elissa added, “And, of course, Reaper will come with me.”

They all went their separate ways, Morrigan mumbling under her breath. She quieted when Elissa shot her a glare before entering the Chantry.

It was going to be a long day, it seemed.

__________

Elissa was angry with her, Leliana knew. She had made a comment about disliking the idea of giving Ser Perth fake protection, and Elissa had snapped at her.

Since then, she’d been ignoring everyone.

It was now nighttime, and everyone was waiting for the corpses to come.

It took a few minutes, but they did come. First, there was a cloud covering them, but eventually, when they were near the bottom of the hill, the cloud stopped moving with them, and out came the horde.

Elissa told them to let the corpses come to them so that they wouldn’t waste their energy.

Most of the corpses went after Elissa, but some went after the others.

By the time everyone was done cutting them down, which had taken a few minutes, Elissa was walking around, making sure everyone was all right.

She was the fastest fighter Leliana had ever seen.

The next few waves were easier. The warriors took most of the hits, and the rogues darted in and out, disabling the corpses and making them easier to hit.

Leliana was moving faster than she ever had, trying to keep up with Elissa.

She hadn’t fought with a bow in years, and she noticed some of her shots were missing. Elissa was missing every now and then, but for the most part she hit every one of the corpses.

Leliana would lose in a fight against her.

A guard came running up to Elissa when the wave was done, shouting about some corpses coming from the lake.

“Leliana and Alistair, come with me. Morrigan, Sten, and Reaper, stay here and keep them away from the village.”

She ran down the hill with the guard, almost stumbling near the bottom.

Indeed, the people outside of the Chantry were being overwhelmed.

Elissa rushed in, slicing at knees and backs, trying to disable the corpses long enough to have a fighting chance.

While she was preoccupied, she didn’t notice the two corpses advancing on her.

The one behind her had a shield, and the one in front of her just had a sword. She was stepping back, trying to avoid the swings.

“Elissa!” Leliana shouted, but it was too late.

The corpse with the shield bashed her, sending her stumbling forward. The corpse with the sword was waiting for her with its sword ready.

She tried to stop, but the sword was already thrust into her stomach. Elissa grunted, but she kept fighting. The corpse with the sword soon had a dagger sliding across its throat, and Leliana shot an arrow into the head of the corpse with the shield.

When the fighting was mostly over, and Elissa was on the ground clutching her stomach, Leliana ran to her side.

“Dear Maker, what did they put on that sword?” Elissa asked as Leliana dropped to her knees. “It _stings_.”

“What happened?” Alistair dropped to his knees beside her.

“Corpses know how to work together, it seems,” answered Elissa, a slight smile on her face. She winced in pain when she tried to move.

“Let me go get Teagan. Maybe there’s a healer here.” Alistair ran off as Morrigan, Sten, and Reaper came from the hill.

“‘Tis nothing to worry about, Warden,” Morrigan commented. “I’m no healer, but I can seal the wound temporarily. It will be sealed until we can find a proper healer.”

Elissa closed her eyes, her face already starting to pale. Leliana put her hands on the Warden’s cheeks, trying to keep her awake.

“Elissa, you can’t sleep right now. You have to stay awake.”

“But I’m so tired,” Elissa argued, letting out a huff of breath. “Five more minutes.”

“Keep her awake while I seal the wound,” Morrigan commanded.

Leliana tapped her cheek. “Stay with me, Elissa.”

The Warden shook her head. “Two more minutes?”

“No.”

Elissa whined. “One more minute? Please, Leli-“ She gasped in pain as Morrigan touched the wound, but she calmed down when Leliana began stroking her cheek soothingly.

Within the next few minutes, the healer came rushing through, and the older man even pushed Morrigan out of the way.

She growled at him but stepped away.

He made Leliana strip some of Elissa’s armor so he could tend to the wound better. After he had stopped most of the bleeding, he asked for her to be carried into the Chantry.

Apparently she would have to stay overnight while the others celebrated in their victory.

Elissa was allowed to have one of her companions in the room with her overnight, and both Alistair and Morrigan offered, but the Warden whispered, “Leli.”

Her eyes were closed when she said it, and it was slurred. She sounded exhausted.

So, Leliana got to stay with Elissa. Of course, Reaper whined and scratched at the door until he was let in. He slept underneath Leliana’s chair.

Elissa was sleeping on a cot, her mouth slightly agape.

Leliana leaned back in her chair but grabbed Elissa’s hand. She stroked the back of it.

“You’ll make it through this, my friend.”

She soon fell into a deep slumber, her hand still gripping Elissa’s as darkness overtook her vision.

__________

Her head hurt, her stomach hurt, and her pride hurt just a little.

Honestly, who could be stabbed through the stomach by a _corpse_ -

Elissa groaned as she tried sitting up. She assumed Reaper was around here somewhere, most likely by the foot of the cot, and-

Sweet Maker, Leliana was here too.

She was asleep in a chair beside her cot, her hand loosely gripping Elissa’s.

She was adorable when she was sleeping.

Her elbow was on the arm rest, her fist on her cheek, her mouth slightly open with soft snores coming from it.

She giggled a little, making Leliana wake up with a jump.

“Oh!” she greeted. “You’re awake. And sitting up on your own.” She cocked her head, then withdrew her hand as if she had been stung.

Elissa frowned playfully. “Aw, come on. I don’t bite.” She thought for a moment. “Hard.”

Leliana huffed a laugh and shook her head. “And I’m supposed to take your word on this?”

Elissa smiled and looked at the floor.

And then she saw Reaper. Sleeping under Leliana’s chair, no doubt.

“Huh,” Elissa said. “He never trusts anyone enough to sleep by them. Or underneath them.” She tilted her head as she studied him. “Maybe he likes you.”

“I can’t say he hasn’t grown on me,” Leliana responded. “He’s a good dog.”

“He is.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Leliana asked, “How are your wounds?”

“I feel fine, actually. Better than I did last night.” She looked to Leliana. “How are you feeling? It can’t have been very comfortable sleeping in that chair all night.”

Leliana smiled, though Elissa didn’t know why. “It’s still nighttime, silly,” she said. “The people of Redcliffe are still celebrating, and I imagine they will be for quite some time.”

“Are they dancing?”

“I would assume so.”

Elissa grinned, moving to stand, and Leliana was there in a second to help her.

“Would you do me the honor of dancing with me, my lady?”

She saw Leliana blush and look down at her feet. There was a challenge in her eyes. “If you can make it out the door without falling or stumbling once, I will have one dance with you. Does that sound agreeable?”

Elissa had never been more careful to not fall over in her life. 


	8. Beginning Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sort of back again! I’m trying to upload every few days if that helps any.
> 
> Anyway, here’s chapter eight. Enjoy!

They had danced for _hours_. By the end of it, both Elissa and Leliana were sitting on a log, watching the sun rise over the lake.

Leliana hummed as she leaned into Elissa’s warmth. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re such a good dancer,” she said.

“I was a noble, you know.”

“Yes, but... Honestly, if you hadn’t told me, I would have guessed you were a guard or a mercenary. But I do see you sometimes, the way you stand, the way you speak to others. You stand like a noble and you talk like a noble.”

Elissa frowned. “Is that a bad thing?”

Leliana thought for a second, but only because she was confused. “No. Why would it be?”

“Most people don’t like the fact that I’m noble born. They think that I’ll do something terrible and be able to get away with it because of my lineage.”

“I think your glare alone could get you out of trouble.”

Elissa smiled and wrapped an arm around Leliana’s shoulders. It was tense, almost like she didn’t really want to. Or she was afraid to.

“I think we’ll stay here for another day or so,” Elissa said. “After that, we’ll head to the Brecilian Forest.”

“You want to deal with the elves so quickly?”

The Warden shrugged. “Better to just get it over with rather than wait.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few more moments. Then Leliana asked, “What was your family like?”

“What was your family like?”

Leliana smiled at her deflection. “I don’t know who my father was, and I barely remember my mother. Funny, the only thing I remember about her is her scent. She would take this flower and dry it between her clothes, and she always smelled like... Oh, what was the name?” She thought for a moment as Elissa waited patiently. “Andraste’s Grace! She always smelled like Andraste’s Grace.”

“A beautiful flower,” Elissa murmured. “Where is your mother now?”

“She... died, when I was young. The woman she was serving under, Lady Cecile, raised me.” She looked at the sky again, watching as the sun changed the sky’s colors. She huffed a laugh. “My mother was from Ferelden, and though I was born in Orlais, I’ve always considered myself a Fereldan.”

“At least we have something in common, then,” she remarked. “We’re both from the best country in Thedas.”

Leliana laughed. “Oh, I don’t know. Orlais does have some beautiful things.”

She tried, really tried, not to blush when she saw Elissa look at her and say, “Yes, it does.”

After a few more minutes of silence, and when Leliana had finally had the courage to ask her an important question, Teagan had come over to them.

“Warden!” he greeted. He had obviously been drinking. “In just a few moments, we’ll be doing a prayer for those we lost. We would like you to join us.”

“My work is never done, I see,” Elissa joked as she moved to stand. She leaned in close to Leliana, her lips brushing her cheek. Leliana’s face immediately flushed. “Thank you for watching over me, Leliana.”

She stood and started to walk away, and Leliana couldn’t help the way her jaw dropped a little.

Maybe her luck was finally beginning to turn.

__________

Morrigan didn’t know if the Warden would be able to carry on much longer without snapping.

She had told their companions about what happened to her family and why she had to become a Grey Warden, and Morrigan assumed that would be enough to make someone break after a little while.

However, the Warden continued on like nothing was wrong.

When they had made it to Redcliffe and Thomas had said they needed help, Morrigan saw the rage in her leader’s eyes.

She was still weak from the wound those corpses had caused her, and now Teagan needed help once more.

It was daylight out now, and Morrigan took this time to study Elissa.

She looked exhausted. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair was a mess, and her shoulders were slumped as she mindlessly petted her dog.

Other than Leliana, no one else in their party seemed to notice that anything was different about her.

Even a blind man could see the grief in Elissa’s eyes, though maybe no one tried talking to her about it because they were afraid she would do something drastic.

She did tend to yell when she was frustrated.

Morrigan looked around the small clearing and saw Leliana begin walking over to Elissa.

They were somehow friends already, and it had only been a little over a week. Alistair looked like he wanted to talk to her as well, but he always found something else to do.

Sten ignored everyone.

Morrigan could see the attraction in Elissa’s eyes when she looked up at Leliana.

She shouldn’t be trusting her so easily. Leliana held herself like a bard.

She only knew because she had come across one in the Kocari Wilds. The way she held herself, the way she hesitated before speaking of her past... All signs that pointed to her being a bard.

Oh well. It wasn’t Morrigan’s place to decide who her friends were and who wasn’t. The Warden was an adult. She could make decisions for herself.

But she still kept a close eye on Leliana when they were together. Just in case.

__________

There was always something more that needed to be done.

It was nighttime once again, and Elissa and her party were to sneak into the castle in the morning.

But Elissa didn’t know if she could do it.

The weight of her family’s death was finally catching up to her. The realization that she would never see them again.

Being thrust into a group of strangers who didn’t trust you wasn’t good for the soul.

Elissa was walking along the lake when she heard soft footsteps behind her. She merely looked behind her, not really caring if it was an assassin or someone else wanting her help.

Instead, she saw Leliana. She was smiling shyly.

“Leliana, go back. Please.”

“It’s not safe for you to be out here alone.”

Elissa stopped walking and gave her a serious look. “Go back to the village. I’ll be fine.”

“No.”

She felt her anger slowly rising. “I can take care of myself. Go. Back.”

Leliana walked closer to her, though she did it slowly, as if she were afraid of scaring Elissa. “You didn’t seem concerned that there was someone following you. It could have been someone hired to finish you off, and I don’t think you would have fought them.”

“Why are you following me?”

“I’m concerned about you,” she answered as she stopped just a few feet from her. “You just left without any indication as to where you were going. If Reaper hadn’t been in Redcliffe, I would have assumed you had run off.”

“I don’t run from my problems,” she said, looking at the tiny waves crashing to the shore.

“Really?” Leliana asked. “Then why are you out here and ignoring everyone?”

“I wanted to be alone. Now go back, Leliana. I’m serious.”

“Not until you let someone know what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong!” Elissa shouted. “Is it really such a crime to want to be alone? Fine. I’ll go back to the village and make peace with everyone since it seems no one can take care of themselves!” She began storming to the village. “I swear, I’m like a mother, and I’m younger than most of these people!”

Leliana grabbed her arm, making Elissa’s lip curl as she faced the rogue.

“Something is bothering you, and I’m quite sure it has nothing to do with the villagers, yes?”

Elissa shook her head and looked away. “I’m never going to see my family again.”

“I know.”

“I should have helped them. I should have-“ She felt tears sting her eyes, but she pushed them away. “Maybe I shouldn’t have been born. It would have made everyone’s lives a lot easier.”

Leliana pulled her into an embrace, lightly running her hand over Elissa’s back soothingly. “Nothing I say can help, but if you ever need someone to lean on, know that I’m here for you.”

Elissa nodded. Though she was taller than Leliana by an inch or two, she felt so small.

“Could you... I mean, if it’s all right, would you tell me a story?” Elissa asked. “Otherwise, I’ll just go back to the village. I don’t know why I even came out here.”

Leliana grabbed her hand and pulled her along. “We can sit on the ground, if that’s all right.”

Elissa nodded, taking a seat next to Leliana.

“Do you have a certain story you’d like to hear?”

“Do you know any stories of the darkspawn?”

She saw Leliana smile faintly before delving in to the story.

__________

She had fallen asleep again. This time, however, she was actually glad to have fallen asleep.

Her head was in Elissa’s lap, making it easy for her to just open her eyes and look at the woman above her.

The Warden was wide awake, and there were tears sliding down her cheeks. Her breathing wasn’t steady, but it was quiet.

Leliana sat up, startling Elissa and making her attempt to wipe at her face. Leliana beat her to it.

She cupped Elissa’s cheeks, running her thumbs over the tears.

“You can be vulnerable every now and then, you know.”

Elissa nodded but didn’t respond.

“You must be tired, no? I must have been asleep for hours.”

“I don’t mind, really. I like knowing that you actually sleep.”

Leliana smirked. “Do you ever sleep?”

“Not really, no.”

“How did you usually sleep back in Highever?”

Elissa shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Leliana frowned now. She wanted the Warden to sleep, and she wanted to help her sleep if she could. Having her exhausted all the time wouldn’t help them in the long run.

“Here. Lay your head on my lap. I usually do it to you, and I seem to fall asleep quickly.”

Elissa did as she was asked, laying her head down and curling in on herself.

Leliana began to quietly sing a song, and in just a few moments, she heard Elissa’s breathing even out.

Leliana smiled as she lay back, gazing at the stars.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad, leaving the Chantry. 


	9. Andraste's Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this took way longer to make than I’d care to admit. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“What is it, Mother? I cannot see it well enough.”

Isolde looked at her son sadly. “This... is a woman, Connor. Like me.”

Connor laughed. “Yes, but she’s so much younger than you. And pretty, too! I’m surprised you haven’t had her killed in a fit of jealousy!”

“So, he is the evil you spoke of?” Elissa asked as she crossed her arms.

Isolde shook her head. “No! Don’t say that!” She sniffed. “Connor is just a boy. He was just trying to help.”

“By accepting a demon’s offer?” Elissa asked with a hint of aggression. “Tell me again why you didn’t send him off to the Circle.”

“Warden,” Teagan interrupted before Isolde could answer, “is there anything you can do?”

“I can make decisions for myself, Uncle!” Connor shouted. “I need to be entertained.”

The guards around the room suddenly drew their weapons, advancing on Elissa and her party.

Teagan joined them as well, but his eyes were clouded.

The other guards were killed, but Elissa managed to knock Teagan out before he could hurt anyone.

Connor had run off in the confusion.

“Teagan!” Isolde cried as he began to sit up. “Oh, thank the Maker you weren’t harmed. I don’t know what I would have done if you had gotten hurt because of me.”

He waved her off as he stood. “Warden, you see what he is capable of. Is there anything you can do?”

“‘Tis possible to enter the Fade and battle the demon from there,” Morrigan said. “Though it would require a lot of lyrium and mages.”

Elissa took a deep breath. “Well,” she said, “it’s a good thing we need to go to the mages anyway.”

“But that will take over a month for you to get to the Circle Tower, get the mages help, and get back here,” Teagan protested. “I fear the only way we can stop this madness is by kill-“

“I’m not about to kill a child,” Elissa growled. “We need the mages’ help anyway, and while we’re there, we can see about coming to Redcliffe.”

Teagan nodded, though he was clearly against this course of action. “Then we will keep him occupied and away from danger for now.”

“We’ll be back as soon as possible,” Elissa assured them, though she could hear the doubt in her own voice.

After making sure everyone was all right, the Warden and her party left Redcliffe Castle.

__________

It was late in the evening, three nights after the Redcliffe Castle incident, when Elissa walked over to her.

They were still traveling, and there was maybe an hour of light left, so Elissa urged them to keep going.

The Warden in question had her hands behind her back when she appeared beside Leliana.

“It’s a nice night, isn’t it?” she asked, her gaze up at the orange colored sky.

“In all this darkness, there’s still light.”

Elissa smiled and looked down at her feet, her cheeks slightly darker than they were just a moment ago. She looked... nervous.

“I, um... found something for you,” she said when she held out her hand. In it were some white flowers with an orange middle.

This was odd. No one had ever just given her a gift before without wanting anything in return.

She had apparently been quiet for too long, as Elissa pulled back her hand and said with a stutter, “I-It was stupid. I just saw them a-and I know you said your mother smelled like-“

“Andraste’s Grace,” Leliana finished in whisper. She gently took the flowers and smelled them. She smiled. “No one ever really listens to me, so I’m shocked you actually remembered.”

“I always listen to what you have to say,” Elissa said softly.

“I... Thank you, Elissa. Truly.”

She heard Elissa take a deep breath. “I’m not very good at this, you know,” she murmured, just barely loud enough for Leliana to hear.

Leliana tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m not very good at gift giving, and telling others of your affections, and whispering sweet nothings.” She shook her head. “I’ve never done this before. I used to just seduce women, fuck them, and then leave before they woke up. I’ve never really romantically _cared_ about someone.”

Leliana smiled. “At least you’re trying,” she offered. “That’s more than some can say. And honestly, if you hadn’t told me, I would have assumed this is how you wooed all the women back home.”

“By giving them flowers that reminded them of their mothers?” She faked a gasp. “You caught me!”

Leliana giggled. “I’m not any wiser than you, really. Back in Orlais, I did some bad things. But, you seem to be doing all right. All I can tell you is if you really care for someone, show them. Even if it’s just with flowers, or talking with them when no one else will, that will show you care about them.”

Elissa nodded. “I was supposed to be doing something nice for you, wasn’t I? And somehow it turned into advice.” She was smiling, and if she weren’t, Leliana would have been slightly offended.

“I’m glad you’re still here, you know,” Leliana said, and now it was her turn to blush. “And I’m glad I’m getting to know the woman behind the Warden.”

“Likewise.”

They walked in comfortable silence until Elissa stopped and gently grabbed Leliana’s elbow, allowing her enough room to escape if she wanted to.

She didn’t.

Elissa grabbed the hand that had flowers in it, plucking one and raising her hands to Leliana’s ear. She placed the flower ever so gently behind her ear.

Her touch may have lingered a second or two longer than needed, but Leliana didn’t mind. She closed her eyes at the touch, sighing in content.

When she opened her eyes again, Elissa was smiling kindly. “Beautiful,” she whispered before walking on.

Leliana had a blush on her face for the rest of the walk.

__________

“Who wants to play ‘Guess What Help the Mages Will Need?’” Elissa asked the next day as they were walking. “No one? Shame.”

She seemed to be in a better mood.

Reaper was walking to her left, Leliana on her right, Alistair, Morrigan, and Sten were behind her.

The rest of their companions were far enough away for Leliana to ask, “Have I ever told you I like the way you wear your hair?”

Elissa smirked. “Really? It’s just in a ponytail.”

“Exactly! It’s so simple, and yet it fits you perfectly.” She smiled and shook her head. “It’s not like the intricate designs the Orlesians wear.”

Elissa hummed. “What do the Orlesians wear, exactly?”

“Well, one year...”

Leliana took joy in the fact that Elissa was listening to her. Sure, she made some smart comments here and there, but otherwise listened to her story of Orlesian hair.

“Do you miss Orlais?”

“Yes, but I’m glad I’m here with you.” She looked at her feet. “I do miss the things I had back in Orlais, though.”

“Mm, actual beds are the only thing I miss about Highever. But I would assume you had better things than just a nice bed.”

Leliana huffed a laugh. “I had lots of nice things in Orlais.”

Maker, why was she always so nervous around Elissa? She was a grown woman!

“You can always go back to Orlais, you know. No one is making you stay here.”

“Yes,” Leliana lied, “but if I went back, I wouldn’t get to spend time with you!”

She could tell Elissa knew it was a lie, but she didn’t say anything. She just continued walking.

Maybe that was why Leliana felt so safe around her. She never pushed a subject, always letting everyone keep their secrets.

She was a far better person than anyone she had ever met. 


	10. Fights and the Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this? Two chapters in two days? Impossible!
> 
> So anyway, I already have the next few chapters planned out, and just so you know: they are basically just fluff between the Warden and Leliana. After chapter Eleven, the story will be back on track. 
> 
> I’m trying to get more interaction between other characters, so bear with me for the moment. 
> 
> Also, any mistakes are my own.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

It had taken a month to get to the Circle Tower. Even then, it was too late in the day to go up, and luckily there was an inn not too far from the dock.

Elissa had been ignoring everyone for most of the journey. She mostly kept to herself, but Leliana could hear her quiet sobs when she thought everyone was asleep.

It pained her to not be able to go to her and comfort her. The Warden trusted Leliana, sure, but she was apparently a woman who did not like others seeing her vulnerable.

It was understandable. Elissa was their leader, after all, and she had to appear strong to them.

She found Elissa sitting by herself at a table, silently picking at her food.

“What’s this?” Leliana asked as she sat in front of Elissa. “A Warden not enjoying her food? Such a rare sight!”

“I’m not hungry,” Elissa said flatly. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping? We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Then you should be sleeping as well. Our leader cannot afford to be exhausted.”

Elissa shuddered as she shook her head. “I can’t go back to sleep. Nightmares.”

“So that’s why you’re out here in the dead of night?”

“What are you doing here, Leliana?” she asked with a bitter tone.

She opened her mouth to reply, but came up with nothing. In truth, she had been looking for Elissa, and when she wasn’t in her room, she decided to go downstairs.

Elissa sighed and set her fork down. “Go back to bed, Leliana. I’ll be all right.”

“Can you not sleep because there’s no one warming your bed?” The words came out harsher than she intended, and she felt herself wince.

Elissa said nothing, merely looking up at her with a brow raised. She didn’t _look_ angry, but then again, she was a noble, and she was most likely able to hide her true emotions.

They sat in silence for just a moment before Elissa stood and walked to the owner. She handed him a few coins before going back upstairs.

Leliana wasn’t too far behind her.

“Elissa, I’m sorry, that wasn’t-“

“There’s no need to apologize, sister,” she interrupted. The title caused a pang of hurt in Leliana’s chest. “You’re right. How could someone like me ever sleep without someone keeping them company?” She shook her head, her anger finally starting to show.

“Elissa-“

“I mean, I didn’t sleep much anyway. When I found someone I was interested in, I fucked them, and then left before they woke up. I never slept with anyone actually in my bed.” She turned to Leliana before opening her door. “Maybe you should pay more attention before you start throwing accusations, lay sister,” she spat, slamming the door behind her.

Leliana gaped at the door.

If Elissa had just let her explain what she meant-

But no. It was just her luck. Leliana supposed she shouldn’t have been too surprised.

The Maker sure did have a sense of humor.

 

__________

 

She hadn’t spoken to anyone all day. Leliana’s words still rang in her ears, blocking everything out.

She was right, though. To an extent.

Elissa found it hard to fall asleep now that she never took anyone to bed with her. But still, what Leliana said was uncalled for.

Just when she thought they had worked something out...

Whatever. These things tended to happen a lot in her life.

It was odd, though. Usually the rogue would have come down by now. Elissa should know, they’ve had spats before.

Maybe something happened to her? Maybe she finally ran away from all this chaos?

“Where’s Leliana?” Alistair asked as he sat down next to Elissa. “Did you two fight again?”

Elissa nodded and looked at the stairs. “We both said some unkind things. Should I check on her?”

“‘Tis most likely she is praying to her Maker. I wouldn’t worry too much, Warden. We do have a task ahead of us.”

Reaper barked in agreement.

“Which reminds me. Some of you will have to stay here. The boat can only hold so many, and I need someone out here in case we’re in there for a while and something comes up.”

Her companions were silent.

Elissa sighed. “All right. Does anyone actually want to go to the Tower?” Still, no one answered, but Reaper nudged her leg with his head. “So, we have Reaper. Anyone else?”

“‘Twould be interesting to see the Tower for myself. And to see if Mother’s grimoire was there.”

Elissa nodded. “Do neither of you want to come?” Elissa asked as she glanced between Sten and Alistair. They both shook their heads.

“Maybe Leliana will go with you,” Alistair suggested.

Sighing, she stood from the chair and made her way to the second floor, Reaper on her heels.

Leliana’s room wasn’t too far from hers. She knocked on the wooden door, calling out, “Leliana? It’s Elissa. We’re going to head out to the Tower soon if you want to join.”

There was no answer.

Elissa knocked on the door a little louder. “Leliana. I need to know if you’re going to join us or not.”

Still, no answer.

Reaper pawed at the door, a whine coming from his throat.

Well, that wasn’t a good sign.

Elissa reached down to the doorknob, jiggling it.

Locked, of course.

“Step back,” she told Reaper as she put her shoulder on the wood. When he was far enough away, Elissa took a step back, then rammed her shoulder into the door.

It didn’t open at first, but did when she kept applying more and more force into it.

She could faintly hear Leliana speaking in Orlesian, something rustling the sheets.

Elissa walked into the room, the sun just barely lighting it enough for her to see.

Leliana was thrashing in the bed, her mumbles slowly getting louder.

She must have been having a nightmare.

Elissa quickly made her way to the rogue, placing her hands on her shoulders.

“Leliana? Wake up!”

“Non!”

She shook her shoulders a little. “Leli-“ Leliana’s fist came into contact with Elissa’s nose. Her head jerked to the side, blood already in her mouth.

Elissa pinned her arms at her sides. “Leliana, wake up. It’s Elissa.”

She was still thrashing, something that sounded like curses coming from her lips.

Suddenly she was being shoved off Leliana, and she fell to the floor, her head whipping back and hitting the hard wood.

She groaned as a dagger was placed at her throat.

“Elissa?” Leliana asked, tears streaming down her cheeks. Elissa imagined her face didn’t look too good, either. Her vision blurred, but only because of the head pain and the blood dripping into her mouth.

Elissa nodded. “I came to... check on you,” she panted, trying to sit up. “Having nightmares?”

Leliana glanced up at her face. She gently touched Elissa’s nose, making her jerk backwards a little.

“I hurt you.”

Elissa smiled. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.” She shrugged. “Besides, you were sleeping. I don’t blame you.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. The tears flowed more freely down Leliana’s cheeks, making Elissa pull her into an embrace.

Leliana held onto her tightly, like she was an anchor keeping her to this world.

She didn’t seem to care that blood dripped onto her clothes. She just sobbed into Elissa’s shoulder as the latter whispered to her and stroked her hair.

“It’s all right,” she reassured her. “Everything’s all right now.”

Leliana shook her head. “I should have stayed in the Chantry.”

Elissa frowned. “Ah, but then you wouldn’t have met me! Imagine how dreadful that-“

“Elissa, we fight almost every few days. You shouldn’t be so happy to be around me!”

She tried pushing herself away, but Elissa held on tight. “We are different, Leliana. Nobody is the same. Everybody has different views, different opinions, and everyone sees everything differently.” She pulled back to look into Leliana’s eyes. “People fight. People get over the fight like adults. It’s a fact of life, and I’ll be damned if I let some silly little fight get in between us.”

Leliana nodded but didn’t say anything.

“We should probably head back. We do still have to go to the Tower, you know.”

“Can I... come along?”

Elissa cupped her cheek gently, using her thumb to wipe away the tears.

“You don’t even have to ask.”

__________

Maker, everything hurt.

Elissa groaned as she opened her eyes, tilting her head to the side when they adjusted.

Was that the Cousland banner?

No, it couldn’t be. She couldn’t be back home. Her home was destroyed, her family gone.

“Ah, Pup!” her father greeted when he realized she was awake. “You’re lucky your mother isn’t here. Otherwise she would have scolded you for falling asleep at the table.”

Elissa looked around. She was in the dining hall of Castle Cousland. But that couldn’t be right.

Reaper was at her side as soon as she stood. He was growling at her father.

“Something’s... wrong,” Elissa murmured as she studied the room.

“What’s that, Pup? You know I can’t hear you when you mumble.”

“This... This isn’t right. Where are my friends?”

“What?” asked Fergus in a mocking tone when he, Oriana, and Oren walked into the room. “Elissa Cousland has friends? How shocking!”

Oriana swatted his arm. “Fergus! Don’t be so mean.” She turned her attention to Elissa. “Are you all right, dear? You look pale.”

Oren began running towards her, and she made a move to grab her weapons, but didn’t find any.

She was wearing a dress!

“Oren, stay back!”

Her nephew stopped, a look of confusion on his face.

“Aunt Lissa? What’s the matter?” he asked with worry in his voice.

“That’s ‘Elissa,’ little one,” Fergus said with a laugh. “I swear he’s trying.”

Elissa shook her head. “No. No, you’re all dead!”

Reaper moved in front of her as she stepped away from them.

“Dead?” repeated her father.

“T-There’s a Blight going on, and you’re all dead! Where are my friends? Where am I?”

“Darling, maybe you should talk to her,” Oriana said to Fergus.

“Elissa, we can’t help you unless you tell us what’s wrong.”

“All of this is wrong!” she shouted. “The Couslands are gone! Arl Howe killed us! The castle was burning!” She began sobbing. “This is all wrong. Where are the darkspawn?”

Her father appeared beside her. “You’re in the Fade, pup. You need to wake up.”

“The Fade? What are you on about, Father?” Fergus demanded.

“You’re right. This is wrong. There is a pedestal over there that will take you to your friends.” He smiled sadly. “We just wanted to make you happy again.”

Oren took her hand in his own. “I’m sorry, Aunt Lissa.”

“As am I, dear,” Oriana said. “You need to get out of here.”

Elissa walked to the pedestal, looking back at her family one last time.

But they were gone.

Elissa patted Reaper on the head. “Let’s go get our friends, boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve always wanted the Fade experience to feature something with your origin story when you get trapped. I feel like it would be a lot harder to leave.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!


	11. What You Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it turns out after chapter thirteen things will start getting back on track with the actual story. The next few chapters are just fluff.
> 
> This chapter gets a little NSFW at the beginning, but is otherwise fine. 
> 
> Enjoy!

This was the best time of her life. Elissa was holding her from behind, her hands roaming, her mouth leaving kisses and nips on her neck and jawline.

This felt right, but also _wrong_ somehow.

This was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? Maybe it was just an infatuation, but she did desire Elissa. She had somehow managed to just be a friend for now, deciding not to push her into something she didn’t want.

The roaming hands went beneath her shirt, making their way to her breasts.

Elissa chuckled when Leliana moaned. “Enjoying this, are you? How long have you wanted this?”

“Longer than I’d care to admit,” Leliana replies, a little breathless.

Elissa hummed against her, the vibrations going through her own body. “You know, I’ve been wanting you for a long time-“

“Leliana?”

Both women looked up at the intruder.

That couldn’t be right. Elissa was behind her, not in front of her.

“I see someone wants to join in on the fun,” Elissa murmured in her ear. “Why don’t you ask our guest to join us?”

The Elissa in front of her was looking at the Elissa behind her.

“Leliana,” she said softly, despite her tense stance, “get away from that thing.”

“‘Thing?’” the Elissa behind her asked with a hint of aggression. “Like you’re any better suited to be around her?”

Leliana was confused. The two Elissas continued fighting, leaving her in the cross-fire.

“You’re a whore, Warden, and you know it,” the Elissa from behind her spat. “I can actually take care of Leliana in ways you couldn’t even dream of.”

“Get away from her!”

The Elissa in front of her started to walk forward, but stopped, her whole body tightening like a coil.

“Now, is that any way to treat your master?”

The Elissa in front of her stared at them with wide eyes, fear and anger visible on her face.

“You couldn’t even protect your family. What makes you think you could protect Leliana? Or any of your friends?” the Elissa behind her sneered. “You are a coward. A failure. Why, I bet your mother and father would regret ever conceiving you if they were alive.”

“Shut up,” Front-Elissa growled.

“Did you really think they approved of your life choices? Do you really think anyone cares for you?” Behind-Elissa laughed. “They do not care for you. They pity you.”

Leliana shook her head. “No, that’s not true. Everyone-“

“Shut it, pet. I didn’t give you permission to speak.”

“Don’t talk to her like that! When I get out of-“

“What will you do, Warden? I hold power over you. You’ll do anything I say so long as it saves Leliana.”

Leliana took a step away from them both, not really sure what to believe.

She finally got a glance at the Elissa that had been standing behind her.

She looked like a newer version of Elissa. Her hair was shiny, her eyes held so much light, and her skin was clean.

Unlike the other Elissa, whose hair was dull and matted with blood in some places, whose eyes were dull and had bags under them, and whose skin was pale like her hair.

How much blood had she lost?

“You can’t even stand to be in your own head anymore, Warden. When you close your eyes, you see your parents on their knees, bleeding out, begging for you to leave. You see their untrusting eyes gazing through you like a razor blade.”

“ _Shut_ _up_.”

“No, I don’t think I will,” Behind-Elissa said with a smirk. “I think you’ll do whatever I say as long as I don’t harm Leliana.”

Front-Elissa gave a nod.

“There, that’s better.” Behind-Elissa started walking to Front-Elissa. As she walked, her body started to change. Her skin and eyes faded into purple, chains replaced her clothes, and horns grew from her head as claws grew from her fingertips.

She cupped the real Elissa’s jaw, running her tongue along her cheek. Elissa visibly shuddered, her jaw tightening and her eyes slipping closed.

The demon whispered something in Elissa’s ear, making her eyes shoot open. It bit down on her ear, Elissa wincing in pain.

Leliana should have helped her. She should be trying her best to get Elissa away from this demon.

But she could only watch as the demon slid its claws up her stomach, leaving open wounds. She wasn’t at the risk of bleeding out, but they still looked like they hurt.

The demon claimed Elissa’s mouth, its hands tugging at her hips.

Leliana barely heard what it said to her next. “I want you to claim the one you care about,” it said. “Go on.”

It nudged Elissa toward Leliana, and the rogue felt herself step back.

Elissa looked at her when she began walking and mouthed, “Trust me.”

Leliana shook her head, stepping back one step for each Elissa took. The demon wasn’t too far behind her.

Elissa’s eyes were pleading with her. They were only slightly clouded, which meant... what, exactly?

Before long, Leliana found that she couldn’t move, and she waited for Elissa to “claim” her.

Elissa merely put her hands on Leliana’s hips, bending in low to her ear to whisper, “Please, trust me.”

She put her forehead on Leliana’s, lowering her lips just enough that it would seem like they were kissing.

But Elissa was looking into her eyes, still pleading with her.

Elissa tensed again, and Leliana saw the demon come into view. It had its hands on her bottom.

Before Leliana could tell what was happening, Elissa was spinning around, a sword appearing in her hand. She shoved it through the demon’s head.

It sputtered for only a moment before falling to its knees and collapsing.

A sob came from Elissa’s throat, her hands running through her messed up hair.

“Elissa...?”

Leliana moved to put a hand on her shoulder, but Elissa turned back to face her, any traces of her pain gone.

“We should get out of here,” she said before walking away.

Leliana could do nothing but follow her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love demons...


	12. Repercussions from the Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep posting if the net neutrality thing takes effect. So I apologize if this ends up becoming abandoned because of it.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

She felt like a monster.

What that demon had told her to do, what she had _almost_ done to Leliana...

Elissa never went down to join her companions for the evening meal. Reaper had gone down, sure, but she stayed in her little room, pacing.

She should have been stronger. She should have resisted that urge. She should have killed that demon before it peered into her soul.

It had told her the darkest fears she had. The ones she had slowly begun to forget.

How could she forget them now?

Wynne had told her that she had done well when she spared the mages and brought order back to the Circle.

Elissa had merely smiled and walked away.

She didn’t feel good. Sure, what they were doing was great, but it felt wrong to continue being their leader when she could barely remain inside her own body.

Elissa should have died with her family. She shouldn’t have given up and ran.

She shouldn’t have even been born.

That blasted demon was right, and Elissa hated herself for agreeing with it.

Her parents had loved her, but she knew they didn’t approve of her decisions.

She was a whore, taking lovers to her bed whenever she could.

She couldn’t protect her friends. Why did she ever think she could?

No one truly cared about her well-being. They were just worried about their leader. They were worried that they wouldn’t have anyone to follow.

Elissa finally sat down on the bed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She rested her elbows on her knees, and her head in her hands.

What had she become? She loathed herself when she had become cruel all those years ago. Now she somehow hated herself even more.

If she hated herself, what did the others-

A soft knock at her door broke her from her thoughts.

“It’s open,” she called out.

The door opened slowly, but it revealed the slim form of Leliana.

“Are you all right?” she asked as she made her way to the bed.

“I’m fine.”

“The others are worried about you. Since I’m close to you, they wanted me to check up on you.”

Elissa nodded. “Thank you for your concern, but I’m all right.”

“You’ve been ignoring everyone since we left the Tower, Elissa. That means something isn’t all right.”

“Maybe I just didn’t feel like talking.”

Leliana sighed in what sounded like frustration.

“Leliana, you really shouldn’t be here. Not after what happened with the-“

“You don’t tell me where I can and can’t be, Elissa,” she snapped. “I came here _because_ of what happened with the demon.”

“Why?”

Leliana shook her head. “I heard what it said to you. I’m not deaf. I wanted to make sure you were all right and that you weren’t agreeing with what it said.”

Elissa stood from the bed and began pacing once more as Leliana took her place.

“It was right, Leliana. Everything it said. I’m a failure, I run from my problems, I’m a _whore_ -“

“Stop. You are none of those awful things.”

“But I am! And I don’t know how you can’t see it!” she cried.

“It was trying to get into your head, Elissa. It was just trying to manipulate you, and you can’t let it win.”

Elissa stopped pacing and scrubbed her hands over her face. “It was going to make me hurt you, you know,” she said quietly. “That’s what it had whispered in my ear. It told me that it would kill you as slow as possible if I didn’t hurt you.”

“And the demon would have made you watch.”

Elissa nodded. “Yes.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, my friend. But look on the bright side - you made it through that torture. You proved that you were stronger.”

“To what end?” she asked, turning slightly. “When will I not be stronger than the demon that haunts my thoughts? When will I succumb to its words?”

“You have friends here, Elissa. People who will help you through this.”

She scoffed. “Like you?” She didn’t really mean to sound harsh. It just came out that way.

Leliana didn’t respond, only stood from the bed and started walking to the door. Elissa didn’t stop her.

The rogue stopped when her hand touched the doorknob.

“That demon took the form of you, by the way. It confused us both. You’re not alone.”

She left when Elissa said nothing.

It had been a desire demon that had tricked them. So, what did that mean if it took Elissa’s form?

She had no idea. Her head hurt too much, and her thoughts kept racing. She couldn’t form a single thought without another one interrupting it.

Sighing with exhaustion, Elissa collapsed onto the bed and fell into an uneasy sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think?


	13. Young Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza 13 chapters already. 
> 
> So the net neutrality thing hasn’t taken effect yet, so I should be able to keep posting for a while. I’ll try to post every other day if I can. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

It had been two weeks since going into the Circle. Even though Alistair hadn’t been there, he saw what had happened.

Elissa Cousland, their Grey Warden leader, wasn’t herself.

She had barely eaten or drank anything these past two weeks, and Maker, he could only imagine how hungry she was.

She avoided most of their companions, especially Leliana, and he couldn’t even begin to think of what happened between them while they were trapped in the Fade.

It obviously wasn’t good for either of them.

Elissa just looked so... _lost_. It had started to worry the party, and surprisingly, Morrigan had made a comment about it.

“Perhaps the Warden should rest,” she commented one day while they were walking. Reaper was with his mistress in front, and he growled at anyone who came too close.

“I don’t think she can sleep,” Wynne said quietly. “Neither her nor Leliana will say what happened, and they’re ignoring each other.”

“Warden?” Morrigan called. Elissa grunted in response. “Perhaps it would be best to settle down for the night. We’re... all getting tired.”

“I am not tired,” Sten said, earning a glare from the witch. “Oh. Yes, I am tired as well.”

Elissa sighed in frustration. “Fine. We’ll camp here. But I expect you all to be at your best tomorrow.”

“Of course,” all four of them replied. Leliana remained quiet, apparently lost in thought. She only stopped walking when Elissa touched her shoulder, letting her know they had stopped for the night.

Leliana didn’t look at their leader. In fact, she jerked away from her touch as if it had burned her. Elissa’s face showed no emotion throughout the encounter.

Later that night, Wynne had tried to talk to Elissa about what had happened to her in the Fade, but she came back shortly after Elissa had snapped at her to mind her own business.

Everyone left her alone for the remainder of the night.

__________

Elissa was walking around camp when she heard it. The softest whimper, just barely loud enough to hear.

She paused, looking around, but no one was awake. Everyone was in their tents asleep.

So where had that whimper come from?

There was another noise, coming in the same direction, that sounded almost like a groan of pain. It was coming from camp, but from whose tent?

Elissa walked into the camp, keeping her footsteps as quiet as possible. There was rustling of blankets coming from Leliana’s tent.

Oh, Maker. Someone was probably pleasuring her. Why did she think she was-

“ _Non_ ,” came Leliana’s voice from her tent. Then came a scream.

Elissa was already rushing to her tent before her brain could process what was happening.

She had to cut open the tent flap. Leliana had tied it shut from the inside.

The rogue in question was thrashing around in her bedroll, the blankets tangling around her body.

Leliana woke up as soon as Elissa touched her shoulders. She shot up from the bedroll, tears streaming down her face.

One second, she was staring wide-eyed at Elissa. The next, she was crashing into her chest, her sobs shaking her body.

Elissa ran her hand up and down Leliana’s back, her other hand pressed to the back of her head.

She began gently rocking her back and forth. She had done it with Oren when he had woken up from nightmares.

It seemed to work. The others came to the entrance of her tent, already seeing that Elissa was in there.

“Is she all right?” Alistair asked. “Is she hurt?”

Elissa shook her head. “No, she’s all right. Just a bad dream.”

“If she’s hurt, you let me know,” Wynne said. “I can help.”

“I will. Thank you.”

After a few moments, when she thought everyone was asleep, Elissa murmured, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Leliana shook her head. She was technically sitting in Elissa’s lap, her forehead on her neck.

“I-I can leave if you-“

“No,” she said, tightening her grip on Elissa. “Don’t leave me.”

Elissa nodded, putting her chin on Leliana’s head protectively.

“I won’t let anyone, demon or person, hurt you. Okay? You’re safe.”

Leliana nodded, sniffing. “Thank you,” she whispered. Her breath tickled Elissa’s neck.

The way they were holding each other got uncomfortable quickly. But neither complained.

Leliana soon fell asleep again, and she didn’t wake until Elissa started nodding off.

“Elissa,” she murmured, looking into her eyes. “You don’t have to sit so uncomfortably.”

Elissa looked to the rogue, picking her up gently and setting her down on her bedroll. She started moving away to get out of the tent, but Leliana’s hand on her wrist stopped her.

“Stay with me?” Her voice could barely be heard.

“If that’s what you want,” Elissa responded softly. She lay some distance away from Leliana, on her stomach, her arms acting as her pillows.

She fell asleep eventually, and when she woke up, Leliana’s head was resting on her back, one arm draped over her torso.

Elissa smiled, thinking that it would be a crime to move and wake Leliana.

So she remained there until the others of the party started waking up.

Even then, she didn’t wake her until the very last second. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, young love.
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	14. Assassins and Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza I did not expect this to be out so late. The holiday season has me hella busy.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

It happened when they were just about to stop for a midday meal.

Elissa and Leliana were deep in conversation, both moving their hands as they spoke. Alistair and Sten were quiet as Wynne and Morrigan talked to each other.

And then someone came running.

Elissa was the first to notice. She pushed Leliana behind her, drawing both her sword and dagger. Reaper must have noticed as well. He stepped in front of Elissa and growled.

A woman came into view a few seconds later.

“Please, you must help us!” she cried. “Our caravan has been attacked! We need help!”

The woman didn’t give them time to respond. She was already running back down the road.

“Not to burst anyone’s bubble,” Alistair said, “but this just screams trap.”

“Maybe not,” Elissa said with a shrug. “If they need help, who are we to turn them down?”

She started jogging after the woman.

Elissa faintly heard someone groan, but there were footsteps behind her.

She slowed to a walk when the woman approached a someone - an elf, it looked like. She nodded to him, then stepped behind him.

Uh oh.

The elven man grinned. “The Grey Warden dies here!” he shouted.

Elissa frowned as men and woman appeared from behind rocks, trees, and even the carriage.

“Well, that’s not fair,” she murmured.

“Warden,” Morrigan said as the elven man began approaching them, “what do we do?”

“You all go after everyone else,” she answered. “I’m going after the elf.”

She stepped up to him, examining his stance once before attacking.

The sounds of battle were around her, but she couldn’t spare a glance away from the elf. He was fast, maybe even faster than Elissa, but so far she was succeeding in pushing him back.

“You think you will win, don’t you?” the man asked. “You would be - ow!” The man had cried out when she smacked the flat end of her blade against his face.

While he was distracted, she knocked the blunt end of the handle on his temple. He groaned as he collapsed.

Leliana was the first to reach her after everyone had been dealt with.

“Are you all right?” she asked. “Did he hurt you?”

Elissa chuckled at her worry. “I am all right.”

“Why didn’t you kill him?” Alistair asked when he came over. “He tried to kill us!”

“He could tell us who he was sent by. My bet is on Loghain.” She looked at her companions. “Anyone have any rope?”

__________

_“I see the way she looks at you, and the way you look at her. Such softness for someone so cold.”_

_Elissa looked around, trying to identify the voice._

_“Do not be afraid of your feelings, child. You do not have much time left.”_

Elissa jolted from her bedroll, her eyes wildly searching her surroundings.

They were in camp. Sten was on watch, and Zevran was cooking a meal.

Zevran has sworn his loyalty to them. Well, more so to Elissa, but still. So far, he had not tried to kill her again, and even offered to show her how to make poisons.

She learned how to make a few, and then went to rest before her watch.

Elissa sighed and stood from her bedroll, stretching her body as she walked away from camp.

She had barely been able to sleep lately. There were voices in her head when she slept and she didn’t know what was happening.

Strangely, the only time she had been able to sleep peacefully was when Leliana had been there.

She needed to stop thinking about her.

The flirtations were maybe just her being friendly, and not flirtations at all. Maybe Elissa was just thinking that they were, and Leliana was being polite.

She would find out sooner or later.

__________

“I never told you why I was in Ferelden, you know,” Leliana said the next morning as they were preparing to leave again for Redcliffe.

Elissa shrugged. “I figured you would have told me when you were ready.” She glanced up at the red-headed beauty. “You don’t have to tell me right now.”

“I was on the run. I am wanted in Orlais by... someone I thought I could trust.”

“Oh,” was all Elissa could say.

“I am - was - a bard.”

“A bard?”

Leliana looked surprised. “You’ve never heard of bards?”

“I have, but I assume you’re not the one that just sings.”

Leliana chuckled. “No, I was not.” She paused. “I just thought you should know why I was here. In Ferelden, I mean, not with you.”

“Why are you with me?” Elissa asked with genuine curiosity. Maker, she hoped there wasn’t any accusation in her voice. “Well, us, technically.”

“There is a Blight to stop, and you need help defeating it.”

“Is that all?”

Leliana’s face flushed a little. “I... suppose that my feelings for you have grown romantically. But I did not think you-“

“I do care for you,” Elissa said as she stood from where she had been packing.

“Then...”

Elissa smiled and stepped closer to her, her hands on her waist, Leliana’s arms around her neck. Elissa tilted her face down and-

“Warden? We need to get moving soon if we want to reach Redcliffe by the end of the week,” came Morrigan’s voice from somewhere behind them.

Elissa shook her head and stepped back from Leliana. “Perhaps another time,” she said. “I’ll be right there, Morrigan.”

Her heart didn’t stop pounding until they were well on their journey to Redcliffe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, good ol’ companions interrupting when you’re about to get some. 
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	15. Ominous Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“What do you think of our fearless leader?” Leliana asked Alistair when they were about a day away from Redcliffe.

Alistair glanced at Elissa, who was talking with Zevran at the head of the group.

“She’s... evasive. Have you tried talking to her about her family?”

Oh, she had. And she knew how evasive Elissa could be. She would dodge the question, change the subject, or act like she hadn’t heard what was said.

It was amusing at first, but now it was worrying.

Leliana knew Elissa shouldn’t bottle her feelings up, but there was nothing she could do.

You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

“I know she misses them,” Leliana said, glancing at Elissa. She almost missed the signal she gave, the one that indicated someone was trying to ambush them.

Zevran’s ears twitched, his head turning slightly before subtly drawing his weapons. Elissa did the same, nodding at everyone to ready themselves.

Then came the attack.

There were qunari, elves, mages, and archers. Leliana took out some, and barely caught glimpses of Elissa darting in and out, finding weaknesses in her enemies.

Leliana found Elissa holding her dagger to the throat of a heavily armored man. She was crouching in front of him, her lip curled in a silent snarl.

“Wait!” Leliana said.

“Who sent you?” Elissa asked, pressing her blade a little closer.

“I don’t know!” the man cried. “I was given a location, and the house of the person who hired me, but that’s it, I swear!”

“ _Who sent you_?” Elissa asked again, this time with a little more growl to her voice.

“S-some man! I think he was talking through someone else, though. Here’s the location of the person who hired me!”

Elissa snatched the paper from his shaking hand, reading it over quickly before shoving it in her pack.

“Why were you sent after us?” Oh, Elissa was angry now.

“Not after you,” he said. “Just the redhead.”

That only seemed to anger her more. “Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you.”

“Don’t kill him!” Leliana said, putting her hand on Elissa’s shoulder. “He was only doing what he was asked to.”

“He was sent to kill you! No one attacks my friends and gets away with it.”

“Zevran attacked you, and yet you let him live.”

“He was after me, not you. If he had attacked any of you, he would be dead right now.”

“Thanks,” Zevran murmured.

“Zevran is still-“

“He has proven himself to be loyal.”

Leliana crossed her arms. “And you can’t let this man prove his loyalty?”

“No,” Elissa declared before she slit his throat.

“His fate wasn’t for you to decide!”

“Last I checked, I was the leader of our little ragtag group of misfits, and I made the hard decisions. If you want to be the leader, go ahead. See if I care.” She shoved the paper into Leliana’s hands. “Whoever sent him is in Denerim. We’ll go after Redcliffe.”

Then she stormed off, followed by Reaper. The rest of her companions followed quietly for the rest of the day.

__________

_“You’ll join us soon, darling.”_

_“Just be patient, pup.”_

_“I’m proud of you, sister.”_

_Familiar faces swam in her vision, ones she knew had died. And then her own face and body appeared before her._

_“It’s not too late,” she said. “There’s still time. Be a friend to Asha’bellanar’s daughter, and she will offer you a way out. A loophole to your death.”_

_The face in front of her smiled before it disappeared._

Elissa woke with a gasp in a dark area. She stood quickly, her eyes not adjusting yet. There was a muffled voice calling to her, but she barely heard it over the screams of her parents dying as she ran.

“Elissa,” came a soft Orlesian voice as she backed away, her vision swimming with unfamiliar faces. They all looked worried.

“W-where...?”

“Elissa,” said the same voice, “it’s okay. You’re safe.”

Her eyes focused on the worried faces around her.

Leliana. Alistair. Zevran, Wynne, and even Morrigan.

“What... What happened?”

“Alistair said you were talking in your sleep, and then you woke suddenly and tried to get away,” Leliana gently said.

“‘Twould please me if I were not to be interrupted for the rest of the night.”

“Sorry,” Elissa murmured, heat flooding her cheeks as she looked away.

“It’s... no big trouble, Warden,” Morrigan said before she walked away, back to her tent.

Alistair and Zevran walked away as well, leaving Wynne and Leliana.

“Talk to someone about it,” Wynne suggested. “It is the only way to recover.”

Then she was gone.

“I’m sorry about my outburst earlier,” Elissa said to Leliana. “I... didn’t mean to yell at you.”

Leliana laughed, making Elissa’s lips twitch upwards for just a second. “It’s no trouble,” she said. “I understand.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be?”

Elissa shrugged and looked at her feet. “Can I... Would you mind if I... stayed with you tonight?”

Leliana smiled and took her hand. “I do not mind. I was always told I was a good bedwarmer,” she said as she winked at Elissa.

“I-I didn’t mean it like-“

“I know, Elissa. Come, it’s cold.”

Elissa chuckled and followed Leliana. “It’s always cold in Ferelden.”

“You should come to Orlais,” Leliana said as she closed the tent flap. “It’s a lot warmer.”

Elissa shook her head, already laying herself out beside Leliana’s bedroll. She used her arms as her pillows once more.

“Too snobby for my taste.”

“Ferelden is too cold for my taste, and yet here we are.”

She smiled. “Goodnight, Leliana.”

“Goodnight, fearless leader.”

Elissa fell asleep with many questions in her mind.

Who was Asha’bellanar? And who was her daughter? What could that daughter do to get her out of something inevitable?

Only time would tell.

Though it would be nice to find things out sooner rather than too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love ominous dreams. Also, I can never remember, is it Asha’bellenar or Asha’bellanar? Correct me if I’m wrong please. 
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	16. Another Interruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Wynne had successfully gotten rid of the demon that had possessed Connor.

Isolde had wanted to talk about Arl Eamon before the festivities, so Elissa was in Eamon’s room, listening as the Orlesian spoke.

Most of the time, she hated Orlesians, but she did not hate Leliana. Quite the opposite, in fact.

It was just an infatuation. A desire to be around a woman who also actually liked women romantically.

There was no way she actually cared for Leliana beyond their friendship.

Because Elissa did not care about anyone.

“... Urn of Sacred Ashes!” Isolde was saying. “They can save Eamon!”

Elissa shook her head. “They are a myth, and even if they were real, there would be no way to know where they were.”

“Brother Genetivi in Denerim knows,” Teagan said. “I... had been looking into it, and he has been trying to find it for years.”

“Will you help?” Isolde asked.

“She has already done so much for-“

“No, I’ll try to find them,” Elissa interrupted. “You can count on me.”

Isolde erupted into tears of joy, making Elissa very uncomfortable.

“Right,” Elissa murmured. “I’m going to go down and celebrate for a little while. If you need anything else, you know where to find me.”

She left, heading down to the courtyard where most of the celebrating was happening.

But she didn’t stop to celebrate. Instead, she walked passed everyone, smiling and speaking quickly when someone stopped her.

She walked across the bridge, stopping and leaning a little over the edge.

It would have been easier to just kill Connor, and she wouldn’t have put Wynne at risk in the Fade.

They had both survived, however, but there was still some feeling in her that she couldn’t quite place.

She knew it was the right thing to do, and she should have been celebrating with the rest of her companions.

But the fact that she still thought she should have just killed Connor made her unable to face them.

Why was she thinking like this? She never would have killed a child before. She never would have even thought to kill a child.

Perhaps it was the fact that she was the leader of their little ragtag group of friends and she had to make the hard decisions.

She sighed and looked down at the lake.

What was wrong with her?

She felt tears prick her eyes, and her throat felt like it was closing.

Elissa put a hand over her mouth as a sob came from her throat.

Her parents would be so ashamed of her. To be thinking like she was a villain...

They were already ashamed of her when they were still alive. Why did it matter if they still hated her?

It didn’t really matter. She was used to people hating her.

The sound of soft footsteps startled her. Elissa quickly wiped her eyes and coughed.

“Are you all right?” came Leliana’s voice. “Zevran said he saw you come to the bridge.”

“I...” Elissa paused. “I’m all right.”

Leliana settled herself beside Elissa, almost pressing into her side.

“It sounds like we still have quite the adventure before us, no?” she asked.

Elissa smiled. “Thinking of going back to being a lay sister?”

“No. I do like traveling with you, you know.”

Elissa had almost completely forgotten about the almost-kiss they had.

She put an arm around Leliana’s shoulders to pull her a little closer. “I’m glad you’re staying.”

They stood like that, leaning on each other, listening to the music and cheers of the celebrating going on just a few hundred feet from them.

“We’ll be heading to Denerim tomorrow. It’ll take us a little while to get there, but once we do, we can find whoever is after you.”

“Thank you for doing this,” Leliana said. “You’re a true friend, even though we’ve only known each other for a few months.”

“Just friends?”

Leliana shifted against her so that she was leaning against the stone wall of the bridge.

“I... admit that I have sometimes thought we could be... more... than friends.”

Elissa leaned in, putting her hands on either side of her waist. “Do you actually want to be more?” she asked. “Considering my background?”

Leliana cupped her face. “Most people have a bad history, Elissa,” she said. “Nothing about your past scares me, and nothing about it makes me afraid of my feelings for you.”

Elissa leaned in just a little closer, but still far enough away that their lips almost brushed.

“I might hurt you,” Elissa murmured.

“What is life without a little excitement?”

Elissa took one last look in her eyes, looking for any sign that Leliana didn’t want this.

She leaned in slowly, giving Leliana enough time to pull away before-

“My lovely Warden!” Zevran called. “Our good friend Alistair cannot hold his beer, and the guards need you to calm him down.”

Elissa clenched her jaw so she wouldn’t yell at the Antivan.

“I’ll be there in a minute, Zevran,” she ground out.

Reluctantly, she pulled away from Leliana. “I will kill someone if they interrupt us again,” she promised. “For now, I hope you will forgive me. Our friends are like children.”

She turned away from Leliana, following Zevran back to the celebrating.

She meant what she said. If anyone interrupted them the next time they were alone like that, she would make sure they met the Maker.

For now, she sighed.

She just hoped Leliana would still want her the next time they got a chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love it when companions keep interrupting


	17. A Kiss and an Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s some violence in this chapter, but it doesn’t go into detail. It’ll probably be a little worse in the next chapter (maybe).
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Leliana could see just how exhausted Elissa was. But, no matter at whose insistence, she always kept watch, barely sleeping anymore.

No one could figure out why, and she wouldn’t talk to anyone about it.

So, Leliana decided to try and get her alone to talk. She always seemed more likely to talk to someone when she was alone with them.

So they were now walking through the woods, about a week away from Denerim, Elissa keeping a respectful distance from Leliana as they watched the sun go down.

“You seem tired,” Leliana commented. “Are you well?”

“I’m all right, Leliana,” Elissa assured. “I’m an adult, I can take care of myself.”

“I just-“

“I know. But I promise, I’m okay.”

Leliana nodded. They walked in silence for a few moments, and Leliana jumped a little when Elissa’s fingers brushed hers.

“Sorry,” she murmured, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks as she looked away.

Leliana grabbed her hand, interlacing their fingers. “You just startled me, is all.”

Elissa smiled that small, shy smile that Leliana loved. It brought a grin to her own face.

“I, uh...” She cleared her throat, her face turning redder by the second. “I read somewhere that... holding hands was... a sign of affection.”

“In most cases, yes, it is.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip. “I was trying to make this one of those times.”

Leliana giggled. She loved it when Elissa was nervous. “I can see that.”

Elissa stopped walking, making Leliana stop as well. The Warden rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

“Do you... Can I kiss you?”

Leliana felt her heart swell. “Of course,” she said softly.

Elissa looked up at her in surprise. “R-really?”

Leliana stepped closer to her, unlacing their fingers so she could wrap her arms around her neck.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Elissa’s hands found her waist, and Leliana saw how terrified she looked. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Leliana leaned up, their lips brushing. “I want this.”

Elissa’s hands tightened their grip. She connected their lips, and Leliana couldn’t help her gasp.

Her lips were so soft, and the way she was holding Leliana made her feel so safe, and made her feel like they were the only people in the world.

The kiss was slow, unlike that first one they had shared all those years ago.

Maker, Leliana had almost forgotten that they had met before the Blight. Elissa had definitely changed since then.

Elissa pulled back, despite the low whine that came from Leliana, and smiled gently. “Was that good?” she asked quietly.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she answered, trying _so hard_ not to giggle at Elissa’s expression of fear. “We may have to do it again for me to be sure.”

Relief flooded Elissa’s features. “Oh, you... you were joking. Right. Um, we can-“

Elissa paused, her head snapping up. A scowl appeared on her face. “I swear to the Maker, if this isn’t important, I will kill you.”

“You can certainly try,” said an unfamiliar voice.

Leliana barely saw Elissa’s eyes widen before she was pushed behind the Warden.

“Who are you?” Elissa asked, the shy girl gone in an instant, replaced with a protective version of herself. “Show yourself!”

“Don’t worry,” the woman said as she stepped out from behind a tree. “I’m only after the Nightingale. However, if you interfere, I will not hesitate to get you out of the picture.”

Leliana saw Elissa reach for her weapons, but she hadn’t brought them with her.

Two men stepped out from behind trees, one behind them and one in front of them.

“We have archers in the trees, Warden,” the woman said. “Don’t even think of running with her.”

Indeed, Leliana heard bowstrings being pulled back from above them.

Neither of them had weapons, sure, but Leliana knew Elissa didn’t have to have weapons to be dangerous.

“Touch her,” Elissa said in a low voice that made Leliana shiver, “and it’ll be the last thing you do.”

“I’ll take that chance.” The woman nodded to the men. “Get the Warden away from the Nightingale.”

Elissa backed away from them, holding onto Leliana’s wrist with an iron grip.

“Letting other people speak for you now?” the woman asked. “A shame. Marjolaine will be sad to hear you let other people defend you.”

Leliana felt her heart drop to her stomach. If these were Marjolaine’s people, then there was no way they were getting out of here without weapons.

“Elissa,” Leliana whispered into her ear. “Let them take me. You cannot win this on your own.”

“Watch me,” the Warden whispered back.

“Warden,” the woman warned. “I’ll give you to the count of three to move away from her.”

Elissa’s grip tightened as the woman held up her hand and lowered her fingers.

“Run,” Elissa whispered just as a bowstring was loosed. She turned and shoved Leliana out of the way as she heard a thud.

Elissa grunted, and Leliana saw the arrow sticking out of her back. Another bowstring was loosed, and this time it went through the Warden’s left shoulder.

“Run,” Elissa said, more urgent this time. “Get the others.”

Elissa turned back to the woman and men as Leliana ran back to camp.

She heard Elissa let out something close to a war cry, and then there were noises of bones cracking and skin on skin contact.

Just as Leliana burst into their camp, Elissa screamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interrupted again! But, hey, at least they finally kissed. Although it may have costed them a life. Let’s see what happens next!
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	18. Elissa the Knight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, here we go.
> 
> Also, Happy New Year! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Zevran was the one on watch when she burst into camp. 

She was calling out to him, saying that they had been attacked, and Elissa was in danger. 

"I heard a scream," Alistair said as he ran over to them. "Is someone hurt? Where's Elissa?"

"S-she made me run," Leliana explained. "We were ambushed in the woods, and she stayed behind to try and fend them off, but I don't know how long she'll survive on her own."

Zevran nodded and ran in the direction Leliana had come from, his weapons drawn. Morrigan had turned into a raven and flown off, presumably to at least find where Elissa was. Alistair left to get Wynne, and Sten was making his way to the woods. 

Leliana ran back, and she felt tears prick her eyes when another scream echoed through the woods. 

When she arrived where she knew Elissa was, she gasped at the sight. 

Zevran had arrived before Morrigan had, and he was keeping some of the attackers away from Elissa as she leaned heavily on a tree. Two more arrows were in her back now, and there was a dagger sticking out of her thigh. Her hair was matted with blood, and her Grey Warden armor was bathed in red, and her face-

Elissa turned her head in Leliana's direction, and Maker, she wouldn't have recognized her if it wasn't for the fact that Leliana  _knew_ her without having to look at her. 

Her face was bloodied and bruised, her eyes dead until they focused on Leliana. They lit up at her face, and Elissa stumbled from the tree, almost knocking Leliana over when she fell into her. 

Elissa cupped her face. "They didn't hurt you?" she asked, her voice lined with pain. 

Leliana shook her head, murmuring, "No, but look at what they did to  _you._ "

Elissa smiled, putting her forehead on Leliana's. Her whole body was shaking. 

"I hate to break the moment," Wynne said, "but I need to tend to her wounds. Will you help her back to camp?"

"Wynne," Elissa breathed. She fell to her knees, Leliana falling with her. "Wynne, I don't... I don't think I can make it back to camp."

Wynne looked at her wounds and nodded. "You're right. Everyone keep watch and make sure no one tries to ambush us." She looked back to Leliana and Elissa. "Leliana, you can stay with her, but if you get in my way, you'll be on guard duty. Okay?"

Leliana nodded and grasped Elissa's hand. The Warden was slumped against her, and her breathing had started to slow. 

Wynne would need to work fast. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The only thing she felt was pain. 

Pain in her back, pain in her thigh, pain in her head... Maker, it was agonizing. 

There were whispered Orlesian words to keep her anchored, and though Elissa had no idea who was saying them, she figured they were words for the departed. 

There was no way in Thedas she had survived something like that. 

The people who had ambushed her and Leliana had ended up pinning her to the ground, each one taking turns beating her face in. Every time one of them would try to leave to follow Leliana, she would draw attention to herself. It was the only way she could protect her. 

"Maker, please, don't let her slip away," came a whispered voice with an Orlesian accent. 

_Leliana._

She tasted blood in her mouth, and in her throat, and something dripped down her face. Then something cool touched her forehead, and there was a sob. 

_You cannot slip away,_ something murmured in her mind.  _You cannot give up. Your duty to this world is long from done._

Elissa groaned as her eyes slowly opened. She blinked a few times to adjust to the light, even though it seemed to be nighttime. 

She realized she was staring at the ceiling of a tent. 

Elissa tried sitting up, but a hand on her shoulder pushed her back down. "You cannot sit up, Warden. Your wounds have not closed yet, and Wynne would kill me if she saw I had let you sit up."

Elissa blinked. "Morrigan?"

The witch snorted. "Who else? Leliana needs rest. She's been by your side for days." 

Her brows creased. "How long have I been out?"

"Almost a week, actually. You woke every now and then, and Wynne was able to get you to drink something when you did. You..." She cleared her throat and looked away. "Your heart stopped beating a few times. Everyone is worried." 

Elissa smiled. "Even you?" 

Morrigan scowled. "Obviously. I think I would leave if I was stuck with the rest of your companions."

The tent flap opened. "Morrigan, is she-" Wynne cut herself off with a small gasp. "You're awake."

"Awake, and in pain."

"Leliana will want to know you've woken." She turned her attention to Morrigan. "How long?"

"Just a few minutes," she answered. "But 'tis longer than before. And she is speaking coherently."

Wynne nodded. "I'll go wake Leliana. Stay here."

Elissa snorted but immediately regretted the action as pain sprang in her chest. "Where else would I go?" she asked, mostly to herself. 

After a few minutes, the tent flap opened again, and Leliana's tear-stained face appeared. Her eyes widened at Elissa's smile, and then she was attacked. 

Leliana launched herself at Elissa, her hands cupping her face, grasping her shoulders, her sides. Elissa chuckled. 

A somewhat disgusted noise came from Morrigan's throat as she left the tent. 

Leliana straddled her hips, Elissa's hands coming to rest on her waist. "You're all right," she murmured. 

"Well, mostly," Elissa said. "I'm still in pain."

Leliana's eyes widened, and she tried to move off her hips, but Elissa's hands tightened. "I'm not hurting there," she said with a little laugh. "You aren't hurting me."

A sob came from Leliana's throat. "You-you're heart stopped, and I thought I had lost you."

Elissa frowned. "Morrigan told me. I didn't know..."

"You couldn't have. I just... I prayed to the Maker, and I stayed by your side. _Please_ , don't do that again."

"I don't know. I may do it again if it means I get a kiss from the damsel in distress." 

Leliana smiled despite the tears falling down her cheeks. She leaned down, placing a soft kiss on Elissa's sore lips. "Wynne says you should be able to start walking again in a few days. Until then, we'll just take it one day at a time."

Elissa smiled, her eyelids beginning to grow heavy. "Will you stay with me?"

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," Leliana answered as she moved to lay beside Elissa. Her head rested on Elissa's shoulder, an arm slung across her waist. 

For once, Elissa wasn't woken by her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, how sweet! Gotta love a worried Leliana. 
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	19. Fearful Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had two panic attacks in the last two days because of school, so that's why I haven't posted anything in a while. After Tuesday, I should be back to posting every couple of days.
> 
> Also, this chapter has some language and some violence near the end (the violence is in italics if you want to skip it). It's currently 12 20 am when I'm posting this so I apologize if there are any grammar mistakes.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

After days of laying in that damned tent, Elissa was finally able to walk. 

Well, not on her own. Leliana was always there to help her if she needed it. And some of her other companions were, too, but it was always Leliana who was there when she started to falter. When she was ready to give up. 

They would reach Denerim tomorrow if they could keep a steady pace. 

Elissa glanced back at her companions. While they were in Denerim, her and Leliana would deal with whoever was after her, and then when that was settled, Elissa and Alistair would visit his long lost sister. 

It would be hard not to draw attention to themselves. Both her and Alistair had switched into different armors; she wore leather armor while he wore chainmail. They couldn't be seen wearing Grey Warden armor in the heart of where they were wanted. 

Damn Loghain and his treachery. When she found him-

"Elissa," Leliana murmured. "I'm sure the ground has done nothing to you. Why are you scowling at it?"

"It's nothing," she lied. "I'm just tired." 

Leliana squeezed the hand she had been holding. "We can stop if you-"

"I'm fine," she said a little more sternly. 

"You don't have to do this alone, you know."

Elissa sighed in frustration. "I'm tired, I'm aggravated, and I'm stressed. And despite the fact that I'm younger than almost everyone here,  _I'm_ the leader and  _I'm_ the one who has to deal with everyone's problems. I have to make the hard decisions and I have to live with the consequences. Honestly, I won't be shocked if I end up dead by the time we deal with the Blight."

Reaper whined behind her. He could always tell when she was getting angry. 

"You can't keep bottling up your emotions like this. It isn't healthy."

"Leliana, I have been doing this since I was a teenager. I know what I'm doing." 

Leliana let go of her hand, shaking her head as she fell behind her. Elissa could see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. It left an uneasy feeling in her stomach. 

Maker, why couldn't she do anything right?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana shouldn't have been surprised at Elissa's coldness earlier. She was like that with everyone. Why did she think Elissa would be different with her?

They'd barely spoken to each other since then. Elissa always found somewhere to be when Leliana tried approaching her. 

It was nighttime now, and Leliana was preparing her tent for the night, making sure no coldness got in while she was sleeping. She couldn't imagine how Elissa felt at night; she slept outside of a tent most nights, only sleeping with Leliana when she insisted that she wouldn't be intruding. Her nobleness still stuck with her, it seems. 

Elissa didn't even act like a noble most of the time. She acted like a bandit at times, and sometimes she acted "normal," if there even was such a thing. Though sometimes the silver-tongued noble came out when she was trying to talk her way out of things. 

Oh yes, their fearless leader was charming, and Leliana would have assumed she knew how to play the Game if it wasn't for the fact that she let her emotions get in the way of things. She also tended to let her views of the world change which perspective she saw everything.

Leliana was too lost in her thoughts to even realize someone had walked up to her. The only indication she got was a brief touch on her lower back. 

Leliana flinched, turning around to whoever it was, but stopped when she saw Elissa raise her hands defensively. "It's only me," the Warden said softly. "I came to apologize. For my behavior earlier. It was wrong of me to take my anger out on you." 

Leliana nodded, turning back to her tent. 

"Need help?" Elissa asked. 

"No," Leliana said as the tent finally stood on its own. She smiled triumphantly. 

"Well." Elissa cleared her throat. "My watch doesn't start for another few hours if you-"

"No," Leliana said again, shaking her head. "Not tonight." 

She internally cursed herself for being the reason Elissa's body tensed, her mask slipping back on again. "Oh." Elissa looked away. "All right. I'll leave you be then." 

The Warden stood, her hands clasped behind her back as she made her way to her own bedroll. She sat down and ran a hand through her hair, then put her head in her hands. 

She was still sitting like that by the time Leliana crawled into her tent and fell asleep. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Marjolaine stood before her, the very sharp-looking knife in her hand pointed at Elissa's neck._

_"Tell me why, my Leliana," Marjolaine said. "Tell me why you looked at the documents, and I won't hurt her."_

_Leliana could do nothing, say nothing, but she could watch as Marjolaine put the blade just a little closer to the Warden's neck. Blood already dripped from her mouth where Marjolaine had hit her._

_How did she know that?_

_Elissa stared at Marjolaine, a familiar fire burning in her eyes. It was like a challenge._

_All Leliana could muster was a weak, "Please, don't."_

_"In love with another, then?" Marjolaine asked. She tsked. "I do not like to share, Leliana."_

_The former bard watched in horror as the knife was plunged into Elissa's neck. A raw scream came from her throat as Elissa-_

Leliana woke with a startled gasp. She shot upright in her bedroll, her hand flying to her chest. Her heart was rapidly beating. 

She scrambled to get out of the tent. It had suddenly become too hot. 

When she emerged, the only things she was met with were Elissa's empty bedroll and the dying fire. When she squinted, she could just barely make out Alistair's body standing near the woods. 

Elissa missing from camp wasn't normal. She was always either sleeping or walking around. But even in the darkness, she could only see Alistair. 

She walked over to the Senior Warden, who turned at the sound of her footfalls. "Ah, Leliana. Didn't expect you to be up this late."

"Where's Elissa?"

Alistair shrugged. "Dunno. She said she was going for a walk, but that was a little while ago. I've been trying to listen for her."

"What about Reaper? Did he follow her?" Her question was answered by a bark behind her. Elissa had most likely told him to stay behind. She turned to the faithful mabari. "Do you know where she is?"

Reaper gave a happy bark before he started trotting off, looking back once to see if she was following him. 

Where could she have gone? 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

She had never done anything right. 

When Elissa was fourteen, she had been caught kissing another noble girl at a ball. Ellie Trevelyan was her name. It had stuck with her for years because Ellie's little sister, Evelyn, had been the one to catch them and rat them out. Elissa's mother had scolded her for that and had actually left a scar over her right brow. "Scolded" was being nice.

When she was seventeen, she had been caught in bed with some servant girl in Castle Cousland. That particular "scolding" had left Elissa with a thin scar on the back of her neck.

Needless to say, she always managed to fuck something up because she wasn't careful or she hadn't said the right thing. 

She didn't know if Leliana had denied her because of her actions or because she didn't really feel the same way about her. They'd only kissed two times, three if you counted the time in Orlais, and held hands every now and then. But Leliana had been strangely distant the more they got closer to Denerim.

Perhaps she was worried that her hunter wouldn't be there. 

Elissa had no idea. Just like herself, Leliana kept a lot of things hidden. Maybe it was because she was a bard, or maybe it was because like Elissa, she didn't want to burden anyone. 

Elissa was feeling like a burden now. She was constantly rude to her companions, she didn't take their opinions into context, and she had gotten severely injured, which had put everyone on edge. 

How was she not a burden? 

Elissa closed her eyes so she wouldn't see her reflection in the pond's water. The moonlight had been hitting the water just enough for her to see herself.

And she had never been more disgusted. 

She could barely stand to be in her own head. There were constant whispers, and being around darkspawn made them worse. They sung to her, tried to get her to do things that she would never do. 

It was maddening. And Elissa felt like she was going crazy. 

Leliana had sometimes kept the nightmares at bay, but now that Elissa had fucked that up, too, she supposed she would just have to deal with them. 

Elissa didn't bother to look who was coming when she heard footfalls to her right. She also heard the panting of a dog, so she figured it was one of her companions and Reaper. 

"Oh, thank the Maker," came Leliana's relieved voice. "Why did you come all the way out here?"

"I needed some air," Elissa replied quietly. She felt Reaper next to her. "Go back to camp, Leli."

The request was spoken half-heartedly, and she knew Leliana could tell. "Talk to me. Please."

After a few moments, she did. She told Leliana of her insecurities, and how she had messed everything up between them. She told her of the nightmares and the whispers. 

When she was done, Leliana walked to her and pulled her into an embrace. "Come back to camp. You can sleep in my tent if it'll keep the nightmares away."

"I can't," Elissa said, stepping out of the embrace. "Trust me, you don't want someone like me."

"But I do." Leliana put a hand on her cheek. "I don't want anyone like you. I want  _you._ "

Elissa nodded. "Then I am yours. For as long as you'll have me."

Leliana laced their fingers together and started walking back to camp. "Hopefully," Leliana said, "we can keep each other's nightmares away."

"You're safe with me, Leliana. You don't have to be afraid." 

"Neither do you."

Leliana pulled her into her tent when they got back to camp. She placed a gentle kiss on Elissa's lips before settling on her bedroll. She motioned for Elissa to get under the fur blankets. "Come here, I won't bite. Hard."

Elissa smiled as she settled in behind Leliana. She wrapped her arms around the redhead's waist, pulling her so that her back was against Elissa's stomach. 

She placed a kiss on Leliana's cheek before her eyes became too heavy to keep open. 

Elissa heard Leliana murmur something in Orlesian, but she was already half asleep. She merely tightened her arms a little before she felt her breathing even out. She could have sworn she heard Leliana whisper, "Sweet dreams, my Warden." 

Elissa was asleep before she could know for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Elissa. Her mother was awful to her. 
> 
> What do you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	20. Marjolaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have a little break to make this chapter. 
> 
> Also, I don't use in-game dialogue too much. There's a lot of fics out there that do, and I feel that it's been overused by this point. And, of course, there are some canon divergences, but they're usually small.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"Ah, Denerim," Elissa sighed as her and her party walked into the market square. "I haven't been here in years. It's still shitty."

She hadn't been to Denerim since she was around fifteen years old. She had met Queen Anora on one day and had gotten her family kicked out of the palace the next. 

She smirked at the memory. It wasn't  _her_ fault Anora had somehow been pushed into the mud after insulting her. 

Elissa cleared her throat and turned to her companions. "We got here earlier than I expected, so we'll have to get some rooms in the tavern before anything else." 

"You do realize my life is in danger, yes?" Leliana asked, her hands starting to wring together.

"Don't worry, Leli. I won't let some big bad Orlesian steal you away," she said as she winked at the now blushing redhead. "Now, when the stores start opening, I want you all to  _behave._ And do not, under  _any_ circumstances, let anyone know there are Grey Wardens in the city. I've heard Fort Drakon is a bad place.

"Alistair, we'll visit your sister first. You said she worked? That means she'll be opening her shop when everyone else does. Leliana, after the business with his sister is done, we'll look for whoever us hunting you. Until then, I will keep you safe."

"Do we have enough coin to buy that many rooms?" Zevran asked, looking at everyone. "There are many of us."

Elissa shrugged. "Then I guess you'll have to learn to share." She chewed on her lip. "Leliana and I can share a room, along with Reaper, of course. Zev, Alistair, and Sten, you can probably share a room if we get a big one. Though one of you will have to sleep in a chair. Morrigan and Wynne can share one, as well." 

"Do I have-"

"Yes."

"But-"

"Morrigan, until we get more coin, I'm afraid this is the sleeping arrangement. If you wish to be the leader, be my guest."

The witch muttered something under her breath but said nothing else. 

Elissa smiled and clapped her hands together. "Great! Let's go get some rooms."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"And who is she? Some peasant only here for your riches? Is she your whore?" 

Elissa saw Alistair's face darken a little as her fists clenched. This woman was just asking for a fist to the mouth. 

"Don't talk about her like that," he said. "She's a... friend of mine."

Goldanna scoffed. "A friend, or a  _friend_?"

"Woman-" Elissa started, taking a step toward her, but was stopped by Alistair grabbing onto her arm. 

"Ah, wait a second. I remember you. Cousland, isn't it? Finally found someone to hold on to your leash? The one thing your mother could never do? Has the wild Cousland daughter finally been tamed?"

Elissa, with a snarl, ripped her arm out of Alistair's grasp and punched Goldanna right in the nose.

His sister stumbled back, crying, "Out! Get out! I want nothing to do with you, boy!" 

Alistair grabbed her, pulling her out of the house as quickly as he could. 

When they were out on the street, he turned on her. "What were you thinking?"

"No one insults my mother like that," she said quietly. "And she doesn't care about you, Alistair. She only wanted your money." Elissa wiped her knuckles on her pants. 

"W-what do you mean?" 

Elissa sighed at the bruise forming on her knuckles. "A lot of people out here are only out for themselves. You have to learn that."

"What about you? Are you just using me?" Alistair asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

"No. You are my friend, Alistair. You know I would do anything for you, just as I would do anything for anyone in our party." She paused. "Well, maybe not Morrigan. Depending on what it was."

"Good luck, my friend. When you deal with Leliana's hunter. I don't imagine it'll be easy, but if you need help-"

She waved him off. "Thanks for the concern, but I need to be the hero that saves the damsel."

He smiled at her. "Then go be the hero."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana was nervous. There was no other way to put it. 

Elissa, the woman she was slowly falling for, would be meeting the woman Leliana had loved for  _years._ She feared for Elissa. Marjolaine could kill her in a matter of seconds. 

Right before Elissa was about to open the door to Marjolaine's home, Leliana grabbed her wrist. "Wait. Don't. Not yet."

Elissa nodded, something like worry flashing on her face as she turned to her. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Well, yes, sort of." She took a deep breath. "Look, whatever happens in there, just trust me, okay? Let me make decisions for myself."

And there was Elissa's mask slipping back on again. She stood a little straighter as she tensed. "All right. I can do that." 

"Elissa, if I want to... say... go back with her, for example, let me."

Her brows creased for a fraction of a second before her mask of cold came back up. "I... oh. I-I see." She cleared her throat and looked away, gently tugging her wrist out of Leliana's grasp. "Let's get this over with, then, shall we?" 

Before Leliana could say anything, Elissa was opening the door and stepping inside. 

There was no one inside the first room, but Leliana could hear movements in the next. Elissa looked around briefly, then opened the door to the next room. 

"Ah," said a familiar Orlesian voice. "And here you are. I apologize for the arrangements,  _ma douce,_ but you see what I have to work with. Everywhere in Ferelden smells like wet dog. It's in my hair, my clothes...  _ugh._ "

"Why did you send assassins after Leliana?" Elissa asked before Leliana could reply. 

Marjolaine looked at Elissa, her eyes going up and down her body, a smile filled with desire appearing on her lips. "My, my, your companion is so business-like." She turned her eyes back to Leliana. "Do you have yet another woman under your thumb?"

"I am  _not_ like that anymore. I haven't been for a long time."

Marjolaine shook her head. "But you are. And you always will be," she answered as she turned back to Elissa. "I'm sure that as a noble, you've noticed how welcoming Leliana has been. How she seems like a friend, yes? But she is not your friend, and she does not want to help you. You cannot trust her."

"Leliana's only concern now is helping stop the Blight." Leliana noticed how she didn't say anything about trusting her. 

Marjolaine laughed. "And you actually believe this? You really think Leliana isn't manipulating you right now?" 

There was a hint of confusion on Elissa's face, but no one could have noticed it if they didn't know her. 

But Marjolaine could read people like a book. She had obviously seen the doubt in Elissa's eyes. 

"You tortured me," Leliana said, hating how her voice cracked. "All because of some document marking you as a traitor."

Marjolaine shook her head again. "Ah, my Leliana, if you had not opened those documents, I wouldn't have been forced to make you the traitor. If you had left well enough alone, we could still be together. I wouldn't have to kill you. We could have been making love right now."

Leliana saw Elissa stiffen out of the corner of her eye. "She doesn't need-" Elissa stopped herself, clearly remembering that she would let Leliana make her own decisions. 

Marjolaine smirked. "She has you on her own little leash,  _mon amie._ Let me give you something to think about: if you join me, I can offer so much more than she can. Spies, assassins, soldiers,  _companionship_ for your lonely nights."

Leliana stared at Elissa, trying not to see her considering the offer. She tried reaching out to her, but Elissa flinched away. 

"What help can you offer against the Blight?"

The bardmaster grinned. "Come over here, and I'll tell you."

Elissa grabbed Leliana's hand for just a second, squeezing it gently. A sign of trust they had developed. One of them would squeeze the other's hand when they needed the other to trust them. 

But Leliana still took a step toward her as Elissa walked over to her former mentor, a sick feeling in her gut as Marjolaine wrapped an arm around her waist. 

Because Elissa was taller than both of them, and she was standing in front of Marjolaine, Leliana couldn't see what was happening. But she got a good guess.

Elissa leaned down to whisper something in the bardmaster's ear before a knife appeared in her free hand. She brought it up to Marjolaine's heart. 

Marjolaine huffed a laugh. "She has taught you well, I see."

"Call off your guards, and I'll consider letting you live." 

"I'll take that chance. Guards!" 

The room erupted into chaos. There were two heavily armored guards and two mages. Leliana grabbed her bow and began shooting arrows, only missing a few times. 

After everyone was down, whether it was because they were injured or dead, Leliana turned to Elissa and Marjolaine, her bow pointed at the latter. 

Her heart dropped at the sight. Marjolaine had Elissa on her stomach, her arms pinned behind her back. Her mentor was grabbing her hair and pulling her head up so that a small knife was at her throat. 

"Loose that arrow, Leliana, and she dies."

Leliana reluctantly lowered her bow. "You can take me, but let her live. Everyone will die without her."

"A fine deal." Marjolaine lowered her hand to Elissa's side, leaning to her ear to say, "You've lost." 

Marjolaine stood quickly but barely made it two steps in Leliana's direction before Elissa stabbed her knife into the bardmaster's thigh. Marjolaine went down with a cry, only to have it silenced by Elissa's same knife sliding over her exposed neck. Her limp and lifeless body fell to the floor with a thud.

Elissa was hunched over, a hand at her side. She was panting, and her eyes were screwed shut. 

"Elissa," Leliana breathed, dropping her bow to stand by her. "Are you all right?"

The Warden nodded, standing straighter, her eyes opening. She gave Leliana a smile. "Just hit my head, is all." 

"We did it," she said. "She's gone."

"Did you ever doubt that I would keep you safe?"

Leliana shook her head. "No, but I know now what you're willing to do for me. Thank you." She looked at the growing pool of blood at Marjolaine's head. "I feel... empty, without worrying that she'll come for me."

"Let's go back to the inn," Elissa said softly. "You can think about it there."

Elissa began walking, careful not to step in any blood. She had a slight limp that Leliana could have sworn wasn't there before. Then again, she may have been injured during her tussle with Marjolaine. 

Maker... She was finally free. No more looking over her shoulder, no more worrying that one day she would find her... 

And it was because Elissa had made the choice for her. She was grateful that she hadn't had to make the decision on her own.

It was the start of a new day, she supposed. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once they had arrived back at the inn, Elissa had given Leliana a quick peck on the cheek before making her way to Wynne and Morrigan's room. At Leliana's questioning look, she had said she wanted Wynne to make sure she didn't have any serious injuries. 

However, the reality was much more dire.

When Marjolaine had been releasing her, she had slipped that small knife in between her ribs, so close to her heart. Honestly, she was surprised she hadn't died just from that. 

She was afraid it had been poisoned, or she would bleed out. She was more shocked she had kept it from Leliana successfully. 

Elissa just didn't want to hurt her any more than she had. Leliana had been through enough lately. 

So, on Elissa stumbled, having to brace her hand against the wall for support. She got to Wynne's room and knocked, leaning against the doorframe. 

The door opened to show Morrigan's scowling face. "What do you-" She stopped herself with a startled gasp when Elissa tried walking into the room, and instead collapsed into the witch. "Warden? What happened?"

"Wynne? Where?"

"Still out in the market. What happened to you?"

"Stabbed. Might be... poison," she gasped. Morrigan let her lean on her for support as they walked to one of the beds. 

"Does Leliana know? She may be able to identify what kind of poison it is."

Elissa shook her head as she lay on the bed. "Zev... he knows poison. Get him." 

Maker, her eyes were getting so heavy. It was easy to act normal in front of Leliana, but now all that lying was catching up with her. 

The last thing she saw before darkness took her was Morrigan leaving the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What will happen next? *dramatic voice* Will the Warden survive Marjolaine, even after the latter is gone? Let's find out, hmm?
> 
> This turned out way longer than I expected. And I also did not expect to get this out today, but hey, I finally had a break. 
> 
> Translations: Ma douce - as far as I know, this means "my sweet"  
> Mon amie - my friend
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	21. The Stab Wound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter is... something. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"... no poison, but she... of blood." 

Elissa groaned as she started to wake. Her side wasn't hurting as much, and she could feel bandages underneath her clothes. She tried opening her eyes, but they seemed glued shut.

"Where am I?" she asked, though her words were slurred and a little goofy. 

What happened while she was out?

"Ah, my lovely Warden," said a familiar Antivan voice. Zevran, then. "You are very lucky, my friend. There was no poison on the blade that I could detect, and trust me, I know my poisons." Though she couldn't see his face, she imagined he was smirking. "Perhaps Leliana could-"

"Where?" Elissa asked, straining to get her eyes open. Maker, why couldn't she perform such a simple task?

"She's just down the hall, Warden. I told her you hit your head, and you were resting," came Wynne's soft voice from not too far away. "Zevran and I made something to help numb you from the pain, but it-"

"Long story short, it makes you sound like an idiot," Morrigan interrupted. "You've been mumbling and giggling like a schoolgirl." 

Wynne sighed. "Yes, well put. If you would like to see her, I can get Alistair, and he and Zevran can help you back to your room."

"Nonsense!" Zevran said. "Surely our lovely Warden does not weigh that much."

"She'll almost be dead weight," Wynne warned. "Her legs  _might_ work if you're lucky."

Elissa's eyes  _finally_ opened just a little. "Can do it," she mumbled. "Need to see 'er."

She could barely make out Wynne's weary face. The mage nodded. "All right. Morrigan, help Zevran get her up."

She felt more than saw her companions move closer. Despite clearly being annoyed, Morrigan helped her up gently, careful not to move too fast. When that was finished, she suddenly had a strong and sure arm around her waist, her own arm going around the slightly smaller rogue. 

Zevran helped her stand, and even made sure she could walk before he began walking to Elissa's and Leliana's room. 

"You should have told her before, Warden," Zevran said quietly. "She could have done something for you."

"'m fine."

Zevran chuckled, the vibrations going through her chest. "Now, yes, you are. Your stubbornness will kill you one day, my friend."

"Heroism?" she asked, but he seemed to get what she was trying to say. 

"Maybe. Only time will tell, yes?"

After what seemed like forever, they had made it to Leliana's door. Zevran knocked, almost letting Elissa fall. He let out a little yelp as she began to slip from his grasp.

Her legs weren't strong enough to stand on their own.

"One second!" came Leliana's muffled voice. 

Elissa smiled, humming with... something. Maker, she did sound like a schoolgirl with a crush.

The door opened a second later, and Leliana's tired face appeared. 

"Oh!" she said. "Is she feeling better?"

Zevran somehow shrugged. "She was asking for you, but Wynne said she was able to walk."

"I could have come," Leliana murmured. She moved so that Zevran could bring Elissa to the only bed. 

He put her on the middle of the bed, his hands gripping her shoulders so she didn't fall. Leliana came and sat next to her so Elissa could lean on her. 

"Thank you, Zev." 

Zevran bowed. "You are quite welcome. Though I must warn you, she's a little..."He pouted, then twirled his finger around his temple. 

Elissa caught the movement and whined, "Hey!"

Both him and Leliana laughed. "I will watch her. Give Wynne my thanks as well."

Zevran nodded before he left. 

When the door was shut, Leliana asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't want you worried."

Leliana pressed a kiss to her temple. "I  _was_ worried. I-" She cut herself off when her hand touched the bandages on her left side. 

Before she knew it, Elissa was being pressed against the bed, Leliana lifting her shirt to see the bandages. 

Elissa weakly tried to pull her shirt back down. She didn't want Leliana to see how marred her body was. 

One of Leliana's fingers traced a scar that started at her stomach and went below her waistband. Elissa shivered, her eyes falling shut. 

No one, except for maybe Wynne, had seen the scars along her body. She didn't want anyone to. She feared they wouldn't like what they saw and they would leave. 

And then she would be alone again. 

Leliana tried tracing another scar, but Elissa caught her wrist and whispered, "Don't."

Her eyes found Elissa's, something unreadable in them. Maybe it was because she was exhausted and on something that made her silly, but she swore she saw no sign of disgust in her eyes. 

Leliana cupped Elissa's face with one hand, the other resting on her waist. Her cheeks warmed at the contact. 

"You should have told me."

Elissa nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Now that Marjolaine is dead, I..." She took a deep breath before smiling. "You must be exhausted. Let's get some sleep, yes?" 

Leliana helped her move to the bed. She was laying on her right side so she wouldn't hurt herself more, but she could still wrap an arm around Leliana's waist. 

Elissa placed a kiss to her neck before her eyes became too heavy. "Goodnight, Leli," she murmured into the redhead's hair. 

Leliana hummed. "Goodnight,  _mon coeur._ " 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Wynne wouldn't let her into the room, no matter how much she begged. Zevran was keeping her out, but he looked like he was ready to give up._

_"Please," Leliana said, the tears falling down her cheeks coming more frequently. "I-I just need to see her."_

_"She is not in a good state, Leliana. She's lost_ so much  _blood."_

_A sob came from her throat. "Please, Zev."_

_The elven assassin looked around before he nodded. "Fine. But the consequences are on you."_

_As soon as he moved, Leliana was through the door, but she stopped in the doorway._

_They had tied her wrists and ankles to the bed, but the ropes were straining against her as her back arched and she screamed._

_Blood coated the sheets, but it wasn't normal blood. It had a black tinge to it._

_Wynne was in the corner, trying to make something to help Elissa, Leliana guessed. Alistair, all prepped in his king's outfit, looked like he had no idea what to do. He was hovering over Elissa, using her shirt to wipe some of the blood off her torso._

_There were holes in her chest, ones that should have killed her already._

_Elissa screamed again, this time a sob coming from her throat as well._

_"Wynne..." she whimpered, her chest rapidly falling up and down in uneven patterns._

_Alistair glanced up at Leliana, and his eyes somehow went wider. "You shouldn't be here," he said, making both Elissa and Wynne look at her._

_Leliana felt her heart drop to her stomach when Elissa saw her. She looked like she was going to say something, but her body shook and she let out another scream. When she strained against the ropes, Leliana saw the bruises on her ankles and her wrists._

_She didn't know what happened, but one second she was looking at Elissa screaming, and then she was looking at an extremely tired-looking Wynne. Blood coated her hands and forearms._

_They were in the hallway now, and there were no sounds coming from the room. Wynne placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "There was nothing I could do. The corruption took her."_

_"No," Leliana said, shaking her head. "No. T-the ritual. Did it not work?"_

_Wynne shrugged. "It might have worked to an extent. But the archdemon's soul still sought out Elissa's. She's gone."_

_They had only been delaying the inevitable, then. Leliana rushed into the room, ugly sobs coming from her as she looked at Elissa's limp body. Her chest was no longer moving, her relaxed face making her look almost peaceful._

_"No!" Leliana screamed. She cupped Elissa's face, trying to feel_ anything.  _But there was nothing. No pulse, no smile at her touch, no movement at all._

_She screamed again, and then she felt strong arms wrapping around her middle, pulling her away from Elissa, her love, her_ life-

Leliana jolted awake. She tried reaching over to where she thought Elissa was sleeping beside her, but she only felt cold air. 

No. No no no. 

She threw the covers, almost leaping out of bed. The moonlight shining through the window was the only light source she had. The fire had long since gone out. 

Leliana opened the door, sweat sliding down her temple. 

Just as she opened it, Elissa appeared on the other side. 

"Hey," she said softly. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" When Leliana only continued to stare at her, worry made Elissa grab her shoulders. "Are you all right?"

Elissa grunted when Leliana wrapped her arms around her neck. The Warden slowly but surely wrapped her arms around Leliana as she began to cry. 

Elissa pushed them back into the room, kicking the door shut with her foot. She leaned against it, her arms still wrapped tightly around Leliana's frame. 

After a few kisses on her head and murmured words, Elissa quietly asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"I-I saw you die," Leliana murmured against her neck. "I mean, I didn't  _see_ it, but you died. Wynne was there, and Zevran. Alistair was dressed like a king, and that was a little weird. But you were bleeding, and it wouldn't stop, and there were holes in your chest..." She held Elissa closer. 

"I don't know what I thought I was seeing," Leliana said, "but when I woke up and you weren't there, I thought... I thought it was a memory..."

"I'm sorry," Elissa said quietly. "Reaper had to use the bathroom, and he decided to wake the person that can barely walk on their own."

Reaper gave a little bark before he settled at the foot of the bed. 

"Come here," Elissa said softly, grasping Leliana's thighs so she could wrap them around the Warden's waist. Elissa was obviously still weak, but she kept Leliana upright. 

The bard felt like a child that had disturbed their parents and were now being brought back to bed. 

Elissa lay her gently on her side of the bed, then climbed in beside her. She wrapped both arms around her this time, and they tightened, but only as a comfort. She pressed soft kisses to Leliana's neck and shoulders. At any other time, Leliana would have thought she was trying to seduce her, but there was nothing but comfort and soothingness in her kisses. 

"I won't leave you alone," Elissa murmured. "I would come back from the dead just to keep you safe."

Leliana nodded. "I know."

"Wake me if you have another nightmare. I don't want you to go through something like that again by yourself."

"I will."

Elissa hummed, sending a pleasant feeling through her body. 

"Goodnight, Leli." She yawned. "I'll see you in the morning." 

"Goodnight, my Warden."

Leliana didn't sleep. She tried to, yes, but the image of Elissa's dead body appeared when she closed her eyes. When she would start to panic, Elissa would mumble something and grab her hand, pressing a kiss to it before she fell back asleep. 

Dawn was slowly creeping through the windows when Elissa woke. She must have noticed Leliana's shaking because she practically pinned her to the bed, capturing her mouth before Leliana could say anything. 

It was slow and sweet, Elissa nipping at her bottom lip with her teeth. The Warden was the one to make the kiss deeper, sliding her tongue into Leliana's mouth after running it along her bottom lip, almost like she was asking permission first. 

Elissa pulled back after a few moments, a small smile on her face. 

"Why did you stop?"

Elissa huffed a laugh. "I was trying to tire you out so you could sleep some. But that clearly isn't working."

"No," Leliana lied. "It was working."

The Warden laughed. "Well," she said in a low voice, one that made Leliana's toes curl. "Maybe I'll just have to tire you out in other ways."

She began nipping and sucking on Leliana's neck, her hands roaming. She placed a knee between Leliana's thighs. 

Maker, this woman knew what she was doing. 

Just as her hands were about to slip under her shirt, there was a knock at the door. 

Elissa pulled back. "I swear to the Maker, I will kill them one day." But there was a smile on her face. She placed a soft kiss on Leliana's swollen lips before she climbed off the bed. 

Leliana let out a sigh. Just for once, could they not be interrupted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way longer than I expected, but hey, at least I made it. 
> 
> What did you guys think? Do you want to see more?


	22. Wynne's Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write some fluff/angst for these two so here you go! There's some language, but I think that's about it as far as warnings go. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"Oh, come on," Elissa said as she walked after Leliana. "Don't be like that."

She had been an ass. There was no other way to put it. 

She had been flirting with one of the owners of a little tavern they had stopped in on their way to the Lake Calenhad. Leliana had caught her but hadn't given her time to explain.

"Elissa, I  _caught you_ flirting with someone! After..." She didn't finish her sentence, instead shaking her head and continuing to their room. 

"I was just trying to get better rooms! Unless you like sleeping on beds that feel like rocks?"

"There were so many other things you could have done," Leliana hissed. She opened their door, but shut it as soon as she was inside. Elissa could have opened it, but she decided against it. She would let Leliana decide if she was allowed in their room. 

Elissa sighed and put her forehead against the door. "We got better rooms, didn't we? And you know it didn't mean anything."

"Do I?" came Leliana's muffled reply. Her voice sounded thick with tears. 

"Leliana, I-" She cut herself off, clearing her throat as her face heated. No. She couldn't tell her yet. What would happen to her if she did? "I care for you. And  _only_ you," she murmured. 

There was a sniffle behind the door. "You just... reminded me of Marjolaine for a minute. She used to do that all the time. Except she would actually sleep with whoever she flirted with."

A sick feeling made its way into Elissa's stomach. She didn't want to be compared to that  _bitch_. 

"I'm so sorry," Elissa said. "You know I will do anything you ask of me, right? You just have to say the word."

"Can you not lie to me?" Leliana asked. "You didn't tell me what you were going to do with that woman, you lied to me about getting stabbed... Just last week, you said you would be there if I had a nightmare, and yet when I woke the other day, you were gone."

"This is who I am, Leliana," she said quietly. "I lie and I steal. I cheat people out of things. Maker, do you know how hard it is just trying to get by every day without screaming at myself for who I've become?"

"I was fine with who you are, Elissa. I just never thought you would do those things to  _me._ More I the fool, no?"

"Leli-"

"Don't. Just... don't. Please, go." 

Elissa nodded, despite the fact that Leliana couldn't see her, and silently walked back down the hall, her head bowed in shame. 

When she was outside, she took a deep breath. Wynne was already outside, reading a book as the sun went down. 

She closed her book as Elissa sat down beside her. "Something troubling you?" she asked. 

"I fucked up," she answered. "Again."

Wynne chuckled. "What did you do this time?"

Elissa sighed. "Leliana is fed up with me. It's my fault, though. I lie to her a lot, and make promises to her that I can't keep. She caught me flirting with one of the owners, but I was just trying to get us a nicer room."

"Perhaps this is for the best." 

Elissa glanced at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"You are a Grey Warden. You make sacrifices, and your duty will bring you far away from her. One way or another, you're going to hurt her."

"I've already hurt her," Elissa murmured. 

"I know. And though it pains me to say it, it must be said." She took a deep breath. "You should not have pursued anything with her. I know you wish to be happy, but your duty to this world will leave her heartbroken and alone. It is better to pain her now rather than when it is too late."

"Maybe you're right," Elissa said. "She... She deserves someone better than me. Someone who can give her everything she wants." 

"Warden, that is not what I meant. You are both good people. I just don't want to see either of you hurt because of what this Blight will do to you." 

Elissa nodded. "I will speak to her." 

"I am sorry, Elissa," Wynne said gently. "It is terrible that you must be the one to shoulder these burdens." 

"Someone has to. Might as well be me." She glanced at Wynne as she stood. "Thank you." 

As she walked back inside, she asked one of the owners for another room. Preferably the shittiest one they had. 

She deserved no less. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa had been strangely distant these past few weeks. Since their little spat, she hadn't once spoken to Leliana about something that didn't have to do with the Blight. 

She supposed it  _was_ somewhat normal. Elissa's attitude changed frequently. 

But it was still odd that she spoke to everyone  _but_ Leliana. 

Any time she had tried to talk to Elissa while they were walking, Reaper would growl softly at her, warning her to stay away. In camp, he never left his mistress's side. 

They were just a few days from Lake Calenhad when Leliana decided to confront her. She ignored Reaper's growls. 

"What is wrong with you?" she asked as Elissa looked up from the book she had been reading. 

"Nothing," Elissa said with a little shrug. "I'm perfectly happy."

"Then why won't you talk to me?" 

Elissa closed the book. "I have no reason to."

Somehow, that hurt worse than the silence. 

"Besides," she continued, "you made your opinion of me clear enough. It's better this way."

"This is the first time in  _weeks_ I've actually gotten to speak to you about something that wasn't the war going on around us. Just talk to me."

Elissa sighed. "You deserve someone better than me, Leliana. Someone that can give you everything you want, someone that will always be there for you... That person isn't me. And it never will be."

"Why won't you let me have this little happiness? Our time together may be short, but I still care for you. I want to be with you."

"I know," she said. She looked at the campfire. "I'm only going to end up hurting you."

"Elissa-"

"I don't want to be like Marjolaine," she interrupted. "I don't want to hurt you, in any way. I don't want to be the reason you can't trust anyone. I..." She took a deep breath, her hands going to her face. "I'm sorry."

Leliana crouched beside her, Reaper watching her with rapt attention. She grasped Elissa's hands, pulling them away from her face. 

"You are  _nothing_ like Marjolaine," she reassured. Elissa glanced at her, fear clearly written in her eyes. "You make me feel safe, protected. And you may lie, but who doesn't? I know the truth will come out, though I may still be a little mad." 

Elissa smiled at that. "I'm guessing the truth never came out with Marjolaine?"

Leliana shook her head. "Not until it was too late." She cupped Elissa's face. "I trust you. We've only known each other for a few months, but..." She trailed off, hoping her eyes conveyed what she was trying to say. 

Elissa nodded. "Me too." 

"Then...?"

"If this is what you want," she said with an adorable shy smile, "how could I say no?" She placed a small kiss on Leliana's cheek. "Let's just... take this one day at a time, okay? You know I'm not very good at this."

Leliana laughed. "You say that, and yet you still manage to be a very affectionate person."

"What can I say?" she asked with a little laugh. "I like to read."

Leliana glanced at the book in her lap and giggled. " _Women of the Ocean_? Really?" 

Elissa blushed, glancing away. "It... has action. And adventure."

"But it is a romance, no?"

"... maybe."

"Is this how you wooed all the women back home?" 

Elissa smirked at her, her eyes darkening just a little, making Leliana's heart skip a beat. "No," she said. "This is."

She leaned into Leliana, placing a soft and tender kiss on her lips. 

Well, at least she was right about something. 

Leliana sighed into the kiss, finding herself drifting into Elissa and her warmth. 

The Warden pulled back just a little to put her forehead on Leliana's. 

"Did that woo you?" she asked quietly, a genuine smile pulling at her lips. 

Leliana put a hand on her cheek, absently rubbing her thumb over her cheekbone. "You had me enraptured long before this."

That lit up Elissa's eyes, making her grin goofily. "Glad I good be of service," she chuckled. "Is there anything else my lady wishes of me?"

"Will you stay with me tonight? You usually keep the nightmares away." 

Elissa's lips brushed quickly over hers. "Of course, Leli. If you need me, I am there."

Leliana felt like a little girl with a crush when Elissa used that little pet name. She'd have to think of something for her. 

"Are you ever going to move your bedroll into my tent? Or maybe we could get a bigger tent and some more blankets?"

"We'll be back in Denerim in a few weeks, Maker willing. If you still want this -  _us_ \- then yes, we can get something bigger." Another kiss. "But for now, I think I rather like falling asleep with you in my arms."

Maker, this woman would be the death of her. She was so affectionate, and sweet, and caring, and... And Leliana hoped she would be the only one receiving this kind of attention until their days together ended. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elissa reads romance novels so she can impress Leliana because she has no idea what she's doing. Talk about being a gay dork. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!


	23. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, writing this helps with my writer's block like you wouldn't believe. It's nice to take a step back and breathe. 
> 
> Anyway, I think there are some mentions of violence, and grief (Alistair's), and maybe like one curse. Maybe. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"What do you mean you haven't seen him?" Elissa asked, her anger starting to rise. 

She was ready to punch someone by this point. 

The owner shrugged. "Just that. Brother Genitivi hasn't been here in years."

Elissa rubbed her hands over her face. Someone was lying, but she didn't know who. 

Maker, these people would kill her one day if the darkspawn didn't. 

Leliana's hand at her lower back calmed her a little. She seemed to do that a lot when Elissa was about to hurt someone. 

"Do you at least have rooms we can stay in for the night?"

"We have two rooms available."

"Sweet Maker-"

"That's fine," Leliana interrupted. "Thank you." 

She led Elissa back to their friends, sitting down beside her, her hand still on her back.

"Well, this was a waste of time," Elissa sighed. 

"Is something wrong?" Alistair asked, looking at the owner. 

"Brother Genitivi was never here," Elissa answered, "according to the owner. I don't know what to do anymore. We just wasted weeks that we could have used getting more people for the Blight."

Elissa rubbed at her temples, her eyes falling shut as Leliana rubbed soothing circles on her back. "This is just a minor setback," Leliana said. "We'll make it through this."

"The Blight will not wait," Morrigan interjected. "'Twas a waste of time."

"Arl Eamon's life is not a waste of time!" Alistair cried. "Elissa, we have to figure this out."

"We may not have time, Alistair. We  _do_ have a Blight to think about," she muttered. 

"We already have the people of Redcliffe and the mages-"

"But Arl Eamon-"

" _Shut up_!" Elissa hissed. "Dear Maker, please, just shut up, both of you."

Everyone was silent, and Leliana's hand stilled on her back. 

She hated the way her breath hitched when she took a deep breath. "The Blight is not going to wait for us to try and cure someone that may already be dead." 

Alistair looked horrified. "He's still alive!" 

"Is he?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms over the table and putting her head in the crook of her elbow. "We haven't been to Redcliffe in almost two months. Who knows what happened while we were away."

Leliana's hand resumed its strokes. "This Blight has been going on for almost five months, now. The time has passed so quickly."

Elissa lifted her head to smile and place a kiss on Leliana's cheek. 

"What are we to do, Warden?" Wynne asked. "Are we continuing on this quest to find the Urn?"

"I... don't know. Can I sleep on it?" she joked. 

"We should all rest," Sten said quietly. "This Blight has been trying."

"You can say that again," Elissa muttered, leaning into Leliana a little. "I'll go get the rooms."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_The dragon reared its head, roaring as it did. Its black scales glinted off the moonlight._

_The archdemon._

_Elissa was frozen in place as she watched the battle around her. Most of her companions had fallen by this point and every darkspawn was ignoring her._

_She watched them fall. Watched her world fall away. Watched as everyone she cared about was slain._

_"This is the world you live in, Warden," a voice said. It sounded loud and yet quiet at the same time. "You will only hurt those around you."_

_"No," Elissa declared. "I won't-"_

_"Your parents were killed because you were a coward. They died because you ran. Will you run from this Blight, as well? Will you doom everyone?"_

_"I have a duty-"_

_"Duty!" the voice laughed. The scene changed, showing all of her companions dead at her feet. Even..._

_Elissa felt bile rise in her throat. She tried stepping back, but found that she couldn't._

_"What of your duty as a noblewoman? What of the duty you were born into? You're a brat who threw tantrums when you didn't get what you wanted."_

_"But I would never abandon my duty as a Grey Warden. It'd be treason!"_

_The voice seemed to ignore her. "Did you know that nobles would often lock away their children that preferred their same sex?"_

_She did know. Her mother had threatened her a few times with that._

_"You will hurt everyone around you, Warden, whether you intend to or not. This is your only warning."_

Elissa woke when she felt her shoulder being shaken. 

"Elissa," came a whispered Orlesian voice. "It's all right. You're awake, now."

"Leli," she murmured. She felt tear tracks down her cheeks. 

"I am here." 

Her body began shaking with silent sobs, Leliana taking her into her arms, pressing soft kisses to her temple. She rocked Elissa a little, rubbing her warm hands over her back. 

"'Twould be nice if you two would stop muttering," Morrigan slurred. Her voice sounded muffled. "I would like to sleep."

Both Morrigan and Wynne were sleeping on the only beds in the room while Leliana and Elissa were stuck on the floor. She didn't mind, though. As long as Leliana was near, she felt content. 

"Sorry, Morrigan," Elissa said. "I'll try to keep it down."

The witch merely grumbled before her breathing evened out again. 

"Are you okay?" Leliana asked after a few moments. 

Elissa nodded. "Yes, I'm... I'm fine." 

"We'll make it through this, Elissa."

"But the Blight-"

"No," Leliana interrupted. "We will not speak of this now. You need some rest." 

"Leli, the Blight will-"

She was interrupted again by Leliana's lips on hers. "Shh," she said. "Go back to sleep,  _ma cheri._ "

"I... don't think I can."

Leliana hummed against her. "We could always go for a walk?"

"No, Leli, you don't need to stay awake for me."

" _Mon cher,_ if you are awake, I am awake. Come, let's walk."

Elissa chuckled as she was pulled to her feet. "You'll have to teach me some of your Orlesian words, one day. I can't tell if I'm being insulted or if you're showing me affection."

Leliana placed a kiss on her jaw as they left the room. "Or maybe I'll just keep it a mystery. What is life without a little excitement, no?" 

The Warden put a hand on her lower back, her smile widening as Leliana wrapped an arm around her waist. "I'll get it out of you one day, my little minx."

She didn't know why she had ever doubted their relationship. Whatever came their way, they would make it through.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana's grip on her bow tightened as Elissa strode passed her, not seeming to care that she knocked into her shoulder. 

"The owner needs to know there are dead men outside of his building," she said as she entered the tavern. 

"Alistair," Morrigan hissed as soon as the door was shut. "You need to be the leader."

"What? No! She's doing such a good job!" 

Wynne shook her head. "I'm afraid it will not be much longer until our leader snaps. The stress of the Blight is catching up to her."

Reaper whined, nudging his head against Leliana's leg. She absenty rubbed behind his ears as she thought. 

What would happen if Elissa broke down? What would happen if she didn't return from that?

They would be doomed. Alistair was a good man, but he could not see over his own grief to lead. 

For Maker's sake, it had been over five months since Duncan's death, and he was still grieving about it. She could understand still being sorrowful, but no one saw Elissa still crying anytime her parents were brought up.

In fact, she hadn't really cried about them. Leliana knew that she still thought about them, but she had moved on. 

It was why she was the leader and Alistair wasn't, but being a lone leader was hard. And she never tried talking about it. She never told anyone what was happening in that brain of hers. 

At least not until it was too late. 

Elissa stormed back out a second later, the door almost swinging off its hinges. "Does anyone else have anything that needs to be done before we leave?" she asked, slamming the door shut. She stood in the middle of her companions, her arms crossed, her stance tense. 

"What of my sword, Warden?" Sten asked. 

"Right," she sighed. "We'll look for it, and then we'll be off. Leliana, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Leliana followed her Warden to the edge of the docks, pausing a few inches from her. Elissa's back was to her, her hands on her hips. 

"Elissa? Are you-" She gasped when Elissa cupped her face, claiming her mouth. After her shock had settled, one of Elissa's hands went to her waist. 

After a few moments, Elissa pulled back, but only to put their foreheads together. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"You don't have to apologize, believe me, but what was that for?" 

Elissa smiled, a slight blush coming to her cheeks. "I'm scared, and kissing is the only thing I know how to do."

"Are you all right?" 

Her smile turned into a slight frown, and she looked away. "The Blight won't wait for us to solve our petty problems. It's getting bigger, and we may not have enough people for the army by the time it gets here. I don't know what to do anymore."

"We... We take it one day at a time, as you said. There's nothing else we can do. And if we die because of these petty problems, then I will die a happy woman. I just hope we'll be together when that time comes."

"We will be. For as long as you need me, I will be by your side." Elissa placed another soft kiss on her lips. 

"We are going to kill that archdemon, Elissa. We will defeat this Blight. I have hope." 

Elissa just smiled and grabbed her hand, interlacing their fingers. "One day at a time," she whispered as they began walking back to their companions. "I can do that." 

There was nothing better than giving your leader the hope they needed to continue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, sappy romance. Gotta love adults acting like love-sick teenagers. Does good stuff for the soul. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!


	24. Where Art Thou, Brother Genitivi?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be changing the chapters to actual names instead of numbers, so bear with me while I think of names. 
> 
> Also, Alistair makes me mad, and Elissa also doesn't like him very much, so if you want you can just skim over that little bit of drama. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Elissa rubbed at her face, sighing as she walked around camp. 

They were about a week away from Denerim, and the darkspawn attacks were coming more frequently now. 

Everything was a disaster. Not like she had thought it was going to be a walk in the park, but she could hope.

Elissa had tried insisting that Arl Eamon was a lost cause, and that they shouldn't be chasing after a myth, but Alistair kept fighting her. He even threatened to leave the party if they didn't help Eamon. 

Maker, he was a child. 

A lot of the time, she wanted to knock him out and tie him to a tree, and leave his fate to the Maker. But she needed him on her side. It was hard enough with two Wardens. She couldn't imagine what it would be like if she were on her own.

Everything was falling apart, and there was nothing she could do. If she lost Alistair, everything would become a thousand times harder for her. He seemed the petty type, so she would most likely be fucked if he left. He would probably insult her and her family's name just to get back at her for not chasing a myth. 

She was the leader, for Maker's sake! She was supposed to make the decisions, and her companions were supposed to follow. Not her be the leader and take the blame and let everyone else make the decisions for her.

Elissa let out a cry of frustration and sunk one of her daggers into a tree. She was far enough away that she wouldn't wake anyone. 

She let her breathing even out before she slumped against the tree, her head thumping against the wood.  

Elissa rarely slept anymore, and when she did, she was plagued by nightmares. She would often wake without waking Leliana as well, somehow, and then she would go for a walk. Before dawn, she would slip back into their tent and pretend she was there. Leliana thought she was comforting her, thought she was keeping Elissa's nightmares away.

But as the Blight got worse, so did her nightmares. 

It felt so wrong lying to Leliana about it. When she asked if she slept, Elissa would nod and smile, saying she'd never felt better. 

Leliana had asked her not to lie, and yet here she was, lying as always. Then again, she  _had_ warned her. 

It was terrible, lying to the one person who had given her a second chance. Lying to the only person she really cared about. 

Elissa suspected Leliana knew her feelings. She hadn't told Elissa the "L" word, but she didn't really need to. The Warden could see how much Leliana cared for her and how much she worried about her. 

She never expected to find someone like her. Someone that understood her as if they were the same person. 

It was a nice change.

When they were in front of others, she didn't show Leliana much affection. Elissa was afraid that they would use Leliana against her, and she would have to give in to their demands because of what Leliana meant to her. 

It's why she hadn't even told Leliana how she truly felt. She showed her, yes, but if she told her, something bad would happen. 

She was used to losing people she cared about, but it didn't mean she  _wanted_ to lose them. 

Maker, she was a mess. 

She hadn't realized she had been crying until she felt a thumb cross her cheekbone. Her hand snapped up, catching the wrist in a bruising grip. 

Through her tears, she saw red hair and piercing blue eyes. Elissa immediately let go of Leliana's wrist. 

"I know you think you're quiet," Leliana murmured, both her hands cupping Elissa's face, "but I think even Orlais heard your cry."

Elissa leaned into her, spreading her legs so the bard could sit comfortably between them. Leliana moved so that her back was pressed into Elissa's chest. The Warden wrapped her arms around Leliana's waist and put her chin on her shoulder. 

She kissed Leliana's cheek. "It wasn't that loud, was it?"

Leliana shook her head. "Not really, no. I only heard it because I was already awake." 

Her arms tightened slightly as she asked, "Are you all right?"

She was quiet for a moment, her head tilted to the side. Then she gasped a little. "Oh! Yes, I'm perfect. I only couldn't sleep because I'm used to falling asleep with you beside me."

"Oh," Elissa murmured. "I'm sorry. It's my turn to be on watch."

"Do not apologize,  _mon cher._ " She leaned into Elissa a little more. "Would you like me to tell a story to pass the time?" 

"Leli, you don't have to do that."

Leliana nuzzled into her. "I am aware. But you usually like hearing them."

"Leliana, I-" She cut herself off before she could say  _I love you._ "I would... like that."

The bard didn't seem to notice her slip up. "Which one would you like to hear?"

"You know any love stories?" 

She giggled, sending a pleasant feeling through Elissa. "You're too much, sometimes. But yes. What about 'Alindra and Her Soldier?'"

"Ooh, yes. That sounds perfect."

"I can even show you the stars," Leliana offered. 

Elissa laughed against her. "Even better. I can look at the stars and pretend I'm listening." That earned her a smack on the arm, which only prompted her to laugh harder. Soon, they were both a mess of giggles. 

"All right, all right," Leliana said between her gasps for air. "Perhaps you would like a different story?"

"Nope," Elissa said. "You can't leave my arms until you tell me the story."

"Well, then, perhaps I must tell it so I can leave sooner," she teased. Her voice wasn't mocking but instead filled with affection. 

Elissa hummed, leaning against the tree, Leliana's head resting on her shoulder now. There was a smile on her face as she closed her eyes and listened to Leliana's soft voice. 

When dawn crept over the trees, Zevran found them sleeping peacefully against the base of the tree. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa and her party walked into Brother Gentivi's house. She noticed with some interest that Weylon seemed surprised to see them.

"Oh, you're... You're back."

"I'm guessing we were supposed to be killed at Lake Calenhad?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms. 

"Weylon" snarled. "My brothers died protecting the secret of Andraste." He raised his fists, shouting, "For Andraste!"

However, he barely got to take a step forward before one of Leliana's arrows was through his throat. Elissa just glanced back at her with a brow raised. Leliana shrugged. 

"All right, kids," Elissa said. "Look around for anything that could tell us where Brother Genitivi might be."

It took a few minutes, but Morrigan handed her a journal, saying that Genitivi was in Haven. 

"Maker," Elissa sighed. "That'll take another month and a half to get there."

"It's worth it," Alistair said. "Eamon can help us." 

"No, Alistair. It's not worth it. We're fucked more than we were just ten minutes ago." She took a deep breath. "We have the mages and the people of Redcliffe. We still need the elves and the dwarves. Why do we need Eamon?"

"Because he can bring Loghain to justice!" 

Elissa laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Other than damn the Wardens, he has done nothing. If he is too stupid to realize the Blight going on, it will be his death."

"But-"

"You are still sore about Duncan, Alistair. You were not raised to be a noble like I was. From the information I know of Eamon, he is power hungry and will do anything to keep his connection to the throne. We can take care of Loghain ourselves."

"You didn't know Duncan as long as I did!" Alistair protested. 

Morrigan stepped between them. "She did not. But that does not mean she cannot mourn his loss, as well. You forget, Alistair, that she lost her  _actual_ family in one night. The people who raised her and taught her everything she knows."

Elissa was at a loss for words. This was the first time Morrigan had actually defended her. She was usually quiet or she chuckled when someone was being rude to the Warden. 

"You lost a man you had only known for a few months, at most. You are being selfish."

Alistair looked at his feet. "I'm... I'm sorry, Elissa. I was out of place."

"Do you realize what's at stake here, Alistair? I don't think we have enough time to go after the Urn, if it even exists."

He nodded. "No, I understand. I just... He raised me, and I feel bad leaving him to die."

"Let's get some more people to help our army, and then we'll go after the Urn. Does that sound agreeable?"

"Who are we going after?" Leliana asked from behind Elissa. 

"The dwarves. Orzammar is just a week or two away from Haven. If we can get them on our side, we can go to Genitivi, and we can get the Urn. After that, we can see if we have enough time to go after the elves." 

Alistair nodded, a small smile on his face. "We can do that. If anything, it'll give us an insight into how far the darkspawn are. We can see how many there are, as well, and maybe we'll see if the archdemon is above ground yet."

"Great," Elissa sighed as she clapped her hands together. "Glad we're on the same page."

"Well, let's stock up on supplies, then," Zevran said. "And drink as much wine as possible. After all, we'll be underground for a while. I have heard dwarven ale is watered down."

"Just... Please don't kill yourselves, kids," Elissa said as she followed her party into the markets of Denerim. "I still need friends for the Blight."

Leliana interlaced their fingers. "Don't worry about them, Elissa. Most of them are older than you."

Elissa narrowed her eyes at Alistair as he walked into the tavern. "Is he even old enough to drink?" 

"I... I don't know, actually."

Elissa shook her head and led them inside, sitting at the table beside her companions. "I was told he cannot hold his alcohol."

Leliana squeezed her hand. "When was the last time you had something to drink that wasn't water?"

"You know, I've never had much interest in drinking. Perhaps if there was a lovely damsel that could convince me otherwise..." She grinned when Leliana gave her an unamused look. 

Leliana waved a waitress over, asking for some of their finest wine. She took the rest of their orders as well, disappearing before Elissa had a chance to protest. 

"This is gonna be fun," Elissa said as the waitress brought back their drinks. 

When she took the first sip of wine, she wondered why she almost never drank. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it show that I don't like Alistair? He just seems like a big baby to me, and I don't like the way he operates if you romance him as an elf/dwarf/mage. Like, even if you're noble, you still can't have babies, so...? I know a lot of people like him but while I care about him, he gets on my nerves. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!


	25. A New Addition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Elissa is best Elissa.
> 
> Also, a new character! Kallian Tabris, professional criminal and hater of shems, officially joins the team in this chapter. Her role will be minor, but I'll try to make it seem like she fits within the story. Let me know if you have any complaints or anything.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Maker, Elissa was drunk. 

It was hilarious to watch. Leliana often found herself covering her mouth to try and quiet the laughter bubbling from her. 

It was nice to watch her loosen up. She had even fallen out of her chair once, making everyone burst into laughter. 

Leliana thought Elissa was trying to focus on what Zevran was saying, but her forehead hitting the wooden table told her that it was probably time for her to sleep. 

"Nooo," Elissa groaned as Leliana grabbed her arm. "Wanna stay."

Leliana giggled. "You cannot stay."

"Why?" she whined. "There's still more to drink."

"Elissa."

"Hm?"

"Let's go."

She whined again, like a toddler would when they were being forced to do something. She heard Wynne chuckle as she sipped whatever it was she was drinking. 

"She is like a child with an adult's body at the moment."

Elissa, along with Zevran and Alistair, started singing (very badly) a song that sounded like they were just making it up as they went. Leliana tugged on her arm again, only to have Elissa tug back.

Because the Warden was stronger than her, Leliana found herself straddling Elissa's hips. 

She looked strangely sober the moment she realized what she had done. But of course, the goofy grin and glazed eyes let Leliana know she was still drunk. 

Elissa leaned against the back of the chair, her hands roaming dangerously close to her breasts. Leliana grabbed her wrists and brought them back down to her waist. Elissa's smile made her realize that the Warden knew exactly what she was doing. 

Maker. 

Zevran and Alistair were still singing, but Elissa was staring at her, something Leliana knew all too well making her pupils darker. 

"What do you say to getting out of here?" Elissa murmured, her lips against her neck. 

Leliana let out a tsk, trying to move from her lap, but Elissa's hands held tight. "I would normally say yes, but it'll have to be 'no' tonight. You're not yourself."

Those lips started going lower, brushing her collarbone before Leliana cupped her face and brought it back up. 

"Stop," she said. Not that she actually wanted Elissa to stop, but in this state, she might do something she would regret later. 

Elissa smiled lazily at her. "You're so pretty," she sighed. 

"Thank you, Elissa."

She was still smiling when she kissed Leliana's lips, her hands twitching. 

They slid to her waist, but stayed there before Leliana could bring them back down. 

There was a whistle from Zevran when they broke away, and Elissa's smile faded. She looked at Zevran with fire dancing in her eyes. 

She was apparently the protective type. 

"I think it would be best if you brought the Warden to your room."

Leliana glanced at Wynne, then at Zevran and Alistair. "Will you be all right with them? You do have a reputation to uphold, you know."

Wynne chuckled and waved her off. "I'll be all right. This isn't the first time I've dealt with drunken boys."

"If you're sure..." 

Leliana slipped off Elissa's lap, despite her Warden's protests, and grabbed her arm. "Come,  _ma cheri._ Let's get you upstairs."

Elissa grinned as she got to her feet. "For you, I'll come anywhere."

Leliana smacked her on the arm, glaring at her as well. "You're disgusting when you're drunk."

Elissa was silent the rest of the way to their room, somehow not falling. She was actually quite steady on her feet. 

Once inside their room, Leliana noticed that Elissa actually looked quite sober. She walked over to their bed and collapsed on her back, taking a deep breath.

"Are you... okay?" Leliana asked, sitting beside her. 

"Sleepy," she said, her eyes already shut. "Need to sleep."

Leliana chuckled. "All right. Sweet dreams, my Warden."

Elissa mumbled something, but Leliana only heard "I" and "You." When she tried asking Elissa what she said, she was met with soft snores. 

She smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead, cuddling into her side. Elissa let out a short groan before her arms came around Leliana, pulling her to her chest. Leliana's body half covered Elissa's. 

She tried staying awake, just watching her Warden sleep. After a little while, the strong beat of Elissa's heart and the steady rhythm of her breathing made her eyes heavy and dry. She meant to close them briefly, but when she opened them, the sun was beginning to creep through the windows. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa had wanted to visit the Alienage to see if there was anything she could do for them before they left. Everyone, except for Leliana, was opposed to the idea. "We have somewhere to be," they said. 

So, she and Leliana went to the district of the elves. 

"What do you expect to do for them?" Leliana asked as they walked across the bridge. 

Elissa shrugged. "Anything, I guess. I've never liked the Alienages. Elves are people, just like us."

Leliana had nodded and had gone to say something, but a woman's voice cut her off. "He didn't do anything!"

Elissa had glanced at Leliana before she took off toward the voice. When she arrived, she saw three guards and three elves in some heated conversation. One was a red-head, one had brown hair (and was in a wedding dress), and the oldest had graying hair.

The brown-haired elf was standing defensively in front of the red-haired elf. 

As Elissa made her way over to them, she called out, "What's going on here?"

One of the older guards turned to her. "Go back to your homes, citizens. This is nothing to worry about."

She ignored him and looked to the elves. "What happened?"

The brown-haired elf narrowed her eyes. "Some  _shem_ kidnapped us and raped my cousin. I killed him."

"He was a nobleman, and you will pay for your crimes!"

"As far as I'm concerned," Elissa said, using her Orlesian voice, "he deserved what he got. Kidnapping and raping? Those are punishable crimes. She was just defending her family." She heard Leliana let out an unladylike noise behind her.

The older guard - who she assumed was the captain of the guard - looked her up and down. "And who are you to judge?"

"I am Warden-Commander Caron, from Orlais." 

The captain snorted. "You don't sound very Orlesian."

"She is Fereldan, originally," Leliana said. "But she came to see about the Blight. She is the Warden-Commander of Orlais."

The elves clearly caught the lie, but the guards did not. "Warden-Commander, eh? Prove it."

Elissa blinked. "How would I prove something like that?"

One of the elves chuckled. "You cannot. Guard captain, you'll just have to take her word."

"No, elf. You are a criminal, and you'll be tried for your crimes."

"Then I invoke the Right of Conscription," Elissa said. "From here on, this elf is a Grey Warden."

The brown-haired elf looked shocked. "Wait, really?" 

"The Wardens need people like you. People with spirit." 

"Captain," one of the guards whispered. "Aren't Grey Wardens an enemy to the crown?"

"Hurt me," Elissa warned, "and you'll risk another war with Orlais." Thank the Maker she learned about that while she was a noble. "As far as I'm concerned, you can't touch me."

The captain sighed in frustration. "Damn it, Grey Wardens. All right, elf. You're free to go."

The captain then left, leaving Elissa and Leliana alone with the elves.

"Why did you do that?" the brown-haired elf asked. "You're obviously not a Grey Warden. And you're a  _shem._ "

"I am a Grey Warden, actually. One of the last in Ferelden."

"But you're not from Orlais."

"Nope."

"Then... Why?"

Elissa shrugged. "You were just protecting your family. I can understand why you would do this."

The elf had understanding in her eyes. "I see. Can... Can I at least say goodbye?"

"Oh, you don't even have to come along. You might have to leave Denerim, though..."

She clearly thought this day was getting weirder and weirder. "After all that, I don't have to come along?"

"No. Not unless you want to. Which, trust me, you don't want to."

"Is it exciting?"

Elissa smiled. "It can be. But it's hard work. And it's dangerous."

"Will you come with me while I say goodbye? I want you to meet the reason I killed a nobleman."

Elissa shrugged again and followed the elf, Leliana on her heels. She grabbed her hand. 

"Are you sure about this?"

"Why wouldn't I be? If she's good enough to kill a nobleman and his guards, she'll be invaluable to our team. She can help with the Blight."

Leliana nodded. "All right. I trust you."

"If you're worried about her hurting you, trust me, she'll be dead before the thought even passes her mind."

"Thank you, but... That wasn't what I was worried about. She's a criminal. She killed a nobleman-"

"Because he attacked her family. When I find Howe, I'll do the same thing." 

"The consequences are on your head. That's all I'm saying."

Elissa was going to respond, but she was interrupted by a younger elf yelling, "Kallian! You're back."

They followed the brown-haired elf into a shabby house, closing the door as soon as they were inside. Another red-headed elf came into view, hugging the elf from earlier. 

When they broke apart, the red-head narrowed her eyes at Elissa and Leliana. The Warden crossed her arms and stood in front of Leliana, much like the elf had done. 

"Why are there more  _shems_ here?"

The brown-haired elf - who Elissa assumed was Kallian - gestured to them. "They are different, Shianni. They saved both Soris and I, but... I have to go with them. To be a Grey Warden."

Shianni turned on them. "You're taking my cousin away from me-"

"I told her she did not have to go," Elissa interrupted, becoming very aware of her weapons slung across her back. "But she would have to leave Denerim. It is too dangerous for her to remain here, with or without us."

"Shianni, I have to go. To protect everyone. I'm sorry."

"I'll miss you."

"I know."

"Look," Elissa sighed. "We won't be leaving until midday. Meet us at the main gates of Denerim if you want to come with us. If you're not there, I'll assume you changed your mind, and we'll be on our way."

With that, she grabbed Leliana's hand and led her out of the house, walking back to the tavern to tell the rest of her companions the news. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kallian did end up joining them, despite everything Elissa told her they would be doing. She'd merely said, "Sounds like fun." She even looked intrigued when Alistair had said they were going into Orzammar. 

She and Elissa were now walking side-by-side, though Leliana was still near. 

"What happened to your family?" Kallian asked once they were a little ways away from Denerim. 

"They were killed by a family friend."

"And you're noble, I'm guessing?"

"You know this how?" Elissa asked with concern, her eyes narrowing slightly.

Kallian chuckled. "The way you talked to the guard captain. You sounded very noble-like."

"Yet despite the fact that I'm a noble, you still wanted to travel with me?"

"Yep! I'm always up for an adventure. Besides, you saved my life. I had to repay you somehow."

"Right," Elissa sighed. "What's your last name? You never said."

"Tabris. Would you mind telling me yours, so I know whether or not you're one of the rich snobs?"

Elissa smiled. "Cousland. My family is - well,  _was_ from Highever."

"That's not too far from here," Kallian muttered, seemingly to herself. 

"It's almost two weeks from Denerim."

"Yes, but if you want to go-"

"There's nothing for me there. If anything, I'd likely be killed."

"Depressing."  

Elissa grunted in agreement. 

"Well, I'm going to go talk to someone else. You're too gloomy." The words were harsh, but her tone was teasing. Unsurprisingly, Kallian went to Zevran.

Leliana came up beside her. "She's right, you know. We could always stop by Highever, see if you can kill Howe there."

Elissa laced their fingers together. "Nah, there's no point. We have a Blight to stop. And I don't feel like being shot at right now."

Leliana giggled. "I'll be right here if you need to talk." 

"Yeah, I know," she murmured before she kissed Leliana's cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not caring that I'm a monster. For being there for me when I need it."

"Elissa..."

"When is a monster not a monster?" she asked suddenly, not expecting the bard to answer.

Leliana nudged her shoulder. "When you love it."

Elissa smiled sadly and squeezed Leliana's hand. They walked in comfortable silence until it was too dark to keep walking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically, I added Kallian because Zev needs some love too. Also, she'll be a great pain in the ass to Elissa and will set her straight when she needs it. They'll become unlikely friends! (maybe, depending on how much of an ass Elissa will be)
> 
> As always, feedback is always welcome! Let me know if you guys want to see more Kallian or if you even want her there at all. (Or, if she doesn't fit yet, let me know what I can do to fix it!)


	26. Warden Tabris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to make the chapters longer, but I don't want you guys to feel like I'm dragging it out unnecessarily.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Elissa was getting her and Leliana's tent ready when Kallian basically cornered her. 

"I want to be a Grey Warden."

She paused, slowly turning to face the elf. "And what makes you think we're any different from you?"

"Alistair told me-"

"Damn it."

"-and I know that you can't be like me. I've seen you  _sense_ darkspawn. No one I have ever known can do that."

Elissa sighed and crossed her arms. "Becoming a Grey Warden is dangerous, Kallian."

"What's your point? I  _am_ danger."

The Warden couldn't help but chuckle. She reminded Elissa of a younger version of herself. Well, she probably  _was_ younger. 

"You could die. There's a... ritual that you have to go through. The first part is quite easy if you know how to fight, but the last part is where the real danger comes in."

"What's the danger?"

Elissa took a deep breath. "You have to drink darkspawn blood. And if you survive, you'll be a Grey Warden. But sometimes a body will reject the blood, and that person will die."

She saw Kallian glance to where Zevran was making dinner. A sad look passed over her face. "Please tell me you're pulling my leg."

"I'm afraid not."

Kallian sighed and closed her eyes, her hands on her hips. "All right," she said. "I'll undergo this 'ritual' of yours."

"Kallian, you don't have to. Except for Alistair, none of my companions are Grey Wardens. I don't want the risk of them dying."

"But I want to be a Grey Warden. Please, Elissa?"

"Since when did I become your mother? I don't recall telling you what you can and can't do. I was just warning you." Elissa looked to Zevran as well, smiling a little when he noticed their stares and gave a little wave. 

Kallian smiled as well before turning back to Elissa. "When can I do the ritual?"

"Well, we'll have to find some darkspawn first. When we do, you have to take some of their blood, in a vial or something, and I'll help you go through the ritual."

"How long do you think I'll have?"

Elissa shrugged. "A few days, at most."

Kallian was silent for a few moments, until she asked, "How do you know if someone is the 'one?'"

"I'm sorry?"

The elf shook her head. "I know I've only known Zevran for a few days, but I really like him." That sounded familiar. "He's funny, and actually quite kind for an assassin."

"I hope you know my romantic involvement with Leliana was pure luck. I still have no idea what I'm doing, or if she even likes me."

"Really? When you're together it seems like you know exactly what you're doing."

Elissa snorted. "No, I'm afraid I don't. I just read things from trashy romance novels and hope she gets what I'm trying to say."

"Do you love her?"

Ah. That was the question, wasn't it? "I think so," she answered quietly. "I don't know, honestly. I don't know what love feels like."

It was Kallian's turn to snort. "You sound like Zev. Let me give you a tip: if you're willing to do anything for her, or if you're always there for her despite everything else that needs to be done... Well, Warden, that's love.

"If you've pledged yourself to her, if you've wondered about her well-being instead of your own, I would say you love her."

"I thought this was supposed to be advice for you," Elissa said with a chuckle. "But to answer your original question, I guess if you want to be around them more than others and you seem to fit like pieces to a puzzle, you've found your 'one.'"

Kallian seemed lost in thought. "Yeah, thanks. Really, I mean it. I'm... I'm gonna go talk with Zev."

When she left, her presence was replaced by Leliana's. The bard wrapped her arms around Elissa's torso from behind. 

"What was that about?" she asked, placing her forehead on the back of Elissa's neck. Elissa imagined it was more comfortable now that she was only wearing a tunic and pants. 

"Kallian wants to be a Grey Warden."

Leliana's huff of breath tickled her skin through the fabric of her shirt. "What's wrong with that? Both you and Alistair are Grey Wardens."

"Have I never told you what happened when I went through my Joining?"

"It's never come up."

"I had to drink darkspawn blood and survive to become a Grey Warden. I watched two others die. I felt like I was dying, and that when I had the nightmares, I was meeting all the sins I had committed over the years."

"And you don't want Kallian to die."

Elissa turned in Leliana's arms, cupping her face. "I don't want anyone to die. Not my friends, anyway. I could live with Howe dying."

"You'll get your revenge someday." 

"Yeah. I know." She kissed Leliana. "So, are you going to help me set up the tent or are you going to watch me suffer as I try to set it up?"

Leliana smiled and, instead of moving to help, buried her face in Elissa's neck. "I, um..." She cleared her throat. "I think I love you."

Elissa felt her heart clench painfully. Damn it, this was where she was supposed to say the same, wasn't it? This was where she was supposed to express how much she cared for Leliana. 

But the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She was frozen to the spot, and the only thing she was able to do was tighten her arms around the smaller woman. 

Elissa felt Leliana tense when she hadn't said anything back to her. She slipped out of Elissa's arms, turning away with, "I'm going to go see what Zevran is making."

The Warden couldn't help but laugh at herself as Leliana walked away. There was no humor in her laugh, only self-loathe.

She just had to ruin everything, didn't she?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kallian watched Elissa fight the darkspawn with interest. There was grace in her movements, yes, but there was so much  _power._ The way she walked carelessly to the beasts, swinging her daggers. 

Everyone else had stayed away during the fight. Zevran had warned her not to go near Elissa when she was like that.

"She's likely angry with herself," he had said. "And her anger rises quickly, so it would be best not to interact with her until she says otherwise."

Kallian watched Elissa as she sank her dagger into the last darkspawn, ripping it out of its neck almost as quickly as it had gone in. 

What would she be angry at herself for?

"Kallian," the Warden barked, making the elf snap to attention. Elissa tossed a vial at her. "Get enough darkspawn blood to fill that vial and then come with Alistair and I."

Zevran followed Kallian, speaking to her as she knelt to get some blood. 

"I know why she is hating herself today," he said quietly. 

"Why is that?"

He poked her cheek to turn her head towards Elissa. Their leader was looking sadly at Leliana, who in turn had something like regret written on her face. 

"Oh."

"Yes," Zevran agreed. " _Oh_."

"What happened?" Kallian asked, turning back to the darkspawn corpse below her. 

Zevran shrugged. "I do not know. It may have something to do with Leliana's confession of love, however."

Kallian shook her head. "It can't be that. Elissa told me she was sure she loved Leliana."

"And she may, but that does not mean she can't be frightened by words of affection."

"What do you mean?"

"You have not known our leader for long, Kallian," he said. "She is terrified of what caring for someone will mean. She is like me - she took her pleasure where she could, but she never cared for those she bedded. But now she cares for Leliana, and it frightens her. She is scared." 

Kallian stood with the vial. She looked to Elissa, who was now talking quietly with Alistair. "I'll see if I can figure out what went on between them."

She walked to the Wardens, extending the vial. She heard Elissa say, "No, Alistair, we don't need to say them. We don't have time."

"But they're a part of Grey Warden tradition!" he argued. 

"I know. But we do not have the time. End of discussion."

Alistair huffed and crossed his arms, leaning against a tree. "Get on with it, then."

Elissa turned to Kallian. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Kallian nodded. "Yes. It's too late to turn back now, anyway."

"All right, then," Elissa said. She nodded to the vial. "Drink it, but don't drink it all. I'm sure you actually  _would_ die if you did."

Kallian nodded again and felt uneasy as she uncorked the vial. Elissa put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine," she said quietly. "I have faith in you."

Kallian tipped the vial to her lips, bile rising in her throat as the blood reached her tongue. She forced the liquid down, stopping when there was a little left. 

Something was burning inside her stomach. She dropped the vial, her arms wrapping around her belly as she bent over her knees and groaned. 

She coughed, the darkspawn blood spitting out a little ways in front of her. 

Strong hands grabbed her shoulders, forcing her up. Her eyes were blurry, but she could faintly make out Elissa's worried expression. She was saying something, though it was blocked out by a roaring in Kallian's ears. 

Elissa was getting more worried now as Kallian collapsed into her chest. She felt more than heard Elissa shouting at someone. 

Before her vision went black, she saw Elissa begin carrying her, and then Zevran's concerned face. 

Her eyes became too heavy to keep open.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa was pacing outside of Kallian's tent, chewing on her fingernails and running her hands through her hair. 

Kallian had survived, but barely. When she had doubled over but hadn't gone unconscious, Elissa had known something was wrong. 

She had been asleep for the past few hours, and Elissa couldn't help but feel at fault. She had accepted Kallian's wish to become a Grey Warden, and it could've just killed the poor elf. 

Elissa was worried, and for good reason. Wynne had said Kallian would most likely wake before dawn, but she hadn't shown any signs of waking recently. 

She was also worried about Leliana. She had ignored Elissa most of the day, only speaking when she needed to. 

Elissa jumped when she felt something touch her shoulder. Leliana's voice was calm when she spoke. "It's all right. It's just me."

"Listen, Leliana-"

The bard shushed her with a finger to her lips. "As I said, it is all right. I understand your hesitance, now that I've had time to think."

"I'm scared, Leli. I care about you, and I'm scared about what that means."

"I know."

"I'm so sorry. I've made a mess of everything. And-And going into Orzammar? It'll be a nightmare. I hate the feeling of being trapped."

Leliana raised a brow, her eyes curious. "Is that why you sneak out when you think I'm sleeping?"

Shit. 

Elissa felt her face heat. "S-sometimes, yeah. But most of the time I just can't sleep. I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate it, but-"

"Elissa. It's all right. I just wish you would tell me when you can't sleep."

"You need to sleep. Hopefully, we won't be in Orzammar for long, but with the way things are going... I don't know. I have a feeling we'll be stuck underground for a few more weeks than we want."

"Let me know how I can help," Leliana said quietly, stepping closer to Elissa to cup her cheek. 

Elissa leaned into the touch. "I don't like the feeling of being vulnerable," she said. "Of being trapped, with no way out. I don't like others seeing me bare, you know. Because it makes me feel too vulnerable to attack."

"Even when you were bedding others? They never saw you?"

Elissa shook her head. Her arms were dangling uselessly at her sides. "I didn't want them to. I-I kept them busy so they wouldn't even question why I was still in clothing."

Leliana wrapped her arms around Elissa's neck, putting their foreheads together. "You have my trust. You may take your time to feel ready. But know that I will wait for you, no matter what."

"And I, you," she whispered. "Do you think Orzammar will actually be easy?"

Leliana snorted. "I doubt it. There's likely a civil war going on, and we'll be stuck in the middle of it."

"As if we didn't have enough to deal with," Elissa sighed. 

"You know, I could always relieve some of your stress..."

Elissa chuckled. "Thank you, but not tonight. Unless you're offering a massage. I won't say no to that."

She felt Leliana's smile against her lips. "Come to my tent, and I'll see about that massage."

"Is this an innuendo or are you actually giving me a massage?"

"I would never do something you wouldn't want me to do."

"Okay," she said with a little nod. "I trust you, but I'm not ready for that. Not yet."

"I understand. But come along before I retract my offer."

Elissa couldn't help but follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Zevran ever offer a massage? Because I've heard that he does, but when I romance him, I never get the option. But that's where the whole massage from Leliana idea came from. 
> 
> Also, I thought it would be a little funny because it's like Leliana wants to Netflix and Chill but Elissa only wants to watch Netflix. 
> 
> As always, feedback is always welcome!


	27. An Unspoken Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some fluff and some angst (maybe?) and also flirting in which Elissa has no idea what Leliana's talking about. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long. School has me hella busy again. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Kallian woke to the sounds of arguing. 

It took a moment for her ears to adjust and for her mind to temporarily forget the nightmares. By the time she felt like she actually belonged in her body, the argument had escalated to almost shouting. 

"She's a big girl, Zev. She can make decisions on her own," said one of the voices, who Kallian recognized as Elissa.

She glanced at the opening of her tent, but only saw shadows. The taller one, Elissa, she assumed, had her arms crossed, her hip jutting out defensively. Zevran had his arms crossed as well, but he was standing straight, almost like he was trying to make himself taller. 

She had to stifle a laugh. Elissa was taller than him by a head, and she was taller than Kallian by almost two. 

"I know," Zevran responded, "but you should have been aware of the danger she was in!" 

"I'm not her mother! She wanted this. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have let her."

Zevran huffed. "As our leader, you should have said no."

"Listen, Zevran, I don't want her to die. I don't want any of you to die. But she wanted to be a Grey Warden. I told her of the consequences, but this is what she wanted." She reached out and put a hand on Zevran's shoulder. "She'll make it through this. She's a fighter."

He sighed and let his arms dangle at his sides. "I know," he said quietly. "I'm just worried."

"Wynne won't let her be harmed. And I'll be damned if I let one of my friends die on my watch."

"Thank you," he sighed. "I think... I think I would like to be alone for now."

Elissa nodded before she walked away, towards the campfire. 

Zevran sighed again, pacing in front of her tent. 

After a few minutes, she called out to him. 

"Zev?" she asked hesitantly. "You can come in now."

A second later, his face appeared in her tent, his eyes hopeful. When he saw that she was sitting up on her own, he grinned. 

"I suppose I should start calling  _you_ my lovely Warden now," he teased. 

She smiled at him. "I am a Grey Warden now, aren't I?"

"Does it feel different?" 

Kallian shrugged. "Not really. Other than the nightmares, I wouldn't even think I was any different." 

Zevran nodded. "Elissa and Alistair will be there for you. You know this, yes?"

"Yeah," she said. "I know. And, Zev, it really wasn't her fault. She was just doing what I asked her to do."

He nodded again and sat beside her. "I was just worried, my dear."

"Still," she sighed. "You shouldn't have taken your anger out on her. She has enough to deal with as it is."

"I'll apologize when I see her again. For now, though, you should rest. You-"

"I've been resting for what seems like weeks. I need to  _do_ something. Or," she added with a wink in his direction, "some _one_."

He laughed, his head tilting back. "Though Elissa says she's not your mother, I think I would lose one of my favorite parts if she found out I had tried anything." He chuckled and shook his head. "Although, if you are offering, I am always up for a challenge." 

"Maybe another time? When Elissa isn't in camp, perhaps?" 

"Agreed."

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Zevran made to leave. Kallian's hand on his wrist stopped him. "Will you stay with me tonight? Maybe you'll keep the nightmares away."

He looked torn between making a hasty exit and staying by her side. In the end, he nodded slightly and pushed her onto her back, settling in behind her. 

"Just so you know," he breathed in her ear, "if our fearless leader finds us like this, I'm blaming you."

She chuckled, her eyes growing heavy despite her wanting to stay awake. He really was very warm. 

"I think I can live with that."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Everyone else had gone to sleep, and Leliana was resting her head in Elissa's lap as she stared into the fire. 

Kallian had been a close call. They had almost lost her a few times, and it had scared Elissa. She'd realized how quickly she could lose someone, as if losing her family hadn't already taught her that. 

She valued her time with Leliana as often as she could. She knew that by the end of this war, something would happen to one of them, and they would be separated. 

By death or duty, she wasn't sure yet. And she didn't know which one she preferred. 

At least demons weren't falling from the sky. That was something good, at least. 

Leliana whimpered quietly, and Elissa wouldn't have heard it if she wasn't paying attention to the bard. Then her shoulders began shaking, a groan of pain coming from her throat. 

Elissa whispered to her, running a hand through Leliana's hair, her other hand running soothing circles on her lower back. A few strokes later, and Leliana jolted upright, her eyes searching her surroundings frantically. 

She hadn't looked behind her yet when she quietly called out, "Elissa?" 

"It's all right," Elissa answered softly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm right here." 

Leliana turned to look at her, her eyes wide and filled with tears. Upon seeing this, Elissa pulled the smaller woman to her chest. 

She continued her soothing strokes from before, her arms tightening around Leliana. 

The bard wasn't sobbing or wailing, but her body was shaking with tears now, and she was trying to press herself further into Elissa's chest. It was almost like she was trying to make them one person. 

Elissa could feel hot tears on her neck from where Leliana's face was buried, but she couldn't care less. Leliana needed her at that moment. It wouldn't do her good to make a smart comment about it. 

Elissa murmured affection and support into Leliana's ear, pushing some of her hair back so she could see some of her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her mouth turned in a frown. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" the Warden asked quietly. "If not, I understand. But I'm here for you."

Leliana sniffed, and when she spoke, her voice was clogged with unshed tears. "I-I was in this state where Marjolaine had found me again and I was too weak to defend myself and-and you were too slow to-" She did sob that time, but she spoke again after a few seconds. 

"You were too slow to protect us, and Marjolaine tortured you in front of me. Anytime she would turn her attention to me, you would shout and scream rude things at her until she turned on you again. I watched you endure all this and I..." She sniffed again. "I could do nothing," she finished quietly. 

Elissa cupped her face, her thumbs wiping at the tears on her face. "I will always protect you," she murmured. "Even if I die doing it, I promise that until my last breath, I will keep you safe."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Leliana said, but she leaned into Elissa, their foreheads touching.

"Even if this war tears us apart in the end, I will always fight for you. You have my word." She nudged Leliana's cheek with her nose. "Besides, if I die, I'll just haunt you."

Leliana laughed, pressing closer. "I know. I hope you'll look out for me, as well."

"Always."

Elissa lowered her hands to interlace their fingers. Leliana squeezed her hands, a seemingly reassuring gesture. 

"Get some sleep, Leli. We have a long journey ahead of us."

"You need sleep, too, you know," Leliana retorted, a serious look on her face. 

"Oh, no, we're not playing this game. I've told you before what my dreams entail, and frankly, I don't feel like reliving those moments right now."

Leliana shrugged. "If you don't sleep, then I won't sleep." 

"I'll order you to go to sleep," she said, her tone teasing. "I'm sure you don't want to hear the punishments for disobeying my orders..."

Now Leliana looked intrigued. "Oh? And what punishment would I get for not going to sleep like you told me to?"

Elissa leaned into her ear, trying to keep her rising desire in check, but she almost lost control of it when she heard Leliana's breath hitch. 

"I think you know," she whispered, nipping at her earlobe. "Maybe you'll get special treatment because you're beautiful."

Leliana chuckled, but it sounded breathless. "Flatterer."

Elissa hummed, making sure her throat was pressed against Leliana's so the bard would feel the vibrations of it. "You know it."

"I think I should turn in, anyway," Leliana said as she pulled away slightly. "I can't help thinking about how  _soft_ and  _warm_ my bedroll is."

Elissa blinked and pulled away. "Oh," she said, her tone sounding more clipped than she'd like. "All right. I'm going to stay up for a little while longer, if that's okay. I might write in my journal a bit before my watch is over."

Leliana smiled in curiosity. "I didn't know you even had a journal. Or wrote in it regularly."

Elissa shook her head. "I write in it sometimes."

"Well, perhaps I could give you a suggestion?" she asked. "'Dear journal, Leliana has shown much affection for me, and has even offered to take me to her bed. But alas, such subtlety is lost on me.'" She was smirking by the end of it. 

The Warden's head tilted to the side. "Wha...?" Realization dawned on her, and she felt her eyes widen. "Oh.  _Oh._ "

Leliana giggled. "Now she gets it."

Elissa felt her face heat, and it wasn't because of the fire. "Wait, here?  _Now_? When someone could so easily hear us?" She looked around. "While we're supposed to be on  _watch_?" 

"If you don't want to, then just say so."

"No!" Elissa said. "No, I want to. I just... I don't want the others to hear us."

"Then wake someone up and let's go deeper into the forest." 

Her tone was commanding, but there was no harshness in it. It just made Elissa want to follow her orders. 

"Would you be willing to wait until my watch is over?" she asked shyly, ducking her head. She had no idea why she was suddenly feeling ashamed. 

Through her peripheral, she saw Leliana frown. "Elissa, I wasn't trying to pressure you. I understand if you're not ready."

"I am ready," Elissa said defensively. "I don't want our first time together to be up against a tree with dirt and bugs and the cold." 

"My tent is still an option." 

"The others will be more likely to hear us."

Leliana looked hurt. "Why does it matter?"

"Because, Leli," she answered in a low voice, "I don't want them waking up when you scream my name."

It was Leliana's turn to blush. Even her neck took on a darker color. "We can, ah... We can wait until we're at a tavern."

Elissa nodded. "We'll just stick to teasing right now."

Leliana smiled and cuddled into Elissa's side. "If you tease me one more time-"

"I don't make promises I can't keep."

The bard sighed, though it sounded more content than agitated. "I do wish we could stay like this forever."

Elissa wrapped an arm around Leliana. "The Blight won't fight itself."

"I'm aware. I'm afraid of losing you, you know."

"Why?" 

"Any of us could die at the end of this Blight. To finally love someone again only to lose them..." 

Elissa nodded. "I understand." 

"You'll come out of this as the hero, whether you survive or not. Do you know that?"

"And heroes always pay the price for their actions, even if they were the right ones at the time." She tightened her grip. "Do you know why I don't publicly show you affection when we're in towns?"

"I hadn't really thought about it."

Elissa sighed. "I'm afraid of losing you to someone that thinks they can use you against me. Like that demon in the Fade... Even then, I was willing to do whatever it wanted so long as you weren't hurt." 

"I see." She yawned. 

"When we're alone, I'll do anything you want. But when there are others that aren't our friends around, well... We need to just act as friends." When Leliana didn't reply, Elissa hesitantly asked, "Leliana? Say something."

She was met with an incoherent mumble and a whine after Elissa moved Leliana's head to her lap again. 

Once she was sure Leliana was asleep again, she whispered, "I love you. And I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to say it when you're awake."

After her watch was over, she carried Leliana to their tent, making her as comfortable as possible. Elissa ended up on her back, Leliana pressing into her left side, one arm slung over her stomach while her head rested in the crook of Elissa's neck. 

The Warden fell into an uneasy sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Elissa. Also poor Leliana for not knowing how Elissa truly feels. Honestly, they're a tragedy waiting to happen. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!


	28. A Night to Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is basically just smut. It might not be that good, though. I'm still not very good at writing it. 
> 
> Let me know if it actually was any good or not. 
> 
> Also, if you don't want to read it because it's NSFW, it's all right. There's not much story advancement in this chapter.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Elissa was going to be the death of her. 

They had made it to the inn, slower than Leliana would have liked, and were now discussing which route to take to Orzammar. Every now and then, Elissa would give her a look that made her squirm in her seat. 

Her gaze held a promise of what they would be doing later. 

Elissa was a big tease. 

Though she would have made a good bard. She was a good seducer. 

"All right," Elissa announced, her arms crossed over her stomach. "It'll take about another week to get to Orzammar, so I hope you kids are ready to have your legs aching by the time we arrive."

"That won't be the only thing aching by the time we're done with this," Zevran said, earning a snort from Kallian. 

Elissa rubbed the bridge of her nose, her eyes slipping closed as a sigh escaped her lips. "That's enough, Zevran." 

"I don't think Leliana's had enough," Kallian sniggered. "I think she's-"

"Kallian and Zevran. Stop."

There was something lining her voice, something that made Leliana shiver. 

"Perhaps we should get some rest?" Wynne suggested. "We can talk about this when we've all had a good night's sleep."

"Leliana and Elissa won't be getting much sleep," Zevran quietly said to Kallian, who burst into laughter. 

Elissa, meanwhile, was glaring daggers at them both, one of her brows raised. "Are you finished?"

"For now," Kallian said, a smirk pulling at her lips. 

Elissa nodded. "We'll talk about this in the morning." Before Kallian or Zevran could say anything, she quickly added, "Say something more about Leliana and I and I will beat you."

Kalliana raised her hands defensively. "All right, all right. We'll keep quiet." She stood along with Zevran and began making her way to their room. "The question is whether or not you and Leliana will keep quiet." 

She was gone before Elissa could hit her. 

The Warden finally turned fully to Leliana, a small smile on her face despite the clear agitation in her eyes. "You want to get out of here?" 

Leliana grinned as she stood, looping her arm around Elissa's. "I would be delighted."

"Don't hurt yourselves," Wynne called. 

"And do try to keep it down. Some of us would like to sleep," Morrigan commented. 

"Yes, mother," Elissa said dryly. 

Leliana heard Alistair laugh. "Have fun!" 

Elissa shook her head. When they were near their room, she said, "I'm sorry about Zevran and Kallian. They were-"

"They were just teasing," Leliana interrupted. 

"Well, yeah, but... They didn't have to let everyone know what we would be doing."

"Oh? And what's that?" 

Elissa grinned at her and placed a kiss on her temple. " _Pleasurable_ things, I think. I-I mean if you still want to." 

Leliana giggled as Elissa opened the door to their room. "Of course I still want to."

"Um..." Elissa let go of her and rubbed the back of her neck as the door shut. "I mean, I usually know what to do, but right now, I don't know what you want me to do."

She heard the Warden's breath hitch when she gently pushed her against the door. There was a slight blush on Elissa's cheeks. 

"Just do what you normally would."

Elissa's eyes softened. "But you're not like all those women I slept with before" - she gestured in between them - " _this._ I want this to be special." 

Leliana ran her hands up her sides. "And it will be." She balled her hands into the fabric of Elissa's tunic. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," she breathed. "Of course." 

"And I trust you. I trust that you will do what you think is best." 

In the blink of an eye, their positions were switched. The slight pain from being shoved against the door was dulled by Elissa's mouth on hers, desperate and hungry. 

The Warden's hands gripped her clothing, her waist, her hips... 

"Tell me if you want to stop," Elissa whispered when she briefly broke away. She made her way down her jaw and neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses and nipping. 

"I, ah..." Leliana gasped when Elissa bit the joining between her neck and shoulder. "Maker, keep going."

A soft moan came from Leliana's lips as the Warden pushed her a little harder against the door, her knee going between her thighs. 

"Are... Are you going to undress me or do I have to do it myself?" Leliana asked, her arms under Elissa's shoulders, her fingers digging into the blades in her back. 

A low growl from Elissa sent a shiver down her spine. She pulled back, only to fumble trying to take off Leliana's shirt. 

Leliana took her moment of distraction to grab the front of her tunic and pull her to the bed, crushing their mouths together in the process. 

Elissa undid her pants, grabbing her thighs to lift her onto the bed. 

"Leliana," she said, cupping her face. Though her eyes were dark with desire, she looked afraid. "I need to know if you want to stop.  _When_ you want to stop." 

Leliana nodded. "If it comes to it, I will. For now, though, _stop talking_."

Elissa grinned before their mouths were together again. She pushed Leliana's back onto the bed, gently this time, and pulled her shirt the rest of the way over her head. She undid her breast band and was about to kiss her again, but she stopped, her eyes widening as she took in Leliana's half-naked body. 

Elissa looked at every scar available to her, her eyes darting along Leliana's body. 

"Elissa," Leliana started. "I should have said someth-"

"Leli," Elissa breathed, her eyes finding Leliana's again. "You are  _so_ beautiful." 

Leliana felt her eyebrows rise, a strange feeling in her chest. "Oh." 

Elissa lowered her head to the newly shown skin, gently kissing every scar, but she paused at the one below her breast. 

She traced it with her thumb, murmuring, "This should have killed you."

"Yes."

"I-" She stopped herself and looked away, her thumb still absentmindedly rubbing the scar. "I wish I could have done something to help you." 

"You protected me," Leliana said, cupping her Warden's face and forcing her to look at her. "You kept me safe without a single regard to your own health."

"Because I... I care about you. More than anyone I ever have."

"Then show me."

Elissa kissed her again, softly this time, as her hands came to her breasts, kneading them. That same mouth traced her jaw, the column of her throat, and down to her stomach, pulling the rest of her clothing off of her. Leliana moaned when Elissa reached her hips. 

A finger traced the inside of her thigh, traveling up and down, slowly, almost reaching that sensitive spot. 

Leliana groaned in frustration and bucked her hips when that finger was mere inches from where she wanted it. 

"Was there something you needed?" Elissa asked, her eyes smug when she looked up at Leliana. 

"Elissa..." she warned. 

Her Warden just grinned before two of her skilled fingers plunged into her. 

Leliana gasped, her hips bucking again as she adjusted. Elissa kissed her thighs, making her way up her body again as she set a steady rhythm, allowing the woman beneath her to adjust to it. 

Elissa's unoccupied hand came to toy with one of her breasts as her mouth pressed kisses along her other breast. Before long, her mouth was around it, her tongue doing wonderful things to her. 

Leliana moaned, louder this time, when Elissa's fingers curled during their next thrust. Her hands tangled in the Warden's hair, pulling it free of its ponytail. 

Elissa's mouth left her breast to nip at her clavicle, then bit down on it. Leliana cried out, but the soothing of her tongue on the new wound calmed her. 

The Warden moved to suck at her pulse point, her fingers going deeper and faster with each thrust. 

Leliana moaned and her hips rolled each time those fingers went deeper. Her hands clawed at Elissa's back, digging into her skin despite the fact that she was still clothed. 

Elissa's hips suddenly jerked against hers, a groan coming from her throat as her fingers went deep enough for her knuckles to almost be submerged. 

Her thumb rubbed at Leliana's bundle of nerves, and a half-sob half-moan escaped passed her lips. 

Elissa's hips jerked again, sending her fingers deeper, this time causing some pain. 

She was reminded of Marjolaine. Of how her former mentor wouldn't care that she was in pain. How she would keep doing what she wanted without Leliana's consent. 

No, Elissa wasn't like that. She probably didn't even know she had hurt Leliana. 

Still, now it felt like it was Marjolaine on top of her. Now it felt like she was trapped. 

Her body went into a panic, her heart speeding up, her hands finding Elissa's shoulders, her neck. 

This wasn't Marjolaine on top of her. It  _wasn't_. 

Another spark of pain went through her stomach, and she gasped, her back arching. 

_You will never be rid of me, my Leliana._

"Elissa," Leliana whimpered, but the Warden only seemed to think it was because of her pleasure. She tried again. "Elissa, stop!" 

The noble immediately drew away, her eyes widening as she staggered to her feet. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, her gaze no longer filled with desire. There was so much  _worry_ about her features. "Did I hurt you?" 

"I-A little," she answered honestly.

Guilt now seeped into the Warden's features. "Leli, I'm so sorry."

Leliana sat up, grabbing Elissa's hand to pull her closer. "You didn't know." 

She wrapped herself around the stronger woman, hugging her close. 

"I... You reminded me of Marjolaine. Just for a minute."

Elissa buried her head in Leliana's neck. "I'm so, so sorry." 

"Don't be. I'm all right. I just needed to know it was you." 

"I'm right here. What do you need?" 

She pressed her now burning cheek against Elissa's. "Can you, um..." She cleared her throat. "Use your tongue instead?"

Elissa kissed her cheek. "Whatever you want." 

Her Warden kissed her as she leaned back onto the bed. Elissa grabbed her legs to put on her shoulders as she kneeled between Leliana's thighs. 

"Are you sure?" Elissa asked. 

Leliana nodded, her eyes falling closed when she felt Elissa's breath on her already wet spot. "Yes. Go ahead." 

At the first swipe of that skilled tongue, stars exploded behind her eyes. 

She'd had no idea how much she had wanted this. Wanted  _her._

Leliana moaned again, her hands tangling once more in the Warden's pulled down hair. 

That tongue pressed deeper into her, tasting her. The pleased hum from Elissa barely registered in her ears. 

Leliana was close to the edge from earlier, her moans coming louder, now, and quicker. Her breathing sped up as well, her hips rocking. 

Elissa's hands ran up her sides, feather-light. Her blunt nails scraped her sides when they came down, but not very hard. Only hard enough to leave brief marks. 

It was nothing like what Marjolaine had done to her. 

One hand stopped to caress her stomach as the other toyed with her bundle of nerves, sending pleasure through her entire body. 

Maker, the woman knew _exactly_ what she was doing. 

Leliana shuddered, so  _close_ to the edge, practically teetering on it. When Elissa flattened her tongue, running up the length of her nerves, she knew she was done for. 

Her legs wrapped around Elissa's neck, her fingers tightening. She cried out her Warden's name as she came. 

She was somewhat limp as Elissa cleaned her. A few more pleased hums came from Elissa's throat. 

Her hands soothingly drew circles on her thighs and stomach, and she would occasionally stop her cleaning to press a kiss to the inside of her thighs. 

When she was done, she stood and lay next to Leliana, intertwining their hands. 

They both lay there, breathing gradually slowing, a sense of calm settling over them. 

"Just so you know," Elissa murmured, "you taste  _amazing._ "

Leliana giggled. "Perhaps I should get my own taste of you?" 

She glanced at her new lover, finding a tired smile on her face. "Was it good? Despite the quick scare, I mean."

"Wonderful," Leliana said. She couldn't help but see the opportunity to tease Elissa. "Though there was one...  _bad_ thing about it." 

Elissa's eyes shot open, searching Leliana's. The former bard kept her face as serious as she could. "W-What was bad about it?"  

"Why are you still wearing clothes?" 

A sharp exhale of relief reached her ears, along with a breathless laugh. "I swear to the Maker my heart stopped a little there."

Leliana moved to straddle Elissa's hips. Though the Warden still had a smile on her face, her brows were furrowed in confusion. She still rested her hands on Leliana's hips. 

"What are you doing?" Elissa asked, her head tilting to the side. 

Leliana gave her her best seductive smile. "Now it's your turn." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elissa is actually a very nice lover. She doesn't do anything without consent (even when she was just hitting up nobles, she made sure she had their consent). 
> 
> Also, the scare with Marjolaine made my heart hurt. I think it fits in though: Elissa has no idea she's even hurt Leliana, and the poor woman is reminded of Marjolaine and how she was constantly hurting her. 
> 
> Anyway, as always, feedback is always welcome!


	29. What We Have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's basically just some memories of what Elissa and Leliana had done the night before (and what they're doing later. Or, you know, who they're doing later.) Some sexual humor, and also some references to dom/sub, but it's just Kallian and Zevran being... well, Kallian and Zevran. (they're just teasing the poor lovesick women)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Leliana sighed contentedly and pressed further into Elissa's side. 

Their night had turned into something of a competition, though she wasn't sure when it had started or who had actually won. 

It was a few hours from dawn, now, and she would have thought Elissa was asleep if it wasn't for her hand running up and down her back. 

Her thoughts kept drifting to what they had been doing just a few moments before. 

_Elissa was writhing underneath her, whines escaping from her lips. Her back was arched, her hands fisted in the sheets._

Leliana remembered the terrified look on Elissa's face when her shirt had come off. She'd had her fair share of scars, as well. 

_Shame was on Elissa's face as she looked away, an arm over her eyes._

_"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I'm not what you wanted. I was so_ stupid  _when I was younger. I took some assassins to bed without even knowing it, and they had tried to kill me in the middle of-" She stopped herself with a sharp exhale. "I'm sorry."_

_Leliana had kissed her scars, gently, softly, murmuring, "These are reminders of your survival. You survived and found your way to me."_

The arm around her waist tightened. "What're you thinking about?" Elissa asked quietly. Her fingers dug into Leliana's back just a little, almost kneading. 

Leliana hummed. "Last night." 

She felt Elissa smile against the top of her head. "I hope you enjoyed it?" 

"I did. We'll have to try it again sometime."

_Elissa's moans seemed louder than hers had been, and maybe it was because she'd never properly been pleasured._

_She came faster than Leliana had expected, warmth spilling over her fingers only a minute or two in._

_She groaned in displeasure when Leliana removed her fingers from her warmth, but she whined when Leliana began licking her fingers, cleaning them of Elissa's fluids._

_Her Warden grabbed her shoulders, bringing her down for a searing kiss, their tongues brushing. Leliana could feel Elissa's rapidly beating heart._

Elissa took a deep breath. "I'll have to arrange for another meeting."

"Perhaps tomorrow night?" 

Elissa kissed the top of her head. "Are... you all right with this? The others will talk."

"I love you, Elissa," she whispered. "I don't care what they say."

"Good," Elissa sighed. "Because if they say anything, I'll throw them into a horde of darkspawn." 

Leliana giggled. She still felt slight pain when Elissa didn't say she loved her. 

"Can I ask you something?" Leliana murmured against the skin of Elissa's neck. 

"Yeah, of course." 

She brought her fingers to Elissa's neck, running them up and down its length. She received a content hum when she traced Elissa's jaw. 

"I know it seems a little selfish, but, do... Do you love me?" She felt Elissa stiffen, and quickly added, "It's selfish, you don't have to-"

"Leli." She waited for Elissa to continue. "I don't know what love is. I know that when I'm with you, my heart speeds up and it feels like I'm going crazy. I can't stand being away from you. Maybe that's love. I'm not sure."

Leliana nodded. They were quiet again, and her thoughts drifted as her eyes became heavy. 

_Elissa panted above her, her head buried in the crook of Leliana's neck._

_"Leli," she groaned. "I can't tell you how I feel, but I can show you."_

_It was almost too quiet to hear, as Leliana's own moans blocked out most other noises._

She had proven how much she cared. But it would have felt better for her to say it. 

"Elissa?" 

No response. 

The hand on her back had stilled, and Elissa's breathing was deep and steady. 

Leliana sighed. They  _had_ worn each other out. 

The tales of Grey Warden endurance were true, indeed. 

Leliana yawned, pressing her face into Elissa's neck. 

With the blankets and Elissa's warm body, it wasn't hard to fall asleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa jerked awake when she felt something cool against her throat. She felt metal bite into her neck when she tried sitting up. 

_No, no, no. What did I do? Where's Leliana? Where am I?_

There was a body above her, pinning her to the bed. 

Her hand snaked out, reaching where Leliana should have been. 

Her spot in the bed was still warm, so she couldn't have left long ago. 

For some reason, her eyes wouldn't adjust, so she decided to speak instead. 

"Listen, I don't know who you are, but-"

"Elissa?" 

The Warden blinked, the blade lifting from her neck. "Leli?" 

There was a hand at her neck, feeling the damage from the blade. "I'm so sorry," Leliana said, moving to straddle her hips. "Nightmare."

"Yeah, no, it's okay." Her hands, somewhat involuntarily, found Leliana's hips. "It was just a scare."

Leliana put their foreheads together, kissing Elissa softly. "It... was of Marjolaine again."

She sounded... ashamed? "Leliana, my dearest, she will not harm you again. I will make sure of it."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Sweetheart, you don't have to be sorry about that. What she did to you was not right, and it never will be. If you need me, I will always be by your side." Elissa gently tugged her down on top of her. "I'm sorry for what she did to you." 

"You're here now. My knight in shining armor." 

"And my damsel in distress," Elissa said, nuzzling into her lover. "I will always protect you." 

Leliana laughed, though it bordered on a giggle. "You have proven that time and time again. Thank you." Her hand traced down Elissa's sides. "Are you tired?" 

Elissa hummed. She slid her hands down to Leliana's bottom. "Depends. What are you planning?"

Leliana trailed her mouth up Elissa's throat. "Ready for another round?" 

The Warden grinned before she flipped their positions. "I'm always ready."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Under the table, Leliana and Elissa were holding hands. The Warden's thumb was stroking the back of her hand as they ate. 

Zevran and Kallian sat in front of them, and Leliana wasn't prepared for Kallian to ask, "So, who's the dom?" 

Elissa made a choking noise before she began coughing. She let go of Leliana's hand and began hitting a fist to her chest. She was bent over the side of the table. 

Leliana felt her face burning, and she only managed to squeak, "What?" 

"Well," Zevran said, "it's not like you two were quiet. So, who was the dom?" 

"Zevran," Elissa said as she came back up to the table. "Shut your cakehole." 

"We're just curious!" Kallian laughed as she looked at them both. Elissa was red all over, though from the coughing or shame, she wasn't sure. 

"No, you're being inappropriate." 

Kallian was still laughing. "I'm guessing that means the big bad Warden wasn't the dominant one?"

"To be fair, it's none of your business," Leliana said as she gripped Elissa's hand to keep her from retorting. 

Zevran raised his hands defensively. "All right. We'll just find our gossip elsewhere."

Kallian leaned into Leliana conspiratorially. "There are bruises on your neck."

Leliana raised a hand to her throat just as Elissa stood from her chair, her fists clenched. 

"That is  _enough_ , from both of you. I don't want to hear another word about our relationship. No more jokes, no more innuendos. No more inappropriate questions. Do I make myself clear?" 

Both Zevran and Kallian were silent, their mouths slightly agape, their eyes wider than they had been just a few seconds ago. 

So this is who Elissa must have been before the Blight. The commanding tone, the ice in her eyes... It wasn't pretend. 

Kallian nodded, scrambling to her feet. "R-Right," she said, pulling Zev to his feet as well. "We'll leave you to it."

With that, they were gone, almost as fast as they had come. 

Elissa slumped back in the chair, her hands rubbing her face. 

"Maker, I'm too old for this," she murmured. 

"I will consider my honor fought for,  _mon coeur._ " 

Elissa smiled at her. "I'll fight for your honor any day, my lady." She took Leliana's hand and kissed her knuckles. "Come. Let's go wake the others. We still have a long journey to make." 

"Anything you say, my knight." 

Her Warden took her arm, as was proper with nobles, and led her to their companions' rooms. "Could you say that in bed? I feel like it would be a real-"

Leliana smacked her arm after seeing the playful grin on Elissa's face. "I didn't know my lover had the sense of humor of a ten-year-old."

Elissa snorted as she knocked on Wynne and Morrigan's door. "No, Zevran and Kallian are ten-year-olds. I'm more of a thirteen-year-old."

"Ah, so you are still immature."

"Very."

Wynne opened the door a few moments later, a tired smile on her face. "Are we heading out soon?" she asked. 

"Indeed we are," Elissa answered. "Meet us downstairs in an hour. We'll be heading to Orzammar, and hopefully, we won't make any more stops unless they are absolutely necessary." 

The old mage nodded. "I'll let Morrigan know. Thank you."

Leliana nudged Elissa after the door had shut. "You know, we have an hour..." 

"Maker, now who's the ten-year-old?" But there was a smile on her face. "You're like a horny teenager."

"Well, my knight deserves a reward, does she not? Unless you're not interested."

"I didn't say that." Elissa glanced around quickly. "Give me ten minutes, and I'll meet you back in our room." She placed a quick kiss on Leliana's cheek before she was off. 

They would be the death of each other, it seemed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of the sexual humor jokes at like 3 AM sue me. 
> 
> Kallian and Zevran make a good couple. They both like making our "big bad Warden" blush. Also, they just like embarrassing people. 
> 
> Anyway, feedback is always welcome!


	30. Is She Secretly a Witch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally went back and renamed all the chapters to, y'know, actual names. Took me forever but it finally happened. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

It had taken them a little over a week to even be just a day from Orzammar. Between the constant stops for warmth and the snow storms, it was a miracle none of them had died yet. 

Well, Elissa was in no danger of dying anyway. Her companions had made many comments on how she was so warm while they were getting frostbite. 

Kallian had suggested she was a mage that only kept a warming spell on her. 

Elissa laughed at the newest suggestion. "I'm not a hallucination from the cold, either. I did grow up in Highever, you know. I'm used to the cold."

"But it's  _freezing_! There's no logical explanation as to why you're warmer than the rest of us." 

They'd had to stop to get heavier and warmer armor fit for the Frostbacks, but it didn't seem to be working well for her companions. 

She'd even had to give Leliana her cloak to keep her from dying of cold. 

"Well, I guess I'm lucky I have my own little heater," Leliana said as she pressed closer into Elissa's side. 

"'Little?'" Elissa asked, a smile coming to her face. "I'm bigger than you. Since when did I become  _little_ in your eyes?" 

"Shh, I'm cold," Leliana said as an excuse. 

Elissa laughed, the grin staying on her face. "That doesn't excuse your choice of words, Leliana." 

Leliana grabbed her hand to pull her arm tighter around her, but stopped and gasped. "Maker, even your hand is warm!" 

"Witchcraft!" Zevran shouted. "Burn her at the stake!" 

"At least then we'd be warm," Alistair grumbled. 

Morrigan sighed. "There is a cave not too far from here. I spotted it when I was flying earlier." 

Elissa nodded. "Lead the way, O Savior of Elissa's Companions."

"You are all idiots." 

" _Cold_ idiots," Kallian corrected. "How are you not cold, Morrigan? You're basically not wearing clothes." 

"Warming spell."

Kallian groaned, wrapping her arms tighter around herself. "Did you put one on Elissa, too?"

Morrigan shook her head. "No. I would assume living in colder environments allowed her body to adapt to - and you're not listening."

"I stopped listening a while ago." 

Leliana giggled and pressed a kiss to Elissa's jaw. "My personal  _normal sized_ heater. Better?"

The grin disappeared from Elissa's face. "Are you all right? Your skin is  _really_ cold."

Leliana nodded, but she faltered on her next step. Reaper gave a worried bark. 

Elissa and Leliana stopped as the rest of her companions went on, clearly not concerned. 

Leliana's skin was too pale, and her lips had taken on a blue hue. 

"You can't continue like this, Leli," Elissa said, grasping her shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I can..." She took a deep breath. "I can continue."

"No, you can't. This isn't up for debate."

Elissa pulled the cloak tighter around Leliana's body before she lifted the bard like she was a bride. 

Leliana didn't complain. She just sniffed and hid her face in Elissa's shoulder. 

"I'm not mad," Elissa said, feeling her shoulder become wet with tears. "Just worried." 

"I-I thought I was fine," Leliana said, her words small and afraid. "I couldn't feel the cold anymore, and I just thought you had warmed me up."

"You should have said something. I could have helped you sooner."

Leliana was quiet for a few more minutes until she asked, "Am I going to be okay?"

"Yes, Leli," Elissa said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'll make sure of it."

That seemed to satisfy her some. 

"Wait," the Warden whispered after a few moments of silence, "Leli, keep talking to me. Don't fall asleep yet." 

She'd seen men and women alike die from the cold when they became tired. Fergus had always told her to keep the person talking if they were at risk of dying from the cold. 

Leliana mumbled something, then pressed a slightly warmer kiss to her neck. It sounded like she'd said, "I'm really tired."

"I know you are, but you have to keep talking to me, all right? Can you stay awake until we reach the cave?"

"I don't - no. It's not likely."

"Please, Leliana. Talk to me. Tell me anything, just please keep talking." 

"I really miss Orlais," she said. "Can I bring you there sometime?"

"Yes. Yes, of course you can."

Leliana hummed but said nothing else. 

"Leli, what happened when we first met?"

A deep breath. "We were in Lothering, and-"

"No. Before that."

"Oh." A sigh. "I saw you in Orlais, and thought that you looked very strong and attractive. I thought you were even prettier than Marjolaine." 

"Good. What else?"

Leliana sniffed. "Hm. You brought me into an alleyway, and for a second, I thought you would kill me for even suggesting that-" She coughed, then shivered when she settled back down. "But when your mouth touched mine, I knew it wouldn't be the last time I saw you."

"What about the second kiss? What do you remember from that?" Elissa was starting to panic. Leliana's responses were coming slower and slower. 

"It was perfect. Just like you are." Another kiss to her neck. "You are a good person. And I'm happy to be with you."

"What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't protect you?" 

"Not a very good one."

Elissa laughed. "That is true." She thought for a moment. "Who raised you?"

"My mother first, and when she died, Lady Cecilie took me in. I learned much of Orlesian politics."

Elissa nodded. So far, she was getting her information correct. She called out to Morrigan. "How much longer?" 

The witch glanced back at her, confusion on her face when her eyes landed on Leliana. "Is she all right?"

"Morrigan, how much longer until we reach the cave?" 

"Another minute or so. Have you kept her talking?"

"Obviously. I'm not an idiot."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. 

Elissa took a deep breath and continued asking Leliana questions. 

She hoped it would be enough.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Leliana woke, she was  _very_ warm. 

She yawned before she opened her eyes, and then she had to let them adjust to the darkness. 

She felt something solid and warm beside her, and when she reached out, she felt a body. 

"You're awake," the body said, moving to look at Leliana (she thought). "How long have you been up?"

It sounded like Elissa, though her mind was still a little foggy. "Not long," she answered. "I just woke up, actually."

Elissa nodded before settling against the wall again. "You had everyone worried, you know. If it wasn't for my amazingly warm body, you likely would have died."

Leliana leaned into her, and hummed when Elissa wrapped an arm around her. "Well, then, I thank your amazingly warm body for its help."

"It says you're welcome."

Leliana sighed. "Have you been against the wall this whole time?"

"Someone had to keep you warm." Her arm tightened a little. "And trust me, no one wanted to come near after the looks I gave them." 

"My knight is very protective."

Elissa shrugged. "It was instinct, mostly. I know they meant you no harm, but... I don't know. Something just kicked in when they got close to you."

"Strange, indeed."

"You should probably get some rest. You were keeping me warm, too, you know. I was asleep."

"You never sleep."

Elissa made a noise of disagreement. "I do too sleep. Sometimes."

"Elissa."

Her Warden huffed. "All right, fine. If it'll make you feel better, no, I don't sleep."

"And there's the Warden we know and love."

Elissa snorted. "Just you, I think. Though Alistair did give me a rose a few months back. I think he used to have a crush on me."

"Did he, now?" Leliana asked, poking Elissa in the stomach. She let out a yelp of surprise. 

"Yes. It was from Lothering. Maybe it was that one you'd seen in the bushes when you had your vision?" 

"Do you mean after my vision?"

"Listen up, Leliana. I know you like the back of my hand." She made a curious noise as she stuck said hand in front of her. "When did that scar get there..."

Leliana laughed, though it sounded more like a giggle, and swatted Elissa's arm. "You're quite rude today," she teased. 

"Hey, I kept you warm. I think I deserve  _some_ thanks." 

"Thank you for keeping me warm and safe, Elissa."

She shrugged again. "It was no big deal."

Leliana shook her head. "You're too much. Do you know this?"

"Oh, I know. But you still love me."

"Unfortunately." 

Elissa kissed the top of her head, sending a nice feeling through her body. "Don't act like it's that bad. I read a  _book_ to you the other night."

"And I fell asleep quite quickly."

"My voice isn't that boring," she said in mock offense. "All right, then. I guess I won't be reading to you anytime soon."

"Thank the Maker for small victories." 

She actually did like hearing Elissa speak to her, even if it was from a trashy romance novel that Leliana had tried throwing out. 

And she had been quite tired the night Elissa had read to her. 

But, Leliana liked teasing her. It was so  _easy._

"Well, my Warden, I suppose I should be getting to sleep. Big day ahead of us, and all."

"All right, then. Goodnight, Leli."

Something in her voice sounded off. It sounded  _normal_ , but there was just a tiny something that Leliana couldn't place. It made her feel odd.

"Is something bothering you?" 

She saw Elissa smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Nah, I'm fine. Thank you, though."

"Lissa, please, talk to me."

Now Elissa frowned and she turned her head further away, likely to hide tears.  

"What's wrong?"

"My, um... My nephew used to call me that. 'Aunt Lissa.' He was always pronouncing it wrong, but I didn't mind."

"You seem to do well with children."

Elissa nodded. "Yeah, I... I always wanted a family of my own, but with me preferring women, it was never possible." She sniffed. "I think Fergus knew that. I think he knew I wanted a family I could never have, and that's why he always trusted me with Oren."

"You could still have kids, you know. There's always adoption, and Maker knows there are many children in need of a home, now."

"I need to look for someone. Amethyne. She's - well, was - a servant's daughter. The mother died in Castle Cousland." 

"And you want to take care of her."

"She'll be living in the Alienage. I know Kallian turned out fine, but she's just a little girl without a mother or father. I need to get to her before someone else with bad intentions does."

Leliana kissed her cheek. "Let me make you a promise: if you die by the end of this Blight, I will find this Amethyne and make sure she's taken care of."

"Thank you, Leliana. That means a lot to me."

"Try to get some rest. I'll be right beside you."

Elissa nodded again, and soon her breathing evened out. She slept lightly, so she would probably wake soon, but at least she was getting some rest finally. 

Leliana doubted Elissa was asleep when she had woken. 

She put her head on Elissa's chest, wrapping an arm around her waist. 

"I will be here when you wake up," she murmured. 

It was a small promise, but it was one she could keep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It makes me so mad that you can't canonically adopt Amethyne :( Like her mom died and maybe you slept with her so??? Let me adopt the elven child BioWare. 
> 
> Gotta love the Frostbacks and your own personal heater. 
> 
> As always, feedback is always welcome!


	31. Orzammar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for more fluff. I'll try to get more updates out soon. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"Grey Wardens, eh?" asked the dwarf at the entrance to Orzammar. "Have any proof?"

The messenger beside them sputtered. "Grey Wardens are enemies of the crown! I demand you execute them!"

The dwarf ignored them as Elissa handed him one of the Grey Warden treaties from her pack. "It's not much, but we do have these treaties. Other than that, I'm not sure how to prove we're here on Grey Warden business."

He nodded, handing her back the treaty. "Anyone who wants to slay darkspawn is a friend of the dwarves. You may enter."

"No!" the messenger cried, grabbing Elissa's arm. 

Instead of breaking his wrist, she just looked at him with a brow raised. "Are you sure you don't want to rethink your action?" she asked. 

"Loghain demands the Grey Wardens' heads. I will not leave here today without yours!" 

"I guess you won't leave, then."

Without saying anything, she heard her companions draw their weapons. The messenger and his guards were outnumbered. 

"Run back to your false king," Elissa said, venom dripping in her voice. "Let him know how you've failed."

The messenger was trembling now. He let go of her arm, nodding to his guards before they all began to leave. 

"You won't be able to hide from us long, Grey Warden," the messenger spat. "Loghain will bring you to justice."

She waved him off and turned back to the dwarf. "May we still enter?"

He nodded and gestured to the doors. "You must follow our rules while inside, Grey Warden."

"We will. Thank you." As they entered the door, Elissa turned back to her companions and said, "Seriously, kids. We don't want to get kicked out of Orzammar because someone broke one of their rules." She gave Zevran and Kallian a pointed look. 

"We'll behave," Kallian said. "Probably."

Dwarves commented on them as they passed, having to crane their necks to look at Sten. 

Leliana grabbed her hand. "It's a lot warmer in here," she whispered, looking around at the statues. 

"Just wait until we're inside Orzammar," Elissa replied with a smile on her face. "I've heard there are lava waterfalls and rivers that keep the place lit up." 

"And warm," said Alistair. "At least, one would assume that it would be very warm inside."

They continued on, Elissa nodding her thanks to her guards as they opened the door. 

As they walked into the main area of Orzammar, Elissa saw two groups of dwarves, every one of them holding a weapon. They were shouting at each other, and soon one of them charged another. 

When that happened, Elissa stopped and stepped in front of Leliana, grabbing her forearm. 

The fight only took a few moments, but by the end of it, two dwarves were dead on the ground.

A dwarf in heavy looking armor yelled, "All right, that's enough out of all of you! Go back to your homes."

Grumbling, the two groups dispersed, leaving the dwarf in heavy armor to look at Elissa and her companions. 

"What are Grey Wardens doing here?" he asked with a nod to Elissa's armor. 

"We're looking for your king. The Grey Wardens require his help."

"Do the surfacers not get news of us?" the dwarf murmured, seemingly to himself. "Our king is dead, and we have not been able to decide on a new one. However, if you wish to speed the process up, you may speak to either Prince Behlen or Lord Harrowmont." 

Elissa nodded. "Is there anywhere we can lodge for the duration of our stay?"

"Tapster's Tavern."

"Thank you, ser dwarf," Leliana said, wrapping an arm around Elissa's waist. "We should probably get going."

"Yes, you should," he said before he turned to the bodies on the ground. 

Sighing, Elissa followed the signs that eventually led them to Tapster's Tavern. She asked for four rooms, and while her companions started to go find them, she said, "I'm going to meet with both Behlen and Harrowmont. I should be back in just a little bit."

Leliana had a look of concern as she walked up to Elissa. "I can go with you."

Elissa smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Thank you, Leli, but I think I'll be fine. I promise I'll be back before you know it."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around Elissa, nuzzling into her neck. They stood like that, embracing each other, for just a few minutes before Elissa pulled away. 

"I'll be back."

She reluctantly left Leliana's side and made her way into the common area of Orzammar. She sighed as she looked around. 

Elissa would have yet another long night. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It had been a long time since Elissa left, if the waitress's word was any good.

Or maybe Leliana had just had too much to drink and she hadn't heard the waitress correctly. 

Maybe her Warden had entered while she was napping against the booth everyone had sat in and gone to their room. 

"Did Elissa ever come back?" Leliana slurred to Kallian, who shrugged. 

"Haven't seen her, and I've barely been drinking."

Leliana frowned, looking around the now spinning room. 

"Do you need help back to your room?" Kallian asked, placing a hand on Leliana's shoulder. 

She thought she had nodded, but maybe she hadn't. Kallian seemed to understand, however. 

She  _did_ hear Kallian ask Wynne to watch the drunken boys at the table. Morrigan and Sten had both long since left, leaving only Alistair and Zevran to drink.

Well, and Leliana. 

It took a short time to get to her room, though maybe that was just because of the drinks she'd had. 

As she entered, she tried focusing on the new things she hadn't seen before. There was a bathtub filled with water near the still lit fireplace, and a note on the bed...

She'd had trouble reading it, and Kallian read it aloud to her, a smile on her face. 

"'Leliana,'" she started. "'You were napping when I came back to the tavern, so I asked some of the workers if they could bring a tub to our room. They lit the fireplace, so it should still be somewhat warm by the time you get back.' How sweet. 

"'I've also left some water on the nightstand. Please drink it. I have plans for you tomorrow.' Eww. 'I'll likely be back by the time you're asleep, and I apologize. I've been caught up doing things for Prince Behlen. Sweet dreams, darling. Elissa.'"

Leliana felt herself smile like a girl with a crush. She hummed as she said, "I love her."

Kallian placed the note on the nightstand, a glass of water in her hand as she walked back over to Leliana, who had been sitting on the edge of the bed. "Yes, well, she is a noble. She knows how to use her manners, though sometimes she chooses not to."

Leliana sipped at the water. Whatever was in it, it made her head feel a little less clouded. "Thank you, Kal."

The elf nodded and gave her a mock bow. "My pleasure. Don't stay up too late, kiddo."

With that, Kallian was gone, leaving Leliana to wonder how she was supposed to get into the tub without falling. 

She attempted it, anyway. 

After a few minutes, when she wasn't in danger of drowning, Leliana sighed, letting the warmth of the water wash over her. She rested her neck on the back of the tub, her arms over the sides, her ankles propped up on the other end. 

It wasn't hard to see how Elissa had managed to woo every woman she met.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana sighed as she woke. She stretched her arms out, looking for the warmth of the body that was almost always next to her. 

She panicked when she only felt cold sheets. 

How had she even gotten into the bed? All she remembered was falling asleep in the tub. 

Leliana quickly sat upright, and was greeted with, "Good morning, sleepy head."

She looked around, her eyes focusing on Elissa's standing form. She looked exhausted despite the smile on her face. There were darker bags under her eyes, and there was a cut above her lip. Another at her collarbone.

She was wearing her nightclothes, so she must have been there for a little while. And her pale hair was down around her shoulders, the fire sending beautiful highlights on it.

"Where were you?" Leliana asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Elissa's smile disappeared. "I'm sorry," she said, her head bowing in shame. "I had to do some things for Behlen."

"What did you do for him?"

"I had to deliver some documents, and I went into the Deep Roads."

Leliana felt her panic rise. "And is that where you got your new cuts?"

"No, those were from the Carta."

" _What_?" 

"I brought Morrigan with me and-"

"That does not make me feel any better!" Leliana felt her hands shake as she ran them through her hair. Maybe she was just a  _little_ jealous of the young mage. "You could have died. What about your Warden abilities? Do you hear things? Did you encounter any darkspawn?"

Her hands were pulled from her hair, one going to her Warden's chest where her heart was while Elissa held the other. "Leliana, I'm all right. Yes, I hear things, but so do Alistair and Kallian. I promise, I'm okay."

"You could have died, and I wouldn't have been there," Leliana murmured, burying her head in Elissa's neck as she wrapped her arms around her Warden. "Do you know how much that terrifies me?"

Elissa sat on the bed with her, her lips on Leliana's temple. "If you want, we can spend some time together today. Look around Orzammar." 

"Can I hold your hand?" 

Elissa laughed, sending a pleasant feeling through Leliana's body. "Yes, my dear, you can. You don't need to ask if you can hold my hand."

"It's just so  _warm._ And it makes me feel safe. Well, I mean,  _you_ make me feel safe, but sometimes I can't believe someone like you would ever want to be with someone like me."

"Leli, my dear, my darling, my sweetheart, you deserve everything in the world. And because I can't provide that, I will assume you chose me because I'm warm and because I can scare your suitors away."

"You're also a good kisser."

"That too."

Leliana smiled, kissing Elissa's neck. "When do you want to leave?"

"Can I take a quick power nap while you get ready?"

"You're still in your nightclothes."

Elissa snorted. "I don't mind walking around Orzammar half naked."

"I do," Leliana said. "I would become very jealous because I see how others look at you."

"Fine. I'll throw on some real clothes, and while you're getting ready, I'll take a nap."

"Or, you could take a nap now so I can watch you undress."

"Oh no, we're not doing this again. Last time we did that, I lost more clothes than I even had on."

Leliana giggled. "What can I say? You were very tempting."

"I was in a different room." Elissa shook her head. "I don't even know how you just happened to know exactly when I would be changing."

"I could sense it."

Elissa laughed, her arms tightening around Leliana. "All right, we can do it your way. But I will resist if you ambush me again while I change."

Leliana shoved her shoulder playfully as she stood. "You keep telling yourself this, and maybe one day you'll believe it."

Her Warden smiled as she lay back on the bed, her eyes already slipping closed. "Yeah, yeah. I mean it, though. I'll have some resistance." She yawned. "Maybe not a lot, but there will be some."

Leliana smirked when she heard Elissa's breathing even out a moment later. 

She really did love that insufferable Warden. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Elissa actually had put something in Leliana's water, but it was just to keep her asleep longer because Elissa was worried that Leliana wasn't getting a lot of sleep. She also wanted to get the stuff for Behlen done before she woke because she knew Leliana would have a fit if she found out about it. 
> 
> Everyone loves the insufferable Warden.
> 
> I'm planning on the next chapter focusing more on the Anvil of the Void rather than just pointless fluff between the two lovebirds. 
> 
> As always, feedback is always welcome!


	32. A Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

_There was_ something  _inside her mind, telling her to hurt someone._

_Leliana happened to be the closest._

_Elissa had her pinned to the floor, her hands wrapped tightly around Leliana's throat. A low growl came from her own throat when Leliana squeezed her wrists._

_"Elissa," she gasped, her eyes falling closed. "Please, stop."_

Don't listen to her,  _the voice whispered, slipping back into her mind._ Finish it.

_No. No, what she was doing was wrong._ This  _was wrong. She had promised she wouldn't hurt Leliana._

_What was she_ doing? 

_Elissa couldn't get her limbs to move away, despite her best efforts to._

_Leliana's face was red and turning a shade of purple from lack of air._

_A broken sob came from her throat, and she saw a tear fall from her face._

_She was just like Marjolaine._

_After just another second, Elissa was finally able to release Leliana, jumping away from her. She stumbled walking backward, falling on hitting her head on the floor._

_When she opened her eyes, her mother was standing over her, a look of disgust on her face._

_"Pathetic," her mother hissed. "You never were a true Cousland."_

_"I-I'm not strong enough. I hurt the only person I've ever loved."_

_"You don't love her," the teryna said. "There's no room in that cruel heart of yours for love."_

_"I would do anything for her." Elissa felt tears slide down her cheeks. "I want to make her happy, and I want to keep her safe."_

_Her mother shook her head. "But you can't keep her safe, Elissa. You know this." Her voice had softened as she crouched beside Elissa._

_"I-I know."_

_"You hurt me when you said you wouldn't," Leliana said, replacing her mother's form. "How can I trust you after this?"_

_"It wasn't my fault!" Elissa cried, her voice cracking._

_Leliana sneered at her. "You're always blaming someone else. When will you finally blame yourself for your actions? When will you come to terms with the person you've become?"_

_There was nothing but disgust in her eyes._

_Elissa felt herself shudder, having never before seen that look directed at her._

_She loved this woman. Elissa_ loved  _Leliana. Why couldn't she just-_

With an uneven gasp, Elissa woke, feeling sweat drip down her temple.

She felt something wrapped around her waist and a pressure on her breasts. 

Her breathing quickened, panic taking over as she flung herself from the bed, the image of her  _hurting_ Leliana stuck in her mind. 

Elissa began shaking, curling in on herself, her head in her hands. 

"Elissa?" came Leliana's groggy voice. There was movement above her as Elissa pressed herself against the side of the bed, a broken and weak sob coming from her throat. 

Her breathing was unsteady, her heart hammering in her ears,  _why won't the image go away?_

"Elissa?" Leliana asked again, this time more urgent. "Elissa, are you all right?"

"I can... I  _can't_ , Leliana," she said, her eyes darting around in the darkness of the room. She could still hear the faint song in her head, telling her to hurt Leliana. "The song. Maker, please, make it  _stop._ "

A hand was on her shoulder as Leliana climbed out of the bed, grasping Elissa's face gently as she crouched. "What's wrong?"

"The-The song, Leli. It makes the nightmares worse,  _vivid._ I d-dreamt that I hurt you, and you were sneering and there was so much disgust in your eyes and I-"

A soft kiss on her forehead stopped her. "It's going to be all right, my love."

"But it isn't. I don't know how much longer I can ignore it. And going into the Deep Roads? Where the archdemon might be? Maker, Leliana, I'm turning into Marjolaine."

Firm but gentle hands pulled Elissa's face into Leliana's neck as the bard began cooing. "You are nothing like that monster, Elissa. And you never will be. You are a trusted leader, a  _friend._ Some silly little dragon will not change you."

"It already has," Elissa whispered. "Leliana, I can't hurt you. I would rather-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." Leliana's hands soothingly ran up her back. It felt... nice. "Please."

"I'm so sorry," Elissa said as she tried pulling away. "I've already hurt you-"

"Elissa, no. My love, you have never intentionally hurt me." 

"It still happened."

"But it wasn't your fault,  _amour._ " Leliana murmured something to her in Orlesian, and when she was done, she said, "Come back to me,  _mon coeur._ "

Elissa swallowed the lump in her throat. How could this wonderful, amazing woman before her even stand to be  _near_ Elissa?

"How can you love what I am?" Elissa asked quietly. 

Leliana took a deep breath. "You aren't as bad as you think you are, Elissa. Trust me." Another kiss, this time to her temple. "Will you come back to bed?"

Elissa nodded, standing on shaky legs with the help of Leliana. They crawled into bed together, Elissa taking up Leliana's previous position. This time, though, she entangled their legs and wrapped both arms around Leliana's waist. 

"I love you, Elissa. Never forget that."

"Will you remember me when I'm gone?"

"Always."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"I don't get why I'm always the one dealing with everyone's problems!" Elissa said as she walked around their makeshift camp with Leliana. They had made it into the Deep Roads and were currently trying to secure the campsite. 

"I don't ever get to complain about my problems because everyone else is busy telling me about how bad their lives have been," the Warden continued. Leliana just listened. "I'm not even supposed to be the leader.  _Alistair_ is. But guess what? He's too much of an idiot to see over his own grief. He's the Senior Warden, for Maker's sake!

"I never once let the death of my family cause problems in our friend group because I'm not an immature adult. He's so busy grieving a man he barely knew, and I haven't even had time to properly mourn my family!"

Leliana sighed. "You always could."

"That's not the  _point_ , Leliana." Elissa sounded much older than she actually was. "The point is that I have no idea how to be a leader. I have no idea what I'm doing or if all of this has been for naught." 

"But you were raised to  _be_ a leader, Elissa. You-"

"I'm a noble, yes, I get it," she snapped. "I may have been raised to be a leader, but not this kind of leader. Not the kind that leads a group of misfits to their deaths."

Elissa wasn't really mad at her, Leliana knew. But it still hurt. 

"Then there's Kallian and Zevran, always getting into someone else's business. Sten is... Well, Sten, I suppose. Morrigan's being a bitch, as always. Wynne is being all right, for now. Who am I missing?"

"Me," Leliana said. 

"Ah, yes. Do you know what you do that  _really_ gets under my skin, Leli?" She was using a pet name, so maybe it wasn't bad? Leliana still had her fist clenched, just in case. "You love me, but you won't tell me  _why._ You're always so vague about it."

"You've never even told me you love me!" Leliana argued, her voice rising. "We've been together for months, we've been sleeping together for-"

"Leliana, we've talked about this."

Leliana scoffed. "No, Elissa, you don't get to decide how this conversation goes. Do you want to know what  _you_ do that gets under my skin?" 

"I'm sure it's nothing worse than what I already think of myself," she murmured, seemingly to herself. Leliana imagined she was rolling her eyes. 

"You're always saying how much you care for me, but you never actually tell me. You keep wallowing in your own self-pity  _all the time._ You wake up from nightmares where you're hurting me, and do you know what I think when I hear that? I think that deep down, some part of you  _wants_ to hurt me."

Elissa whipped around, hot fury in her eyes. "You know that's not true," Elissa said through clenched teeth.

"Do I? How many times have you dreamt of hurting me, Elissa? Of getting me out of the way? How often are you afraid that one day, I'll leave you for someone better? Because trust me,  _anyone_ is better than you."

"Then why do you continue to do this if you don't want to be with me?" Elissa asked, her voice close to a yelling tone. "Why do you continue to make me feel these things if you're not interested?"

"Maybe Marjolaine was right. I'm just  _using_ you."

Hot fury dissolved into cold fear, and Leliana realized too late what she had said. One of Elissa's biggest fears was that Leliana was just using her to get her own way. 

Maker, what had she done?

"Elissa, I didn't mean-"

The Warden let out a humorless laugh before she turned on her heel and walked to one of the tunnels. 

"Where are you going?" Leliana asked, following her once more. 

"Get away from me."

Leliana could have sworn she felt her heart crack as she slowed to a stop and watched Elissa disappear around a corner. 

She clenched her jaw, willing the tears in her eyes to go away. 

They didn't, instead falling freely down her face. 

Maker, what had just happened? 

Leliana didn't mean most of that. She was just angry, and Elissa... She never meant to hurt the Warden. 

But she supposed Marjolaine was right. Even if she didn't think she was doing it, Leliana would always be a bard. 

And now it had cost her one of her closest friends.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa's emotions were a mix of anger, fear, and sadness. Anger at Leliana suggesting that Elissa would want to hurt her. Fear at the fact that Leliana had  _admitted_ she was using her. And sadness at the fact that she had been right all along; she would always be alone. 

Tears found their way down her cheeks as she stomped through the tunnels in the Deep Roads. She slew any deepstalkers that got in her way, thankful that she had brought her weapons for once. 

She doubted anyone would come after her. 

Would they even bother searching for her if she disappeared?

Maker, she was already lost, but it was a good thing there were many deepstalkers in the Deep Roads. They allowed her to take out her fury.

_Anyone is better than you. I'm just using you._

The words played over and over in her head, the song taunting her. As she roamed father into the Deep Roads - at least, she assumed she was going farther - the song became clearer, the words more audible. 

She should turn back. Make her way back to camp. 

Elissa turned around, hoping to see any familiar marking. 

She found none. 

Where was she? How far away was she from the camp?

Would Elissa Cousland, the last of the noble house Cousland, die, alone and afraid in the Deep Roads? 

What a legacy. The entire Cousland family line, killed during the Blight. 

Elissa was too busy laughing at herself to notice the pull in her chest, warning her that darkspawn were near. 

It wasn't until something blunt hit the back of her head that she noticed anyone was in the cave with her. 

She groaned when she hit the floor, blinking her eyes to try and see who had hit her. 

Elissa was met by a scream from a hurlock. 

The Warden let her head hit the rocky ground beneath her, her eyes slipping closed when the pain became too much for her. 

She felt something grab her leg and begin pulling her before she fell into unconsciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't understand what happened, READ HERE. 
> 
> So basically, the "song" is just how the archdemon communicates. I've always assumed that darkspawn can sense each other, and therefore the archdemon would be able to sense the Wardens and try to make them do things that weakened the party. 
> 
> Elissa can hear the song more clearly because of the pain in her past and how easy it is to manipulate her (not that she's not strong, but it uses her past pains to get under her skin). She was already irritated, and Leliana's accusations didn't help (Leliana was angry as well). 
> 
> Since their meeting with Marjolaine, Elissa has been afraid that Leliana was only using her. She tried not to let it plant itself in her mind, but it did, and she even told Leliana of that fear (it's how she knew). Leliana hadn't meant for the words to come out, but hey, we say mean things when we're angry.
> 
> Anyway, feedback is always welcome, and should you have questions, don't be afraid to ask!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	33. What Happened to Elissa?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone ask for a n g s t? No? Well, that's what you're getting anyway. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

When Leliana had fallen asleep, she hadn't expected Elissa to be in their shared tent. 

However, she had expected Elissa to at least be in camp when she woke. 

Kallian, who was on watch, shrugged when Leliana asked where Elissa was. "Thought she was with you."

Leliana shook her head. "No, we had a fight, and she stormed off."

Kallian bit her cheek, her brows furrowing. "I don't know where she is. We could look for her, but there are so many tunnels down here. She could-"

The elven Warden snapped her head to the left, her eyes searching the darkness. 

"Stay here," she said. "Darkspawn."

Before Kallian could move, a figure stepped out from the shadows, stumbling and hunched over. 

The face lifted, and Leliana felt herself moving before her brain registered who it was. 

Elissa collapsed to her hands and knees, her face bloodied and one eye bruised. Leliana kneeled beside her, lifting her face to see the damage. 

Blood dripped from her mouth, her non-swollen eye was half-lidded, and her face and neck were bruised. 

"Elissa," Leliana breathed. "What happened?"

"Why did she feel like darkspawn?" Kallian murmured. "Hey, Leliana, something's wrong."

A low growl, barely audible, came from Elissa's throat. She looked up at Leliana, a silent snarl on her lips before she surged forward.

Kallian hit the blunt end of her sword to Elissa's temple, causing the Warden to collapse on her back, a groan of pain coming from her lips now.

Leliana felt her eyes widen as she turned on Kallian. "What was that for?"

"She was about to attack you," the elven Warden said. "I told you something was wrong."

"Could it be the song?"

"I don't know. We need to figure out what happened."

Leliana shook her head. "What do we do?"

Kallian bit her lip, her eyes darting around Elissa's body. "Rope. Find me some rope. If she's going to be attacking you, of all people, then there's no saying who she'll attack next."

Elissa groaned again, her face scrunching up. 

"Leliana." Kallian's hand was on her shoulder. "She'll be all right. I promise."

Nodding, Leliana stood with one last glance at Elissa before she quickly made her way back to camp.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Everything hurt._

_The song playing in her head, telling her to hurt the ones around her._

_Had she - no, she couldn't have. She was stronger than the song, wasn't she?_

Elissa opened her eyes, adjusting to the relative darkness. Her back was pressed against something, and she tried moving, but her wrists were pinned. 

She weakly tugged at them, her head tilting to the side. 

_They've pinned you down like a dog._

What had happened? All she remembered was the darkspawn beating her, trying and failing to get her to eat some strange substance. The one time she had actually swallowed it was when they had gotten smarter and literally shoved it down her throat. 

She'd passed out after that, and when she woke, she didn't feel the presence of any darkspawn, but the archdemon's song was even clearer in her head. She could make out each hissed word, now, no matter how far away she was. 

Then she remembered stumbling, and falling, and seeing a flash of red and blue before something had told her to cause pain and-

_No._

Elissa tugged on the bindings around her wrists with more aggression, wincing every time the ropes burned her skin.

_Hurt them for doing this to you. Make them suffer._

_But I'm not a monster._

She wasn't. And she sure as hell wouldn't hurt her friends.

_But you have no friends. Do you not realize they are using you? A noble born who would owe them all a favor?_

"Leliana," she whispered, whipping her head around. Who had tied Elissa up, and where was she now?

_Pathetic weakling._

"Leliana," Elissa said, louder this time. 

_Relying on others for strength._

A sob escaped her lips as she stood, yanking on the ropes with everything she had.

They didn't budge from where they were wrapped around strong stone structures. 

From where she was positioned, there was no way she could untie the ropes from the stones.

_Kill them for what they've done to you._

"Leliana!" she cried, falling to her knees with a sickening crack. 

Elissa soon heard footsteps rushing to her, and she looked to the approaching figure through the tears welling up in her eyes.

"You're awake," Leliana panted. She crouched in front of Elissa, cradling her broken face in her hands. "Are you all right?"

"No," Elissa said, trying to press closer to Leliana. It only made her wrists hurt more. "Did I hurt you?"

Leliana shook her head, wrapping her arms around Elissa's chest and burying her face in her tender neck. "Kallian knocked you out before you could."

"I'm so sorry. This is my fault." Elissa kissed the side of Leliana's head. 

_Your love is only temporary. When you escape these bindings, you'll be-_

"Leli, my darling, my dearest,  _please,_ you have to end it."

"E-End what?" Leliana asked, pulling back to look into Elissa's good eye. 

" _Me._ The song in my head, telling me to hurt and to kill... Leli, I can't do this anymore. I  _want_ to listen to it."

"The bindings will keep us safe."

Somehow, that didn't make Elissa feel better. 

_Hurt her. Push her away, and your mind will be free temporarily._

A small price to pay for her mind to be clear.

Taking a deep breath, Elissa stood quickly, bringing her knee up forcefully as well as she made contact with Leliana's nose. 

She was knocked back, her hand immediately going to her nose as she stared up at the now standing Elissa. 

"I'm so sorry," Elissa murmured, cringing at the pure terror in Leliana's gaze. She already regretted listening to the sadistic voice inside her head. 

Leliana shakily stood, blood dripping onto the cavern floor. 

"For what it's worth," Leliana said, looking at the floor, "I am, as well. We will find something for the song, Elissa."

Then she was gone, leaving the Warden to stare where she had been just a second ago. 

Elissa quietly sat down, leaning against the stone wall at her back. Silent tears made their way down her cheeks, her mouth twisted in a frown.

She had now hurt the only person who had given her many second chances. 

She doubted she would be so lucky again. 

Sighing, Elissa closed her eyes, thinking of the good memories she had shared with Leliana to help distract her. Her mind was her own again, but faintly, she could still hear the song of death and pain.

Fighting off the song in her head by herself was like a mage picking up a greatsword for the first time. 

Elissa needed a distraction, something to keep her mind off of the song. 

And in her current state, no one was willing to help her.

It was fitting. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy. What a chapter. 
> 
> Okay, so I don't remember where I read this (maybe it's canon idk) but I remember something about the darkspawn making women into broodmothers. So, naturally, the darkspawn tried it on Elissa, but because of the taint already inside her, *gasp* it didn't work. Now she just hears the taint more clearly in her head and it's driving her crazy.
> 
> Man, our heroes can't catch a break, can they?
> 
> So yeah. If you have questions, feel free to ask! Feedback is always welcome!


	34. Hespith and the Broodmother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in three days? It's almost like I have a lot of free time.
> 
> Anyway, pretty sure there's not a whole lot of angst in this chapter. Maybe some sadness, but not like, "Why are you ripping my heart out of my chest?" sadness. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Over the course of the next few days, or what Leliana assumed were days, Elissa hadn't once been violent. 

At least, not when she was around. 

Kallian had taken over as the leader until Elissa's condition got better. Though she had finally allowed Elissa to sit with everyone else in camp.

No one asked why the Warden's hands were tied behind her back, except for when she was around Leliana, or why someone always had to be next to her. 

It was usually Leliana, telling her stories and humming to her to keep her distracted. 

Morrigan had been the one to suggest that if there was a voice in her head, someone had to keep her distracted before she listened to it. 

Despite the fact that Elissa almost never slept, Leliana stayed awake with her. 

They talked, though Elissa mostly listened. She would stare at things without really seeing, but Leliana could tell she was listening to her every word. 

The one time Elissa had fallen asleep was after she had hesitantly laced their fingers together, leaning into Leliana. After a few moments, when her Warden hadn't given any response, she looked at her to see Elissa sleeping, her head against Leliana's shoulder. 

Other times, Leliana would fall asleep with her head in Elissa's lap. She would wake to find Elissa's jaw twitching, her eyes screwed shut, near silent whimpers coming from her lips. 

As they all headed deeper into the Deep Roads, the other Wardens seemed to be more affected by whatever song only they could hear. 

When Leliana asked Elissa how she was doing, she had responded with, "It's been worse."

While they walked, Kallian had asked Leliana to stay with Elissa. The Warden didn't have her weapons, and her hands were constantly tied behind her back. 

She hadn't been aggressive, but that didn't mean she wouldn't be when those ropes came off. 

The group was currently making their way through old ruins down in the Deep Roads, what looked like flesh lining the walls and some of the floor.

It was when they were about to turn a corner that Elissa suddenly said, "Stop."

She was looking without seeing again when Leliana turned to her, Elissa's eyes on the floor as she seemed to be listening to something. 

"Elissa?" Kallian asked, making her way to the noble. "What's wrong?"

"Someone's here." Her eyes snapped up, looking to the corner. "A... dwarf."

Leliana's brows furrowed. "How do you know?"

"They did bad things to her, to her house." Elissa shuddered. "We need to find her."

"Are we really going to believe the nut job Warden?" Oghren asked, shaking his head. "She's dangerous. Why should we listen to her?"

Leliana understood that the dwarf was new, but she still felt her anger rising. " _She_ has a name," Leliana said. "And she hasn't hurt anyone in the last few days. We can trust her."

Elissa tilted her head to the side. "Can someone untie my hands? I don't like this place."

Kallian sighed, pulling out a small dagger to cut the bonds. "One mistake, Elissa," she warned, "and these go back on."

The Warden nodded, walking away as soon as the ropes were cut. Leliana was just a few steps behind. 

They had to walk a little way, but eventually, Leliana could hear someone murmuring. 

" _Eighth day, we hated as she is violated._ "

Leliana felt Elissa brush their arms together. "It's all right," her Warden said. 

" _Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin._ "

They entered a room full of rotting flesh. Leliana was grateful her nose wasn't as good as the elves' behind her. 

" _Now she does feast, as she's become the beast._ "

Elissa put her arm out, stopping everyone as a dwarf came into view. She glanced back at her companions, a brow raised. 

How in the Maker's name had she been right?

" _Now you lay and wait, for their screams will haunt you in your dreams._ "

Elissa cautiously made her way to the dwarven woman, her arms out, her stance open. 

"Hespith?" Oghren asked as he made his way to the front of the group. "What in the Stone happened to you?"

The dwarven woman - Hespith, Leliana corrected - looked up at Elissa as she approached. "They tried to change you," she stated, to which Elissa shook her head. 

"I don't know what you mean."

"Just like they changed Laryn," Hespith continued. Her face was pale, some of her veins black. Her eyes looked dead. "But they could not change you. Why is that, dream-friend?"

"How did they change Laryn?" Kallian asked, moving to stand beside Elissa. 

Hespith replied, "They put things in her mouth, made her swallow to become one of them. But she did not become one of the foul creatures. She became a beast.  _Broodmother_."

That's what they had done to Elissa. Maker, whatever a broodmother was, it didn't sound good. 

And those damned darkspawn had almost turned Elissa into one. 

"What Branka allowed them to do to her house... She became obsessed with the Anvil. I was her captain, and I did not stop her. Her lover, and I could not turn her. Forgive her... but no, she cannot be forgiven. Not for what she did. Not for what she has become. By the Stone, at the end, there was nothing left in Branka but the Anvil." 

"What happened to you, Hespith?" Elissa asked, crouching to the dwarf's height. "You look like a ghoul."

"The Stone has punished me for my sins, dream-friend. I am dying of something much worse than death.  _Betrayal._ "

"Branka... betrayed you?" Oghren said, scratching at his head. "Well, actually, that doesn't surprise me."

"Hespith, how can we help Elissa?" Leliana asked, gesturing to the Warden. "She hears a voice, in her head. The darkspawn tried to turn her into a broodmother, but she survived, and now some voice or song is telling her to hurt others. What can we do?"

Hespith studied Elissa, her head tilting to the side. "There is nothing to do," Hespith said quietly. "She will betray you, as well. It is only a matter of time. Kill before you are killed."

"But - how did you deal with Branka?"

"She got away before we could properly punish her for what she did to us. Blessed Stone, forgive me."

"Hurting our Warden is out of the question," Zevran said. "She is not in her right mind, and therefore it is not right to punish her for her actions."

Hespith took one last look at Elissa and her companions before she took off, running in between everyone. 

She may have been small, but Maker was she fast. 

Elissa had a look of despair on her face as she looked where Hespith had been just a few seconds ago. 

"I..." She stood to her full height, looking at her hands. "There's nothing we can do. I-I'll become like her. A  _ghoul_ who eats the flesh of her kin."

"You won't become like her," Kallian said, placing a hand on Elissa's shoulder. "We'll take care of you, just as you've always taken care of us."

Elissa nodded, but she didn't look convinced. 

That look stayed with her the rest of the night.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa couldn't move. 

They had been walking after taking a quick break to eat and drink, and had stumbled upon a large room. 

Elissa had been the only one to hear Hespith's poem again. 

_First day, they come and catch everyone._

_Second day, they beat us and eat some for meat._

_Third day, the men are all gnawed on again._

_Fourth day, we wait and fear for our fate._

_Fifth day, they return and it's another girl's turn._

_Sixth day, her screams we hear in our dreams._

_Seventh day, she grew as in her mouth they spew._

_Eighth day, we hated as she is violated._

_Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin._

_Now she does feast, as she's become the beast._

_Now you lay and wait, for their screams will haunt you in your dreams._

The flesh on the cave's walls had started showing more the farther they went, until they came upon the large room where the floor was literally  _flesh._

And inside the room? A giant, fat, pink-skinned monster with tentacles lay in wait. 

Hespith's voice cut through Elissa's panic. 

_Broodmother._

This was what the darkspawn had tried to turn her into. She had almost become  _this._

A broken sob came from her throat as she took a step back, her eyes darting all along the broodmother.

"B-Broodmother," she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Her breathing quickened, and her heart pounding in her ears seemed to drown out the constant song in her head. The voice, too.

The tentacles burst through the fleshy ground, a loud scream coming from the broodmother. 

Blades were pressed into her hands. Elissa glanced at Kallian, who had a serious look on her face. 

"You have to help us," she said, glancing at the broodmother. "We can't take that thing out on our own."

Nodding, Elissa gathered what remained of her courage before stepping into the room. 

"Stay off of the fleshy part of the ground if you can," she shouted over another scream from the broodmother. "That's where her tentacles can grab you."

And then the fight began.

Elissa and Zevran opted to distract the broodmother so the warriors could get in. 

Because they were both fast, the broodmother couldn't focus on just one of them for more than a few seconds.

It had been going well. Great, actually. 

Until the broodmother let out an ear-splitting scream that had Elissa dropping her weapons to cover her ears. 

Before she could even begin to think to pick her daggers back up, something strong and slimy wrapped around her waist, and then she was being lifted into the air. 

Elissa let out a yelp as one of the broodmother's tentacles brought her closer to the ugly monster's face. 

The Warden barely shielded her face in time before the broodmother vomited something on her that ate through her armor and burned her skin.

"Elissa!" Leliana yelled. She heard Morrigan snap at her to stay off the fleshy ground.

The broodmother shook her a few times before it threw Elissa to the ground. 

She barely moved in time when the tentacle came back down, looking to pierce her. 

She rolled away, but it still nicked her side. 

Elissa scrambled to stand and grab her weapons. As soon as she did, she swung one as she turned, cutting off part of a tentacle. 

Then she limped to Wynne. 

Part of her chest and her arms felt like they were on fire. When she looked down, she saw that the underside of her forearms and chest had burned skin. 

She collapsed to her knees in front of Wynne, who immediately began looking at her wounds to determine what to do.

"You'll have scars," Wynne said, pulling something out of the pouch at her hip. "I don't know what this is. A weak acid, maybe? Either way, the burns may not heal properly."

"Wynne, please make them stop burning."

There was another scream, and Elissa glanced at the broodmother. It gave a groan before it collapsed. 

If it could even be called that. 

Leliana was at Elissa's side in an instant. "It looks like some kind of poison. But in the broodmother? Why did it ruin your armor but not your skin?" 

"A weak acid _could_ do that," Zevran said as he came to stand by them, Kallian at his side. "Strong enough to burn armor, but weak enough to only leave burns. You are very lucky, Elissa."

"Tell that to my arms," Elissa muttered as Wynne wrapped bandages around said arms. "Maker, I almost became that thing."

Leliana rubbed the small of her back. "But you're all right. We will take care of you. We will find a way to make you better."

"For now, 'twould be wise to keep her distracted. It seemed to be working quite well."

"You killed her," said a somewhat familiar voice. Elissa turned her head to see Hespith looking at the fallen broodmother. "You killed Laryn."

"We had to," Alistair said. "As Grey Wardens, we cannot allow monstrosities like this to exist."

Elissa frowned. "I'm sorry, Hespith. It had to be done."

Hespith smiled when she looked up at Elissa. "Thank you, dream-friend. Tell Branka I'm sorry."

Everyone watched as Hespith jumped from the cliff behind what was once Laryn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Elissa is getting better!
> 
> *dramatic voice* Or is she?
> 
> But yeah, with Leliana's help, Elissa is more able to ignore the voice in her head than she was in the last chapter. But will she be able to ignore it for much longer as they venture deeper to find the Anvil of the Void? I guess we'll see, hm?
> 
> If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Feedback is always welcome! Thank you for reading! :)


	35. A Broken Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning: Elissa gets a tad abusive after the ~~~ mark. But she does realize what she's doing about halfway through. But yeah don't read that part if it'll trigger something.
> 
> Also, I wrote most of this at like 1 in the morning while I was half asleep so if there are any mistakes let me know!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"The only way out, Warden," Branka said as Elissa tightened her grip on her swords, "is to make it through each of Caridin's defenses."

Elissa felt her lip curl. "Why are you doing this? Do you even know what happened to Hespith?"

"I feel no remorse for what I did. The Anvil is the only thing in this damned world that matters. Do you understand that? I allowed the darkspawn to do what they needed to do. With broodmothers, I could have so many darkspawn to breach Caridin's defenses."

"This Anvil has driven you mad, Branka!" Oghren cried. "Look at what it's done to you. Look at what you've done!"

Branka grinned. "I did what I needed to."

"The dwarven paragon is a monster," Leliana murmured in Elissa's ear. "Please, do the right thing about her."

Elissa nodded, wrapping an arm around Leliana, weapon and all. "I will try." She looked fully at Branka. "This is madness, Paragon Branka. Sacrificing your entire house? And for what? Some Anvil that may not even exist?"

"It exists!" Branka yelled. "Enough talking! If you wish to save your friends, you will proceed." Then Branka was gone.

Sighing, Elissa turned to her companions. "We have no choice but to do as she says. We're trapped."

A hurlock screamed somewhere nearby, and before long, Elissa felt the familiar pull at her chest. It felt stronger this time. 

"Well," Elissa said, unwrapping her arm from Leliana to prepare herself. "It looks like we have quite the journey ahead of us."

The ground shook, and Elissa stuck her arm out in front of Leliana to push her back. 

An ogre appeared from the shadows of a passageway, roaring as more darkspawn crowded around it. 

_That's just great,_ Elissa thought before she charged the darkspawn.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Branka allowed Hespith to become a ghoul," Elissa said as she paced in front of Leliana, her hands running through her hair. "Do you... Do you think I'll become like Branka?"

She had been going on about this for the past ten minutes or so. Leliana thought she looked close to breaking, but she hadn't yet. Maybe it was just the poor light.

Leliana rubbed the back of her neck nervously, but she shook her head. 

She had thought about it a few times, if she were being honest. Not that she truly believed Elissa would allow anything like that to happen to any of her companions, but... She had hurt Leliana. Intentionally. Who knew what else she could be planning inside that beautiful mind of hers?

"No, Elissa." She took a deep breath. "I don't think you'll turn into Branka."

Elissa stopped her pacing to give Leliana a wary look. "You hesitated." A frown and worry replaced her previously scared expression. "Maker, does everyone think I'll turn on them?"

"You did kick me," Leliana pointed out, resting her back on the cave wall. 

"I know. I'm sorry." She resumed pacing, but this time she crossed her arms and bit at her lower lip. "Branka was mad with power. Branka is insane. She let the darkspawn do all those things to Hespith... I bet she had a voice in her head, too. Always telling her to do the wrong things. 

"Am I going to turn into her? Am I going to allow those damned beasts take you and do whatever they want to you? Because I just may, Leliana. And that  _terrifies_ me." Something like a sob came from her throat. "I-I can't stop the voice, Leli. I can't stop the song. I always do whatever it says."

Leliana stepped in front of Elissa, cupping her face. "What is it telling you to do now?" she asked softly.

Elissa closed her eyes, taking deep breaths. "It's telling me to hurt you," she answered, just as soft. "To-To take your hands off my face and-" Her eyes snapped open a second later. She jerked back so fast that Leliana was sure Elissa should have fallen. "No, I can't."

"What is it?" 

Elissa had a look of horror on her face now. Her eyes darted around as she continued to back away. "I promised I wouldn't," Elissa murmured. "I told her I wouldn't hurt her." Her eyes found Leliana's. "Please, Leliana, distract me. With anything."

"We could always-"

" _No._ That's what it wants, don't you see?" Elissa laughed, but it sounded off. "It wants me distracted so when I'm alone it can - Maker, this voice is a genius."

"Elissa, what is going on?" Leliana demanded. 

Within just a few long strides, Elissa was upon her, crushing their mouths together. Elissa wrapped her arms around Leliana's torso, Leliana's going around the Warden's neck.

Elissa backed her into the cave wall, sending a shiver down her spine when her Warden pressed Leliana into it. 

She began kissing her way down Leliana's jaw and neck, even biting at her pulse point. 

"W-Wait," Leliana panted, putting her hands on Elissa's shoulders. "Here? Where everyone can hear us?" If they weren't quiet, all their companions would hear them, but they were far enough away that they couldn't be seen.

"It wasn't a problem before," Elissa growled, her voice low in Leliana's ear. "Don't tell me you're having second thoughts."

Leliana shook her head, her eyes falling closed as Elissa began the journey of taking off Leliana's nightclothes. She gasped when Elissa, apparently frustrated, opted to rip Leliana's clothes just to get them off her. 

She hadn't been wearing her breast band, and the cool air from the cave did things to her body.

Elissa grabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head with only one hand. The other traced an invisible line from her breasts to her hips. 

Leliana moaned, though somewhat quietly, when Elissa dipped her head to one of the bard's breasts. 

She pressed her body harder against Leliana, a muscular thigh going between her own.

Elissa's hands tightened on her wrists as she said, "Lay down."

Leliana opened her eyes, staring into Elissa's. "I'm sorry?"

Elissa released her, taking a step back. "You heard me."

"Can we do it on the bedroll, at least?" Leliana asked, her panic rising. 

Nodding, Elissa gestured to where their bedrolls were. As soon as Leliana had sat down, Elissa's mouth was on hers again, this time pushing her tongue into Leliana's mouth. 

Her Warden pushed her back, gently, and hovered over her body. She still grabbed the bard's wrists, this time pinning them above her head with her forearm.

"Tell me no, Leliana," Elissa said against her mouth. "Unless you want this?"

Leliana's only response was a whine as her hips jerked, trying to seek more friction. 

Elissa chuckled. "As you wish."

A hand made its way down her stomach again until it reached her undergarment. Elissa's fingers wrapped around the waistband before pulling it down. 

Their tongues danced as Elissa's hand teased her. The pressure on her wrists increased, almost painfully. 

Her hips bucked again, this time reaching out for Elissa's fingers. Luckily for her, the Warden wasn't feeling teasing today. 

After a few more strokes up and down her sensitive areas, two fingers finally plunged into her. Leliana gasped into Elissa's mouth, though it quickly turned into a moan as her Warden set a quick pace. 

Elissa pressed open-mouthed kisses down Leliana's throat, though she stopped at a spot just below her jaw to suck and nip. 

Leliana was sure there would be a mark later. 

Her fingers picked up their pace, curling with each thrust. There was a hard pressure on her little bundle of nerves, almost causing Leliana to cry out. 

Leliana's hands clawed at Elissa's back, digging into the hard muscles of her lover's back. 

She wrapped her legs around Elissa's waist, trying to press her closer than she already was. 

Leliana felt pain in her wrists, now, and just a little where Elissa's fingers were currently pushing deeper and deeper into her. 

Elissa sunk her teeth into Leliana's shoulder, but her tongue soothed the pain.

What had gotten into her? 

She could barely form real, coherent thoughts, but Leliana tried thinking back to what had happened to make Elissa like this. 

_She had been talking about the voice in her head and how it was a genius. Then she had strode to me, desire burning in her gaze._

_Oh, Maker._

Was that voice in her head causing Elissa to be rough? Was it telling her to hurt Leliana this way?

Leliana's hands came to cup Elissa's face as best she could with the awkward position. 

"Elissa." She moaned at another curling of Elissa's fingers, this time harder against her inner walls. "You're hurting me," she ground out. She tried focusing on what Elissa was trying to do, but that didn't help much. 

Elissa groaned into Leliana's shoulder. Her head snapped up a second later. She looked at the scene below her before she practically threw herself from Leliana. 

She was panting and staring wide-eyed at Leliana, who rubbed at her wrists as she sat up.

Elissa was sitting, her hands holding her weight. She looked ready to bolt. 

"I-I didn't know," she said quickly, almost too fast for Leliana to catch. "I had no idea what it was making me do. Maker, Leli, I'm so sorry. I told you. I  _told you_ that I was going to become like Branka, and look what happened."

"The difference between you and Branka," Leliana said, reaching for Elissa's pack and pulling out one of her shirts, "is that Branka was obsessed with the Anvil. There was no voice as her excuse for what she did.  _You_ , however, claim to have a voice in your head that tells you to do bad things only when I'm around. Doesn't that sound bad?"

Elissa nodded. "It does," she answered, her voice timid and weak. She looked away from Leliana. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time." Leliana stood, making sure the shirt she was wearing would cover the important parts. Her legs were still a little wobbly. "I'm getting Kallian to restrain you again. Just when we thought you were doing all right..." She shook her head, making her way back to their makeshift camp. 

The Warden nodded again, shame lining her features. 

Kallian, though a little reluctant, followed Leliana back to where Elissa was laying curled on the floor. It made Leliana's heart ache, seeing her Warden in so much distress. 

Maybe it was wrong of her to accuse Elissa of not really having a voice in her head. 

Leliana stayed back a little as Kallian helped Elissa sit up. 

"What if I don't get better?" Elissa asked Kallian softly, almost too quiet for Leliana to hear. "What if I have to be left down here because I'm a danger to everyone?"

Kallian looked up from where she had been wrapping a rope around Elissa's wrists. "You'll get better," she answered. "We'll find some way to help you."

"It may not be enough," Elissa whispered.

Kallian sighed, running a hand through her hair. "If your condition hasn't gotten better by the time we leave Orzammar, we'll visit the mages, see if they can do anything for you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Elissa nodded, watching as Kallian tied the ropes. 

"I'll have someone keep an eye on you," Kallian said as she stood. "Try to get some rest, all right?"

With a worried look directed at Leliana, Kallian was gone again.

Leliana followed her, passing Reaper on her way to their little camp. He looked torn between going to his mistress and staying with everyone else.

In the end, he went to Elissa, curling up beside her, resting his head in her lap. 

He was the last of Elissa's companions to trust her without hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that happened. As of right now, Elissa's only trusted companion is Reaper. He's loyal to her even though she's going mad. 
> 
> The actual Anvil of the Void will be in the next chapter, so prepare for more progress in the story. 
> 
> Anway, feedback is always welcome! Thank you for reading!


	36. The Anvil and An Apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, teachers are on strike in my state so I have a lot of free time. Until it stops, expect a lot of new chapters!
> 
> I don't think anything super bad happens in this chapter. There might be some curse words. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"If you seek the Anvil," Caridin said, fixing his gaze on Elissa, "then you must care about my story or be doomed to relive it."

Elissa nodded. It had taken just a few more days to make it through Caridin's traps, but they had done it. 

Leliana had ignored her all that time. Kallian and Wynne spoke with her every now and then, asking how she was, if the voice was still in her head. 

Reaper and surprisingly Morrigan had kept her company when she couldn't sleep. Morrigan mostly sat near her, reading from her mother's grimoire. 

The witch would answer any question about magic, sometimes without snapping at Elissa. Sometimes she would even let Elissa rest her head on her shoulder and rest for a few minutes. 

"What's your story, Caridin?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"I created the Anvil," he said. "During the First Blight, the dwarves were being overrun by what you call darkspawn. I created the Anvil to allow golems into this world to help us push them back from our dwindling cities. 

"At first, we used volunteers. But the king became greedy, and we began using the casteless, and criminals, and even his political enemies. I objected, calling it wrong for forcing people into something they did not want. Then... the king made me into a golem."

"That's horrible," Wynne said. 

Caridin nodded, or at least a gesture that looked like a nod. "I cannot allow the Anvil to continue to exist. When you are a golem, you do not die."

"Wait!" cried a voice from behind them. Elissa turned to see Branka running into the chamber, her weapon drawn. "You can't destroy the Anvil!"

"Branka? What are you doing here?"

Branka ignored Oghren's question, instead pointing her sword at Elissa. "You are making a big mistake, Warden. Do you not realize what that Anvil could do? Caridin has been down here for hundreds of years. His mind is not his own."

"The Anvil is evil," Elissa replied. "It has to be destroyed."

"But it could be very useful," Zevran interjected, his head tilting to the side slightly. "Think of what it could do for the Blight."

"Would you like me to make you into a golem?" Elissa snapped. 

Zevran laughed nervously. "S-Surely you wouldn't?"

"Wouldn't I, if I were mad with power?"

"I see your point."

Branka pulled a rod from its sheath. "You're making the biggest mistake of your life, Warden!" she cried. 

"A control rod?" Caridin asked. "No! Warden, if you wish to destroy the Anvil, you must defeat her!"

A blue aura surrounded Caridin as other golems came to life. 

Something wasn't right, however. 

As Elissa drew her weapons, she saw some of the golems were targeting her companions. 

Zevran and Kallian went after Branka as everyone else targeted a golem. 

Elissa looked to Leliana, who was firing arrows at a golem that was steadily getting closer to her. 

Just as the golem pulled back its fist, Elissa dashed in front of Leliana, taking the blow instead. She heard bones cracking and felt pain on the right side of her face. From the force of the blow, Elissa was knocked to the ground. 

She held a hand to her face, tears burning her eyes. 

Wynne was at her side in an instant. Elissa distantly heard the golem falling and someone touching her shoulder. 

Her face felt like it was on fire, and she felt her cheeks become wet with tears. 

"Maker, Elissa," Leliana breathed, putting a gentle hand under her chin and lifting her face. "Why did you do that?"

Wynne removed Elissa's hand, and Leliana gave a sharp inhale. 

"I can mend the bone," Wynne said, "but if I do that, your bruises will still show."

"Bruises are nothing," Leliana said, examining Elissa's face. "Bones take much longer to heal."

Wynne nodded, her hands glowing as she worked on the broken bones in Elissa's face. 

Her face burned for just a few moments before only the pain of the bruises was left. 

Leliana helped her stand, wrapping her arms around Elissa's waist. 

"You didn't have to do that," she murmured. 

"Well, if I hadn't, you'd be the one with a broken face."

Branka groaned in pain behind them. Elissa turned her head to see Kallian removing her sword from Branka's chest.

The golems that had been on Branka's side were all fallen, and Morrigan broke the control rod.

"Thank you, my friend," Caridin said. "What do you require as a reward?"

"The Assembly needs a king. I need a Paragon's crown to decide who will be the new king," Elissa replied.

"Then the Anvil will make one last thing before it is destroyed. Follow me, Grey Warden."

Elissa gave Leliana a quick smile before she followed Caridin up the path to the Anvil. 

She watched him in fascination as he crafted a crown. The way the metal bent to his hammer, the sparks flying... It was amazing. 

After he was done, he handed the crown to Elissa, then said, "We had a deal, Grey Warden."

Nodding, Elissa set the crown on the ground and grabbed Caridin's hammer. She gave him one last look, and at his short nod, she raised the hammer and slammed it down on the Anvil.

It took a few hits, but the Anvil had been destroyed. There were only broken pieces left. 

"Thank you once again, Warden." Caridin stepped to the edge of the path, looking down at the lava below. 

"Are you sure about this, Paragon Caridin?"

"I have lived for far too long," he said. "I must do this."

Elissa nodded, picking up the crown. "I wish you luck, Paragon."

Caridin merely nodded before he leaned forward. 

"Goodbye, Grey Warden."

Elissa watched Caridin fall, his body making almost no noise as it hit the lava. 

She took a deep breath before making her way back to her companions.

"It will take a few more weeks to get back," Elissa said as she approached them, "but we can do it."

Reaper gave her a hopeful bark.

"Let's get moving, then."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana saw Elissa's throat bob as everyone in the Assembly stared at her. 

"I..." She cleared her throat, looking down at the crown in her hands. "I choose Bhelen."

The crowd erupted into shouts of outrage. 

"Enough! The Warden traveled into the Deep Roads, found a Paragon, and has now chosen a king. Prince Bhelen, please, step forward."

Bhelen stepped up to Elissa, who nodded in respect before placing the crown on his head. 

"As my first act as king," Bhelen said, turning to Lord Harrowmont, "is to execute this traitor!"

Elissa grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. "I didn't make you a king so you could kill whoever you wanted! Leave Harrowmont out of this. He has done nothing."

With a snarl, Bhelen said, "Fine! Lord Harrowmont, you will live out your days in peace."

"Thank you, Grey Warden," Lord Harrowmont said as he passed Elissa. 

She nodded at him before turning to her companions. 

"Let's go. We don't want to overstay our welcome."

When they had entered Orzammar, Elissa had been acting like her old self. She cracked jokes, read some of her romance novels... Kallian had told Leliana that the voice was still there, but now it was faint. 

Elissa walked passed everyone, her steps determined. 

When they reentered Orzammar, Leliana grabbed Elissa's hand. 

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" she asked. Elissa gave her a brief confused look before she nodded. 

With their fingers still intertwined, they made their way across the commons. 

"Are you all right?"

Elissa smiled at her, giving her hand a squeeze. "Yeah, I'm a lot better, actually." She cleared her throat, looking at some of the shops they passed. "I'm so sorry about everything that happened in the Deep Roads."

Leliana nodded, nudging Elissa's shoulder with her own. "You couldn't have done much. You were under an influence."

Elissa shrugged. "Well, yeah, but still. I feel really shitty about everything. I should have been stronger. I should have resisted."

"It all worked out in the end," Leliana assured. They passed a little shop that had pink bunny-looking pigs. Leliana gasped. "Oh, look! How cute!"

Her Warden snorted. "Those are nugs. Don't tell me you don't have those in Orlais."

"Not very often. I've always wanted one."

Elissa smiled and unlaced their fingers to wrap an arm around Leliana's waist. "I'll remember that."

"Should we make it back to Tapster's?" Leliana asked when they made it to the end of the commons. 

Elissa nodded. "Yeah. You go on ahead. I have something to do first." There was a young dwarf waving her down. 

"All right. I'll get us a room."

Her Warden gave her a kiss before she walked to the dwarven woman. 

Leliana smiled. Elissa always had to help everyone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana jolted awake when she heard the door to her room open. 

She blinked herself awake, giving the intruder a tired smile. 

"Hello, my love," she greeted. 

"Hello." Elissa sat on the bed, her hands behind her back. "I have something for you."

Leliana narrowed her eyes. "What is it?" she asked as she sat up.

Elissa gave her a shy smile - the one that drove her crazy - and brought her hands forward. In her hands was one of the pink bunny-pigs they had seen earlier.

With a gasp, Leliana felt her heart swell. She gently picked up the nug, holding it close to her chest. 

"I can't believe you actually remembered!"

Elissa laughed. It seemed to pain her a little, as the right side of her face was still badly bruised. "You know I would do anything for you."

Leliana felt herself grin, cuddling the nug. "I think I'll name him Schmooples."

Elissa snorted this time, covering her mouth with her hand as she burst into giggles. " _That's_ the name you picked?"

"It's not so bad!"

"No, not at all!" Elissa was still laughing, but she seemed to be calming down a little. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sure Schmooples loves his name."

She kissed Leliana's cheek, moving to take off her armor. After she was done, she lay down beside Leliana, who had fallen back to the pillows. Schmooples was already asleep.

"I don't have to be jealous of a nug, do I?" Elissa asked, propping herself up on an elbow. She scratched behind Schmooples' ear. 

Leliana hummed. "Oh, I don't know. I think it would be quite interesting to watch you duel a nug for my honor."

Elissa kissed her again. "You know I would," she murmured. "I'm still sorry about everything."

"I'll consider Schmooples to be your apology."

"I can live with that." 

Elissa gently picked up Schmooples and moved him to the end of the bed. He huffed before falling back asleep. 

Then her Warden wrapped her arms around Leliana, pulling her close to her chest. "I'll make it up to you," Elissa whispered against the skin on her neck. "I promise."

"I know you will, my love."

Elissa hummed against her before her breathing turned deep and steady. 

Leliana smiled as she fell asleep. 

Despite everything that had happened, she was glad to have been through everything. Otherwise, she wouldn't have met Elissa, one of the nicest people she'd ever met. 

That night, Leliana had no nightmares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, they're back together! Also, Dagna! And Schmooples! I love them both. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	37. When It Becomes Too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, more fluff! Also just a touch of angst. But there's more fluff than angst. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

They were about a day from Haven when it happened. 

Elissa had been walking with Leliana, telling her about Highever. Then the Warden had stopped, the smile disappearing from her face. She looked at her hands, tears already filling her eyes.

"I can't do this anymore," she whispered. When she closed her eyes, the tears fell down her cheeks. 

"Is everything all right?" Alistair asked, putting a hand on Elissa's shoulder. 

Leliana cupped Elissa face gently. "What's wrong?" 

"The Blight, Leli. It's... It's becoming too much. All this running around, never having time for anything. I don't think I can do this."

"We'll set up camp here," Leliana said. "Elissa, follow me."

Leliana grabbed Elissa's hand before pulling her along, away from their companions. 

They walked for a while, Elissa sniffling and rubbing her eyes. 

Both of them walked until they found a small pond. Leliana sat down at the edge, encouraging Elissa to do the same. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, their fingers still intertwined. 

Elissa leaned into her a little, squeezing her hand. "I miss my family," she answered. "I've lost so much to the Blight... I almost lost you, as well." Elissa sniffed, looking at the pond. "I should have done more to help them. I should have stayed, should have fought for us all."

"But then you would have died, and everyone might have fallen to the Blight. You're here for a reason."

"I should have died with my parents," Elissa murmured, almost too quiet for Leliana to hear. "Everyone's lives would have been a lot easier."

"Maybe, but if you had died with your parents, I wouldn't have met you, and Marjolaine would still be after me. Look at me." She waited until her Warden did as she asked. "I know you have the weight of Ferelden and maybe even Orlais on your shoulders. I know life is hard right now. 

"But you don't have to face this alone. You have the best friends in all of Thedas. You have  _me._ " Leliana kissed Elissa softly. "When this Blight is over, I have many plans for you."

Elissa smiled against Leliana's lips. "Don't think I don't have any ideas in stock. When all of this is over, I... Well, it wouldn't do me any good to give it away."

"I think I know what it is."

Elissa grinned this time. "Do you, now?"

Leliana stood, dragging Elissa to her feet as well. She only gave herself a second to give her own grin before she pushed Elissa into the pond. 

Her Warden shrieked as she fell in, Leliana giggling the whole time. She gasped when she came up for air, her hair in her eyes. She pushed it out of her face. 

"That wasn't fair," she grumbled, moving to the edge of the pond. 

Elissa stuck out her hand, a small smile on her face. 

Feeling sorry for the poor Warden, Leliana grabbed her hand, only to be yanked into the pond too.

When she came up for air, Elissa was laughing, though her hands over her mouth suggested she was trying not to. 

"I'm so sorry!" she said through her gasps for air. "I couldn't help but get revenge."

Leliana laughed as she splashed water at the Warden. She lowered herself until only her head was above the water. 

She hummed, murmuring, "This feels nice." 

The water wasn't too cold, but it wasn't too hot either. It was strange, even for the Frostbacks. 

Elissa's hands went around her waist, switching their positions so Leliana was practically sitting on top of her. It felt like they were floating. 

"I believe times like these are what I'm fighting for," Elissa said, her hands sliding down to Leliana's hips. "Don't worry, I'm also fighting for you."

"You better be." She placed quick kisses on Elissa's neck, earning a purr-like sound from her Warden. "Because after this war, you'll have a lot more to look forward to."

Elissa's hands tightened. She gave a quiet gasp when Leliana nipped a sensitive spot on her neck. 

"I'm already excited," Elissa breathed. "Wait, that came out wrong."

Leliana laughed softly into the crook of her neck. "I'm offended that you aren't excited right now."

She felt Elissa smile against her forehead. "The water hides it well."

"Our companions are far enough away that they won't hear us," Leliana said as she ran a hand over Elissa's stomach. She smiled when the Warden's muscles clenched. 

"Are you sure?" Elissa asked, her voice serious. "After what happened in the Deep Roads... I don't want to hurt you again."

"You didn't hurt me."

"I can still see the bruises on your wrists, and you even told me I was hurting you."

Leliana sighed. "You still have bruises on your face from when you stepped in front of that golem for me."

"That's different. My face can afford a redo. Your beautiful face, however... I couldn't let that happen to you."

"Elissa..."

"I'm serious, Leli. If you had been hurt because I wasn't fast enough, I would never forgive myself." She nuzzled Leliana's neck. "You know that."

"The same goes for you, Miss Cocky Rogue," Leliana teased. She did feel bad about Elissa's face. 

Elissa smirked against her skin. "Well, if you want, we could always have some fun in the water..."

"There's nothing else I want more." 

Leliana only got a second of calm before her mouth was captured in a hungry kiss. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kallian glanced up from the campfire when she heard footsteps. She narrowed her eyes, focusing on the shadows. 

Leliana and Elissa had left hours ago and showed no signs of returning anytime soon. Elissa had had a breakdown, Leliana the only one who could bring her back. 

There was something unspoken going on between them. A certain tension that left Leliana with looks of regret. 

Elissa didn't know, of course. She had too much on her shoulders to notice every little detail. And besides, Elissa was usually looking away when Leliana had those looks of regret. 

Perhaps Elissa hadn't yet told Leliana how she felt? If so, there must have been a good reason for it. 

"Don't worry, Kallian," called a familiar voice. "It's just us."

Kallian snorted, turning back to the fire. "I'm surprised you knew it was me."

Elissa stepped into the camp, Leliana in her arms. She appeared to be sleeping. Her arms were around Elissa's neck, her head buried in her Warden's shoulder. 

Nodding as she passed, Elissa walked to her tent, placing Leliana inside before she joined Kallian by the fire.

"You okay?" Kallian asked, examining Elissa's neutral expression. 

Elissa nodded again, leaning her elbows on her knees. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You don't seem okay."

"I'm just stressed, is all." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Leliana's a little pissed with me. Mostly because I'm always getting hurt, and because I, um... I haven't told her yet."

Kallian tilted her head to the side. "Haven't told her what? That you love her?" At Elissa's nod, Kallian sighed and said, "Maker, Elissa, what's taking so long?"

"I'm afraid. I know she loves me, but... Some part of me still thinks that she's just using me."

"Is this because of her old mentor? Marjolaine, or whatever?"

"I don't know. I do know that some part of it is my own fear. I'm not good enough for her, Kal. And me being a noble with a high status? I just don't know. I've cared for too many assassins that tried to kill me when I told them..."

Elissa buried her hands in her face. "I want to tell her, Kallian," she said, though her voice was muffled. "But I'm too much of a coward. Maybe I could give her something?"

"What are you, a five-year-old with a crush? You don't just give people things and expect them to know what you mean," Kallian snapped. "You're supposed to tell people how you feel. It's natural."

"I  _can't_ tell her how I feel. Every time I do, I pause and say something else."

"Then I don't know what to tell you, Elissa. If you're not brave enough to tell her three simple words, maybe you're not brave enough to take on the archdemon."

Elissa removed her hands to look at the fire. "I will tell her. I just need to find the right time." She stood and made her way to her tent. "Goodnight, Kallian."

The elven Warden waved her off, scooting closer to the fire. 

Nothing could ever stay normal for more than just a few minutes, could it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, Kallian is finally at the point where she's about to slap Elissa until she tells Leliana how she feels. But Elissa does need someone to set her straight. 
> 
> As always, feedback is always welcome! Thank you for reading!


	38. A Past Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, another chapter! I'm not trying to rush this, btw. I just don't like telling you guys things that you know already happens. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Only after Elissa had used her noble charm were they able to enter Haven. 

The people of Haven were definitely hiding something, but they had allowed everyone to stay the night. It wasn't like they were monsters. 

Well, Leliana hoped they weren't monsters. 

For the most part, Elissa had stayed by her side, but she had gone off to talk to one of the townspeople some time ago. 

Morrigan nudged her shoulder. "I would watch your Warden," she said quietly before looking back down at the book in her hands. 

Leliana glanced up to where Elissa was. She was still talking to one of the townspeople, who in turn had her hand on Elissa's arm. 

There was a slight blush on her Warden's cheeks as she continued listening to whatever the woman was saying. 

"What is she doing?" Leliana asked Morrigan, who shrugged and looked up.

"I'm not sure. I just thought you should know."

Leliana examined Elissa again. The woman in front of her was now running her hand along Elissa's forearm. Her Warden's blush had deepened. 

"She wouldn't." Leliana looked at Morrigan. "Would she?"

"'Tis doubtful. You do realize she only cares for you, yes?"

"Yes, but-"

"Listen to me, bard," Morrigan interrupted. "Her past is filled with lies and deceit, but she is not like that with you. She cares for you more than you know."

Nodding, Leliana stood, making her way to Elissa. 

"... and outsiders have always interested me," the woman said, taking a step closer to Elissa. "Especially  _cute_ ones."

"Heh. Really? M-Maybe I can direct you to one of my companions?"

The woman hummed, pressing closer to Elissa. "Maybe you could direct me to  _you._ "

Before Elissa could respond, Leliana came up beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Are you ready to go, love?" Leliana asked, looking innocently at the woman. 

"O-Oh. Leliana," her Warden stammered, looking relieved. "Yeah, I'll be ready in just a minute." She turned to the Haven woman. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

The woman nodded before stepping back from Elissa, allowing Leliana to begin leading her away. 

Elissa let out a sharp exhale. "Thanks for that," she murmured as they walked into their room. "I think she-"

Leliana didn't let her finish her sentence. Her lips found Elissa's as soon as the door was shut, pushing her against a wall.

It wasn't a soft kiss, like many they had shared before. It was rough, Leliana's tongue pushing into Elissa's mouth without warning. 

Elissa groaned, grabbing Leliana's shoulders and pushing her away slightly. "What are you-"

Leliana pushed against her, kissing and nipping at her neck. 

"Leli," Elissa gasped, her hands finding Leliana's hips. "As much as I-" She cut herself off with another groan. "As much as I love the attention, I have to know. What's going on?"

Leliana froze, pulling back slightly to look into Elissa's eyes. "Nothing," she replied, burying her head in Elissa's neck. 

"Wait." Elissa wrapped her arms around Leliana's waist, pulling her closer. "Were you jealous of that woman?" 

"Of course not!" Leliana tried pressing closer to Elissa, her cheeks and ears burning. "Maybe a little."

Elissa chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "Leli, my dearest, you don't have to be jealous of anyone. I only have eyes for you."

"But she was-"

"Leliana. Trust me, okay? I'm lucky enough to have you. I wouldn't screw that up with someone I didn't know. Someone I didn't  _like._ "

Leliana nodded. "I'm sorry," she said. 

"Hey, it's fine. What can I do to prove to you that you're the only one for me?"

"You could let me have my fun with you." 

Elissa cupped her cheeks and pulled her face back, only to place a soft kiss on her lips. "Whatever you want, darling."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Tell me, Warden: do you believe that you failed your parents? Do you believe that you could have done something for them?"

"Hey!" Leliana said, stepping up to Elissa's side. "Leave her alone."

"It's all right, Leli," Elissa said softly. She glanced back at the man-spirit-thing in front of her and nodded. "Yes. I-I could have fought, could have saved them from Howe..." She felt tears prick her eyes. "I failed them so many times."

Kallian gently touched her shoulder. "You're too hard on yourself," she said, her voice soft. 

"And you, assassin. Do you ever regret harming a woman named-"

" _Yes._ Is that what you want? To delve into our forgotten pasts?" Zevran snapped. 

The Guardian nodded. "Elven Warden. Do you believe you failed Shianni?"

"I'm not answering that, spirit. Leave us alone." 

"You may pass. The Gauntlet will test whether you are able to see the Urn of Sacred Ashes." 

He vanished before anyone could move. 

Elissa began moving toward the door, saying, "We can't let this get to our heads. We just have to get to the Urn and get out of here."

In the next room were eight spiritual figures. 

"We each get two," Kallian said, stopping beside Elissa. "Let's get started."

It turned out each of the spirits had a riddle about Andraste. Only Zevran had gotten one wrong.

"What?" he asked once the ash wraith was dead. "I didn't know the answer."

Kallian snorted and patted him on the back. "It's all right. Not all of us know about Andraste."

Elissa led the way to the next door, shaking her head. Upon opening it, she froze when she noticed the person standing before her.

"Father?" she asked, tears now falling down her cheeks. 

The Teryn of Highever smiled sadly at her. "Hello, pup."

Elissa took a step forward, collapsing into her father's embrace. "Father, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. 

"It's all right, pup," the spirit with her father's body said. "Your mother and I are so proud of you."

"But I failed you both. I should have killed Howe. When I find him-"

"Pup, you cannot allow yourself to become this way," her father said, his voice gentle. "Your heart is too pure to become filled with vengeance. Often enough, those whose hearts become filled with vengeance do not come back from that darkness."

"He killed you. And he killed Fergus and Mother. I want him  _dead._ "

Her Father pulled back, draping something around her neck. "Do not let the Couslands die. Live on, pup. Please."

All too soon, her Father was gone. 

Elissa looked at the amulet that was placed around her neck. There was a Chantry symbol on the front and a silver back. She stared into it, seeing a familiar face. It smiled encouragingly at her. 

Leliana touched her lower back. "Elissa? Are you all right?"

Nodding, Elissa turned to her companions. "Let's get moving. We need to get the Urn and get out of here."

She didn't wait for her companions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jealous Leliana is best Leliana. 
> 
> Man, the Gauntlet really got to me when it showed you someone from your past. Like your Warden may think they failed whoever it was and then you see them and they say you didn't. Like... well, there goes my heart. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	39. Curing Arl Eamon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of fluff in this chapter. 
> 
> Sorry for not posting a lot. I've been sick and haven't had any ideas lately. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

As they made their way back to Redcliffe, Elissa rarely spoke. 

In camp, she would usually sit alone, staring at the amulet her "father" had given her. While they were walking, she would look distant, thoughtful.

To put it lightly, everyone was worried. 

When Elissa did speak, it was only to Leliana, and their conversations consisted of the Warden telling her about her family. 

Leliana missed their normal conversations, the ones where Elissa would  _still_ awkwardly flirt with her. 

Elissa entered their tent late at night, and she hadn't consciously held Leliana since the Gauntlet. 

Well, Leliana never felt Elissa hold her while they were sleeping. Maybe she did when Elissa knew she was asleep, or maybe the noble just kept to herself. 

Either way, Elissa was never there when Leliana woke, and she wasn't there when Leliana fell asleep. 

It was almost like they hadn't been sleeping together for weeks. 

There was nothing anyone could do. If they tried talking to her about what was wrong, Elissa would push everyone away. She would just have to come back to them on her own. 

Leliana sighed, glancing at her Warden from the corner of her eye. Elissa was staring into the fire, her chin in the palm of her hand. Her brow was furrowed, a muscle in her jaw twitching. 

"Elissa?" Leliana asked softly. 

The Warden in question jumped, almost falling from the log they were sitting on. She rubbed at her eyes and blinked a few times. "What's wrong?"

"You'll hurt your eyes if you keep staring into the fire."

Elissa snorted and nudged Leliana's shoulder. "Always looking out for me, huh?"

Leliana smiled, leaning into her Warden. Elissa wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Well, we all know you won't look out for yourself."

"I do too look out for myself," Elissa protested. She held Leliana tighter. "I'm sorry for being distant. I know it can't be easy for you."

"It can't be easy dealing with everything that's happened," Leliana said. "We all know you need some space after Haven."

"Sure, but I still shouldn't have ignored everyone. Especially you." She kissed Leliana's temple. "You're quite the needy Orlesian."

Leliana grinned this time, poking Elissa's stomach. "Don't act like you're not needy."

"Me? Never," Elissa said. "Some of us will have to be left behind after Redcliffe. The elves aren't fond of humans, and since most of us  _are_ human..."

"As long as I am able to go with you, I'm all right with leaving some of our companions behind. We seem to move faster when we are a small group, anyway."

Elissa set her cheek on the top of Leliana's head. They sat like that for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's presence. 

"We should probably head to our tent," Elissa murmured, her eyes on Sten guarding the camp. "I'll hold you tonight if you want."

Leliana hummed. "I do like falling asleep in your arms."

She felt Elissa smile. "Then consider it done." Her Warden moved, but only to pick her up like a bride. Before long, Leliana was being carried to their tent. She was placed on the bedroll softly, Elissa's body moving behind hers. 

Strong arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against Elissa's chest. 

Elissa placed a kiss on the back of her neck. She yawned before quietly saying, "Goodnight, Leli. Sweet dreams."

Leliana had no nightmares that night.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"So, Leliana..." Alistair started, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "You're a woman, right?"

Elissa gasped, turning to Leliana with wide-eyes. "What?" she asked, a hand going to her mouth. "You are?"

Leliana put her hands on her chest. "Oh, my love, I meant to tell you!" she said. "But it never seemed like the right time."

The Warden put a hand on her forehead. "Oh, think of the scandal! What will the people say?" 

They both laughed, harder than they should have. 

"All right, all right," Alistair said, crossing his arms. "Never mind."

Elissa snorted. "No, go ahead, Alistair. I apologize."

"So, um... Let's say I like someone." His glance back at Kallian gave his secret away. "How would I tell her?"

"Well, first, don't question her female-ness."

Alistair grumbled. "Forget I said anything."

"Why do you ask?" Elissa said, glancing at the other Warden. "Are you afraid she doesn't return your feelings?"

Well, almost everyone knew that Kallian and Zevran were together, though Elissa couldn't tell if it was just for fun or if they were serious. 

"Or that things won't proceed naturally?" Leliana added. She looked skeptical, as well. 

"Not when I ask women about their female-ness." 

"Just be yourself," Elissa said, giving Leliana a look. "You do know how to do that, right?"

"Yes, I-I just... I'm nervous." Alistair glanced back at Kallian again, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks. 

Elissa bit the inside of her cheek. "Hey, Alistair? Just... don't get your hopes up, all right? Different women have different tastes." She internally winced at how jerkish that sounded. "N-Not that she doesn't like you. I'm sure she does. I'm just giving you a heads up."

He nodded and seemingly went back to his thoughts. 

Leliana nudged her. "There were better ways to say that."

Elissa shrugged. "Yeah, but he doesn't need to be coddled. He's a big boy."

"His feelings look hurt."

Elissa looked at Alistair. His head was bowed, a slight frown on his face. 

"He'll get over it," Elissa said, quiet enough so only Leliana could hear. "It's better to tell the truth than to lie and wait for the truth to come out. At least now he knows what to expect." 

"Kallian doesn't return his feelings." Leliana laced their fingers together. "You'd think everyone who saw her and Zevran would know that."

"Let him hope, darling. It's something we all need right now."

Elissa did feel bad. He seemed to catch feelings for every attractive woman he saw. 

Well, besides Morrigan. And Leliana. 

She hoped he would find someone, but it was unlikely. Not too many women his age enjoyed giant fools. 

Hopefully, by the end of the Blight, he would realize that. If not, he was in for a rough ride. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Eamon turned his gaze to Elissa. "I appreciate your help, Warden. But I understand you still have the elves to ask for help?"

Elissa nodded. "Yes, ser. It should take us about a month and a half to go to the Brecillian Forest and come back. If it's all right with you, would I be able to leave some of my companions here?"

"Of course, Warden. I assume you'll be leaving within the next few days?"

"We'll leave tomorrow, ser," Elissa answered. "For now, I apologize for leaving early, but I'm afraid I must get some rest. Excuse me."

Elissa left, heading to Leliana's room. She had received her own, as Eamon clearly didn't like the idea of two women sharing a room, but it was hard to sleep without Leliana near her. 

She knocked on the door, not wanting to enter without Leliana's permission.

Elissa did that a lot. She would rarely do anything without Leliana's permission first. 

The door opened a second later. Leliana was wearing her nightclothes, a tired smile on her face. 

"Well, hello there," Leliana said, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. "Are you looking for someone?"

Elissa hummed, clasping her hands behind her back. "I heard there was quite the Orlesian in one of these rooms. It seems I was correct."

"But my love will be back in just a few moments," Leliana replied, a knowing smile now gracing her beautiful lips. 

Elissa took a step closer, one hand finding Leliana's hip. "I can be quick," she said. "Your love won't even know."

"The  _scandal_ ," Leliana whispered. "How did it go with the arl?"

The Warden sighed, moving into the room. "As well as it could have gone, I suppose. Do you think he'll create rumors because I'm in your room?"

"Does he even know you're in here?"

"No, but the servants will talk when they see I'm not there in the morning."

Leliana grabbed her hand and pulled her to the bed. "Would the rumors bother you?" Leliana asked.

Elissa sat next to her. "Of course not. I don't care what anyone says about us, Leliana. Well, unless they say we're not good together. Then I'll be upset."

She was used to people seeing her with women. What did it matter that they saw her with one she loved?

"Will it... bother you?" Elissa asked hesitantly. "The rumors, I mean."

"No, my love. As long as they are of us, I couldn't care less."

Elissa smiled, knocking their shoulders together. "Good. I'll try to stop them as soon as I hear them."

Rumors would start, oh yes. Servants liked to gossip and sometimes the nobles would overhear, and then the rumors would spread more. If she could, Elissa would stop any shame from falling on Leliana. 

She owed her that much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like Arl Eamon. I've probably said it before, but yeah.
> 
> Anyway, next chapter should be the elves and all that. I'll be back on track with the story soon. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome! :)


	40. Misinterpretations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Before they left for the Brecillian Forest, Arl Eamon had wanted everyone to eat together. It would be the last time they saw each other for a few months. 

Eamon was at the head of the table, then Isolde and Teagan, followed by Alistair and Zevran sitting across from each other. Kallian sat next to Zevran and Wynne sat next to Alistair. Morrigan and Sten hadn't come down yet, which left Elissa and Leliana to be seated next to each other. 

Though Elissa was starting to regret asking Eamon if Leliana could sit next to her. 

Barely-there fingers trailed up her thigh as they ate, dangerously close to where there was a throb between her legs. She kicked Leliana, though not hard, only to receive a tsk and a murmured, "Don't play footsie. You're not a child."

Elissa was eating a rather good tart when Leliana put pressure between her legs, causing her to choke on her food. Elissa covered her mouth, her cheeks and the tips of her ears already burning. 

"Is everything all right?" Eamon asked, setting down his fork. "Something wrong with the food, perhaps?"

Elissa shook her head and swallowed what food was left in her mouth. "N-No, everything is great, Arl Eamon. I, ah..." She kicked Leliana again, earning a quiet laugh. "Just a cough, I think. I may be getting a cold."

Wynne looked concerned. "Do you need something? I have some herbs-"

Kallian snorted. "Wynne, she's fine." She gave the older mage a look. "Trust me. She's  _perfect_ _._ "

Wynne nodded in understanding. "All right. Well, if you need something, let me know."

"Don't start something you can't finish," Elissa whispered in Leliana's ear as she turned back to her plate. 

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Leliana shot back, a smirk on her lips. 

Elissa shook her head and picked the tart back up. "You're going to pay for this later."

"Oh, I bet."

The hand continued its journey, though it was more soothing than teasing this time. Leliana continued eating like she wasn't currently driving Elissa insane. 

"So, Lady Cousland, when should you and your party be leaving?" Eamon asked, stuffing something into his mouth. 

"I still need to prepare some things," Elissa answered. "And, please, it's just 'Warden' now."

Eamon nodded. "Feel free to use any of my resources. And bring as many health-related items as you need. You'll be gone for quite some time."

"You are too generous, my arl." Elissa set down her food, standing and giving Leliana a little tug on her sleeve. "The food was delicious. I look forward to more when we get back."

"Of course, Warden. Do let me know when you'll be leaving."

Elissa kissed the top of Leliana's head, savoring the quiet hum she received. "Don't take too long," she murmured before setting off. She heard Leliana say her farewells before her chair scraped against the stone floor. 

Elissa glanced back at her as they entered an empty hallway. She stopped, waiting for Leliana to catch up to her. 

As soon as her lover was in front of her, Elissa gently but firmly pushed Leliana against the wall. 

"I'm getting my revenge for that little stunt in the dining room," she growled, her voice low. 

Leliana laughed breathlessly and cupped Elissa's cheeks. "You can certainly try."

Their lips met in a hungry and desperate kiss seconds later, Elissa's hands gripping the fabric of Leliana's tunic. 

"It seems my little plan worked," Leliana said as Elissa trailed her mouth along her jaw. 

"This." A kiss. "Was your plan." Another kiss to her neck. "All along?" she finished, nipping at Leliana's pulse point. 

Leliana gasped. "Y-Yes," she stammered. "Mostly."

"Or was your plan to tease me endlessly with several others present? I barely made it through that, you know."

A quiet laugh beside her ear. "I know."

Elissa hummed before untucking Leliana's tunic from her pants and running her hand along the smooth muscles of her stomach. Her fingers went below Leliana's breast band, cupping said breasts. 

Leliana groaned, her head thumping against the wall behind her. "Maker, Elissa," she mumbled, her hands now fisted in the fabric of Elissa's shirt. "S-Someone could see us."

"Well, they won't have a reason to come down this way if you keep quiet."

Leliana opened her eyes, a challenge visible. "We'll see who needs to stay quiet by the end of this."

Before Elissa could retort, she felt someone grab her shoulder and pull her away from Leliana. Then a fist made contact with her eye. 

She cried out, stumbling until she hit the wall opposite of where she was just a second ago. 

"Son of a  _bitch_!" she said, her voice rising. She was hunched over, one hand over her eye as she other kept her steady against the wall. 

"Elissa!" Leliana cried, but she was stopped by some elven man in armor grabbing her arm. 

"You dare attack this woman in the arl's own home?" he asked, his sword pointed at Elissa. 

Elissa tilted her head to the side. "What the  _fuck_ is going on?"

"Leave her alone," Leliana said, pushing the man aside. She was at Elissa's side in an instant, pulling her hand away to look at the damage. She placed a kiss to Elissa's shut and probably swollen eye. 

"My lady, she was trying to-"

"She was not. And even if she was, I would have disarmed her long before you came around."

The man's mouth opened and closed like a fish's as he seemed to search for the right words. "Is she manipulating you? Has she poisoned your mind?"

"My fist is about two seconds away from knocking your teeth to the back of your throat," Elissa warned. She wrapped an arm around Leliana's waist as she straightened. "I probably should anyway because you laid a hand on her."

"B-But you were- She was- In public?"

Elissa scoffed. "If I wanted to take advantage of her, I would have done it in a room, not in a place where anyone could find us. Besides, she had control of the situation the entire time. She would have had a knife between my ribs before I could do anything."

"She would never hurt me, ser," Leliana said, resting her head on Elissa's shoulder. 

Well, while that was true, Elissa  _had_ hurt her before. And she hated herself even more for doing so.

The elven man nodded. "My apologies, my ladies. I acted on impulse. Should I tell the healer?"

"No. Thank you, but we would like to be alone now."

He blushed before turning on his heel, leaving them alone in the hallway once more. 

Elissa sighed, running her free hand over her face. "Don't think that little incident stopped me from wanting my revenge. You'd better double-time it back to our room."

Leliana gave her a questioning look. "Why?" she asked. "What do you have planned?"

"I'm going to worship your body like a Chantry Sister worships the Maker."

She'd never seen Leliana move faster. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

With a small party, it had only taken a month to get to the Brecillian Forest. Elissa had brought Leliana (of course), Kallian, Zevran, Reaper, and Wynne. She hadn't planned on bringing Reaper, but he insisted he travel with them. 

They didn't stop much. They only stopped when they needed to rest or when they needed to eat. It was easier with only two Wardens around. 

Well, and they stopped when they ran into bandits or darkspawn. But if she had brought everyone, they most likely wouldn't be in the Brecillian Forest now.

"There are stories of this forest, you know," Leliana murmured into Elissa's ear. "They say that things watch you and that you are never truly alone."

Elissa chuckled. "Spooky."

It was another few minutes before they encountered any being. 

And that being happened to be a Dalish elf. 

"You are far from your city, human," the elf said, her bow pointed at Elissa. "I suggest you turn around before you find an arrow in your chest."

"We are here on Grey Warden business," Elissa replied, stopping just a few feet from the elves. "We need to speak to your leader."

"Hahren," Kallian corrected. 

"Do you expect us to believe that?" asked one of the male elves. 

Elissa crossed her arms. "Do many people go about saying they're Grey Wardens?"

The elf closest to them sighed. "You have a point. You may enter, Warden, but be warned: one wrong move, and I will not hesitate to put an arrow through you." 

She began walking, gesturing for them to follow. 

"I think we started out great," Elissa said sarcastically. 

"We haven't been shot yet. That's something," Zevran muttered. 

Elissa distantly heard groans of pain. When they entered the camp, she saw several elves on cots, all bleeding. 

She took a deep breath as the elf from before introduced them to a much older looking elf. 

_At least it won't be boring._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome! Thank you for reading!


	41. Nightmares and Werewolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look I'm back.
> 
> Also sorry this chapter isn't very long. I still have like 0 ideas.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

_There were so many screams. So many people depending on her._

_Maker, all of Ferelden depended on her._

_They were all too busy with the Orlesians to realize what was going on. Most didn't know about the Blight until it was almost too late._

_Darkspawn roared around her, some screeching just mere feet away from her. A few hurlocks even tried to start a fight with her as she charged the fallen archdemon._

_Elissa merely cut them down like the others._

_Someone behind her shouted at her to stop. But she couldn't. Now was her only chance to end the Blight._

_Elissa let out a cry of rage as she made the final steps to the archdemon. She sunk her blade into the beast's head._

_A few seconds later, she was screaming in pain._

_She tried yanking her hands off the handle, but they wouldn't budge. Pain flashed through her entire body, and Elissa could feel herself shaking. Her eyes snapped shut, tears falling down her cheeks._

_Elissa gasped in relief as her hands finally fell free from the handle of the sword. But her legs wouldn't keep her standing._

_She fell backward, her head smacking on the stone behind her. Elissa groaned as she heard footsteps rushing to her._

_An Orlesian voice called out to her. But when Elissa opened her eyes, all she saw was a hurlock screeching at her before swinging its sword at her exposed throat and-_

Elissa woke with a hitched gasp. She jolted upright, one hand flying to her throat as the other covered her racing heart. 

Leliana stirred beside her, letting out a soft sigh before resting a hand on Elissa's back. 

"Can't sleep?" she asked, her voice tired. 

Elissa thought it was the most adorable thing she'd ever heard. 

Despite herself, she smiled, lowering her hands to her lap. "I'm all right, Leliana. Go back to sleep."

Elissa felt Leliana sit up, wrapping an arm around her back and leaning into her side. "Mm, but if my love is awake and afraid, then I must keep her company, no?"

"I'll be fine," Elissa murmured, kissing Leliana's cheek. Leliana gave her a sleepy smile. 

"Maybe. But I will feel bad if I don't at least  _try_ to help you."

Elissa hummed but said nothing else. Instead, she lay back down on the blanket spread on the floor of their tent. She could faintly feel Schmooples at her feet. 

Leliana gave a content sigh this time, cuddling into Elissa's side. "I wish we could stay like this forever," she mumbled, tangling their legs together. She draped one arm across Elissa's stomach, the other under Elissa's shoulder. "You're so  _warm._ "

Elissa laughed quietly. "Surely there are other things you like about me?"

"'M sleepy," Leliana said instead of answering. She yawned a second later, tightening her grip on Elissa and burying her head in her neck. "We'll talk in the morning." 

"It likely already is morning."

"Shh," she whispered, putting a finger to Elissa's lips. "Later."

Elissa wrapped her arms around Leliana. "I... I love you, you know."

Leliana hummed. "That's nice."

"You have no idea what I'm even saying, do you?" Elissa asked, laughter bubbling from her chest when Leliana shook her head. 

Leliana fell back asleep soon after. But Elissa wasn't able to fall asleep. Every crack of a twig or rustle of the leaves would startle her, and she would tighten her arms around Leliana, searching for shadows outside the tent. 

She usually just saw the outlines of her companions from the firelight. 

But she couldn't shake the image of a hurlock standing over her, a sword taking her life. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana had no idea what had happened when she woke to Elissa shaking and gasping. She only remembered cuddling with her after Elissa had calmed down. 

Though something must have happened. Elissa gave her sad smiles before she would look away, her head bowed. 

Leliana needed to figure out what happened between them, but before she could, they were being attacked by werewolves. 

"I don't want to fight you," Elissa said, though her hands still twitched to the short swords across her back. 

The werewolf leader - Swiftrunner, he was called - snarled. "You lie!" he shouted. "You were sent by the Dalish! Nothing you say is true!" 

Before any of them could move, Swiftrunner swiped at Elissa, his claws catching her jaw and part of her cheek. The werewolves ran when everyone started drawing their weapons. 

Elissa was on her knees, cupping the left side of her face. Blood dripped down her neck and through her fingers. 

Wynne wouldn't be able to heal her properly. She didn't have a whole lot of magic left after she helped the elves. 

Instead, Wynne crouched beside Elissa, a square bandage and salves in hand. 

"Why am I always the one getting hurt?" Elissa asked when Wynne pried her hands off her face. 

"Maybe you shouldn't piss off werewolves," Kallian joked, nudging Zevran with her elbow. 

Zevran snorted. "Well, at least she  _tried_ being civil." 

"You'll have scars," Wynne said. "I'm sorry I can't do more for you."

Elissa smiled as Wynne poured water over her hands, though she winced just as quickly. "You've done more than enough. Thank you, Wynne."

"Well!" Kallian said as she crossed her arms. "What the plan now? We can't go back to the Dalish empty-handed."

"We must continue," Leliana answered. "We know what to expect from the werewolves now."

"We know they use their claws and swipe at open skin," Elissa said, standing and facing her companions. "So, we hide as much skin as we can and we dodge their attacks as best we can. If we do that, we may just get Witherfang's heart."

Kallian smirked and gestured in front of her. "Lead the way, O Savior of Ferelden."

Elissa laughed, though Leliana could tell she tried not to use the left side of her face. "Let's keep searching for their hideout. Maybe we'll find it before the end of this Age."

Reaper barked excitedly, wagging his stump of a tail as he nudged Elissa forward. She scratched behind his ear before turning on her heel, gesturing for everyone to follow. 

Leliana's question would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	42. The Lady of the Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo more 12 AM writing while I'm half asleep.
> 
> Have fun reading.

"You do not know the full story, do you, Warden?" the Lady of the Forest asked, her head tilting to the side. 

Elissa crossed her arms. "Well, I've only heard Zathrian's part of the story, so no, I don't suppose I have."

"Zathrian created this curse. Witherfang and I are one."

Swiftrunner growled and stepped in front of the Lady. "Zathrian had children. The humans in the forest killed the boy and raped the girl. As revenge, he turned them into beasts."

Elissa sighed, shaking her head. "So your curse, all of this, has been because of a quarrel with men that aren't even alive anymore?"

"Vengeance can carry someone on a long path, Warden. Surely this is something you know well?" the Lady asked, giving Elissa a knowing look. She bowed her head in response. 

"I do, my Lady. But what would you have me do? Without the elves' help, the Blight-"

"We can help with the Blight, Warden. All I want - all  _we_ want - is to be freed of this curse. Do that, and I will help."

Elissa ran a hand over her face. "What do you want me to do?"

"Bring me Zathrian," the Lady answered. "Convince him to come to us to talk."

She nodded. "I will do this, my Lady. You have my word."

Elissa turned on her heel, gesturing for her companions to follow. Leliana was at her side, as usual.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" she whispered, glancing back at the werewolves. 

"No. This is a terrible idea," Elissa said. "But if it can go right, maybe we can settle this properly instead of just listening to one side of the story and attacking on a whim." 

"I hope you're right, my love." 

"Oh, I never am, Leli. With my luck, they'll both end up killing each other, and then this will all have been for naught." 

Leliana chuckled but said nothing more. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"And do you honestly believe that this will solve anything, Warden?" Zathrian asked, his voice rising. "The werewolves are beasts who will stop at nothing to get what they want."

"Really?" Elissa said. "Because that sounds like what you're doing."

Leliana grabbed Elissa's wrist. "All we ask is that you speak with them, Zathrian. Nothing more."

"You expect me to take advice from a  _shemlen_ who enjoys the company of other women?"

Kallian took a sharp intake of breath. Women being together and men being together was about as common with the elves as it was with the nobles. Though the elves usually had more to say about it. Nobles just used it as a scandal for a few weeks, and then they acted as if nothing happened. 

At least, that's what she had learned from living in the Alienage. 

Elissa snarled, taking a step toward Zathrian. "You're about to take advice from my fist if you insult her again."

"You're as much a beast as those werewolves!" Zathrian shouted. Reaper growled at him, baring his teeth. 

"You will speak to them, even if I have to drag you there myself," Elissa said, still tense. "You created this curse. You ask for my help, and only give me half the story. Then you insult one of my companions-"

"If it will shut you up, yes, fine, I will speak with them." Zathrian turned away, muttering, " _Len'alas lath'din._ " 

Kallian's lip curled. "Watch your tongue, _hahren_ , or I will cut it out."

As they walked back to the werewolves and the Lady of the Forest, Zevran nudged her with his elbow. "What did he say that would make you threaten him?"

"It roughly translates to 'dirty child no one loves,'" she said. "And because he was talking about Elissa, I felt the need to remind him of his place."

"Knowing her, I'm sure she has heard it whispered behind her back before." 

Elissa snorted. "I have heard it before. But thank you for defending my honor, Kal."

They walked in silence the rest of the way, save for Leliana and Elissa whispering to each other and chuckling every now and then. 

As they all entered the chambers of the Lady of the Forest once more, Kallian heard Swiftrunner give something like a snort. "And so they return," he said. 

"Zathrian," the Lady greeted, nodding. "Thank you for bringing him, Warden."

Before he could properly walk to the Lady, Elissa grabbed his forearm and hissed, "I will protect you, but if you attack them first, your life is forfeit."

Zathrian grunted before he yanked his arm away. 

"I am here, spirit. Though I do not see the point in this."

The next few moments passed in a blur. The Lady and Zathrian argued for a bit before Elissa snapped at them both. Then Swiftrunner suggested that Elissa and Zathrian were working together and to kill them. 

In the end, Zathrian had ended up attacking the werewolves first, which then caused Elissa to sigh before she started attacking him. Though Kallian could track fast movements, it was hard for her to keep track of Elissa's attacks. 

Zathrian conjured sylvans to attack for him, so while Elissa went after the old elf, the rest of her companions went after the two sylvans. 

By the end of it, Elissa had her sword at Zathrian's throat. "All right!" he cried. "I see I cannot win against you, Warden." 

"Break the curse, Zathrian, or by the Maker, I will not hesitate to-"

"Elissa!" Leliana grabbed the Warden by the back of her armor, yanking her away from Zathrian. Elissa bowed her head, dropping her sword to the ground. 

"Sorry, Leli," she murmured, barely loud enough for Kallian to hear. 

"Zathrian," the Lady said, taking a step toward him. "All we want is for you to end the curse."

Zathrian laughed, but it was humorless. "Do you know what you ask of me, spirit? You're asking me to give up my life!"

"Vengeance is not a way to live, Zathrian," Elissa said. "It's... easy to go down that path. But it's hard to come out of it."

"What would you know of vengeance,  _shemlen_?"

"An old friend killed my family. I am the only survivor. I know what you are going through."

Zathrian sighed. "Maybe you are right. Maybe I have lived for too long." He took a deep breath. "I will do as you say, spirit."

The Lady smiled. "Thank you, Zathrian, my creator." 

The werewolves gathered in a circle around him as he crouched before the Lady. His staff glowed. 

As the whole thing was going on, Elissa and Leliana were talking quietly, looking at but not seeing the scene before them. 

When the ordeal was done, nothing was left of Zathrian. The werewolves weren't werewolves anymore, and the Lady of the Forest was gone. 

The men and women who were once beasts turned to Elissa. "Thank you so much, Warden. Oh, and sorry about the cut," one of the men said. "We are no longer beasts, trapped."

"It was an honor, ser," Elissa said, bowing. "But what will you do now?"

One of the women smiled. "I don't know about them, but I'll be heading to the nearest settlement. I'll figure out how to be human again."

"Keep safe out there, sers. There is still a Blight going on."

They said their thanks again before they were gone. 

Elissa shook her head. "Let's hope the elves were cured as well."

"Are we going back to them?" Wynne asked.

"Yeah. We'll head back to the elves, see if we can stay another night. If not, we'll be straight on our way back to Redcliffe." Elissa smiled and turned on her heel. "Well, let's get going. We don't want to keep them waiting, do we?"

Elissa and Leliana walked hand in hand through the tunnels, their shoulders bumping. 

There had been something going on between them. Maybe Leliana was worried about Elissa's newest scar? Or maybe it was the tension of Elissa  _still_ not having told Leliana how she felt?

It didn't matter. Kallian wasn't one to pry into other's business unless it was necessary. 

Still... Elissa's confession would have to come out. _Maybe not today, or even tomorrow. Maybe it would be ten years from now_ , _after they'd been apart for some time._  

Kallian chuckled at the thought of her friend and leader. 

_Elissa was a mess._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	43. Redcliffe Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm exhausted from doing yard work all day so I apologize if there are any errors. Tell me if there is anything wrong and I'll correct it.
> 
> This is mostly just fluff. The only advancement in the story is at the end. 
> 
> Enjoy!

While they had been away in search of Witherfang, Arl Eamon had sent one of his messengers to the Dalish camp, along with several horses. 

He apparently wanted them back in a hurry. 

There were horses for everyone, except the messenger. So, of course, Elissa and Leliana ended up sharing one. 

Elissa wasn't going to make a young man walk what would have been a month on foot. But with horses, it may take just a week or two. 

But, as was expected, Leliana had apparently decided she hadn't wanted to behave. 

She was sitting in front of Elissa on the horse, her head tilted back to place kisses along her jaw and part of her neck. 

"Leliana," Elissa warned, tightening her grip on the reins. 

Leliana nipped at her jaw. "I'm just preparing you for Redcliffe. Around the elves, we weren't able to lay together." 

"Leli, we're on a  _horse_ and the others are just a few feet away."

"No, please," Kallian said dryly from behind her, "keep making us uncomfortable." 

"I think I would like to watch," Zevran said. 

There was a smack, followed by Kallian's, "That's disgusting!" 

Zevran laughed. He and Kallian fell back into their usual bickering moments later. 

Leliana pressed her lips against Elissa's cheek but didn't kiss her. "I'm very lucky to have you, you know," she murmured. 

Elissa chuckled. "You've told me before." 

"I love you so much, Elissa." Leliana did kiss her this time. "I-I don't know if we'll both be alive by the time all of this is over, but I do know this: whatever happens, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. However long that is."

"Heroes don't usually get happy endings. Heroes in the tales do, sure, but real heroes?" Elissa shook her head. "They usually die by the end of wars." She sighed and rested her chin on Leliana's shoulder. "But I want that too. For however long I'm alive."

Leliana hummed. "Then make sure you keep yourself alive, my love."

"If she doesn't," Wynne called, "I'll find someone to bring her back."

Elissa snorted. Coming back from the dead, being a zombie? At least it sounded better than dealing with everyone's problems.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Leliana woke when something slammed against the door. She opened her eyes but didn't dare move._

_The door opened a second later, followed by stumbling footsteps._

_The person grunted as they fell to the floor, their knees giving out a sickening crack._

_Leliana recognized that grunt. She'd heard it too many times._

_She sat straight up in the bed, looking to the door. The torches outside illuminated the room enough for Leliana to fully recognize who had stumbled into her room._

_Elissa was on her knees, her face so bloodied and bruised that Leliana wouldn't have recognized her if she didn't know every inch of Elissa. There was a knife sticking out of her chest, right below her heart._

_Her right arm was twisted at a weird angle. Her left arm appeared to be gone._

_Blood dripped onto the floor as Elissa continued staring right through her._

_"Elissa," Leliana gasped, throwing the blankets and jumping out of the bed._

_Someone wrapped an arm around her waist from behind before she could get to her beloved._

_"I told you I do not like to share, Leliana," said a familiar Orlesian voice._

_Leliana clawed at the arm, but it was no use. Marjolaine showed no sign of letting go._

_"Please," Leliana begged, "she's done nothing."_

_"You're right, my Leliana. She had nothing to do with this." A kiss was pressed to the side of her neck. "But you betrayed me. You sought the love of another while you still harbored feelings for me."_

_Marjolaine always was the jealous type._

_"Leli," Elissa said, looking down at the floor. "I'm so sorry."_

_Leliana pushed and shoved and clawed, but nothing worked. She screamed for Elissa, who, after a few moments, fell over on her side, then rolled onto her back. She looked so exhausted._

_Elissa turned her head to Leliana and gave what she assumed was a smile. "I'll see you soon, darling."_

_Then her chest fell and never rose again._

Leliana woke with a scream still stuck in her throat. She coughed a few times to get the lump out of her throat. 

Looking beside her, she saw Elissa facing away from her, curled into a ball and shivering. 

Leliana shook her shoulder, earning a whine as her hand was shoved off. 

"Elissa," Leliana whispered, shaking her harder now. "Wake up."

"'M tired," she mumbled into her pillow. "'S late."

"Elissa Cousland, wake. Up." With still no response, Leliana gasped and said, "There's darkspawn in the room!"

"No, there's not," Elissa whined, dragging out the "not" longer than necessary. "Lemme go back to sleep."

Leliana huffed, only having one more idea in mind. She entangled her fingers in Elissa's hair, as it was usually down when she was sleeping. Then she pressed kisses along her neck. 

Only to receive Elissa's hand in her face, pushing her away as she whispered, "Shhh."

"Maker, you sleep like the dead." 

As Leliana propped herself up on her pillow, Elissa rolled onto her back. "Do you want something?" she asked without opening her eyes. 

"I want you to hold me."

Elissa gave an overly dramatic sigh before strong arms wrapped around Leliana, bringing her to her Warden's chest. 

Elissa kissed the top of her head before she murmured, "Bad dream?"

Leliana nodded, burying her face in Elissa's neck. 

"Wanna talk about it, or can I go back to sleep?"

Leliana smacked Elissa's arm, though she still smiled. To anyone else, it might have looked like Elissa didn't really care. But Leliana knew she did. 

If Elissa didn't care, she would have gone back to sleep. Leliana's persistence at waking her up must have triggered something in her. 

Elissa ran a calloused hand up her back. When it had gotten under her shirt, Leliana didn't know. She just knew that it calmed her nerves. 

Her Warden was always able to do that for her. Anytime Leliana was nervous, Elissa would do something to her. Whether Elissa gave her a kiss on the cheek, or grabbed her hand and squeezed it, she always felt calm afterward. 

"I'll be here when you're ready to talk about it," Elissa said before she yawned. "Always."

"What if I never want to talk about it?" Leliana asked. 

"You know I won't pester you about it, Leli." Elissa's other hand tangled in Leliana's hair. "And for the love of the Maker, please behave at breakfast tomorrow. I don't want to explain to Arl Eamon why I'm flustered again."

"Did you have to explain it to him last time?"

Elissa snorted. "Sadly, yes. But I just told him I hadn't been feeling well. I don't think he'll believe it this time." 

Leliana hummed as Elissa played with her hair a little. "He doesn't seem to like the idea of two women enjoying each other's company."

"I rather like sneaking out of your room before dawn. It makes me feel young again."

Leliana chuckled. "You're still young."

Elissa sighed before she answered. "Yes, but I'm getting older. I found a grey hair yesterday."

"The Greying Grey Warden," Leliana said, cradling Elissa's jaw. "It has a certain ring to it."

"That reminds me: I need to give you something. I've wanted to give it to you for quite some time, but... With us speaking of death, I felt I should give it to you soon."

"What is it?"

"I don't want to ruin the surprise, dearest," Elissa said. "Try to get some sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Leliana sat up on her elbows. "What about the arl?"

Elissa smiled at her, her eyes only half open. "Leli, as long as you don't care about the rumors, I don't either. Let the servants say they saw us sleeping together."

Nodding, Leliana settled against Elissa. She stayed awake a while longer, listening to the strong heart beneath her. Just a few moments after Elissa's breathing turned deep and heavy, Leliana found she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. 

She opened them again when she heard the servants open the door, Elissa still sleeping beneath her. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa entered the main room of Castle Redcliffe, her Grey Warden armor shining, her cloak billowing behind her. The servants still pressed themselves against the walls, their heads bowed. 

"Warden," the arl greeted. "Have you gathered your allies?"

Elissa bowed before she nodded. "Yes, ser. We have the mages, the dwarves, and now the elves have promised us their help."

"Good, good." He took a step toward her, his head tilted. "Shall I call the Landsmeet? Or do you still have business to attend to?" 

This was it. The Landsmeet would be a key factor in deciding the fate of Ferelden. 

Elissa took a deep breath and nodded again. "I'm ready. Call the Landsmeet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome! Thanks for reading!


	44. Arl Howe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for some fluff with just a dash of angst. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The trip back to Denerim was much faster in carriages than it was on foot. 

The trip only took about two weeks, where on foot it would have taken at least a month or so.

The only thing better was the fact that Elissa and Leliana had gotten to share a carriage with Reaper as their only companion. 

Leliana was usually leaning into Elissa, fiddling with the amulet her Warden had given her. Elissa had told her that it had darkspawn blood in it, and that it was what she received when she had become a Warden. 

_"I watched two good men die," she said. "That amulet is proof that I survived, and that I found my way to you. In your hands, I hope it'll remind you that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you."_

Since Elissa had given it to her, Leliana constantly wore it. If she wasn't wearing it, it was most likely in her pocket or hand. 

It was around her neck when they entered Arl Eamon's estate in Denerim. Elissa's arm was around her waist, despite the stares they received. 

"Loghain and his men should be here shortly," Eamon said, stopping everyone in the middle of the room. "You should-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the doors to the estate opened again, and in walked men and women alike. 

"It's about time you arrived, Eamon," said the dark-haired man in front. He stopped just a few feet away from them all.

Elissa, meanwhile, had tensed, her face stony. She was looking at one of the men beside the dark-haired man. 

"Loghain. I see you've brought-"

"Arl Howe," Elissa said, her voice dripping with venom. 

The man in question turned his head to look at her. The moment he saw who it was, he visibly paled and took a step back. 

"D-Do I know you?" he asked. Though it sounded like he was trying to be brave about it, there was fear in his voice. 

Elissa tilted her head to the side. She moved so she could face Howe directly, and as she did so, Leliana heard Elissa unsheathing her dagger. 

"The Couslands are gone because of you," Elissa hissed. "My family is dead, and you killed them!" 

Leliana barely had enough time to react. As Elissa started to lunge forward, Leliana wrapped her arms around the Warden's arms and chest, pulling her back. 

Elissa was heavier than her, not to mention stronger, but Leliana managed. The Warden's arms were trapped at her sides, her dagger falling to the floor. 

It had the Cousland family symbol on the pommel. 

"I advise you keep your barbarian in check," Loghain spat, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Elissa made a noise that was halfway between a snarl and a cry of rage as she tried lunging forward again. 

Leliana tightened her arms, but it didn't seem to help any. If anything, Elissa just struggled more. 

Eamon nodded to someone behind them. "Get her out of here before she causes trouble."

Leliana's arms were pried away but replaced by two guards grabbing Elissa. The Warden shoved them off before she stomped away, slamming doors as she went. 

"Quite the temper," Howe said. "But, then again, what more can you expect from a barbarian?"

"You're talking about Elissa Cousland," Leliana defended, "last of the Cousland line. She's nobler than you'll ever hope to be."

Loghain laughed. "Letting Orlesians into your army, now, Eamon? You must be more desperate than I thought."

"That is Warden Cousland's companion, not one of mine. How they met and how they work together is beyond me."

Kallian put a hand on her shoulder and shook her head. "Don't fight back," she murmured. "It's not worth it."

Leliana stayed silent the rest of the meeting.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Leliana entered her assigned room, she found Elissa pacing, her hands in fists at her sides. 

"You look angry," Leliana said, moving to start a fire in the fireplace. 

"I am  _livid_ ," Elissa snarled. "Why didn't you let me kill Howe? He was right there, and I could have had a knife through his head in a matter of seconds."

Leliana sighed. "Even if you had managed to kill him, his guards would have killed you just as fast. I couldn't let that happen."

"That bastard killed my family! He was  _right there._ I've lost my only chance to avenge my family!" Elissa cried. "How could you do that? Why did you do that?"

"My love-"

" _Don't_!" Elissa snapped. "I-I've done everything you've ever wanted. I" -her hands shook as she ran them through her hair- "let you make your own decisions about Marjolaine until she was about to kill you. I let you set the pace for our relationship. 

"Since my parents died, I have wanted to kill that man. Nothing else matters. I don't care if I have to kill a  _fucking_ archdemon to get to that man and make him endure all the pain he set on my family. And you've just robbed me of doing my family the favor of killing him."

Leliana shook her head. "First of all, you robbed  _me_ of the experience of killing Marjolaine. Secondly, you didn't want us to lay together until we were in some shit-stain tavern. Thirdly, and finally, you know you don't want to follow the path of vengeance." 

Elissa's shoulders slumped. "This is different than Marjolaine."

"How so?" Leliana asked, genuinely wanting to hear the answer. 

"Marjolaine was going to kill you-"

"Howe's men were going to kill you if you so much as looked at him the wrong way," Leliana interrupted. 

" _Marjolaine_ would have tortured you until you begged for death. Howe's men would just kill me and be done with it. And you know I don't care if I die."

"You may not care if you die, but I do." Leliana grabbed Elissa's hands and gave them a squeeze. "I love you, Elissa. With all my heart. I only stopped you because I do not wish to see you hurt."

Elissa shook her head and stepped away. "The next time I see Howe, there will be no place in Thedas that is safe for him." 

Then Elissa left, the door shutting quietly behind her. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa returned only when she knew Leliana would be asleep. 

It was strange. Leliana could sleep even if Elissa wasn't there while she had trouble staying still if Leliana wasn't near. 

Maybe that was one of the reasons Elissa had yet to tell Leliana how she felt. 

Well, technically, she  _had_ told Leliana, but her lover had been half-asleep at the time. 

Leliana was snoring softly when Elissa entered their - well, Leliana's - room. She was hugging a pillow close to her chest. 

Elissa sat on the edge of the bed and began stripping her Warden armor off. She was still a fugitive, but being with Arl Eamon had its benefits. 

Before she was even done, she felt an arm wrap around her waist to start bringing her down to the bed. The arm tugged weakly on her waist. 

"Come to bed," Leliana murmured, though it was muffled by the pillow. 

"I'll be there in a minute," Elissa said, just as quiet. 

Leliana whined before she sat up, her forehead resting on the back of Elissa's neck. "You've been gone for hours."

Elissa faintly heard Schmooples huff somewhere nearby. At a glance to the end of the bed, Elissa saw both Reaper and Schmooples. 

"I know," Elissa said, returning to her armor. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have snapped at you."

Leliana kissed the back of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. "Don't apologize, my love. I understand." 

Elissa sighed. "What I did wasn't okay. You were just trying to protect me, and I made you feel... I don't even know what I made you feel, but I know it wasn't good." 

"Elissa-"

"Leliana." Elissa took off the rest of her armor and turned to face Leliana. She cupped her lover's face in her hands. "I don't want to be like Marjolaine. I don't want you to say that I was in the right when we both know damn well that I was wrong." 

Leliana leaned into her touch. "You're not like her," she said. She kissed Elissa, long and sweet. "You are nothing like Marjolaine, and you never will be. Trust me."

"Sometimes I just... I'm not good enough for you. You deserve someone better, someone who will get you nice things and give you a family and-"

Leliana cut her off with another kiss. "A family would be nice, but I'm happy enough with you as it is. Besides, I don't want to share you." She placed their foreheads together. "What's bothering you?"

Elissa took a deep breath and wrapped her arms loosely around Leliana's waist. "Honestly, I just can't believe someone like you could love someone like me."

"There's good in you, my love. Maybe it's hard for you to see it, but to me, it's as clear as my love for you. For however long we're alive, I want to be with you."

Elissa nodded. "I feel the same way. And I'll be more considerate of your feelings in the future. I can't say I'll stay out of trouble, because we both know that's not true."

Leliana laughed. "You are drawn to trouble, Elissa. It's in your nature." She smiled up at Elissa. "Come to bed?"

Elissa gave her one last kiss before she moved to lay in bed, Leliana pressing against her. 

Leliana's head was tucked underneath Elissa's chin, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. 

"Tomorrow will be a long day," Leliana said, pressing closer still. "Let's hope we have enough energy to make it."

Elissa snorted. "I don't know about you, but I can go a full day on just a few hours of sleep."

"That's not healthy."

"Well, neither is being a Grey Warden, but you don't see me complaining."

Leliana chuckled. "Go to sleep, Elissa." 

It was hard to ignore a request when Leliana used a sleepy voice, one that Elissa thought was endlessly adorable. 

Maker, what did she do to deserve a woman like Leliana? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome! Thank you for reading!


	45. Isabela

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's any mistakes. I didn't have a lot of time to write this.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"Ah, I always love coming here," Zevran said as they entered the Pearl. Leliana snorted at the double meaning. 

Some of the nobles hadn't arrived yet, so Arl Eamon allowed them some time to roam Denerim. It was just Elissa, Kallian, Leliana, and Zevran. Elissa and Kallian had likely already seen everything there is in Denerim, but Zevran and Leliana were curious.

But of course, Kallian chose to go to the Pearl, which was a well-known brothel, according to Elissa. 

"It's a very dirty place," Elissa said, her arm around Leliana's shoulders. "Don't touch anything, by the way. I'm not sure how often they clean anything."

Elissa went off to talk with one of the owners, leaving everyone else in the main room. 

"Well, well, aren't you a pretty thing?" purred a woman's voice from behind Leliana. A hand landed on her waist. "I always did like redheads."

Leliana flinched out of the woman's grasp, turning to face her in the process. She looked Rivaini.

"Isabela," Zevran said nervously, grabbing Leliana's wrist and pulling her back. "I wouldn't touch our lovely Leliana here if I were you."

"Leliana, hm?" Isabela asked, prowling around Leliana. "Sounds Orlesian. And I don't mind if you're already taken. They don't have to know."

"I would take Zevran's advice, lady," Kallian said. She looked over her shoulder. "You don't want to mess with her girlfriend. Trust me."

Isabela pushed Zevran away. She brushed some hair out of Leliana's face. "Well, she doesn't have to know. I can be discreet."

"Uh," Leliana stammered, "n-no, thank you. I really should-"

"Hey, Rivaini," Elissa called. "Would you mind fucking off?"

Elissa shoved Isabela away from Leliana, crossing her arms afterward. She stood defensively in front of Leliana. 

"So strong," Isabela said. "We can work out an agreement, I think. Maybe just the three of us?"

"Touch Leliana again, and I'll break your wrist." 

Isabela sighed. "I'll take that as a no, then. Too bad. I could teach you some things."

"Isabela," Zevran started, "I really don't think this is a good idea." 

"Why not? Tell you what, sweet thing: If you can beat me in a game of Wicked Grace, I'll teach you some things about being a duelist."

Elissa nodded. "Seems easy enough." 

Isabela laughed. "We'll see." 

She gestured to a table, sitting across from Elissa. Leliana sat next to her, studying the game going on. 

Elissa did well, at first. She rarely missed anything with her eyes. 

She'd even almost beat Isabela, but she must have seen something that Leliana didn't. 

Before Leliana knew what was happening, Isabela's hand was being pinned to the wooden table. There was a dagger sticking out of her palm, trapping her hand.

"I warned you," Elissa said, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms again. 

Blood was flowing from the wound, but Isabela was grinning. "So you did," she murmured. She turned to Leliana. "Sorry, sweet thing. I didn't realize your friend here was very protective. She's a keeper."

"Wait, what did you do?" Leliana asked, glancing between Isabela and Elissa. 

Elissa nudged her shoulder with her own and said, "I saw her hand reaching for you. I follow through with my threats, you know."

Isabela was looking at her hand, which still had a dagger in it. "I think I would have preferred a broken wrist."

Elissa snorted. "I would prefer if you didn't touch Leliana."

"You've made your point," Isabela grumbled. "Take the dagger back."

"Really?" Elissa asked, her head tilted to the side. "Have you learned your lesson?"

Isabela sighed in frustration. "Take your dagger back right now or-"

"Now, now, is that any way to treat a Grey Warden?" Elissa was grinning now, her eyes smug. 

"Do it, or I'll get your bitch and-"

Elissa's hand shot out to the dagger, tilting it to the side. She didn't remove it.

"I'm sorry," Elissa laughed, but there was no humor in it. "What did you call Leliana?"

Isabela grunted in pain. "Nothing! Sweet Maker, get that damned dagger out of my hand!" 

Elissa removed the dagger, wiping the blood off with a nearby cloth. "For a duelist, you sure break easily."

Isabela grabbed the cloth and wrapped it around her hand. "I don't have time to play 'What Will it Take to Get This Damned Dagger Out of my Hand.'"

Kallian laughed somewhere nearby, but she was shushed by Zevran. 

"You're obviously fast enough," Isabela said. "And you catch onto things quite easily. There's not much else I can teach you."

Elissa shrugged. "It doesn't seem worth it, anyway."

"Is there a problem here?" one of the bouncers asked. 

Isabela waved him away. "No, it's all fun and games here."

Elissa sighed in content and wrapped an arm around Leliana's shoulders. "We should probably get going. I think I may have caught a disease just from breathing this air."

"You sound like a noble snob," Leliana said, leaning into Elissa's side. 

"Nah, I sound like someone who's about to punch Isabela's face in if she looks at your breasts again."

"It was just a quick glance!" Isabela protested. "Besides, she has a really nice rack."

"Do you _want_ me to hurt you again?" Elissa asked, the coldness returning to her voice. "Because your teeth are about five seconds away from getting acquainted with my fist."

Isabela grinned. "Maybe I like being hurt. Maybe I think it's kinky."

Elissa turned to Zevran and Kallian. "Look away, kids. This is about to get ugly."

"But mother," Kallian whined, drawing out the last word, "I wanna watch!"

Isabela glanced between Elissa, Leliana, and Kallian. "She's... not your child, right?"

Kallian tilted her head. "Did you see their round ears and my pointy ears? And also the fact that they are both women?"

Isabela raised her hands in defense. "Just curious."

"So, Isabela," Leliana sighed, "are you done ogling my breasts?"

The Rivaini winked. "For now, at least. I rather like my teeth where they are." She waved to one of the waitresses, who brought them drinks. 

Elissa took a sip of hers but coughed as it went down. "Maker, that tastes like piss."

"It most likely is," Zevran said, shrugging as it gulped his drink. 

"I imagine that if there's a Grey Warden here, something bad will be happening soon." Isabela downed her drink in one go. 

Elissa nodded. "There's a Blight going on, you know. That's really all Grey Wardens are good for these days."

Leliana smirked up at Elissa. "Well,  _you're_ good for many other things."

Elissa's cheeks turned red as she cleared her throat. "Maybe," she squeaked. "But our new acquaintance here doesn't need to know that." She leaned in to whisper, "We don't want to give her ideas."

Leliana laughed and kissed Elissa's jaw. "We still have some time left for the day. If it's all right with you, I would like to visit some other places."

"Sorry, Isabela," Elissa said, not sounding at all sorry. "But if my lady wants to go somewhere else, then I am afraid we must leave."

"You two go on ahead," Kallian said. "We'll stay here for a bit. Maybe play some more Wicked Grace, if Isabela is up to being beat."

Isabela looked offended at the thought. "We'll just have to test that, won't we?" She nodded at Elissa and Leliana as they stood. "I'm sure we'll see each other again. I'll tell everyone where I got the scar on my hand," she added, waving with her wounded hand.

Elissa chuckled as they left the Pearl. 

"Where do you want to go?" her Warden asked, lacing their fingers together. "We've got book shops, food shops, and - oh! I'm pretty sure there's a place around here that sells frozen food. It's really creamy, though. Tastes really good, too."

"Surprise me," Leliana said. She tilted her head at their laced fingers. "I thought you didn't want to show affection while we were in public."

Elissa smiled shyly. "Well, if they don't know you're taken by now, they're about to know. Our relationship is the only thing that matters to me right now."

"What about Arl Howe?"

Elissa sighed. "He can wait. I'll get my revenge someday. You, however, are worth all my time and more."

Leliana hummed. "Then I consider myself worthy of your affections."

"Worthy of  _my_ affections?" Elissa asked. "Leli, I should be on my knees at your feet begging you to stay with me. There are so many other people you could be with." She grinned. "Nevertheless, I'm quite happy you chose me, darling."

Leliana smiled as Elissa led them through Denerim. She would have to show her Warden later just how happy she made Leliana. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later that night, when everyone else in Arl Eamon's estate was asleep, Leliana and Elissa sat on one of the armchairs in the library, watching the fire die. 

Leliana sat in Elissa's lap, her legs dangling over the side of the chair, her head buried in her Warden's neck. One of her hands was tracing the claw-like scar on Elissa's jaw. 

One of Elissa's hands was in Leliana's hair, the other tracing circles on her thigh. The only sounds in the room were their breathing and the crackling of the fire. 

"It's getting late," Elissa murmured. "Do you want to go to bed?"

Leliana sighed in content. "I don't think I want to leave this spot."

Elissa chuckled. "As you say, my lady." She kissed Leliana's forehead. "You know, I think this is the most peace we've had in months."

Leliana hummed. "I thought something felt off."

"I'm sure there will be something going wrong tomorrow. Who knows, maybe the queen was kidnapped and we'll have to go rescue her." She grunted. "Wouldn't that be an adventure."

"Perhaps you should stop trying to predict these things," Leliana said. "They almost always come true."

Elissa snorted. "All right, fine. Let me predict one more thing?" At Leliana's nod, she said, "Maybe one day you and I will have a house somewhere nice and quiet. Maybe as we're sitting outside and enjoying the few, we'll hear the patter of tiny footsteps inside."

Leliana felt herself blush, but she forced out, "A-And what would be the cause of those tiny footsteps?"

"Nugs, probably," Elissa answered. 

Leliana laughed at that. "I hope that one comes true."

"So do I, Leli." She shifted underneath Leliana. "But I also have a feeling that our story won't have a happy ending."

Leliana frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, well, my life hasn't been built off happy endings. I almost never get what I want, and if I do, it's gone from my grasp before I even have a chance to cherish it."

"My love," Leliana said, "I will do whatever is in my power to keep us going. I don't want to lose you. Not after-" Tears stung her eyes, and she found it hard to swallow. "Not after everything you've done for me."

"Oh, Leli," Elissa breathed, moving to cup Leliana's face in her hands. "Don't cry, sweetheart. Please." She wiped away the tears falling down Leliana's cheeks with her thumbs. "I'll be by your side for as long as you'll have me. I promise."

Leliana nodded. "Take me to bed?" she asked, her eyes pleading. 

Elissa picked her up in one smooth motion, carrying her like a bride. Leliana wrapped her arms around Elissa's neck. 

The walk to their room was quiet, save for Elissa's soft footsteps. Neither of them had worn shoes, and they both wore light clothing. 

Even when they were trying to relax, they were both rogues at heart. 

Elissa gently lowered her to the bed, careful of a sleeping Schmooples at the end of the bed. Reaper huffed before he settled back down on the floor near the fireplace. 

Elissa climbed in beside her, pulling Leliana's back against her chest. 

"I'll be here when you wake up," she said. "Try to get some sleep, darling."

Leliana could do nothing but close her eyes and listen to Elissa's soft breathing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting so long to write the scene between Isabela and Elissa. I hope I got her character right, at least a little bit. 
> 
> Anyway, feedback is always welcome! Thanks for reading!


	46. Captured!

"... captured. Please, you have to help her!" Erlina was saying, grief clear on her face. 

Elissa nodded. "We'll find her. I promise."

As they left the room, Leliana smacked Elissa's on the back of the head. "I told you to stop predicting things!" she hissed. "Do you know how hard it will be to rescue the queen?"

Elissa laughed and rubbed the back of her head. "I know, I know. But the Landsmeet can't happen without her there."

"What do you expect to do? Just barge in and take her?"

"No," Elissa said. "I plan to sneak in with style. That reminds me: would you be a dear and get Kallian, Zevran, and Morrigan for me? I need to take care of some things." She smiled at Leliana's raised brow. "I'll be near the entrance. Thank you, darling."

Leliana huffed and continued walking as Elissa turned down a hallway. At the entrance to Arl Eamon's estate waited Reaper. He gave a happy bark and ran to Elissa as soon as he saw her. 

"Hey, boy," Elissa greeted, crouching down to Reaper's height. "I need a favor."

He gave another bark and nudged her shoulder. He then tilted his head. 

"While I'm gone, I need you to take care of Leliana. Keep her safe, make sure no one bothers her too much, you know the drill." Elissa smiled at him. "I don't know how long I'll be gone. Can you do that for me?"

It looked like he was smiling back at her, but Elissa knew it wasn't possible. It seemed like he gave her some sort of nod, however. 

"Thank you, Reaper." Elissa scratched behind his ear. "Try not to get into too much trouble, all right? And listen to Leliana. Her word is law. Understand?"

Though he huffed and clearly wanted to give her a hard time, he looked like he would do as she asked. 

She pet him for just a few more moments until Leliana entered the room, the elves and Morrigan in tow. 

"Are you ready to go?" Elissa asked. 

Leliana looked confused. "Wait, you're going in now? But I'm not-"

"I..." Elissa cleared her throat. "I need you to stay here, Leliana."

" _What_?" Leliana shook her head and walked until she was in front of Elissa. "You're not going there without me."

"I'm sorry, Leli. It's too dangerous."

Leliana crossed her arms. "If you think I'm letting you go there without me-"

"All right, come here, grumpy butt," Elissa said, pulling Leliana into an embrace. She nodded at the others to get ready to leave. 

Leliana held on tight, her head buried in Elissa's shoulder. "Don't go without me. Please. W-What if you get hurt, and I'm not there to help you? What if you don't come back?"

"I'll come back," Elissa promised. "I can't send them by themselves, because we both know nothing would get done. And I can't bring you this time because... Howe will be there, Leli, and I don't want you to see the person I become when I see him again."

There was more fear in her voice than she would have liked, and it seemed Leliana caught on to it. She pulled back to look at her. "Elissa?"

Elissa looked passed Leliana, a frown on her face. "I'm afraid that if you see that side of me, you'll leave me for someone else. And I... I don't think I could handle that if I let my emotions get the better of my logic."

Leliana cupped her face. "Elissa, I would never leave you for someone else for that reason. Arl Howe killed your family, and it's only right that you get your revenge."

Elissa shook her head. "Maybe, Leli. But still. I'll be back before you know it."

With a final kiss to Leliana's lips, Elissa gestured for her other companions to follow her out the door of Arl Eamon's estate. Elissa glanced back at Leliana as the doors slipped closed. 

"Wait," Kallian said. "Why aren't we bringing Leliana?"

"Well, for one, I don't want her to see the person I become when I find Howe," Elissa answered. "Second, I don't trust the queen. She's a snake, and if she found out about Leliana and I, she would most likely try to use it to her advantage. She's a lot safer with Arl Eamon."

"Is she?" Zevran asked. "You nobles are not known for your truthfulness. Okay, I suppose you are, but most are lying snakes."

"Howe will pay for his crimes," Elissa growled. "He will not leave that estate alive if it's the last thing I do."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Finding the queen proved easy enough, but of course, there was a catch. There was a ward around the door and the only way to get it lowered was to kill the mage who cast it.

The only good thing about the whole situation was the fact that the mage was near Howe. 

Howe didn't even recognize her at first when she walked through the door. Granted, she was wearing a guard outfit. But as she removed her helmet, he grinned. 

"Ah," he said, "Elissa Cousland, last of the Cousland line. Still playing the man, I see."

Elissa smirked. "I hope you know that when I'm done with you, I'll go after your family, too. Raised by you, I'm sure they're no better."

Howe gave a mock pout. "Is this the moment I lament the monster I helped create?" He shook his head, his lip curling. "You'll die just like your mother did; screaming and crying at my feet."

Elissa snarled. "Go after the others," she told her companions. "Howe's mine."

With that, Elissa drew her weapons as she lunged at Howe. His own sword was drawn, and for a little while, he was successful in dodging her attacks.

But Elissa wasn't known to fight fair.

As she made to attack him again, she kicked him in the stomach instead of attacking him with her weapons. 

Howe grunted and fell on his back. He tried getting back up, but Elissa pinned him with a foot to his chest, her sword going through his sword arm. 

Her other sword was placed at his neck. 

"Care to tell me why you killed my family?" Elissa asked. "You should have known that not all of us died."

"It was that damn Grey Warden," Howe spat. "If he hadn't been there, I could have killed you alongside your pathetic parents."

Elissa glanced at her companions. Zevran had just removed his sword from a guard's body.

"Wrong answer," Elissa said. She moved her sword arm away, only to hit the end of her pommel against Howe's nose.

Bone cracked and blood sprayed. Howe cried out but quickly recovered. 

"Elissa," Morrigan said. "'Twould be wise to just kill him and be done with it."

Elissa shrugged. "This isn't how I wanted this to end, Howe. Well, I wanted you dead, but I wanted to draw it out for as long as possible. Seems I can't, though."

"Go to hell," Howe yelled. 

Elissa sighed and shoved her remaining sword through his chest. He grunted but otherwise made no sound. 

Blood began to drip from his mouth. "I... deserved...  _more_..."

Elissa grabbed both her swords and sheathed them across her back. She'd wanted to kill him as slowly as she could. But with the mage dead, Anora could finally be rescued. 

Maker help them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

As they walked to exit the estate, Anora and Elissa spoke. 

"Did you kill Howe, as well?" she asked, her hands wringing in front of her. 

The queen was dressed in guard armor, as well. She looked ridiculous in it. 

"I did," Elissa answered. 

There was a hand on her shoulder, one that Elissa quickly shook off. "I'm sorry. I heard about what he did to your family," Anora said. 

Elissa cleared her throat. "Yes, well... He had it coming."

"How have you been?" Anora looked uncomfortable even asking the question. "It's been quite some time since we've seen each other."

"My family was killed, I was almost killed by Howe, I became a Grey Warden, and now I'm trying to win a Blight by playing politics." Elissa grinned. "It's going great."

Anora chuckled. "I don't remember you being this mouthy the last time you were in Denerim."

Elissa shrugged. "I was young then. I'm much older now with a nastier attitude."

Anora looked like she was about to say something, but she paused as they entered the room to the front door. 

There were about a dozen guards waiting for them. 

"Warden," greeted a female voice. 

Elissa had seen the woman before, with Loghain. But what was her name?

Elissa held out her arm for the rest her companions to stop. 

Anora gasped. "Ser Cauthrien!" she said as she rushed forward. "You have to help! The Warden is trying to kidnap me for her own purposes!"

"Wait, no, that's not what we're doing," Elissa said quickly. "Arl Howe kidnapped her-"

"An arl that is now dead!" Anora shook her head. "He was trying to help me. Save me from you."

Elissa looked back to her companions, looking for something to say. Kallian was staring ahead with wide eyes, Zevran was staring with narrowed eyes, and Morrigan looked ready to fight. 

"That is treason, Warden," Cauthrien said, readying her weapons. "We'll be forced to take you into custody to Fort Drakon."

No. She'd heard tales of Fort Drakon. She didn't want to find out if they were true. 

Elissa turned to her companions. "Get out of here," she commanded.

"What?" Kallian asked, her eyes disbelieving. "We're not leaving you."

"Go," Elissa said. "Tell Arl Eamon what happened. He'll believe you."

They all looked ready to protest, but in the end, they nodded and left the room. 

Elissa turned back to Ser Cauthrien, her hands raised defensively. "You've got this all wrong. I was trying to rescue Anora."

One of the guards grabbed her shoulder and shoved her forward. 

Elissa was sure Ser Cauthrien said something else, but she didn't hear it. 

One of the guards hit the end of their pommel on the back of her head. 

Her last thoughts before she collapsed were of Leliana and how Elissa wouldn't come back to her. 


	47. Fort Drakon (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, did anyone ask for angst? No? Too bad. 
> 
> Uh yeah so there's some cursing and violence after the ~~~ mark. Just in case. But that's also where a lot of the angst is (i think???)
> 
> Also, I wrote this while I was waiting for my energy to get back up in Hogwarts Mystery so I obviously had a lot of time to write this (that game is pretty fun tho if you want to play it). 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

In the hours waiting for Elissa to return, Leliana paced and roamed. Reaper was usually in the same room as her, either following her around or sitting and watching her. 

She was ready to confront Eamon and tell him to send someone else for them when a servant appeared in the room she was in. 

"Arl Eamon told me to find you and tell you that the search party for Queen Anora has returned," he said, slightly out of breath. 

Leliana was gone from the room as soon as he was done talking. 

She practically ran through the hallways, pushing through servants and guards alike. 

She entered the room to the front doors just as they opened. Leliana stood beside Alistair. 

"How long have you been waiting?" she asked quickly, her eyes searching the party coming in. 

"I've only been here a few minutes," he answered quietly. 

Five people entered the room. Elissa should have been the tallest out of them, but...

_Shouldn't there be six of them?_ Leliana asked herself.  _Elissa, Kallian, Zevran, Morrigan, Anora, Erlina..._

_Where was Elissa?_

Kallian was throwing off her guard armor as she walked. "Fucking  _shems_ ," she growled. 

"Kallian?" Leliana asked. "Where's Elissa?"

The elven Warden's expression softened when she looked at Leliana. "You should ask Ferelden's queen."

Leliana turned to Queen Anora, who was wringing her hands. 

"I... I might have told Ser Cauthrien that Warden Cousland was planning to kidnap me," Anora said, almost too quiet for Leliana to hear. "I realize now that I shouldn't have-"

" _Now_ you realize that?" Kallian snapped. "They're taking Elissa to Fort Drakon. Do you even know what they do to people who go there? I know for a fact that they torture people and then kill them. Elissa is not leaving that place alive."

Leliana felt her heart drop to her stomach. A hand went to her mouth, tears filling her eyes. She shook her head and took a step back.

"We have to try something," Alistair said. "Elissa would try her hardest to get to us if we were in her position."

"I don't think we'll have time," Arl Eamon said. "The rest of the nobles will be here any day now."

"Damn the nobles!" Leliana shouted, tears starting to fall down her cheeks. "I will go to Fort Drakon and get her out alive myself if I have to."

"We'll go after her, bard," Morrigan sighed. "But we need a plan. We need the layout, how many guards there will be-"

Kallian cleared her throat. "Zevran and Leliana were assassins once, Morrigan. They would be best suited to get in." 

Zevran smiled sadly. "If you are willing to rescue our dear Warden, Leliana, then I am as well. But first, we must devise a plan, yes?"

Leliana nodded and wiped the tears away. She already missed when Elissa would do it for her, cupping her cheeks and wiping them away with a smile and a kiss. 

More tears threatened to spill over at the thought, but Leliana pushed them away. 

"We'll get her back, Leliana," Kallian said, her hand on Leliana's shoulder. "I promise."

Leliana nodded again, but she wasn't too convinced. The more time they spent devising a plan, the slimmer their chances for rescuing Elissa became. 

Nevertheless, she followed the others to the study. She shot Anora a look of hatred before she left the room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa woke with a massive headache. 

She groaned as she sat up, rubbing the back of her head. She reached out to wake Leliana, but felt nothing but cold air. 

Elissa's eyes snapped open, but she shut them almost as quickly. Maker, why was it so bright? 

She squinted through the brightness, taking in the room she was in. 

Well, more like the cell she was in. 

"You're awake," said a voice from beside her. Elissa glanced to the side, seeing an old man in nothing but a cloth. "You've been asleep for quite some time."

"Where am I?" Elissa asked, her words slurred. 

The man smiled. "You're in Fort Drakon. You were brought here quite some time ago."

Elissa glanced down at herself, seeing bare skin. She was only in her small clothes. 

"Talking to yourself again, old man?" asked a muffled voice. "You know you - oh. I see the little Cousland bitch woke up."

"Cousland?" the old man said. "Like the noble house Cousland? Maker, what'd you do to get put in here?"

"Shut it, old man," the guard snapped. He turned to Elissa. "I hear you're a woman fucker. Is that true, little Cousland? Maybe after we're done with you, we'll find your little bitch and-"

"You don't want to hear about the last person that called her a bitch," Elissa said casually. "It didn't end well for them, in case you were wondering."

"You probably just haven't had a man fuck you good, Cousland." The guard took off his helmet and grinned. "Don't worry. You won't have to wait long. We'll make you beg for death."

Elissa tilted her head to the side. "Are all of you this dull? I don't beg, certainly not for death."

The guard whistled to someone nearby, and soon Elissa heard the clanking of keys. Her cell door opened a few moments later, two guards walking in. They grabbed her arms and hauled her up, dragging her to another room. 

As they entered, she saw various torture instruments. The one they led her to had two poles with ropes attached, loops at the end of the ropes. There were whips on a nearby table.

They tied her wrists to the ropes in between the poles. She stood between them as the guards grabbed one whip each. They stood behind her. 

Elissa tugged on the ropes, testing their strength. Then she gripped the ropes, pushing down the fear in her chest. 

"Since you decided to be mouthy," one of the guards said, "we've decided to start out with something a little more punishing. You'll be screaming in a matter of seconds."

Elissa wasn't prepared for the sting of the whip across her back, but she didn't make a sound. 

She wouldn't give them that satisfaction.

The second lash was much harder, cutting from her shoulder to her hip. She grunted and clenched her teeth.

_Maker, Leliana, I hope you're okay. I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise._

Her knuckles were white when she was lashed a third time. 

_Maker, grant me strength._

"Still no sound, eh?" asked a guard. "Maybe we should try the barbed whips?"

Elissa closed her eyes and took in a shaky breath. 

She could feel chunks of her skin being ripped out when the barbed whip hit her back. Still, she made no noise other than a grunt. 

Tears welled up in her eyes at the next lash. But she refused to let them fall, even if they burned her eyes. 

Elissa could feel blood sliding down her back and her legs. 

_What would Mother and Father think if they saw me like this? What would they do?_

The barb from the next lash got caught on her shoulder. She cried out when the guard wielding the whip ripped it out. 

_I will not cry. I will not show weakness. I will not-_

Her knees buckled, her wrists hanging high above her head. They strained against the ropes. 

_Think of Leliana. Of her songs, of the quick kisses shared while you were on watch. Think of the way your bodies fit so perfectly together. Think of her red hair, like fire. And her eyes, blue like the ocean._

The guards were panting behind her, their armor clinking as they moved. 

The whip coming down upon her burned as it cut through another lash. She cried out again, a sob in her throat. 

_I'm sorry, Leliana. I don't think I'm coming back from this one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	48. Fort Drakon (Part Two)

Elissa's jaw ached, as did the sensitive area between her thighs. 

There were finger-like bruises on her neck and thighs. There were bruises on her wrists and ankles from the ropes that tied her down.

She was in so much pain. They hadn't even bothered to give her something to dull the pain of her other various wounds. Thankfully, they had scabbed over and weren't bleeding anymore, but there was still a lot of dried blood all over her body.

"You've held on longer than most," the old man in the cell next to her said. "It would be better to just let go."

Elissa shook her head. "I can't," she said, her voice hoarse. "Everyone is counting on my survival."

"You say a name in your sleep. Are they counting on you, as well?"

Elissa hadn't even realized she fell asleep recently. The pain usually kept her awake. 

Maker, she didn't even know how much time had passed. Everything went by in a blur. 

"I promised I would come back," Elissa said. "I keep my promises."

Her voice was barely above a whisper. Despite herself, she screamed when they would torture her over and over. 

_I promised Leliana I would come back. I_ promised  _her. The least I could do is survive until I see her again._

It was doubtful they would see each other again. If her companions even managed to break her out, she would die shortly after. 

Or they would find her dead.

In the tales she'd heard about Fort Drakon, she knew that they would never let people go. They would take and take until there was nothing left. 

_I never got to tell her how I feel._

Elissa laid on her side, curling in on herself. She hissed when the wounds across her back stretched. 

_I want to give up,_ she thought.  _I want to die._

The door to her cell opened. A guard walked in, something akin to a noose dangling from their hand. 

"Ready for another round, little Cousland?" the guard asked. It was a woman this time. 

Elissa huffed out a humorless laugh. "Don't you know? I'm always ready."

The guard grabbed her shoulder and moved her to a sitting position. From there, she wrapped the noose around Elissa's neck. 

"We're not going to kill you yet," the guard said. "This is just to show you how you're under our control."

"Oh, joy," Elissa muttered. 

Thankfully, the guard wasn't too cruel and helped Elissa stand. She even let Elissa lean against her, unlike the others who forced her to stand on her own, even when she could barely keep herself up.

"You probably don't deserve to be treated like this," the guard said. "I used to be a guard at Castle Cousland, you know. I knew you when you were just a girl."

"Really?" Elissa asked. "How'd you get here, then?"

The guard sighed. "Teryn Cousland didn't like the way I handled things. He sent me here, to Fort Drakon. Watch your step." The guard helped her down the stairs. "If I could help you, Cousland, I would. But if I try, both of us would be killed. And that wouldn't get us anywhere."

"What was I like as a girl?" She didn't really believe this guard was at Castle Cousland.

"I remember you hitting one of the guards with a practice sword. I believe that's when your father decided to start training you."

Huh. Maybe this guard was from Castle Cousland. 

"You also used to steal pastries from the kitchens. Nan could be heard for miles." 

Elissa smiled at that. She had always been a little mischevious as a child. 

There were more guards waiting at the bottom of the stairs. 

"This is where I leave you, Cousland," the guard said. "Good luck."

The guards that had been waiting for her led her to another table. 

_Maker, help me._

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Leliana woke with a gasp. Her hand flew to her chest, feeling her rapidly beating heart._

_"You're all right," Elissa said from beside her. "It was just a dream."_

_Leliana glanced over at Elissa, seeing her Warden smiling at her._

_"No, you're in Fort Drakon."_

_Elissa's brow furrowed. "Fort Drakon? You had a dream that I was in Fort Drakon?"_

_"We were planning to rescue you," Leliana said. "You... You've been there for over a week."_

_"Oh, Leli." Elissa pulled her into an embrace. "I'm right here, love. I'm not leaving your side again."_

_Love? No, Elissa hadn't... Had she?_

_"I'm sorry. That dream must have been awful. You should stay here, with me, love."_

_"No," Leliana said, pulling herself away from Elissa. "No, you're not Elissa."_

_"What makes you say that, Leli?" Elissa asked._

_"The real Elissa doesn't call me 'love.' She calls me 'darling' or 'sweetheart.'"_

_"Do you want me to take on that form?" Elissa grinned. "I can look just like that Elissa."_

_Cuts and bruises and blood began to appear along her body, the grin still there-_

Leliana woke, sitting up in her bed. She reached across to the other side of the bed, but found cold sheets. 

"At least you actually slept," said an elven voice. It sounded like Kallian. "You haven't been sleeping for days."

Leliana took a deep breath. "I'm worried," she said. 

"Yeah, I know." Kallian put a hand on her shoulder. "We'll find her."

"But what if she's dead when we find her?" Leliana asked, rubbing her hands over her face. "What if we don't find her at all?"

"She's a fighter, Leliana. She'll keep fighting until she dies, and you know it."

Leliana nodded. "I know. But I've gone through that. I know how cruel they can be."

"Well," Kallian said, "the good thing is that we'll be heading out to rescue her later today. Okay, you and Zevran will be, but you get my point."

"I just hope we're fast enough," Leliana sighed. "I... I need to talk with Zevran."

"Yeah, sure. He's probably in the kitchens trying to steal some extra food."

Leliana gave her thanks and climbed out of her bed, finding her way to the kitchens. 

Indeed, Zevran was using his "charm" to try and get some more food. 

It didn't seem to be working.

"Zevran," Leliana called. "Can I speak with you?"

He turned around in surprise, his eyes wide. 

"Ah, Leliana," he said. "Of course, of course. Lead the way."

They both left the kitchens. 

"Is there something I can help you with, Leliana?" Zevran asked, his hands clasped behind his back. 

"Are you prepared to rescue Elissa?"

Zevran nodded. "Of course I am. Are you having doubts?"

"We can't fail, Zevran. She's been in Fort Drakon for over a week. If she's even still alive, this is the only chance we'll get." 

"I know, my dear. Trust me, we will not fail." He smirked. "If it comes to it, we will kill them all if we must. But we are getting Elissa out of there."

"Thank you, Zevran. It means a lot to me to hear you say that."

Zevran put an arm around her shoulders. "We can leave whenever you're ready. Just... warn me first, yes?"

Leliana chuckled. "I will. Thank you."

He gave her shoulders a last reassuring squeeze before he turned down a hallway. 

They would rescue her. 

They had to.


	49. A Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, more angst. But this is angst with a happy ending. 
> 
> Sort of.
> 
> I was not prepared to write this chapter.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

After what seemed like days, they were finally ready to go after Elissa. 

Leliana's heart was thundering in her chest the entire time. Her mind was filled with doubt, but there was a tiny sliver of hope. 

She and Zevran had once been assassins. They could do this.

Zevran apparently had some plan he was going to enact. Leliana had a backup plan, just in case.

As they exited the carriage they would be loading Elissa onto, Wynne said, "Good luck. We'll be waiting for you."

Leliana gave her thanks and made her way to Fort Drakon. 

"Think of it this way, my dear," Zevran said. "We are one step closer to rescuing Elissa."

Leliana hummed. "The tables have turned." She chuckled when Zevran tilted his head and lifted his brows. "She likes to call herself my knight in shining armor."

"Ah." Zevran smiled. "And I suppose you are the damsel in distress?"

"I am indeed."

Zevran patted her shoulder. "We'll rescue her. Whoever stands in our way clearly has a death wish."

Leliana nodded. She just hoped they weren't too late.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Surprisingly, Zevran's plan had worked. 

He had told the guards at the entrance to Fort Drakon that he was delivering something of a more intimate nature. Which, of course, led them to think Leliana was the delivery.

She had been planning to hit him for that comment, but she was interrupted by a scream. 

It was a man's scream. Even then, if they followed the screams, they could likely find Elissa. 

If she was even still alive.

Zevran, being his charming self, somehow managed to get directions to the dungeons from a guard. Leliana was confused until she saw the wanting look the female guard had given him.

Kallian would be furious if she found out about that. 

There was another scream when they were about halfway to the dungeons. It was female this time, but it didn't sound anything like Elissa's voice. Then again, she had been in Fort Drakon for over a week. She probably didn't sound like herself. 

"And just where do you two think you're going?" asked a guard from behind them. "I haven't seen either of you before. I hope you're not planning a rescue."

Both of them stopped, glancing at each other before turning around. 

"Of course we aren't," Zevran said. "We, er..."

"We're a little lost," Leliana finished. 

The guard didn't look like he believed them. "Where are you supposed to be headed?"

Zevran shook his head. "I'm not sure, to be truthful. I am supposed to be delivering an intimate package, but my boss did not tell me where to go."

"Intimate package, eh?" The guard shook his head. "Follow me. I know where you're supposed to go."

Zevran nudged her shoulder as soon as the guard turned around. He then pulled out a dagger and pointed to the guard. 

He lifted his hand and began counting down from three. When that was finished, he threw his dagger. 

The blade sunk into the back of the guard's head. 

"We must hurry, now," Zevran said, pulling his dagger out. "When someone sees that body, the whole place will be on lockdown, and then we'll all likely die in here."

Leliana nodded. They both began running in the direction of the dungeons, another scream piercing the air. 

_Maker, please let Elissa be all right._

They burst through the doors of the dungeons, their weapons drawn. 

Leliana spotted Elissa almost immediately. She was tied down to a table, naked, blood dripping off the sides. 

_Is she breathing?_

There were other guards in the room. They startled when they saw Leliana and Zevran. 

"What are you-"

"Kill them," Leliana said to Zevran. "I'll get Elissa."

Zevran nodded and started making his way to the guards as Leliana rushed to Elissa. 

Her fingers went to Elissa's neck, checking for a pulse.

It was there, but could barely be felt. 

Leliana cut the ropes off her ankles and wrists. As she tried waking Elissa, her eyes traveled along her body. 

Most of the blood seemed to be coming from her back, but there were other cuts on her arms and legs, and even some on her face. There were bruises on her thighs, hips, and neck, along with the bruises on her ankles and wrists.

What had they done to her?

Her lip was cut and bleeding, a bruise under her left eye. Thankfully, no blood around her eyes. 

"Elissa, please, wake up," Leliana said, shaking her shoulder. 

Elissa groaned, her good eye fluttering open. 

It didn't look like she could focus on anything. 

"I'm going to get you out of here. Can you help me?"

Elissa blinked slowly, her brows furrowing. "Leli?" she asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper. 

Leliana nodded. "Yes, my love, it's me. Can you sit up?"

"Leliana," Zevran warned as he walked over, blood on his clothes. "We need to hurry."

Leliana grasped Elissa's shoulders and tried lifting her up. Zevran hoisted her up, his arms underneath her armpits.

Elissa hissed, her jaw clenched. Leliana saw why.

Elissa's back barely had any flesh left on it. It looked like she had been whipped, but Leliana couldn't be sure. 

"Find her things," Leliana said, helping Elissa off the table. "And can you look for something to cover her? I'm quite sure we would be found out if they saw a naked lady wandering through the halls."

"You came for me," Elissa rasped. "Or am I dead and just don't know it?"

"I came for you, Elissa. You're not dead, and we're going to keep it that way. All right?"

She was leaning heavily on Leliana, her legs shaking. She looked like she could barely hold herself up.

Zevran came back a few moments later, something like a blanket in his hand. He wrapped it around Elissa, making sure it covered all of her.

Zevran helped Leliana keep Elissa standing despite the large bag thrown over his shoulder. 

"Ready?" he asked.

Leliana nodded. "I'm ready if you are. Let's get her out of here."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The ride back to Arl Eamon's estate was torture. 

Elissa had a rag stuffed in her mouth the entire time to keep her from crying out too loudly as Wynne worked on her wounds. Even then, Leliana could still hear her cries and sobs. 

Elissa had passed out after a few minutes. Wynne told her it was because of the pain she was in.

Sten had been the one to carry Elissa inside Arl Eamon's estate and to her room. From there, only Wynne and servants were allowed inside. 

It took hours for Wynne to finish. All the while Leliana was pacing in front of the door, biting her nails and running her hands through her hair. 

She tried not to let Elissa's screams get stuck in her head. 

Wynne left Elissa's room, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, blood coating her clothing and arms. 

"She's stable," Wynne said. "She'll have a lot of scars, but her wounds are healed. Her mental scars, however... Those I cannot heal. Perhaps you can."

Wynne left Leliana with a smile and a pat on the shoulder. 

Leliana entered Elissa's room hesitantly and quietly. She became even quieter when she saw that Elissa was sleeping. 

She pulled up a chair beside Elissa's bed and sat in it with her head in her hands. 

They had done it. But at what cost?

She hadn't realized she'd been crying until Elissa asked softly, "Are you all right?"

Leliana's head snapped up. Tears burned their way down her cheeks.

"You just got back from being tortured for over a week and you're asking me if I'm all right?"

Elissa smiled lazily. "What can I say? It's what I do." She gestured to the empty spot beside her. "You can join me, if you want."

"But your wounds-"

"I'm all right now," Elissa interrupted. "Come here. I want to hold you again after being away for so long."

Nodding, Leliana climbed into her bed, facing Elissa. Her Warden wrapped her arms around Leliana's torso, probably tighter than they needed to be. But Leliana didn't mind.

"I honestly thought this was just a dream," Elissa said quietly. "They convinced me that I wasn't worth saving."

Leliana put a hand on Elissa's cheek. "My love, I was ready to kill Anora for what she did to you. We had been planning to rescue you since you were captured."

"Sure, but... How do I know you're not just saying what I want to hear?"

"I suppose you don't," Leliana said. "But you'll just have to trust me."

Elissa nodded. "I do trust you." She sighed. "I really want to go back just so I can kill them all."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Leliana asked. 

Elissa shook her head. "No, not right now." She smiled. "I will, but I'm not ready. Not yet."

Leliana kissed her. "I understand,  _mon coeur._ I will be here when you're ready."

"Thank you, Leli," Elissa murmured. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

Leliana nodded. "Of course I will be. You have my word."

Elissa closed her eyes. Not a minute later, her breathing deepened and turned steady. 

Leliana slipped in and out of consciousness. She would wake in a panic when Elissa's breathing faltered. But her Warden would only take a second to begin breathing steadily again.

They were still wrapped in each other as dawn crept through the windows. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping that in the next chapter, Elissa will talk about what exactly happened while she was in Fort Drakon. So there will probably be angst. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	50. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been hella busy dealing with family issues. But, at 10 50 at night, I finally finished this! I'm exhausted so if there are any mistakes let me know!
> 
> Enjoy!

Elissa jolted awake, sitting upright in bed. Her hands covered her mouth lest she let out a scream. 

Her body shook as she scrambled out of the bed, throwing the covers somewhere. Elissa made her way to the fireplace, her hands not staying still long enough to find the matches. 

There was movement to her right. Elissa snapped her head to the right, her body perfectly still. 

_It was nothing,_ she told herself.  _Just your imagination._

But after what happened at Fort Drakon, she couldn't believe that there was no one else in the room with her. 

Elissa crouched, fumbling for the matches she had dropped. 

There was a creak of something wooden nearby. 

Elissa quietly darted back to her bed, shaking Leliana's shoulder as she climbed over the blankets. 

"Leliana," she said. "Wake up. Please."

Leliana groaned when she stretched. She hummed before asking, "What is it?"

"There's someone in the room," Elissa whispered urgently. "I can't find the matches." 

She heard Leliana take a deep breath. "There's no one in the room," she mumbled, turning back on her side. "Reaper would have alerted us."

"Leliana, I swear, there's-"

There was another creak, this time closer. Leliana must have heard it, too. She sat up on her elbow. 

Leliana then reached for the candle on the small table beside the bed and lit it. 

As the room was bathed in light, Elissa could make out something small coming towards them.

Leliana chuckled. "It was just Schmooples," she said, setting the candle back down. 

Elissa took in a shaky breath, her head resting in her hands as she curled in on herself. 

"He was just - Elissa?" Leliana's hand came to rest on her shoulder. "Are you all right?"

Elissa shook her head and moved her hands so they could wrap around her legs. Her knees her pressed close to her chest. 

"I'm Elissa Cousland," she answered. "Last of the Cousland line, one of the last Grey Wardens in Ferelden. I survived Fort Drakon, and I'm afraid of the fucking  _dark._ " She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. "Some Grey Warden I am."

"It's understandable, my love," Leliana said softly. "They did bad things to you."

"'Bad' is an understatement, Leli." Elissa sighed. "I suppose you of all people should know what they did to me."

"Elissa, you don't have to-"

"I want to," Elissa interrupted. She saw Leliana nod out of the corner of her eye. "At first, it was just beatings and whippings constantly. But then they started tying me to a table. T-They started cutting into my skin and they would get a healer to seal the wound, only to start again once my skin was healed.

"And then came the t-touching. The women never touched me like that, but the men... Maker, Leliana, it was horrible. They  _used_ me for their own pleasures. And they weren't nice about it, either. I can still see the bruises they left on me."

Leliana squeezed her shoulder. "They may have violated you, my love, but you aren't any different to me. You're still just Elissa Cousland, love of my life. You're still  _you_."

"I don't feel like me," Elissa murmured. "I feel...  _unclean_ , I suppose."

Leliana cupped Elissa's face in her hands and gently turned it towards her. Though the room was still a little dark, Elissa couldn't see any sign of disgust in Leliana's eyes.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help," Leliana said. 

"Leli, I..." Elissa felt tears prick her eyes, so she leaned forward until her head rested against Leliana's shoulder. Then she began sobbing. 

Leliana held her, careful not to touch her wounds. She murmured things to Elissa in Orlesian.

"I'm so sorry," Elissa breathed, her hands clenching into fists. "I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to - supposed to..." Another sob wracked her body. She tried staying as quiet as possible, but the harder she tried, the harder the tears came. 

"Shh, my love. It's all right," Leliana soothed. Her hand gently ran up Elissa back. "I've told you before that you can be vulnerable every now and then."

Elissa shook her head. "But I can't be vulnerable. I have to be strong for you, for us. And here I am sniveling like a-"

Leliana brought Elissa's head up again, pressing their lips together before the Warden could protest. Elissa closed her eyes, leaning into the kiss and into Leliana's warmth. 

Leliana pulled back slowly, resting their foreheads together. 

"You're a hero, Elissa," Leliana whispered. "Even heroes can be vulnerable sometimes. It's in our nature."

Elissa nodded. "I'll try," she said, sniffling a little. "But only in front of you."

Leliana smiled. "I can live with that. Will you come back to bed with me?"

Nodding again, Elissa climbed back under the blankets. When Leliana moved to blow out the candle, Elissa bragged her arm and said, "Can you, um... Can you leave it lit?"

Leliana moved back under the blankets, pulling Elissa down with her. They wrapped their arms around each other as comfortably as they could. 

"I'll be here when you wake up, my love," Leliana mumbled, her eyes already closed. 

Elissa felt silent tears find their way down her cheeks as the candle's light flickered, almost going out. 

"Sweet dreams, Leli."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

While she was recovering, Elissa spent most of her time in her room. She read books, stared out the window, doodled little drawings of objects around the room.

One of her "doodles" had been of Leliana while she had been napping in a chair. It was too adorable for Elissa not to draw. 

Sometimes she tried walking on her own. She could get about two steps in before her legs and back couldn't keep her standing any longer. 

Wynne had offered a brace for her to use to help her stand longer, but Elissa denied it. She would learn again on her own. 

If she would be walking long distances, she would usually get Leliana to help her. She would lean a lot of her weight on the smaller woman just to be able to walk to the door. 

Elissa still had frequent nightmares. She would wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Sometimes it would be Leliana shaking her awake. 

Exhausting herself didn't seem to help any. If anything, it made it harder to wake up from the nightmare without an outside source. 

Nothing worked. And the nightmares seemed more terrifying than the actual experience had been. 

Not that being violated wasn't terrifying enough of its own. She didn't know  _what_ exactly made the nightmares horrifying. She just knew that she couldn't sleep for hours after having one.

Leliana tried her best to help. She stayed up late with Elissa, helping her regain control of the muscles in her body. And while Elissa appreciated the help, she couldn't help but feel awful about keeping Leliana awake and keeping her away from her duties.

But Leliana didn't seem to mind. 

Even though Elissa's wounds were mostly healed, they still needed bandages around them just in case they opened again if Elissa did something strenuous. Leliana changed them as often as she could, sometimes kissing the scarred ones. 

Elissa already knew there were scars on her shoulders and parts of her back where some of the wounds had healed faster than others. Chunks of skin were missing from her shoulders and back from the barbed whips. 

Even then, Leliana didn't seem to mind her marred back. If she did mind, she didn't say anything.

The creaking of her bedroom door opening startled Elissa from her thoughts. 

She smiled at the intruder. "Hello, Leli."

Leliana smiled right back. "Good evening, my love," Leliana greeted. "I thought we could have a nice dinner together, if you don't mind."

Elissa tilted her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

Leliana smirked as the door opened again not a second later. Several servants entered, each carrying some sort of platter. Two others brought in a small table. 

"What's this all about?" Elissa asked as she struggled to stand from her chair by the fire. 

Leliana helped her up. "It's been stressful these past few weeks. I thought we could do something relaxing for a change."

"Ah." Elissa watched the servants prepare their meal. "You didn't have to do this, you know."

"Well," Leliana said, "you deserve a break. And a distraction."

Elissa hummed as Leliana led her to one of the seats. "Planning something, Leli?"

Leliana chuckled. "We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"

Leliana poured them both a glass of wine. She raised hers in the air and said, "To us."

Blushing just a little, Elissa raised her glass as well. 

"To us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leliana is totally trying to one-up the amulet Elissa gave her. 
> 
> So, I didn't really want to go into a lot of detail with the whole "the guards forcing themselves on Elissa" thing. I probably should have, but it's not really something I'm super comfortable with detailing. 
> 
> If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	51. Birthdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Leliana was the only one who knew Elissa could walk on her own. 

But right now, Elissa was regretting letting Leliana know she could walk. 

Her lover was currently trying to get her out of bed because of some new and important thing she'd found. 

"Leliana," Elissa mumbled, pulling the blankets tighter around herself, "I'm trying to take a nap."

"But it's important!" Leliana protested, shaking Elissa's shoulder once more. "Please? Just for one minute?"

"No."

Leliana sighed. "That's fine. I suppose I'll just give the cake to someone else..."

Elissa rolled over onto her back. "Why would there be cake?" she asked. 

Leliana smirked. "I'll only tell you why there's a cake if you get out of bed."

Elissa rolled her eyes but sat up, a small smile on her face. "Care to tell me now?"

"Your birthday was a few months ago, while we were with the elves," Leliana said. 

"No it wasn't," Elissa said, her brows furrowing. "Was it?"

Leliana beamed. "Yes, it was! Arl Eamon gave me today's date, and I went to the study to see if I could find a book on your family. It told me when your birthday was."

"Huh." She tilted her head. "I'm guessing you have something planned, then?"

"Just us," Leliana said, grabbing Elissa's hand and squeezing it. "I wanted to give you a break. You've been too hard on yourself lately."

"You seem to be giving me a lot of breaks lately. Is something going on?"

Leliana looked down at their joined hands. "I miss you," she said quietly. "Fort Drakon changed you. Sometimes I wake up and you're trapped in a nightmare. Other times I wake up and you're gone. I don't know what's happening and I don't know how to stop it."

"I know it changed me," Elissa said, just as quietly. "Is it... Does it bother you?"

Leliana's head snapped up. "No!" she said quickly. She pulled Elissa into an embrace, Leliana's face buried in her neck. "Maker, no, it doesn't bother me. But I need to know: do you still want this? Us?"

"Oh, Leli," Elissa murmured. "Of course I do. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise."

Leliana nodded. "Good, good. Um... Do you want that cake?"

Elissa hummed. "Which cake are we talking about? Yours, or the one for my birthday?"

"My...?" Leliana gasped. "Oh.  _Oh._ " She snorted and smacked Elissa's arm. "You're insufferable."

"But you love me anyway."

"Mm, I do." Leliana kissed her cheek and said, "But I did make that cake for your birthday, so you'd better get to the kitchens if you want my  _other_ cake later."

"Yes, ma'am." Elissa smiled as she stood with Leliana. 

Maybe it wasn't so bad telling Leliana she could walk.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana smiled as Elissa started eating her third piece of cake. 

Elissa glanced up and, with an embarrassed look, asked, "What?"

"Nothing," Leliana said, shaking her head slightly. "I just haven't seen that Warden hunger in you for a long time."

Elissa shrugged. "What can I say? I'm usually distracted by a nude Orlesian in my bed."

Leliana nudged her cake around with her fork. "Have you been eating lately? You seem thinner than usual."

Elissa nodded, then frowned and shook her head. "No, not a whole lot. I haven't been hungry lately, and I've been a little busy with my recovery-"

"Elissa." Leliana waited until Elissa looked up at her. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. And before you start protesting, yes, you need to eat. Especially with that hunger of yours."

"I'm all right, Leli," Elissa said, setting her plate down on the table between them. "Maybe I'm a little on the thinner side since Fort Drakon, but I'm working on it."

Leliana stood and reached out her hand, saying, "Come here." If they hadn't been in their room, she wouldn't have even thought about taking Elissa to bed. 

Elissa caught on quickly, and soon they were a mess of limbs on the bed, both trying to feel as much skin as possible. 

Leliana's hands roamed Elissa's back. She gasped and dug her fingers into Elissa's back when she nipped at Leliana's pulse point. 

Elissa hissed through her teeth, her back arching. "Ow," she groaned. "Still sore there."

Leliana removed her hands. "I'm so sorry!" she said. "I didn't realize-"

Her Warden laughed and ducked her head. "No, it's all right. You didn't know." She kept her smile. "Maker, we're a mess, aren't we?"

"I don't mean to pressure you into this," Leliana said. "We can try another time if you like."

Elissa shook her head. "I want to do this. I-I  _need_ to do this," she said. "I need to feel you again. I need to feel safe again."

She looked so vulnerable. Her hair was falling in her face, her cheeks were red, and there was a drop of sweat sliding down her temple. 

Leliana nodded. "Then I am yours."

Elissa captured her lips in a sweet kiss, straddling her hips. Her Warden's mouth traveled down her cheek and to her jawline, where she kissed and nipped. Leliana, meanwhile, closed her eyes and dug her fingers into Elissa's hair as best she could. 

She didn't want to hurt Elissa again, even unintentionally.

Elissa's hands traveled under her shirt as her mouth explored Leliana's neck. She undid Leliana's breast strap, groaning when her hands touched her breasts. 

"Maker," Elissa said, a little breathless. "Have I ever told you how much I adore these?"

Leliana chuckled. "You might have. But it's nice to hear it again."

She complied when Elissa asked her to sit up. It was strange having Elissa on her lap instead of the other way around. 

Elissa helped pull Leliana's shirt and breast band off, then moved to take off her own. Her head got stuck when she rushed to take it off. Leliana giggled the whole time she helped Elissa.

Leliana trailed a hand down Elissa's muscled stomach, earning a shiver from her. Scars new and old cut through the muscles along her body. 

But Leliana didn't mind. If anything, it just made Elissa more mysterious.

When Elissa cleared her throat, Leliana realized she had been staring. 

It had been too long since she could look upon Elissa's body for her own pleasures.

"I..." Elissa sighed and bowed her head. "I know I'm not what you want. I'm marred, both physically and mentally. I'm sorry."

"I love you just the way you are," Leliana said reassuringly, cupping Elissa's face and lifting it up. "Scars don't bother me. In case you hadn't noticed, I have my fair share of them."

Elissa pulled away slightly. "I've mistreated you," she said quietly, looking down at her hands. "I've kicked you, I practically raped you once, and I've said bad things when all you were trying to do was protect me. Let me finish.

"I haven't told you how I feel because I'm afraid. Marjolaine made me afraid to admit anything. The fact that you were a bard never once made me think badly of you. And I still don't. But I'm afraid you're going to leave me because of what I am."

Elissa shyly glanced up at Leliana. She blushed before she looked away.

This was it. Elissa was letting most, if not all, of her insecurities fly free. She was truly vulnerable in that moment. 

So, Leliana said softly, "Elissa. I don't blame you for what happened in Orzammar. You were under an influence, despite me suggesting otherwise. And the other times you might have said bad things? You were angry, and I don't blame you for those either."

Elissa's head snapped up. "What? How can you not blame me for those? When it was obviously  _me_ -"

"What happened in Orzammar was not your fault," Leliana said softly but sternly. She cupped Elissa's face once more and brought their foreheads together. "It was an awful time for all of us."

Elissa nodded. "Do you still want to do... _this_?"

Leliana smiled and kissed Elissa on the lips. "Yes," she breathed. "Of course."

Elissa brought their lips together in a hungry kiss, gently pushing Leliana down on the bed. Elissa kissed her way down her body, pulling off Leliana's pants as she went. 

"Thank you for today, Leli," Elissa said before she kissed the inside of Leliana's thigh. "It means a lot to me."

"I believe there should be less talking," Leliana breathlessly said, "and more pleasing me."

Elissa chuckled before she obliged Leliana's needs.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It took Leliana longer than she'd care to admit for her to realize that Elissa was awake and afraid. 

She only woke when she felt the cold air whisper across the bare skin of her back. 

She grumbled when she opened her eyes. Panic set in when she felt the bed shaking slightly. 

Glancing over at Elissa, she saw her Warden with her head in her hands, her breathing ragged. Her bare body was illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the windows.

"Elissa?" Leliana asked. "Is everything all right?"

Elissa removed her hands from her face. "We need to call the Landsmeet."

Leliana blinked. "What? Why?" 

Elissa looked to Leliana, horror written on her face. "The archdemon is coming."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	52. Reunions and Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's currently 1 53 AM and I finally finished this chapter. I've been writing this since like 10 PM so whoopsie if there are any mistakes. (Just let me know if there are and I'll go back and fix them)
> 
> Enjoy!

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Elissa snapped. "The archdemon is heading for Denerim-"

"I understand, Warden," Eamon said. "But without that proof, our chances of winning the Landsmeet are slim to none. If you are able, you need to go to the Alienage."

"The Landsmeet won't matter if we're all unprepared when the archdemon attacks."

Eamon shook his head. "That's enough, Lady Cousland. You'll go to the Alienage and get that evidence. Queen Anora suggested-"

"You honestly expect me to believe anything Anora says?" Elissa asked. "After everything she's done to me?"

"You don't have to believe her," Eamon said with a sigh, "but you have to believe me."

Elissa shook her head and took in a deep breath. "Fine. I'll tell my companions to get ready."

"One more thing, Warden," Eamon said. "There's someone I want you to see."

Elissa crossed her arms and turned to the sound of doors opening. A familiar face walked through not a second later.

"Fergus?" Elissa asked, uncrossing her arms and making her way to the new person.

"Hey, little sister," Fergus said. "Long time no see, eh?"

Elissa ran the rest of the way to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around her torso. 

"I thought you were dead," Elissa said. "I thought Howe had gotten to you, too."

"I thought  _you_ were dead," Fergus shot back. "Imagine my surprise when I heard that Elissa Cousland,  _Grey Warden_ , was in Denerim and about to start a Landsmeet."

Elissa let out a noise that was halfway between a sob and a laugh. "H-Have you been back to Highever?" she asked as she pulled away. 

Fergus nodded. "It's... not good. I found Mother and Father. I gave them the burial they deserved."

Elissa rubbed at her eyes. "What of Howe's men?"

"What of  _Howe_?" Fergus smiled and shook his head. "Tell me you killed him."

"I did," Elissa said. "It wasn't as slow as I would have liked, but we had to get going."

"'We'?"

Elissa grinned. "My friends. Yes, very funny, Elissa Cousland has friends."

Fergus laughed. "Who'd have guessed?" He lightly pushed her shoulder. "So, are you going to introduce me to these so-called 'friends' of yours?"

Elissa sighed. "Follow me, you butthead." 

Her brother snorted. "'Butthead'? Out of all the things you've called me over the years, that's the one you choose?"

Elissa rolled her eyes, but she smiled. "Come on. I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana was sitting in the study with everyone else when Elissa entered with some unknown man. 

She punched his shoulder as she entered, shaking her head as she talked with him. 

Elissa smiled when she saw Leliana and walked a little quicker. She crouched in front of her, taking Leliana's hands in her own. 

"Are you almost ready to go?"

Leliana tilted her head to the side, glancing at the man standing just a few feet away. "Ready to go where?"

"The Alienage," Elissa replied. "Eamon wants us to find evidence on Loghain enslaving the elves."

Leliana nodded. "I'll be ready to go when you are."

Elissa grinned and kissed her cheek. "I need to go speak with Anora." She stood and nodded towards Alistair. "Would you mind coming with me for a moment, Alistair?"

As soon as she was gone, the strange man walked up to Leliana and asked, "So... you and Elissa?"

"What about us?"

The man shook his head. "Nothing. I'm just not used to her showing affection for anyone." 

"I wasn't either, for a little while," Leliana said. "But it turns out she can be very affectionate."

"That was your doing, I'd bet," the man said. "She's so much different now than she was before the Blight started. Before Howe killed everything that we were."

"I'm sorry," Leliana said with a shake of her head, "but I don't think I caught your name."

"Ah, my apologies. Fergus Cousland, the more handsome of the Cousland siblings and clearly the more forgetful."

Leliana's brows furrowed. "You're Elissa's brother?"

Fergus nodded. "I am, indeed. It's a pleasure to meet you, miss...?"

"Leliana."

Fergus bowed. "Well, Leliana, I thank you for setting my sister straight."

Leliana snorted. "She's anything but straight, you know."

She saw Fergus grin before he laughed. They had the same smile. 

"I know, I know," he said. "Our mother never liked that about her, but Father and I didn't mind. She wasn't just some toy to give away to whoever gave us the best alliance. She's my sister."

Leliana nodded. "I'm sure she loved having you as a brother."

"That's debatable. Despite my acceptance of who she preferred, I acted like any sibling would. We fought, we argued, we ignored each other for days, weeks. We weren't exactly the nicest kids."

"She's not as bad as she thinks she is," Leliana said. "Sure, she's got some rough spots, but they're really not that bad."

"Elissa actually trusts you enough to let you see the vulnerable parts?" Fergus asked. 

Leliana shrugged. "She's rarely vulnerable. But yes. She's let me see it a few times." 

Before they were able to say anything else, Elissa walked back in, Alistair on her heels. He had a thoughtful look on his face.

"Did you play nice?" Elissa asked as she walked to them. 

"Which of us are you talking about, sister?" Fergus asked. 

Elissa rolled her eyes. "Funny. Hey, Leliana, can I speak with you for a moment? I need your advice."

Leliana nodded as Elissa helped her stand. 

Elissa pulled her into the corridor, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. "I'm an adult," she said, "and a noble at that. I... I should be able to make these decisions on my own."

"What's bothering you?" Leliana asked, resting her hand on the small of Elissa's back. 

"I have four possible outcomes for who will rule Ferelden," Elissa answered. "Anora rules alone, Alistair rules alone, Anora and Alistair rule together, or... or Alistair and I rule together."

"Elissa, what are you talking about?"

"Anora can't possibly rule alone. A queen ruling by herself has never been done before, and she would be met with a lot of resistance. I-I think that Eamon wants Alistair and I to rule together, but... I can't, Leliana. I'm with you. I only care for you. And even if we did end up ruling together, we couldn't make any heirs."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a Grey Warden, Leli. I have been for quite some time. The taint inside me is literally tainting me, albeit very slowly. I'm quite sure I won't be able to have children, ever. That part of me is broken."

Leliana grabbed Elissa's hands and tugged on them, making her Warden face her. "I don't know what to tell you."

Elissa nodded. She pulled Leliana into an embrace, her body shaking slightly. 

"I'm so scared, Leli," Elissa whispered. Leliana felt wet drops on the top of her head. "If I can, I'll make Alistair and Anora rule jointly. But what if Eamon has a different plan? What if he makes Alistair and I wed? We'll be forced to try for children."

"I'm here for you," Leliana said. "In any way that you need me, I'll be by your side. You have my word."

Elissa nodded again. "I don't want to be queen. I'm not fit for that role. Anora is. And they have a greater chance at heirs than Alistair and I would."

"I would prefer it if I could keep you to myself," Leliana murmured. "But if it comes to it, and you become queen, I won't leave your side. I don't care what people say, Elissa. Wherever you need me, I am there."

"Thank you," Elissa said breathlessly. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, you wouldn't have the love and support of a pretty Orlesian."

"I'm grateful the pretty Orlesian thinks I'm worthy of her love and support."

Leliana hummed. "Are you ready to find evidence on Loghain's slavery plans?"

"I'm ready. Just give me a second to look like I wasn't crying. Fergus would never let me hear the end of it."

"Your brother seems very supportive of you."

Elissa laughed and pulled away slightly. "Really? Because he said Highever would only stand with us if I told everyone that he was the better sibling." She grinned. "He's not, by the way. Don't let him fool you."

Leliana tugged on Elissa's hand again, leading her back into the study. "I think one Cousland sibling is good enough for me."

Elissa looked at their joined hands. "Maker, I hope I'm that sibling."

Leliana chuckled as Elissa smiled at her. 

It had been too long since that kind of smile had been directed at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it show that I have no idea who I want to rule Ferelden? Because there are pros and cons to each outcome.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	53. Who Will Rule?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our tale is nearing its end. But hope is not lost!
> 
> I'm also really surprised anyone actually likes this.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"If you were an important figure, you'd already be in the Landsmeet, wouldn't you?" Ser Cauthrien asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Let us pass, Cauthrien," Elissa said. "I don't want to hurt you."

Cauthrien tilted her head to the side. "Why should I? You're a traitor, Cousland. You and your Grey Wardens are."

Elissa sighed and shook her head. "Do you not see the man Loghain has become? Do you not see that he's tearing Ferelden apart?"

Cauthrien looked to her feet. "I... have had my doubts, recently. He doesn't seem like the man I once knew." She took a deep breath, then kneeled before Elissa. "Go on, Warden Cousland. Steer him away from this path, as I could not."

Elissa gestured for Alistair to follow her. Everyone else was back at Arl Eamon's estate. 

It would be too dangerous for all of them to be here. 

Well, Kallian was with her family. After going through the Alienage, she had wanted to stay with her father and cousins to make sure they were safe. 

Zevran was nowhere to be seen. Since the encounter with the Crows as they had been heading back to the estate, he had wanted to be left alone.

Elissa and Alistair walked through the doors to the room where the Landsmeet was being held.

"Ah," Loghain said as Elissa walked to the middle of the room. "And here is the puppeteer. Tell me, Warden: what new enemy have you come up with this time?"

"There are more important things to worry about, Loghain," Elissa said. "Like, I don't know, maybe the Blight going on?"

Loghain scoffed. "Just like Cailan, you think there is a Blight. The Orlesians are our true enemy! Where is your Orlesian companion, Warden? Have you been telling her our secrets?"

"Leliana is a trusted friend," Elissa sighed. "Just as all my companions are."

"Enough bickering," Eamon said. "You are opposed by the Wardens, Loghain. We have evidence of you allowing slavers into Denerim to take the elves in the Alienage."

"It's true," Elissa said loudly, unrolling the slaving documents. "Loghain allowed Tevinter men into this city to take any and all elves from the Alienage as slaves."

"Slavery?" asked a man from above them. "That is a terrible crime, Loghain."

"I'm doing this for Ferelden!" Loghain shouted. 

Alistair stepped up beside Elissa. "What of Cailan, Loghain? What of my brother? He died because you refused to help him when he needed it most."

"Cailan's death was of his own stupidity," Loghain said. 

That earned several gasps from the crowd.

"You poisoned Arl Eamon," Elissa said. "You let an  _apostate_ poison the arl of Redcliffe. Not to mention you allowing the late Arl Rendon Howe to torture and kill helpless people."

"These are grave charges, Loghain," said a noble from above them. "How do you plead?"

Loghain let out a cry of frustration. "So this is it?" he asked. "Who will stand with me against the Wardens?"

"Highever stands with the Wardens," Fergus said, nodding to Elissa. She gave him a grateful smile in return. 

Most of the nobles decided to stand with the Wardens. Only one wanted to stand with Loghain.

Loghain charged at Elissa, unsheathing his weapon as he shouted, "I will not give up this easily!" 

Elissa shoved Alistair behind her. "Don't get in my way," she said. 

She dodged his first attack, unsheathing the short swords across her back as she turned to face him. 

Their swords clashed, sparks flying. He was much stronger than she was.

But she was faster.

Elissa ducked under his sword, slicing at his back. He grunted and spun around, his sword out.

His sword sliced a bit of her neck, but it wasn't too deep. Still hurt like hell, though.

Loghain only stopped fighting once she had hit the end of her pommel across his nose. 

He was on his knees in front of her, panting. "I... I cannot defeat you, Warden."

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Loghain."

"Before you kill me, I have to ask: what did you do to my daughter?"

Elissa lowered her swords. "What are you talking about?"

"Anora. Where is she?"

"I'm here, Father," Anora said as she entered the room. 

Loghain looked behind him. "Anora," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Warden, what are you doing?" Anora asked. 

Elissa took a deep breath. But before she could say anything, Loghain spoke.

"This is what it's come to, Anora. My bad deeds have finally caught up to me."

"Wait!" said a voice from behind them. "Loghain doesn't have to die today."

"What are you on about, Riordan?" Alistair asked, crossing his arms. 

"Loghain can become a Grey Warden-"

"Absolutely not!" Alistair interrupted. "Elissa, tell me we're not doing this."

"People can die when they do the ritual, can they not?" Anora said. "Let him become a Warden. If he dies, you get your revenge. If he lives, you get another Warden."

Elissa glanced at Alistair. He was shaking his head, a pleading look on his face. 

Elissa sighed. "I'm sorry, Anora. He damned the Wardens, declared us traitors. I can't be sure he won't stab me in the back."

"No!" Anora cried. She tried getting to her father, but Riordan grabbed her and held her back.

"Shh, Anora, it's all right," Loghain said. 

Anora sobbed. "I'm not a child, Father!"

"Daughters never grow up," he said. "They remain six years old with pigtails and skinned knees." He looked at Elissa. "Get it over with, then."

"I'm sorry, Loghain," Elissa said. 

He nodded. "As am I."

Elissa took one last deep breath before she swung her sword at his neck. It cut through with just one swipe, his head toppling to the floor. 

Anora cried out, dropping to her knees. "No, no, no..."

Eamon walked over to them and said, "So, it's decided, then. Alistair and Elissa will rule together."

"What?" Elissa asked, her heart dropping to her stomach.

"Wait, no, we never agreed to that," Alistair said, shaking his head vehemently. "Did we?"

"Anora is already the queen," Elissa said. "People look up to her. Let her and Alistair be wed."

Alistair nodded this time. "Yes, I can agree with that. But Elissa is my friend. I could never think of her like that." He shuddered.

Eamon nodded as well. "Do you have a decision?"

"Warden," Anora said, "you said you would keep me on the throne."

"Then Alistair and Anora will rule Ferelden," Elissa announced. 

Several people cheered. Fergus came up behind Elissa and patted her on the shoulder.

"That was a good - sweet Maker, you're bleeding."

Elissa touched the side of her neck, looking at the blood shining on her fingers. 

She shook her head. "I'm all right."

"Still," her brother said, "you should probably get that looked at."

Riordan walked to Alistair and Elissa and said, "Since you are the last Grey Wardens, I need to speak with you both. I'll meet you back at Arl Eamon's estate when I'm ready."

"Actually, there's another Warden," Elissa said. "Her name is Kallian. She's at the Alienage right now."

Riordan nodded. "Bring her along too, then. I'll see you all tonight."

Fergus nudged her shoulder. "Ready to get out of here?"

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana had panicked when she saw Elissa walk into the estate with a bloodied hand covering her neck.

After Elissa had been bandaged and was clear to resume her normal activities, Leliana pestered her about what happened at the Landsmeet.

Elissa had told her. She told Leliana about how she had been right. About how Arl Eamon had wanted her to become queen.

Elissa still shuddered at the thought. What had gotten into that man's brain?

Her and Leliana were now stripping the other of their clothing and kissing each new piece of skin that was revealed. 

They had to be careful of Elissa's neck wound, however. 

Even then, they were quite distracted. They kissed while Elissa's fingers worked their magic along Leliana's body. She wasn't in a teasing mood tonight. 

Just as her fingers had plunged into Leliana, there was a knock at the door. 

"Warden Cousland," came Riordan's voice, "are you in there?"

Elissa growled and replied, "I'm busy."

Her fingers continued pumping in and out of Leliana. She waggled her brows and grinned when Leliana let out a near-silent moan.

"I need to speak with you," the Senior Warden continued. "It is very urgent."

Elissa sighed. "Yes, well, I'm sure it can wait. I'm... in the middle of something."

She kissed Leliana when she thought her lover would make another loud noise.

"It's about the archdemon."

Elissa paused, bringing her head up to look at the door. Leliana was panting beneath her. 

Elissa closed her eyes. "I'll be there in a moment."

She heard footsteps retreating and decided that Riordan was finally gone. 

She sighed again, pulling away from Leliana. 

Elissa still winked at her when she put her fingers in her mouth.

Leliana put an arm over her eyes. "If it's about the archdemon, you should go."

Elissa pouted. "But we were just getting started," she whined. 

Leliana laughed breathlessly. "Go on,  _mon amour._  I'll be right here when you get back."

Elissa kissed her one last time before she moved to pull on her clothes. 

The walk to Riordan's room was an uncomfortable one.

As she entered his room, she saw Kallian and Alistair already there. Kallian smiled nervously at her. 

Riordan's back was to them as he said, "Do you know why Grey Wardens are needed to stop a Blight?"

They all shook their heads, but Kallian was the one to say, "No idea."

The Senior Warden looked to them. "A... A Grey Warden is the only one who can permanently kill an archdemon. But, in the process, that Warden will die. See, the archdemon could just move to a darkspawn's body and keep living. But a Grey Warden stops that, and they absorb the soul of the archdemon."

Everyone was silent. 

Riordan crossed his arms. "As the Senior Warden, I will be the one to kill the archdemon. But... in case something happens to me and I'm not able to, I need to know which of you will finish the job."

"I will," Elissa said before either of her companions could answer. "Alistair will be king, and Kallian is needed by her family."

" _You_ are needed by Leliana," Kallian shot back. 

Elissa nodded. "I know. But she'll understand."

"That settles it, then," Riordan said. "Hopefully, none of you will be sacrificing yourselves. But now we know what we must do if I am unable to finish the Blight."

The three younger Wardens left his room together. None of them spoke.

That was until Kallian said, "Elissa, you can't honestly think I'll let you kill the archdemon."

"There's nothing you can do, Kal," Elissa said. "I've made my decision."

Kallian let out a humorless laugh. "Let's hope you don't have to act on that decision."

Elissa nodded and began making her way to her and Leliana's room. 

She didn't know what to say. But she knew she had to speak with Leliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What are our Wardens to do? Hopefully, Elissa won't have to act on her decision, but who knows? (wink, wink)
> 
> I totally only figured out who was going to rule as I was writing. I feel like Elissa's been through enough. She doesn't need the weight of being queen on her shoulders.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	54. I'm So Sorry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chanting* angst, angst, angst, anGST 
> 
> Prepare your unprepared hearts for this chapter.
> 
> (Yes, this is an actual chapter. I know the title is weird but it's an actual chapter, not just me saying sorry)
> 
> Enjoy!

Elissa had been acting quite strange the last few days.

She was constantly beside Leliana, and most of the time was touching her in some way. Whether she had an arm wrapped around her or was holding her hand, Elissa was always there.

When they were both free, even just for a few minutes, Elissa would pull her aside and lead her somewhere private. Then they would make love.

Sometimes it was fast and clumsy, especially when they only had a few minutes. Other times it was slow and they savored the feeling of each other's skin.

Elissa always asked for her consent before they ran off together. 

Leliana always gave it.

On the fifth day Elissa had been acting strange, Riordan had pulled everyone into the dining hall. He told them that the archdemon would be arriving the next day, as would their gathered forces.

When asked how he knew, Riordan just replied, "I'm a Senior Warden. I have been a Warden for a very long time. I just know."

Elissa had been away the entire day, helping evacuate people. Some soldiers left with them, to protect them from any stray groups of darkspawn.

Almost all the citizens were gone by the time Elissa came back. She had a look of sorrow on her face when she entered their room.

"Hello, my love," Leliana greeted. She stood from her chair and tried making her way to Elissa, but the latter had her hands up defensively.

What was going on?

"Leliana," Elissa said, something off about her tone, "we need to talk."

Leliana tried schooling her features into something more neutral. "I'd imagine," she said. "You've been acting strangely lately."

Elissa rubbed her eyes before she took a deep breath. Leliana heard her breath hitch.

"We... We need to end our romantic relationship."

Leliana felt her heart drop. "What?"

Elissa wouldn't look at her. "Our romantic relationship. We can still be friends, but-"

"What in the Maker's name is this about?" Leliana asked, her panic rising. 

"I'm just trying to do what's best for us," Elissa said. "I'm sorry."

Leliana took a step closer, which then caused Elissa to take a step back. 

"Elissa, what is happening?"

Elissa finally looked up at her. Leliana could have sworn there were tears in her eyes, but when Elissa blinked, they were gone.

"You deserve someone better than me," Elissa said quietly. "Someone who can protect you and give you all you want in life."

Leliana felt tears burn her eyes. "And you don't think you can do any of that?"

Elissa shook her head. "I know I can't do any of that. I'm a Grey Warden. I'll be victim to the Calling in just a few years. I have no noble standing anymore, and with being a Grey Warden, I'll be on the move constantly. I can't give you what you want."

Leliana took another step forward. "Elissa, please, don't do this."

"I'm so sorry, Leliana," Elissa mumbled. "I-I have to go."

Leliana lunged forward and grabbed Elissa's wrist before she could open the door.

"Elissa,  _please_." Tears made their way down her cheeks. "We can make it through this."

Elissa didn't turn to face her. "This is something we can't make it through," she said. "I'm sorry."

Leliana reluctantly let go of Elissa's wrist. She sobbed when Elissa left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :((((
> 
> My heart hurts.
> 
> I also cried a bit.
> 
> If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	55. A Loophole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)
> 
> Enjoy!

After looking all over the estate, Morrigan found Elissa in a corridor with her brother. 

She was sitting against the wall, her knees to her chest and her head in her hands. 

Her brother was kneeling beside her, a hand on her shoulder.

"You just did what you thought was right," he was saying. 

Elissa shook her head. "But it  _wasn't_ right. I-I promised her I would be there when she needed me, and now I've left her when she needed me the most."

Was she... crying?

"Elissa-"

"I  _left her_ ," Elissa interrupted. "Maker, what have I done?"

"I hate to break the moment," Morrigan said, "but I need to speak with you, Warden."

Elissa's head snapped up. She rubbed her eyes quickly before she nodded. "What do you need, Morrigan?"

"It's... about tomorrow."

Elissa nodded again and stood. Morrigan gestured for Elissa to follow her.

"This is the only time you will hear me ask this," Morrigan said. "Are you all right?"

Elissa shook her head. "No, I'm not."

Morrigan sighed. "What's wrong?"

"I broke up with Leliana," Elissa said. "There is a very good chance I'll die tomorrow. It... It would be easier for me to die with her hating me than loving me."

"Speaking of tomorrow..." Morrigan entered her room, Elissa on her heels. "I know that a Grey Warden has to be the one to kill the archdemon, and I know what happens to the Grey Warden that does."

Elissa's brows furrowed. "How do you know?"

"'Tis not important," Morrigan said as she waved Elissa off. "What  _is_ important is that I know a way out. A... loop to your hole."

"What is it?"

"A ritual," Morrigan replied. "Done on the eve of battle. This ritual will create a child, and when a Grey Warden kills the archdemon, its soul will search for the child's, not the Grey Warden's."

Elissa sighed. "What do you need?"

"I need you to convince Alistair to lay with me tonight."

"All right," Elissa said, turning away.

But Morrigan stopped her. "That's it?" she asked. "No fight?"

Elissa smiled sadly. "I'm done fighting. I'm too tired."

Then Elissa left quietly. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

As Elissa made her way to Alistair's room, her thoughts wandered. 

Leliana needed her right now. They could all die tomorrow. She needed comfort.

And instead of being there for Leliana, Elissa had left her.

She'd wanted to say more. Wanted to apologize more. But when she saw Leliana's expression, she knew she had to get it over with and leave. Otherwise, Leliana would have convinced her to stay.

 _It's for the best,_ she told herself.  _If you die tomorrow, maybe she won't be as filled with grief as she would be if you were together._

Leliana didn't even know what happened to a Grey Warden that killed an archdemon. Elissa doubted she knew that a Grey Warden had to be the one to kill the archdemon.

Hopefully, if this ritual went to plan, she wouldn't have to know.

Elissa knocked on Alistair's door, taking a deep breath and rubbing her eyes.

The door opened a second later. "Ah, Elissa. Good to see you again."

"Can we talk?" Elissa asked. "It's important."

Alistair nodded and opened the door wider. After they were both inside, he shut it and leaned against it.

"We're friends, right, Alistair?" Elissa asked, not facing him. 

He snorted. "Of course we are."

"And friends do favors for each other?" she mumbled. "Can I ask a favor of you?"

"Uh, sure. Though, depending on what it is, I might say no."

Elissa nodded. "What if I told you there's a way none of the Grey Wardens have to die tomorrow?"

"You're being awfully strange," Alistair said. "What's going on?"

Elissa finally turned to face him. "Morrigan has a way out. A way where even if we kill the archdemon, it won't kill us. But I need your help."

He narrowed his eyes. "Elissa?"

"I..." She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. "I need you to sleep with Morrigan tonight."

His eyes widened before he grinned. "Ha ha, very funny. Now, really, what's the way out?"

Elissa said nothing.

The grin disappeared. "Oh. You... You're serious." Alistair rubbed his chin. "I trust you, Elissa. Do you really think this will work?"

Elissa shrugged. "I don't know. But it's worth a try, isn't it?"

Alistair looked down at his feet. "Give me the details. How does this work?"

Elissa told him everything she knew. Finally, she told him it would create a child.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said. "Let me stop you right there. A child? With an archdemon's soul?"

"Morrigan said it would be safe," Elissa told him. "And I trust her."

Alistair shook his head. "Do you know what you're asking?"

"Alistair, if I could do this myself, I would. But I'm afraid I don't have the right parts to help create a child with her."

"I know, I know." He sighed. "I... I need some reassurances from her first. Where is she?"

"Will you do it?"

He nodded. "Yes, as long as the child isn't used against me later. I'll be king, you know."

Elissa gestured for him to follow her. 

They didn't get very far, however. 

As they were about to turn down another corridor, something hard hit the back of Elissa's head. 

It wasn't hard enough to knock her out, but it still hurt.

"Elissa Cousland," came Kallian's shouted voice. "What in the Maker's name have you done?"

Elissa turned around, only to be greeted with a shove. Kallian was a lot smaller than she was, but Maker, she was strong.

"What are you talking about?" Elissa asked.

Kallian crossed her arms. "Zevran and I caught Leliana trying to leave. Thankfully, we were able to talk her out of it. Do you know what she told us?"

Elissa bowed her head in shame.

"What's going on?" Alistair asked. "Did something happen that I should know about?"

"I left Leliana," Elissa answered quietly. "Kallian, you don't understand-"

"I understand it all," Kallian interrupted. "All this time, I thought you were the best leader and best friend I'd ever had. I thought you were brave and willing to always do what was right. But I was wrong. You're nothing but a selfish coward."

Then she turned on her heel and stormed away.

"Elissa?" Alistair asked softly. "Is everything all right?"

Elissa shook her head. "No. But it doesn't matter. We have a job to do, Alistair. Let's get it over with."

She wished Kallian's words would stop replaying in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *internal screaming*
> 
> So, Alistair has agreed to do the ritual, but will it work? Let's find out.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	56. The Final Battle (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many ideas lately. It's literally the only reason I've been able to post this much.
> 
> So expect me to post daily until this tale is over. But don't worry! This isn't the last you'll see of our friends. Though the only ones you'll see later on are the ones that survive the final battle.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

On the morning of the arrival of Elissa's gathered forces, two mages came to visit her just outside of Denerim. 

"Warden Cousland?" asked the female mage. 

Elissa turned, nodding in greeting. 

"I'm Solona Amell," the woman said, "and this is my brother, Daylen. We have a few questions about the plan of action."

Elissa snorted and crossed her arms. "I'm afraid I won't be of much assistance. I'm just going with whatever the Senior Warden says."

Both mages had dark brown hair and brown eyes. Were they twins?

"What are the mages supposed to do?" Daylen asked. "We're not front-line warriors, but we can do some damage."

Elissa shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest. You can always stay with my party if you want to be where the action is. Though, if you go with me, you'll be at great risk."

Solona tilted her head to the side. "Why would you be at greater risk?"

"Because if the Senior Warden fails, his responsibility falls to me. And knowing my luck, he'll fail."

Solona nodded. "This is it, isn't it?" she asked. "The next few hours will decide all our fates."

Elissa put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Hey, don't give up hope. We'll make it through this."

Solona smiled at her. "I won't. It's just hard to think that anyone will survive this."

"Well, I'm going to speak with some of the other Wardens," Daylen said. "I assume you're all wearing that armor?"

At Elissa's nod, Daylen gave a bow before he turned on his heel.

"You're not quite what I expected," Solona said. 

Elissa laughed. "What did you expect?"

Solona shrugged. "I don't know. Not this." She sighed. "More wrinkles and grey hairs, maybe. More scars. But you're just a young woman, like me."

"We're children compared to most of these people," Elissa said. "I've been leading the fight against the Blight for almost a year now. It's... starting to take its toll."

"You seem tired," Solona pointed out. "You're much too young to be taking all of this on your own. Is there someone for you to lean against during these dark times?"

Elissa wasn't sure if she saw what she thought she saw in Solona's eyes. She decided not to question it.

"No," the Warden said simply. "There was, at one point. But not anymore."

"Well," Solona murmured, "if you need someone, I'll be with the mages."

 _Holy shit_ , Elissa thought as Solona walked away, probably putting more sway into her hips than necessary.  _She was flirting with me. I was right._

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana watched as Elissa spoke to all her gathered forces. She was using her noble voice, not the kind one she had come to cherish.

As soon as she was done, Elissa walked over to her companions. 

"The archdemon and its army will be here any minute now," she said. "Are you all ready?"

Almost everyone nodded, which seemed good enough for Elissa.

"All right," the Warden said. "It... would be best to say your goodbyes if you haven't already. We don't know what we'll face."

Kallian walked up to Elissa after she was done talking. 

"I didn't mean what I said last night," the elven Warden said. "Okay, I did mean some of it, but you're a good friend of mine, Elissa. So is Leliana. I was just a little pissed at you."

Elissa shrugged. "Doesn't matter. None of you will have to deal with me for much longer."

"Don't talk like that," Kallian said. "We'll all make it through today."

"Keep telling yourself that." 

Elissa walked away, her shoulders slumped and her head bowed slightly. 

Leliana's broken heart still wanted to go to Elissa, but her brain won. She stayed right where she was as Elissa disappeared into the sea of people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the Elissa/Solona scene was a little strange. In my human mage playthrough, Solona was a big flirt. 
> 
> Part of the actual battle will take place in the next chapter. Other than the ending, that's all I have planned so far. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	57. The Final Battle (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Riordan was dead.

He jumped on top of the archdemon, burying his sword in its back. But it had banked to the right, and Riordan had been almost thrown off.

His sword had plunged into the skin of its wing. It cut through the skin until he had lost leverage.

Then he had fallen to his death. 

_The archdemon is my responsibility,_ Elissa thought as she told her army where to go.  _Maker, grant me strength._

"Does..." Elissa cleared her throat. "Does anyone actually want to come along?"

Reaper gave her a happy bark before he walked up beside her and nudged her leg.

Leliana refused to look at her. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and she was looking at her feet. 

Elissa would have to say...  _something_... before she left.

Kallian stepped up. "With Riordan dead... In case anything happens to you, I need to be there."

There were footsteps behind them. Then a voice said, "Hey, are you guys about to head out?"

Solona Amell stopped beside Elissa, a hand on her shoulder. 

Elissa nodded. "Yeah. You thinking about coming along?"

Solona smiled. "I'd love to."

When Elissa looked back to her companions, Leliana was glancing between her and Solona, her brows furrowed. Leliana met Elissa's eyes, but she looked away quickly, shaking her head. 

"Alistair," Elissa said, "I want you to lead everyone else at the gate. Keep them safe, my friend. And keep yourself safe. You'll have a country to run after this."

Alistair nodded. "And you too, my friend. Good luck."

"Elissa?" Morrigan asked quickly. "The ritual. What if it-"

"It'll be all right, Morrigan," Elissa said. "It will work."

With a quick movement, Morrigan wrapped her in a hug. Elissa was too shocked to move.

"In case I don't see you again, just know that I learned friendship because of you. 'Tis been a hard year for all of us. You're... a good friend, Elissa."

She pulled away just as quickly, a strange look on her face.

"Uh," Elissa said, her head tilting to the side. "Thanks?"

"Kadan," Sten said, "it has been an honor to fight by your side."

Elissa bowed slightly. "The honor was all mine. Good luck on the battlefield, Sten."

After saying her goodbyes to everyone, and after Kallian and Zevran had their goodbye session, Elissa turned to Leliana. 

"Leliana, I-"

"Don't," Leliana snapped. "Just go."

"Leliana, please," Elissa said, allowing a little desperation into her voice. "Let me just say one thing."

She closed her eyes and nodded. 

"I'm so, so sorry about everything," Elissa murmured. "I-In time, I hope you can forgive me. If not, then... I suppose I'll learn to live with it."

A muscle in Leliana's jaw twitched. "That was three things," she said before she walked away.

Somewhere behind her, Kallian laughed. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana watched Elissa and her companions disappear behind a building. Despite the fact that they weren't together anymore, Leliana felt a pang of jealousy when the brown-haired mage touched her shoulder.

People touched her shoulders and hands all the time. She shouldn't have been jealous.

"Are you all right, my dear?" Zevran asked. "Alistair says we'll be fighting soon. It would be best not to be distracted when that time comes."

"You should have let me leave," Leliana whispered. "I shouldn't be here."

Zevran smiled sadly. "You have to be here. You're a part of this strange family just like the rest of us."

Leliana shook her head. "Maybe. But it's hard right now."

"Well, I'd imagine," he said with a little laugh. "I'm worried about Kallian. One of them will die up there."

Leliana's heart sunk. "What?"

Zevran's brows furrowed. "What do you mean, 'what?' A Grey Warden has to be the one to..." Realization showed on his face. "Oh. Oh no."

"What, Zevran? Why do they have to be up there?"

Zevran rubbed the back of his neck. "Um... The... A Grey Warden is the only one that can kill an archdemon permanently. The-The archdemon's soul will be absorbed into the Warden's, and that Warden will die. Kallian said Elissa would do it if... if Riordan died."

"No," Leliana said. "No, no, no."

"Zevran, Leliana," Alistair shouted. "Are you ready to fight?" 

"I have to go to them," Leliana announced. "I don't want Elissa to die thinking I hate her."

Zevran grabbed her forearm. "You can't. You have to let them do this."

"I don't want her to die," Leliana said. 

He nodded. "I know. I don't want either of them to die. But this is their duty. Just as ours is to keep most of the darkspawn away from them."

After the fight was over, none of them noticed Leliana slipping away, following Elissa's party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What will happen next?
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	58. The Final Battle (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha just kidding I'm updating this twice a day.
> 
> Enjoy!

Leliana arrived on top of Fort Drakon as soon as Elissa started charging toward the fallen archdemon.

She only made it a few feet to Elissa before Kallian was in front of her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kallian asked, glancing back at Elissa. 

"I can't let her die!" Leliana said. She tried pushing passed Kallian, but the latter blocker her once more.

The elf shook her head. "You have to. You have to let go, Leliana. She'll die saving us."

A scream pierced the air. 

Leliana looked behind Kallian to see Elissa gripping a sword that was inside the archdemon's head. She seemed to be trying to let go, but couldn't.

A white light shot from the archdemon's head. 

Elissa wasn't able to see the archdemon's tail fling at her one last time.

" _No_!" Leliana screamed as the spikes of the tail sunk into the flesh of Elissa's chest. 

She ran to Elissa, but not a second later, a blast knocked her down. 

Leliana groaned as she sat up. She looked around and saw that everyone else had been knocked down as well.

Elissa was on the ground a few feet away from the archdemon. Both her hands were at her chest. 

Blood pooled around her body. 

Leliana stood up as quickly as she could and ran to Elissa, sliding on her knees beside her.

She cradled Elissa's face in her hands, tears making their way down her face. 

Blood came from Elissa's mouth, sliding down her cheek. 

"Leli," Elissa breathed, her eyes slipping closed, "I'm so sorry."

A sob escaped Leliana's throat. "It's okay. You'll be all right."

Elissa gave her a small smile before her body went limp. 

"No..." Leliana said. "No, you can't be dead."

There was a hand on her shoulder before Kallian said, "I'm sorry, Leliana."

Leliana didn't care who heard her sobs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D:D:
> 
> What will happen next? Stay tuned for more heart-wrenching moments!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	59. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad after writing this. 
> 
> Enjoy!

There had been no news from Wynne as to whether Elissa had survived. 

When they had carried Elissa down from the roof of Fort Drakon, Solona said she was just barely alive. She was at risk of bleeding out.

Leliana had no idea if they had gotten her to Wynne in time.

Only healers and Fergus were allowed in Elissa's room. 

Fergus almost never left. The only time he did was when he went to eat with everyone else.

He always had a haunted look in his eyes.

He wouldn't tell anyone anything, either. So no one, except him and the healers, knew Elissa's fate. 

Though, judging by his haunted look, Leliana thought she knew what happened to Elissa.

The only time Leliana saw Wynne was outside of Elissa's door a few days after the defeat of the archdemon. She had been speaking with Alistair and Kallian, and had quieted when they saw her.

About a day after that, Leliana had been propositioned to go to Orlais. 

But she couldn't leave. Not yet. Not when she had no idea if Elissa was even alive or not.

They were lovers once. By the Maker, they were lovers just last week. 

She couldn't just  _leave._ She had to say goodbye.

Leliana sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. 

She hoped there would be news soon. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a week after the archdemon's defeat when Wynne came to speak with her.

Leliana had been packing her things, getting ready for the trip to Orlais. 

"Leliana?" came Wynne's soft voice. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

Leliana turned away from her pack and nodded. "Is... it about Elissa?"

Wynne nodded. "Yes. The others weren't sure if I should tell you, but I feel that you've waited long enough for an answer."

"What is it, then?" Leliana asked, anger lining her voice. "Is she dead? Alive?"

Wynne smiled. "She's alive."

Leliana heart soared, but... "I feel like that's not the end of it."

The older woman looked at her feet. "Elissa is alive, yes," she said, "but she's... she's comatose. Her wounds were very severe. The other healers don't think she'll wake up, but I have hope."

Leliana tucked some of her hair behind her ear. "Can I see her? I'll be leaving for Orlais, soon, and I want to say goodbye before I go."

Wynne gestured for Leliana to follow her.

The walk to Elissa's room wasn't a long one. The only thing that made it longer was Leliana's short conversation with Kallian.

They entered as quietly as they could, though it probably wasn't necessary. Fergus was the only one in the room.

Elissa's brother glanced back at them, nodding in greeting. He had dark bags under his eyes.

"I'll... leave you two alone," Wynne said before she was gone from the room. 

"It's strange, isn't it?" Fergus asked, leaning back in his chair. "I thought she was dead all this time, and now that I've finally been reunited with her, she might be taken from me."

Leliana walked until she was beside him. 

Maker, Elissa looked so much younger. When she was awake, she looked many years older than she actually was. 

So  _young._ Leliana had never really given much thought about how young most of them were. 

She and Elissa were around the same age, and Zevran was a year or two younger. Kallian and Alistair actually  _were_ the same age. She didn't know how old Sten or Oghren were, but she assumed they were older than everyone except Wynne.

"The healers don't think she'll wake up," Fergus said, bringing Leliana from her thoughts. "Well, Wynne does, but that's about it. They wanted to end it. End her. I..." He drew in a shaky breath. "I can't let them do that."

Leliana nodded, though Fergus probably couldn't see.

"Do you know how hard this is for me?" he asked. "She's my little sister. I'm supposed to protect her. But here I am, powerless to do anything for her."

"I'm sure she'd understand," Leliana said. "She's often very understanding of strange matters."

Fergus chuckled. "Yeah, she's like that." He sighed. "Sorry, do you want some time alone with her? I know you two were close once."

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"You know she cared deeply for you, right?" Fergus interrupted. "I'm sure she'd love to hear your voice."

He stood a second later, giving her a pat on the shoulder before he left. 

Leliana took a deep breath before she sat in the chair beside Elissa's bed. 

"I-I don't know if you can hear me," Leliana said, reaching for Elissa's hand. "But I want you to know that I love you so much. I'm still rather cross with you, but... I think I understand why you did what you did.

"I'm going to Orlais soon. I wish I could wait for you, see what you say when you wake up." Tears burned her eyes. "If you wake up." She took a deep breath. "I wish you could come with me. I want to show you so many things."

There was no response. No reaction. Elissa still breathed deeply and slowly.

Leliana used her free hand to rub her eyes. "I don't want to do this without you," she said, her voice cracking. "Since Lothering, you've always been there for me. You've always been with me, by my side. 

"It's going to be strange, living without you." She looked at their joined hands, tears falling freely down her face. "Please, say something. I can't do this without you, Elissa. Please."

Nothing.

Leliana removed her hand from Elissa's and quickly stood, making her way to the door. She wiped her eyes as she left. 

The last thing Leliana heard about Elissa before she left for Orlais was that she would be named the Hero of Ferelden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D:
> 
> I'm hurting inside. I was actually going to make it a lot sadder than that but oh well. I'm not feeling like Satan today.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	60. Hero of Ferelden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are. The final chapter to this tale. 
> 
> The first chapter of the next story should be out by the end of this weekend. Hopefully, I'll be able to get a good schedule going for the next story instead of just updating whenever I feel like it. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"Hero of Ferelden," Elissa muttered. "What a joke."

It had been two months since the defeat of the archdemon, and Elissa had only woken about a week ago. 

"Well, you did save us all," Kallian said, looking up from the letter she was writing. 

Elissa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but it's a bit much." She snorted. "How much do you want to bet that it was Alistair's idea?"

"Oh, it was," the elven Warden said. "You almost died, so he felt it only right to name you the Hero of Ferelden."

"Lady Cousland of Highever, Hero of Ferelden, Champion of Redcliffe, Royal Advisor to the Crown... What am I missing?"

Kallian laughed. "I think that's it. Though there's a letter from the First Warden for you."

Elissa groaned. "Why does he know I'm a Warden?"

"Really?" Kallian asked. "Only a  _Warden_ could kill the archdemon, and you're the  _Hero of Ferelden._ I think that gives it away."

Elissa sighed. "I'm heading to Highever soon. I told Fergus I would visit before I continued my Warden duties. You can come along, if you like."

"And get out of  _my_ Warden duties? Hell yes."

"Any idea what the First Warden wants?" Elissa asked. "Because if he makes me travel halfway across the world on the small hope of something existing, I'll be really pissed off. Might even go unconscious again."

"Warden-Commander Duncan was killed last year, so that means Ferelden will need a new commander. He could want you to be the next commander."

Elissa made a noise of displeasure. "Maker, I hope not. Do you know how young I am? Too young to be a Warden-Commander."

Whatever happened, she could make it through. She had to.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Reaper was happy to be back in Highever. He still stayed by Elissa's side, but she could see the joy in his eyes. 

After a hard year, she was glad to be able to relax. 

Kallian slept in a guest room, and Zevran was supposed to be visiting soon. After Talisen, he had some things with the Crows to take care of.

On her fifth day at Highever, Elissa opened the letter from the First Warden.

Kallian had been right. He wanted her to become the Warden-Commander of Ferelden.

In the letter, he'd said she clearly had good leadership skills. She saved everyone from a Blight. He thought she deserved it. 

She had to visit Vigil's Keep within the next few months. 

She would leave at the end of the month. Maybe becoming Warden-Commander would help distract her.

Elissa sighed. Before they had left for Highever, Elissa had asked Kallian about Amethyne.

They found her, and somehow, Elissa had convinced her to come back to Highever with her. 

She didn't know what to say to the little elf. She couldn't bring Amethyne to Vigil's Keep with her.

Maybe Fergus would take care of her while she was away. 

Kallian would be coming with her, as well. They were both Wardens, after all. They had duties. 

Elissa wasn't really worried about any of that. She was more worried about everything else. 

Specifically Leliana. 

Kallian sent a letter to Leliana and Sten, both who had left before Elissa had woken. 

That had been a few weeks ago. They had only heard back from Sten.

Hopefully, she was safe. It's not like Elissa could do much but hope. 

She had a feeling they would see each other again before the Calling took her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite the ride. I hope you all have enjoyed, at least a little bit. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me all this time. I wasn't sure if we would make it to this point. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Do you guys want to see more?


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